Author: Kelral Orlyana

Title: Reunion

Category: Stargate SG1 x Red Dead Redemption

Rating: Currently a T… may change as story progresses.

Pairing: None

Spoilers: The Tok'ra (Part 1 and 2) but very little of Red Dead Redemption will be revealed (perhaps a few characters but nothing more...)

Warning: Contains angst, mild battle scenes and mentions abuse and cruelty…though it is very mild.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Red Dead Redemption and make no profit posting this story.

Italics represent symbiote and host communication.

Chapter 1: Terror

Ah, Good morning Kirinian.

Kirinian froze as the voice filled his mind. It couldn't be… he was dead; he had been destroyed with the tunnels. He should be dead! This, it couldn't be real. Why could he feel his body? He shouldn't be able to feel his body! Hell, he shouldn't even be aware! He was dead! Unless…Unless this was the afterlife, but if so why was…. It had been found and killed. But why… who… what put it back inside him. Did he really deserve this? Were his actions in life so… so evil that he deserved this hell?

Kirinian.

The voice, it sounded concerned but arrogant. Just like the Cordesh he knew. Realisation slowly hit him; his heart shuddered as he took in uneven breaths. Cordesh was back, he… it was inside of him… But the… it had left him! It had killed another of its kind and taken the others host… him…it couldn't be back…

No…no…no….It couldn't be… This was just one long horrible nightmare… but he shouldn't be having nightmares. He was dead. It was over. No more pain, no more suffering… Please… no…

Kirinian.

The voice was full of worry but Kirinian knew the thing inside of him wasn't worried in the slightest. It never cared about anything but itself. As long as it had a body to control nothing else mattered. He clenched his eyes shut, his head hurt, he hugged his knees to himself as if trying to hold himself together. It wasn't working. The terror inside him grew as he felt something move inside of him. He shivered and hugged himself tighter. No…no…no…no… He whispered begging all that were listening to tell him this wasn't real…

Kirinian.

The voice was quieter and Kirinian froze in terror. Whenever the parasite went quiet it was a warning sign, he clenched his eyes shut as tightly as he could, his hands slid to his forehead waiting. But pain did not follow. Instead of calming him, it scared him to death. Bile rose to his throat, he was going to vomit, he was going to be sick…His heart pounded in his chest as if trying to break through his rib cage… what was the creature planning?

It's alright.

Kirinian shuddered as he felt the parasite trying to…to what! Comfort him?! It's just a trick… He whispered hugging himself as tightly as he could. He couldn't trust the creature. He wouldn't. Why had he agreed to be a host? He could have mated and had children. He would be dead by now, but at least he would have been free and not so alone. Tears streamed down his face and his breath left him unsteadily. But he had agreed to house the beast… and he regretted it ever since… They told him, they said he was Tok'ra. They said he shared with his host… they told him that all hosts were free and loved and cared for. Cordesh was so kind, so loving. He should have known something was wrong, he should have known that Cordesh was not as they said. The parasite had bided his time and some years later he made it clear who was in control and what Kirinian was to him. He was just a host, cattle ready for slaughter… his body was Cordesh's and he had no say. He remembered screaming, trying to call out for help but it had mocked him and even acted as if it was him to keep suspicion off him, pretending Kirinian was free.

Kirinian.

It was acting concerned; the beast was actually pretending to care. He chuckled, his laughter hysterical even to his ears. His body felt strange and it took him a moment to realise he was rocking. He couldn't think, he… it was inside of him… it was really inside of him… Go away, go away.

No.

The creature hadn't even hesitated to reply. Even in the afterlife he was its prisoner. He was so alone, so very alone. Please… someone help…He prayed but he knew no one was listening, there were no Gods… There was no afterlife only hell after hell. I can't… please no…

Kirinian…

It was talking to him but he couldn't hear, he didn't want to hear. He shook with terror. I… no…I can't…He pleaded. The cold voice was ordering him, telling him to do something but he couldn't obey, his body was shaking and he couldn't…didn't want to move… It's in me…it's really in me…His heart stopped, he couldn't breathe. Did he really want to breathe? Did he really want to continue this… this afterlife with it inside of him? The choice was taken from him as his heart started to beat without his permission, he tried to move only to find he wasn't in control. The beast had taken his body. This was just the start! He was its property, he was stuck with it. He could only pray that the afterlife had no sarcophagus. Oh God… He thought, he knew he'd be vomiting and crying if he was in control, he was… he was a prisoner. He had no free-will, the beast will take it from him again and punish him just for thinking. He could feel the creature trying to talk to him, it was probably mocking him but he could not hear, he didn't want to here. The creature had humiliated him enough.

