Hello everyone! Well, first of all, I must say I'm new in this fandom. Have just recently finished reading the book and I absolutely loved it! It's so incredibly hilarious! And Aziraphale's and Crowley's relationship is so… umm… well, don't know exactly how to describe it but what I can tell you it was so bond to get slashy! (Is that even a phrase?)
So, anyway, I decided to give it a shot and write a fic and this is what came out. So, pretty please excuse my horrible grammar (I'm not a native English speaker, you see) and feel free to point out any mistakes (which would help me a lot, as the matter of the fact)
Umm… what else? I think that's all. Oh, an of course, the disclaimer.
Good Omens and all characters related are property of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.
A Hell of a wedding.
A lone man sat on bench at the St. James Park. As always, the place was filled with secret agents having clandestine meetings, so no one was paying any particular attention to that particular man. However, he did drag a bit of attention to himself, because he was wearing a tartan sweater with baggy jeans.
Which, most certainly, didn't cry out loud 'secret agent' at all.
Aziraphale yawned and stretched out, feeling beyond bored. He liked London quite a lot but the city (any city, if he was to be honest with himself) could get quite boring… Especially when a certain 'Enemy' wasn't there…
'See you around, angel' he had said and just like that, he was gone; on his Bentley, driving as fast as he could, quickly mixing with the shadows of the night (after a nice pleasant dinner at the Ritz, I must add) In all honestly, Aziraphale didn't know what to make up of it...
His silent mussing was interrupted by the cheerful sound of children laughing. They seemed to be having some sort of school's picnic or something along those lines. Such an inappropriate place for that he thought, but decided to keep on watching them. Now, the angel didn't particularly disliked children (he was an angel, after all!) but didn't fancy them that much. However, his decision to stay was direct result of his boredom.
That was when he saw her. True, Aziraphale had never particularly paid too much attention to women (Crowley used to say that they were far much more trouble that a bunch of hell's minions*) but this particular one seemed so familiar…
Wait a second. Isn't that…?!
Crowley's absence had gotten a lot more tolerable.
*Though Aziraphale didn't (completely) share that opinion.
You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of
Mr. A. Ziraphale
And
Ms. A. Santos
On November 25th at 6 o'clock.
It's a joke. It has to be a joke. And a very nasty one, mind you, but a joke, nevertheless. After all, I was out just for a couple of months so, which are the chances of something like this actually happening? I mean, two months! Two freaking months! And I come back and what do I find? An invitation to the wedding of MY angel! I mean… umm… my Enemy! Honestly, what the He…?
"I'm dreaming. Or rather, having a nightmare"
"Seems pretty real to me" said Adam cheerfully, smiling a bit. Then, after receiving Crowley's deathly glare, he discovered that he needed to master the subtle art of shutting the hell up "Umm… I mean… the invitation looks pretty convincing…"
Yeah, that much was true. But he can't be really doing it! How could he?! He can't do this to me! He's mine, MINE! Eh… that came out wrong. I mean he's my Mortal Enemy! One would think he would have the decency of informing me he was having a romantic affair with a chick!
"Maybe he knew you wouldn't react well" Adam suggested.
"I wouldn't mess with my mind right now, Adam Young. I'm not in the best mood"
"Right. I… umm… well, what do you think…?"
"And who's this Santos-girl? A Spanish* chick, no doubt! And we all know what does that mean! She can't be trusted*!"
"Eh… she can't?"
"Of course not! Besides, how else do you explain how easily she managed to get MY angel infatuated with her so quickly?"
"You need to stop referring Aziraphale as yours" Adam indicated "it sounds… strange, I guess. Not that I didn't know already about you two but…"
"What are you implying?!" another death glare and despite being the AntiChrist, the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit , etc, etc, Adam decided it was time to shut up.
"Maybe we ought to pay him a visit" the teenager proposed, realizing their 'evil' mission had been postponed until further notice.
"Good idea. The only thing you had said that actually made sense" he was almost talking to himself and due his distress, Adam decided to let the 'insult' pass "but first…" the demon walked towards his wine cabinet and took one bottle, opening it with his mouth and spiting the cork out. Then, he took a long sip directly out of the bottle.
"Perhaps I should drive?" the younger one offered, which earned him another glare.
