Name:
Age:
Family:
School:
Why I am here:
What I do:
I stared at these questions on a from. I didn't write or talk I just stared at them.
Well here's my story, why I am here in Caslon Teens Medical Health Centre, other words a place to help teens like me with problems.
My name is Imogen Hulton, I live with my mum Jane and dad Robert. A few months ago my mum had Jake, but he died as soon as he was born. Since then mum and dad haven't spoken to me, there always in work or drinking, I couldn't handle it.
My first problem was, I was failing school, I dropped Drama, Science and Music, then hardly attended school. After I came home from hiding at the park the phone rand and my mum answered it, I listened closely behind the door.
"Mrs Hulton your daughter Imogen hasn't been attending school for a while"
I took a deep breath
"Who's Imogen?" My mum asked
I couldn't believe it, I was in shock
"Your daughter Mrs Hulton, She's 14 in year 9"
"Imogen oh, Sorry I'll talk to her" I heard mum say and put the phone down.
My heart beated faster, Mum's forgot me, Im nothing. Why did she have to be pregnant in the first place, I hate her. I stormed up to my room and slammed the door, I cried and cried. That wasn't enough I had to do more. I opened up my draw under my desk and took my pen knife out of it and began to slit my wrist's, It felt good, I don't it more and more, Blood poured out and I became weak, But It felt good, I liked it. If mum couldn't remember me then why should I live. I rutted through my draw and found tablets different kinds of them, then some drugs that my ex boyfriend gave me whilst we was together that I never took, But then I took them, All of them. I didn't care, Why should I? I got up, I tried to stay steady but I fell, I fell hard.
I could only remember my mum's face when she came in. She saw me hit the ground, She saw all the blood pouring out of my wrist's. I couldn't move, I fell unconscious. I woke up in the hospital after that. I had wires attached to my arms and I could hardly breath or move. When I opened my eyes mum's eyes lit up, She's been crying. Dad was with her too, he has been crying too. They shot up off the chairs and hugged me, When I eventually came around mum and dad started panicking.
"What the hell did you think you was doing?" My dad snapped then slapped me hard across the dace. I started crying and breathing heavily, Getting scared of him. Mum pushed my dad away and screamed at him for slapping me. I lay there trying to get up and run away but a nurse came in and shouted at me fro even trying to get up. My dad left the room and my mum rushed over to me.
"Why did you do it?" She asked holding my hands
"Because of everything, Since stupid Jake died you and dad ignored me, You don't even know who I am. I heard you on the phone about fucking school and you forgot who I was" I cried
"Im sorry babe, its hard loosing someone" She said. She thought I was upset about Jake. I NEVER was.
"Mum your not listening, I don't give a fuck about Jake yeah he died, But he was ill. I got over it, You and dad didn't" I snapped
"Don't you use that language with me" She said angrily
"Mum its true, you forgot you had a daughter, A daughter who needs her parents, you never talk to no wonder I tried killing myself" I said
Mum looked at me and began to cry and helt me close
"Im sorry I really am" She cried "Please promise me you wont do this again, Imogen we love you" She added
"Yeah of course you do" I rolled my eyes "If dad love's me why on earth did he slap me?" I asked
"Because dad's scared , I am too, We're really scared" She said
"Scared of what? Your fogotten daughter dieing?" I snapped
"I never forgot you neither has dad, Imogen we're frightned to loose you, babe you mean everything to us" She said
"If i mean everything to you why the fuck havent you spoken to me in 5 months, do you know how hurt i was" I said
"Imogen stop it, I love you so much, Your my daughter and i dont want to see you like this, please promise you'll never do this again" She said holding me tighter.
"Ok, I cried "Mum i love you" I added
"I love you too" She said
I wasnt aloud to leave the hospital for a week, Mum had to speak to the doctors alot about what happened. When we got home mum and dad sorted my room out, I knew they didnt trust me well mum does but dad doesnt. Mums making me stay off school but it didnt bother me When mum made me go back to school and made sure i stayed in, Was the second time.
I wasnt ready to go back in but mum made me, She made sure the teachers knew what i done. I was in the canteen and sat with my friends they asked if it was true i tried killing myself i told them, they listened, they dont judge me but they was worried about me. Then Casey the popular girl who was the bitch of the school came over and everyone went quite in the canteen, She looked at me then the bandages on my arms and laughed.