Oh God no…He whispered memories rising to the surface, he remembered the creature mocking his bodies basic needs, laughing as he roughly handled his host's body. Relieving himself had been humiliating. Cordesh had laughed as he relieved his host's body, mocking Kirinian until even the host hated his own body. I can't…I don't… Darkness clouded his vision, he felt the parasites mind grow in strength, and he mentally tried to back away from the strong creature. He knew any escape effort was fruitless but he could escape reality for as long as he could. The welcome darkness of unconsciousness welcomed him and he happily slipped into it ignoring the creatures mocking calls.

Kirinian… are you ready to listen?

He shuddered trying to get away from the voice only to realise that he couldn't. It was everywhere and yet nowhere. He didn't want to hear that voice ever again. It was over… it had to be… he wanted to be free…. He was free.

Of course you are.

The voice was gentle but Kirinian knew it was mocking him. He was not free, not as long as it was inside of him. Why couldn't he stay unconscious? The parasite could have his body, as long as he wasn't in it… if he died mentally then the creature could have what it wanted… but he didn't know how to achieve what he wanted… the only other option was to make Cordesh leave but the parasite would never leave… He was trapped.

Kirinian, listen to me…

The creature wanted him to obey, he didn't want to… he wanted to escape but he couldn't escape… the creature was in control over everything, his body, his mind, his freedom. It was over… it had been over the moment the creature had been inside of him. He… there was no escape.

Listen to me.

He didn't want to… He didn't want to… Why couldn't the creature leave him alone, it had what it wanted. It had his body and he would not fight it. He couldn't. He had no power and no strength. He was giving up, wasn't that what the creature wanted?

No, it is not what I want.

He froze as pure unadulterated terror filled him. What more could the creature want? He had nothing else to give. The creature was in his body. Hell! It was in his mind! It not only had control of his body, it also had control of his knowledge and memories, it could even induce pain to torture him. What else did it want? Leave me alone. Just leave me alone! He all but begged.

I cannot.

Of course it could not! The creature had to remind him it was inside his head. The creature would never leave alone not as long as it was inside him.

I'm not leaving.

Well asking it to change hosts was not going to happen. He was trapped, stuck and alone. He wanted to shiver, curl up and die but the parasite had control and all he could do was mentally shudder and sob. The creature's mind was everywhere around him preventing him from slipping back into consciousness without its permission. It was even controlling his sleep now! What do you want? He asked, he could hear the terror and desperation in his voice, it was probably amusing Cordesh to no end to hear his host's fear.

It does not amuse me… not anymore… it never did.

Kirinian snorted before shivering expecting pain but receiving none. The creature was always amused, always laughing at him, always judging and mocking. He had no idea what game the creature wanted to play but he wanted no part of it. He wanted out. You've got everything you wanted from me! Just leave me alone!

It is not about what I want from you…

Then what! Kirinian cried out in frustration and fear. Why was the parasite tormenting him? Why was it doing this?

I need your help…

Kirinian snorted. Now he knew the creature was mocking him. As if the parasite really wanted the host's help. The host's duty was to stay quiet and to be forgotten by everyone and mocked by his parasite.

I was wrong when I said that.

Sure. Kirinian snorted in disbelief . Cordesh was pretending to care, pretending like he had when they had first joined. The Tok'ra called it blending and at the time Kirinian agreed but now he knew what it really was. A violation and innocent hosts unaware of what was truly happening, went along with it. But if this was so, why did many hosts have the free will to speak and why did they speak so fondly of their 'symbiotes'? Kirinian had no fond words to speak for Cordesh, but he could not speak, Cordesh would not let him and every time he felt hate he was punished, so he felt only regret, fear and terror.

I'm sorry.

Kirinian paused. The parasite never said sorry. It was beneath him to apologise to his host. His host did not deserve any apologies or freedom, he was an object, a tool, a possession. This joke of Cordesh's was going too far.