"You might be the Boss' son, but I would rather be damned (again) than let you drive my Bentley"
"Alright… I think I'll just start praying that you don't get us killed. Or in jail"
"Who ever told you that you were funny?"
The other just smirked.
*The notion that she might be Latin-American never crossed his mind.
**That was a very long story, which Crowley refused to tell.
"IF THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE, I SHALL LET YOU KNOW THAT IT'S NOT FUNNY!"
The small shop was shaken to its very foundations when a very pissed off demon stormed into the place, followed by a rather good-looking male teenager. A young female, sitting behind the counter, eyed them with anxiety and surprise for a couple of seconds, before an endearing smile spread across her features "How may I help you, handsome?"
"Eh, hi. We're looking for Mr. Ziraphale…?"
She rewarded them with a curious look, before smiling some more "Of course. You should be Anthony, am I right?" she addressed to Crowley who still looked quite livid "But I'm afraid I don't know who you might be, dear"
"Adam" the other replied, blushing lightly "And… umm…"
"I'm Ana" she introduced herself, standing up and moving around the counter, in order to stand in front of them and shake their hands "Ana Santos. Very pleased to meet you!"
So that was Ana Santos. She was rather beautiful, as the matter of the fact. Her hair was long dark and curly, matching her rather pinkish skin. The eyes were big and of a pretty shade of green, with long thick eyelashes. Small nose, reddish (and admittedly kissable) lips… well, you get the picture, right? Which definitely made her NOT-TO-BE-TRUSTED.
She was wearing a hot pink dress that showed enough skin to make her look sexy but not enough to make her look slutty. That didn't make Crowley dislike her any less. Besides, it seemed as if she never stopped smiling and that was driving him insane!
A dense silence fell across the room and nobody dared to say nothing. Finally (and luckily) it was broken by a cheerful male voice coming from upstairs "Hey Annie, do you know where did I…? Oh, Crowley! You're back!"
The air was filled with so much tension, that it was suffocating. Adam took another sip of his tea, surveying what he imagined was a love triangle. Not that the female knew it, of course, but she might as well have signed her death-warrant. After all, the AntiChrist was pretty sure that no one tried to steal something (or someone) that Crowley considered his and got away with it. So, better safe than sorry and he was ready to start running at the first sight of trouble.
Meanwhile, Ana seemed completely unable of stop smiling and her smile didn't quiver under Crowley's deathly glares. That itself was quite remarkable and the teenager thought made her a fine contender for Aziraphale's love. Not that he would be stupid enough to say it aloud…
"I think I should be leaving" she said suddenly, standing up, apparently tired of dealing with the dense silence "I bet you have lots of things to talk about… Anthony being gone for so long and all that…"
"Don't you want to stay for dinner? I think we'll be going to the Ritz and…" oh-oh. He was sorta pleading. No, definitely that wasn't going to make Crowley stop sulking…
Ana said nothing but kissed him on the lips. It was a rather chaste kiss, but long enough to drive a certain demon out of his mind. Not because he was jealous (mind you) but because he… umm… well, he had spend the last six millennia with the angel and wasn't willing to 'share' his time with him to a mortal girl.
"I'll see you tomorrow" she whispered, smiling oh-so-kindly "Right now, I have thousands of papers to grad and stuff like that" she turned to face the other two "Nice meeting you, Adam. Tony" and with that, she headed towards the door.
Crowley huffed and murmured something that didn't sound friendly at all. Tony! How dare she! Nobody call him like that, he found it highly undignified! Tony! Honestly…
"Oh, and Zira?" she turned around just as she was standing at the store's threshold.
"Huh?"
"Love cha!" and flashing one last smile in the angel's direction (and Crowley was sure a smirk in his direction), she was gone. Aziraphale smiled goofily.
"Charming, isn't she?" he said and the demon just growled something that nobody could truly understand.
"Divine" Adam joked, with a cheeky grin "I must congratulate you, Aziraphale. You seem to have great taste in women" after receiving another glare from Crowley, he discovered that he really needed to learn to keep his trap shut "I mean, she seems… umm… very nice" he finished lamely.
"Oh, she is! She's a teacher at an Elementary school and…"
"Where the hell did you meet her, angel? And how did she managed to get you head-over-heels for her so quickly?!"