"I heard you tried killing yourself" She said
What? This isnt any of her buisness.
"Trying to get everyones attension, No one cares if you actually die, So next time. Try harder" Everyone laughed
it made me so angry, Everyone stared calling me, My ex Lee watched everyone calling me, They was his drugs. I stood up, everyone called me more and taking the mick out of me, Lee tried to help but i grabbed my bag and ran to the toilets, I knew i shouldnt be here, Not only in the school but in this world.
Lee turned to Casey and shouted
"Why the fuck you say that? She's gonna try killing herself again"
Casey looked at him and he told my friends to get the head and he phoned my mum. He hoped he could get to the toilets in time but it was to late. I cut my self using my pen knife that i hid away from my parents, I took some left over drugs that i sneaked in my bad. Then i slipped on the floor. I was covered in blood. Lee grabbed me and tried keeping me awake but i couldnt stay awake, I was more in pain than last time. he ran out of the toliets with me in his arms shouting for help, The princeiple ran down the corridor and helped Lee with me and phoned for an amarlance. They took me to the hospital, all i remember was waking up seeing my mum, my dad, Lee and the principle and nurses around me. No one spoke but i cried. Cried so much, Knowing my lifes faiding. I saw my mums face angry, Scared and Worried. Dad was hugging her and lee was stood with the principle.
"You promised Imogen, Why? Why did you do this again?" My mum asked walking over to me. I looked over at Lee and he told my mum what had happened my mum understood and told Lee and the principle to go back to school and they did. Mum was furious but worried if i will die next time i do it.
"Imogen, please babe stop this, We cant cope seeing you like this, We really love you" Dad said sitting beside me, I moved away from him, I was scared that he might slap me again. he bagan stroking my hair, i looked at him and mum came over too and sat on the bed to. I was lay down still.
"Im sorry" I said looking at them
"Imy we trusted you not to do this and you did" Dad said.
"We know its hard being at school and we understand why but Imogen if it was a problem, why didnt you come to us?" Mum asked
"I was scared, I was scared that you would think im trying to get away from school, i was afraid you wasnt gonna listen" I cried, Mum and dad hugged me, they didnt leave me alone. Mum stayed off work and dad tried to visit. Mum's gone over protective and isnt trusting me now.
One night i realized i didnt want to be protected or getting help. I waited till my mum fell asleep, which was easy because she falls asleep straight after i do. I tip toed out of my bed and got my bag and got back in bed then took my pen knife out and played around with it, I placed it on the bed and un-tied the bandages and looked at the cuts that was already there, then i picked the knife up again and began slitting my wrist's again, it hurt so i gripped the covers then i removed the wires that were attached to me and carried on, up my arm and down. i was now covered in blood and loosing loads. I heard my mum waking up it made me jump and the knife slipped and cut down my face. Mum sat up and i said
"Mum, help" She stood up amidetly and turned the light on and saw the blood all over me and now me crying and now shaking because i was loosing so much blood. My mum paniked and pressed the button for help and staff rushed in and i heard mum shouting and crying.
I slept for days, finally i woke up mum rushed over to me. She spoke to me for ages and ages. She tried to make me happy by telling me stories about when i was little, but i ended up crying. Mum spoke to the doctors they said im depressed and need medical help but its important for me to get therpy. When mum told me this i cried.
"Mum please, I dont want to"
"Im sorry Imogen but you need to im worried about you and im gonna do everything to get you back to the way you was" She said
"What do you mean? What you gonna do?" I asked, I really wanted to help
"I mean we're gonna sort this out, we have got to take you to a Medical health centre for teenagers, So we're moving up to London" Mum said
"Ok, but what about your job, mum what about everything?" i said, I began to worry about mum all this i have done caused so much pain
"I care about you more, I want whats best for you. I want to see that your happy not like this. I hate seeing you depressed and hurting yourself" Mum said holding me close. I liked it.
"Mum i really do promise im gonna try my hardest" She smiled at me and said
"Thank you" She then added "I love you imy, Dont you ever forget that" Right then i looked at her and smiled she smiled back "I missed your happy beautiful face" I smiled again then feel asleep in her arms.
Weeks later they let me out of the hospital, Mum wouldnt let me leave her site, But in 2 days we was gonna move from manchester to london
"Mum can you take me to Lee's i want to thank him" Mum smiled and drove me to Lee's. I knocked on the door and his mum answered, She gave me a huge hug and my mum came up the path making sure i was safe.
