As the Snow Falls...
By Urooj
It's been a while, about two years to be exact that she abruptly stopped talking to me. I'm not sure why, I've asked on many occasions to get shot down by her, to not know her answer. One day though I wish she would tell me, exactly what was it that made her, or even now, makes her hate me. Hate only consumes, and I've learned that personally. Though it must have been hard for her to de-attach herself from me, she's strong and she's done it. Personally I admire her strength, yet I've grown in those two years that she's abandon me. I've understand and at some point of reflection, my mistakes to her. I realize I was selfish, but she didn't stay. She ran away because that was the only thing she was taught to do. Or maybe she listened to the outside sources and trusted them more. I felt that she didn't value our friendship.
Again, she isn't the only one to blame. I've played a role at causing this too. It takes two to tango, and I've understood my selfish behaviour. Truth is I felt that I couldn't tell her things any more. I had found some changes within myself, and felt that I couldn't tell her, because I would loose her if I told her.
I lost her even without telling her.
Those outside sources must have contributed to it. I remember the look they were giving me, whilst she and I were in our silent war. They were in it. Her sibling, her parents. They thought I wasn't a good influence any more, so I bet they asked her to abandon me.
And she agreed. It was listening to them, or following through a relationship that wasn't working. She decided to abandon those years of being best friends.
Truth is, I knew she knew. She knew I was different, but never said it out aloud. That's why she gave up on me so easily.
And I fought so hard, I did everything in my power to gain back what we had, but in the end, I couldn't do it. If one side wasn't planning to work it through, why should the other struggle so hard?
Yet I refuse to give up. I just want to know, what have I done wrong? Why does she hate me so much?
At least from her mouth, so I can rest in peace. Truth is though, the only reason she wouldn't tell me is because she doesn't want to accuse me of things she believes in, is sparing me from ultimate hurt (though she couldn't do much more damage than she has already done) or she hasn't moved on, and telling me why she abandoned me so easily is painful for her.
That or she's ashamed of how things worked out.
Currently, I'm standing by the parking lot deck, waiting for her to come out of the other building, the elementary building. It's winter right now, and the snow will pour down soon. But the evening is
beautiful, right after the sun has set. It's dark transitional black- bluish sky is stunning calming me before I confront her. She as busy as always. As admirable as always.
She comes out as always, not paying attention to the surroundings, lost as always in her deep thoughts.
"Haruka" I call out and she looks up. She looked up to acknowledge me, but nothing more as she kept walking.
"Haruka, please listen. I just want to talk this-"
"I don't have time for this Yukino!" She startled me, angrily moving her blond locks as her eyes met mine. There was fire that burned in her eyes. She turned and walked away. There was hope! She talked to me!
"Haruka why?" I asked, walking after her. This wasn't fair. She continued to ignore me. I was getting desperate.
"Haruka, just tell me why. What did I do wrong? Why won't you talk to me?" I asked desperately. I really wanted to know. What had caused you to abandon me?
"You don't get it do you? I don't want to talk about this! And I never will talk about this! So don't mention it ever, EVER again!" Haruka yelled and dashed forth, running with all the strength she could muster.
I was left stunned. That voice it had so much in it that all the emotions were hard to pinpoint. But it had a mixture of desperation, hurt and a want of understanding. Haruka is trying to escape something painful. Something she seemed to be ashamed off. I've felt it in her voice.
The question is what is she hiding, and what should I do now? Haruka has made it clear what she wants.
As snow starts to fall, I tilt my head up to the sky and let it fall on my face. I've resolved what I want.
I'll try again.
I'll ask her again.
I'll fight again.
Next year...