Short little one shot I wrote at like 11 at night, so forgive me if it's a little crazy... it wouldn't let me sleep.

Title: Two Twihards

Rating: K (for- well, nothing, really)

Summary: Loker and Lightman bond over a rather... shall we say... unusual topic.

Disclaimer: I write fanfiction. Really? Really? Well, since you said please, I own nothing.

"Alright," Gilian said, slamming her hands down on Lightman's desk. He looked up, leaning back in his chair.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked casually.

"I am tired of this," she hissed, bending down so their faces were only a few inches apart. "You have problems with Loker, that much is obvious. It's destroying our work environment, and it's time the two of you got over yourselves."

"So?" he asked, not worried in the least. "What do you plan on doing, mom?"

"I want you in my office, now. We are going to talk this out."

Rolling his eyes, Lightman stood up and followed her into the hall. In her office, Gillian had set two chairs in front of her desk. She sat in her big spinning chair and Lightman had to laugh at how serious she looked. This was a joke. Nothing more.

"Exactly what am I here?" asked Loker, following Ria through the door.

"Thanks, Torres," said Foster. "You can go now."

"Good luck," Ria said, smirking at Loker. "You have your hands full with these two."

"Hey!" Lightman called at her retreating back. "Watch the subordinance!"

"So," said Foster, folding her hands on her desk. "Lightman, you can start. What is your problem with Loker?"

Lightman shrugged, looking irritated. The disgust on his face was not a micro-expression. "He... doesn't try. He acts like he doesn't care, like nothing matters. Like all life is a breeze. Can I go now?"

"No," said Gillian. "Loker, your turn. How do you feel when he treats you like an inferior?"

"He is an inferior," muttered Lightman.

"What are you, a psychiatrist?" demanded Loker. Gillian waited patiently, so he finally answered. "It makes me feel like I am an inferior, and that's even worse than being treated like one."

"Well," said Gillian, smiling. "Progress."

"This is stupid," said Lightman. "Almost as bad as sparkling vampires."

"You read Twilight?" asked Loker, astonished.

"My daughter." Lightman waved it off, then froze. "Wait. How did you know it was Twilight?"

"My last girlfriend was a big fan," he admitted. "She kinda forced me into reading them."

"Really?" asked Lightman. "Edward or Jacob?"

"Jacob, of course," said Loker. "Always the underdog."

"Dog," Lightman chortled. "Yeah, me too. Edward was too creepy. I mean, he watched girls sleep because he had nothing better to do, for god's sake!"

"Bella always annoyed me," said Loker. "But in the movie, Alice was really hot."

"Really?" asked Lightman, standing up. "I thought Rosalie was hotter."

"She was hot, I suppose," argued Loker, also standing. "But she lacked a certain... prettiness that Alice had."

"Hold on!" interrupted Gillian. "We are not done here!"

"Yes, love," said Cal firmly. "We are."

He took the younger man and they walked out together, discussing the pros and cons of Nessie.

I don't own Lie to Me, or Twilight. I stole them, I admit it. Don't hurt me. I'll plead guilty. Anyways, review! S'il vous plait? More on the way. I take requests.