"Imogen im so happy your ok, Lee's in his room, He's been in there for weeks" His mum said, My mum said she trusts me and let me see him. I knocked on his door and he shouted
"Go away" I didnt, I opened the door and he looked over at me and jumped up as soon as he saw me. His eyes lit up. He wrapped his arms safely around me kissing my forhead.
"Imogen im so happy to see you, How have you been?" He asked
"Depressed" I said
"What do you mean?" He asked
"Technically depressed, Meaning im depressed about life, everyone, everything" I said
"Oh you hate me then?" He asked with a little smirk
"No just everything i dont know, its just really hard" I said
"Im sorry about when we went out" He said
"Its ok, Im over it" I said. Well what happened when we went out was he presured me too much about sleeping with him, He kept trying and trying, Eventually i slapped him and dumped him. I felt really bad about doing that to him. He nodded and i told him what happened in the hosptial and he started crying, i didnt know why.
"Sorry Imogen, Its just i have been so worried" He said
"Lee, We're moving" I said, He stared at me not understanding.
"Why? Where?" He asked confussed
"London, because i have to sort myself out, My Mum and dad are taking me to a medical centre to help with the depression and my mum said its best to leave my past behind" I said
"But im, Please stay, You'll be fine, Casey's excluded everythings better now" He said
"No its not, Dont you see this is a good chance for me to sort myself out be someone better, Im really hurting my parents doing what i did. They are trying to make me have a better life" I said and mum appeared and was crying
"Mum what's wrong?" I asked shocked, I didnt know what to do.
"Nothing, Its you, Your actually wanting things better, Im so happy that you want a new start" She said, i got up and hugged her. I turned to Lee
"Im sorry, But good luck with everything, And thank you" I said
"You two Imogen" He said. Then we left.
We left for london at 9am on the train, mum and dad made sure i was safe. Then arrived at london. I slept most of the way with my mum and dad holding me safely. When we arrived we drove to our new house and dad sorted out my room whilst i was asleep on the sofa and my mum injecting me with antidepressionts that got prescribed and could only take them by a needle because it was easier and i cant swallow things like tablets.
When i woke up i got changed and mum and dad drove me to the clinic place. I was really nervous.
"Imogen are you ok?" She asked
"Kinda" I said
"There's nothing to worry about love, Your dad and i are right here for you" Mum said
The clinic was huge. There was mainly kids over 16 there. A woman came over to us and asked questions and mum helt my hand, She noticed me shaking with fear.
"Follow me" This woman said. She lef us to a room that was pink and purple, It was big and bare. There were 4 chairs in a row facing a desk with a computer on it, like an office. A young girl walked in.
"Hi im Gemma, You must be Imogen and these are your parents" This girl said to me i clinged onto mum."Im Imogens theropist, I will be helping her with her depression and trouble" She said and then dad asked
"Gemma how old are you?" And Gemma Laughed
"Im 24, and im a profecinal, no worries" She smiled and dad nodded.
"I heard your not having Imogen living here" Gemma asked and mum nodded "Why?" She asked
"Because she's been through so much and we want to keep her in out house and us protecting what she does" Mum said
"Imogen are you happy with that?" She asked and i nodded.
Mum and dad went out of the room, and i stayed in there with Gemma.
She asked me lots and lots of questions, I started getting a headache and i couldnt answer anymore, She told me to rest, So she lay me down on this bed in her office and i fell asleep. Mum and dad came back and took me home. Mum got me a tutor for school because she's afraid if i try killing myself again in school.
I got used to going to this medical centre but mum noticed i still was depressed, So the first time in months she let me go around the clinic alone, So i did. I watched kids laughing having fun which made me feel upset. I took a seat on this bench in the hallway of the clinic, i watched kids running past. I desided to un-do the bandages to see how cut my arms were.
I had cuts all down my arms, red sore cuts. I stared down at them, then this lad sat next to me smiling looking at me, I turned around to see him, he introduced himself to me
"Hi im Carter"
"Imogen" I said, I felt nervous, I havent spoke to anyone else apart from Mum, Dad, Gemma and the tutor for months.
"Hey its ok, looks of things you tried comiting suicide" He said
" 3 times" I said