It's no joke.

Of course not. Joking with your host is beneath you. I meant mocking…Kirinian snarled in reply before backing away from his parasites mind expecting punishment but the creature's mind did not even retaliate.

I deserve that.

The parasite deserved worse than that… much worse. But Kirinian had no power and no way to punish the creature, he could only suffer in silence. He mentally sighed, he had to obey he had no choice… no free will. What…How can I help you? He asked softly, keeping his tone and mind submissive, he did not want to push the creature's limits.

We both died and yet we are aware of each other. We have to find out where we are and if there is a way back…

But this is the afterlife… I've heard of no one coming back once they pass on.

That is true, but we do not know where here is… this could be something else altogether, like an alternate reality or another dimension.

Then what do we do.

We'll work that out once we know where we are.

Kirinian sent his acceptance to the parasite, though the creature did not need it, it could do what it liked, but it helped Kirinian feel more in control. He watched as the parasite opened his body's eyes and looked around. They were on a bed which felt soft, gentle and bouncy. The coverings were brown, a very nice chocolate brown. His clothes were clearly pyjamas of some sort, they were made of soft silk and they were a dark blue. Someone has been taking care of us…He thought.

It seems so.

Kirinian hesitated unused to Cordesh answering him, he couldn't… he didn't have the strength, bravery or heart to speak to the parasite so instead he continued to observe the room. The four walls around them were cream, the carpet was also pale, a pale peach to be exact. Beside the right side of the bed was two wooden ornaments, one was a desk and the other a chest of drawers. The door that allowed exit and entrance from the room was on the right side and in the corner. There was a wardrobe to the left, settled into the corner. A large curtain along the left wall blocked his sight of the window. It seems to be personal quarters.

But there is nothing personal inside… it's empty.

Kirinian didn't answer the parasite and Cordesh did not expect an answer. Instead the creature controlled his body making it rise from the bed and search the chest of drawers the first drawer held briefs, the second had a few shirts and the third had a couple of pairs of jeans. The parasite quickly changed from the silk pyjamas. He checked the wardrobe and found some boots his host's size and slipped them on. After the parasite had dressed his body it left the room glancing around to find anyone. The house was eerily empty but unlike the room they had come from the rest of the house was well used. The carpets were divided between chocolate brown and pale peaches. The walls were painted creams and then decorated with paintings and photographs. Dark wood ornaments decorated the hallways and rooms and ornaments stood proudly upon them. Kirinian was curious as to who lived here but did not express his curiosity, he had no right to ask, nor did he want to ask the parasite.

Cordesh walked carefully around the building watching doorways with his host's eyes. I wonder who lives here. The parasite stated expressing Kirinian's private thoughts, Kirinian didn't answer though, didn't want to or need to. Once he had finished helping the nervous parasite it would go back to mocking and 'punishing' him. The parasite sighed with what Kirinian thought was annoyance but allowed him to keep quiet. It is eerily quiet. The parasite continued trying to start a conversation, Kirinian had no idea why the creature wanted to talk to him but he would not play along. The creature sighed with frustration as they found what appeared to be the 'front' door. Cordesh cautiously opened the door and made Kirinian's body gasp in shock. There on the ground, dead were three men dressed similar to how Kirinian was now dressed. Jeans, boots and shirts, they had weapons similar to the Tau'ri laying around them. There had obviously been a fight and they had been at the losing end. Were these the people who helped us? The parasite asked.

I do not know. Kirinian replied quietly as the parasite guided his body to test the men's pulses. There was none and Cordesh sighed. Looks like you're on your own. Kirinian replied.

We… we're on our own. Cordesh replied, Kirinian sighed confused, why was the parasite trying to be nice, Cordesh had made it very clear that he thought very little of his host. I… Whatever the parasite was going to say was abruptly stopped as a gunshot hit the floor inches from his body's foot. Cordesh grabbed one of the guns and leapt back behind the building. We need to work this primitive weapon and quickly.

You need to work that primitive weapon. Kirinian replied quietly as gunshots hit the wall behind them. Cordesh sighed but quickly worked out how to work the weapon, he made Kirinian's body slip back round the side of the building and opened fire on his attackers. Two out of three attackers fell instantly but the last took almost all the ammo out of the gun. When the man finally fell Cordesh quickly gathered their weapons and ammo before retreating back into the building.

