Hey everyone! This is my first Merlin fanfiction and my first one published here, so don't be harsh but reviews are hugely appreciated. :)
AN: Okay... *headdesk* BlackFyre94 just pointed out some stupid mistakes I had. This is what happens when I finish writing and posting it after midnight. XD And thank you for the reviews everyone. :) You cannot imagine how happy I am. :) And answering some of you who asked about the next chapters, this was originally planned as a one-shot. Also, when I start thinking about what could the next chapter be like, I just get a feeling that this should be left at this. Sorry...
There's Always Tomorrow
A Merlin fan-fiction
by Lindala
Everyday Merlin would decide that this would be the day to tell Arthur. To tell him that he, Merlin, was a sorcerer.
Every morning he would wake up with a determination that today he would tell Arthur the truth and bear the consequences of his actions, whatever they may be, without regret. Because then the prince would know everything about him, and, in Merlin's eyes, that was all that mattered.
Because every time Merlin was together with Arthur, every time they were on a hunt, only the two of them, every time they would kiss, every time they would lie together in Arthur's chambers, Merlin would always remember just how much did he now about Arthur and just how little did the prince know about him.
And every time Merlin would think just how unfair it was towards Arthur, he would decide that the next time when both of them would be alone, he would tell him the truth.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Merlin had been standing in front of Arthur's chambers for a while now, lifting his arm up from time to time as if to knock, and then lowering it down again, before holding it there, inches apart from the door. Each time he would lift his fist up, dark thoughts would start running through his mind. Thoughts of torture, of sadness and sorrow, but worst of all thought of Arthur's eyes burning with hate, his face as emotionless as his father's when executing unlucky sorcerers.
And every time Merlin would lover his fist, heavily exhaling the breath he was holding while his hand was at the door, two thoughts would run through his head, almost immediately one after another.
"I can't do t, I just can't..."
"No, but I need to do it. I need to tell Arthur the truth!"
And then Merlin would try to persuade his body to move, because every time he would give up, his body would freeze, as if instinctively feeling the possible dangerous consequences of his actions. And then he would need to once again in his mind go through all of the reasons why Arthur should know. Because that was the only way he could persuade his body to move, to lift up the hand to knock.
It was like that every time, Merlin knew that. He was always going in circles, never reaching his goal, never telling Arthur the secret he felt was like a huge hole separating them. He would persuade himself on telling Arthur, but then the ideas of what would happen if things wouldn't turn out right would make him give up. And everything would repeat itself again and again and again... Before finally he would give up completely. And then that day would become just another one of the days in the never ending cycle of Merlin trying and failing to persuade himself to tell Arthur the truth that could either bond them even tighter or pull them apart forever.
But Merlin, you could say, was very selfish when it came to Arthur. He didn't want to lose him. Merlin couldn't even bear the thought of that, but the thought of Arthur's face if everything went wrong always made Merlin freeze in his steps from the horror whenever he imagined it.
And even now, in the back of his mind, Merlin knew well enough that today will be the same. Today will have the same pattern as every single one of the days when Merlin would decide that he would tell the prince he was a sorcerer, but in the end, succumb to his own selfishness. And then Merlin would always come back to the same thought. "There will always be another day".
Because there will always be another day to finally tell Arthur, another day he could finally answer Arthur's questions about his childhood and tell him just how many times he, Merlin, the clumsy manservant, had saved his life, and how he would always do it again. And how, if needed he would be ready to sacrifice his life for the prince's.
Merlin lifted up his fist again, holding it an inch away from the door again, but this time, lowered it faster then usual, with a heavy sigh.
The young warlock stood in front of the door a few moments, before smiling weakly with a corner of his mouth, a weak, grave look in is eyes.
"Well, there will always be tomorrow..."
he thought before turning the way to his and Gaius' chambers and walking away from yet another one of his chances of telling Arthur everything about himself.
~~~~~*~~~~~
Arthur listened with a worried frown on his face, as Merlin's footsteps slowly became quiet and distant. Merlin had been standing at the outside of his chamber's doors without coming in for no less then 10 minutes.
This wasn't the first time Merlin would do something like this, stand outside his chamber's door and walk away after just standing there. He remembered many, many times when after a hunt or whilst dong paperwork, he would be alone in his chamber's and Merlin would just stand outside without coming in. And then there would be the moments when they would be alone, when Merlin's eyes would become distant and a pained expression would cross his face, which would go away only after Arthur would ask him whether he was all right. Then Merlin would look deeply into Arthur's eyes before a look of content would cross is face, and he would answer "No, I'm fine." wit his typical happy grin.
And then there would be times when suddenly Merlin appeared as if he wanted to say something important, just after they had laughed and teased each other. But then a short look of doubt would pass his manservant's eyes before he would turn the sentence and the tone of his voice into a yet another joke about Arthur.
The prince lifted his gaze up from the fire cracking in his chambers to the scenery outside his window, to the setting sun, and the sky, orange and red. Maybe tomorrow would be the day when Merlin would tell him what was bothering him so much. Because as much as he wanted to, Arthur didn't have it in him to ask him what was wrong straight in his face.
Arthur would just have to wait for Merlin to speak what was on his mind. Today he didn't do it. Maybe tomorrow?