Right where does the ammo go… Cordesh muttered fiddling with the weapon. Kirinian said nothing, just watched emotionlessly as the parasite worked the primitive weapon. Though honestly he wondered why they called it 'primitive', Cordesh was struggling with it and it clearly did the job. Finally the parasite came to the realisation of how to reload and soon had the weapons armed. Now we need to get out of here.

You need to get out of here. Kirinian corrected. I don't exist, remember.

I did not mean that. Cordesh replied but Kirinian had felt that the parasite had meant it when he had said it. With an exasperated sigh the parasite stood and carefully approached the window looking for signs of anymore men. There was no one else but there were several beasts. These beasts were hooved herbivores, yet they were taller than a full grown man and covered with muscle. Their fur shimmered as they moved and they reminded Kirinian of his home world. Beautiful. Do you remember how to ride?

I do not know... Kirinian replied as Cordesh cautiously stepped out of the house and approached one of the creatures. It was a beautiful animal. It had shimmering brown fur and a large dappled white patch on its rump, its legs had four white socks. The animal recoiled as Cordesh approached but the parasite easily caught the creature's reins. The parasite violated Kirinian's mind to learn how to mount it, the creature whinnied as Cordesh mounted. Kirinian felt sorry for the beast but at least it didn't have Cordesh inside its head, now that was hell.

If I release control back to you, you will not panic will you? I had to restart your heart as your panic attack stopped it…

Kirinian stopped short, the parasite was telling him that it took control to keep him alive. He was being held a prisoner in his body for his 'safety'. He would have preferred if the disgusting creature had left him to die, instead he was reduced to obeying the slimy little beast with no chance of freedom. It mattered little that he was on such a mighty beast, there was nothing the beast could do to save him from the parasite inside of him. No I will not panic… He finally replied. What was the point of panicking… there was no point, it was over… he belonged to Cordesh.

Alright.

Kirinian breathed deeply as he felt his body returned to him. This was a first, Cordesh had never given him control, the parasite had told him his body was not his, it was Cordesh's and yet the parasite had handed his body back to him. He numbly wondered how long it would last before Cordesh took control. The animal shifted beneath him somehow able to sense the change in its rider. Kirinian shuddered and took several deep calming breaths as he patted the animal, there was no point crying… it was over, it had never really begun.

I had expected you to try something…Cordesh muttered.

Like what? Running? Why would I run, I cannot run. The thing I would be trying to run from is inside of me… Kirinian told the creature in a quiet tone. The words were not stated in anger and were not meant to insult the parasite, the words were stated with submission making it clear to the parasite that it had won… there was no escape. There is no where I can go… or hide…so I will not run… He finished sadly. Where do you plan on going?

Ride my host. We will have to see where we are.

You'll have to see. Kirinian replied.

No we're in this together.

We were never in this together… It was always just you… I am the host… I have to pretend I don't exist…Kirinian replied his mental voice filled with tears that he stubbornly held back. He kicked the animal into a walk and quickly left the immediate area not wanting to run into anymore crazy humans.

I regret those words. Now just as much as I did then.

You never regretted those words… I learnt exactly what you thought of me… Kirinian replied angrily. I'll ride for you but don't expect me to like it… He told the parasite. Cordesh sighed at Kirinian's attitude and the host expected to be punished but Cordesh made no move to do so. Kirinian quietened and focused on the animal beneath him as it walked, the rocking from side to side was comforting and just for a moment he could imagine himself with his people. He imagined being a father riding to the nearest town to work and buy food, drink and clothes for his family. For just a moment he could imagine living. And then the parasite had to wiggle and remind him that he wasn't home and that he barely existed.

Kirinian…I…

Please. Just leave it… please. Kirinian pleaded, he couldn't deal with the parasite, he just couldn't. Cordesh went quiet and Kirinian sighed with grateful relief. The animal beneath them snorted and Kirinian leaned forward to pat it's long, powerful neck before settling back into the saddle. Cordesh remained silent and just for a short, precious moment Kirinian could dream of freedom and happiness. But that was all it was. Just a dream.