"Head-over-heels? Frankly dear, I think I'm not following you…"
"He means that she got under your skin far too quickly" Adam supplied, succeeding in confusing the ethereal being a bit more "Eh… that is… how did you fall in love so quickly?"
"Oh, that" he smiled dreamily "We meet at St. James, on one wonderful Wednesday morning. You see Crowley; you were gone and I was bored and she seemed like such a caring young lady…"
"So it's my fault!" the demon protested, aggravated "Sure, blame it all on the Enemy, why not?!"
"I'm not blaming you, dear" argued Aziraphale, positively beaming "As the matter of the fact, I should be thanking you…"
"Oh no! Don't you dare to!"
The Principality seemed confused, but decided to drive the conversation into safer grounds "Anyway, where did you go? And what's Adam doing here? Not that I don't enjoy your presence, dear, it's just…"
"Never mind" the boy murmured and decided that was his cue to leave "I'll be at the backstore, if you don't mind… I think you have lots of things to sort out…"
Again, silence fell. Thick and upsetting silence.
"I would like you to be my best man, you know? After all…"
"You're serious? You're actually serious about the whole marriage-thing?! What's wrong with you?! You can't do this to me!"
"I beg your pardon? Dear, I don't…"
"And how are you going to explain her about us, huh?"
"U-us?" the angel shuttered and if Crowley had been paying more attention, he would have noticed his 'Enemy' was blushing. However, he was not, so it went unnoticed.
"Us! Our Agreement! And the fact that you're an angel and I'm a demon and…!
"Oh. That" the blush faded as quickly as it had came "I've already told her"
"What?! You revealed our existence to a… a… human girl?!"
"Well, I thought it was in order. I mean, if she was to become my wife…"
"Your wife! Listen to yourself! Your wife! Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds?!"
"Crowley dear…" Aziraphale sighed loudly, finally realizing he wasn't about to talk any sense into his demonic friend "I'm really sorry this upsets you…"
"I'm not upset!"
The other continued as if he hadn't been interrupted "And if you're worried that this marriage will change our relationship in any way, let me assure you that…"
"Oh, now that's funny! Nothing will change between us, huh? Funny, indeed!" the serpent demon was almost yelling and the angel was pretty sure everyone in a ratio of five kilometers around could hear their discussion "From my experience, women demand time and attention and they can't be left alone for more than ten minutes without them complaining how you don't love them anymore…"
"Didn't know you had much experience with women" Aziraphale whispered, sourly. His tone went unnoticed by the angry demon who was (who would have thought?!) being selfish and just thinking about himself.
"…So no, I'm not letting you get married!"
Okay, that came out wrong. It was the truth, of course, but he shouldn't have put it that way. Now the angel was going to get mad at him and that could only mean… "Excuse me?! You won't let me?! Who are you to tell me what I'm allowed to or not to do?!"
Well, he had a fair point. Not that he was going to admit it, though. So he would stick with the plan (supposing, of course, he had one) "Let me repeat it. I-WON'T-LET-YOU-MARRY-THAT-WOMAN"
"Out" Aziraphale ordered through gritted teeth, feeling more aggravated than ever in his immortal life "Now"
"Fine" Crowley responded, glaring slightly "but the fact remains…"
"Out before I smite you! Do not test my patience, A. J. Crowley!"
"Okay. Adam, we're leaving!" he left unceremoniously, slamming the door after him (maybe not that unceremoniously, then…) Seconds later, Adam emerged from the backstore.
"Something's wrong?" the teenager asked, somewhat innocently.
"I would hurry after him, chap" the Principality said, running a hand through his blond curls, still infuriated and frustrated "He'll leave you if you don't"
"Are you alright?"
Aziraphale sighed "You know, Adam? For being the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness, you are fairly caring young lad"
"Crowley. Crowley. Crowley!"
The demon opened one eye, managing to glare at the person that had woken him up. Adam stared at him for a couple of seconds, somewhat concerned "Are you alright?"
"You woke me up to ask that?" the other wondered aloud, his glare becoming more menacing. The teenager shook his head "Actually, no. Here. Aziraphale is calling" he informed, shoving the phone into the demon's hands.
Sorry already? Ja! I knew he couldn't be mad at me for too long! "Hello there, angel"
"Good morning, dear" the angel greeted, undoubtedly smiling gently "Hope you're in better mood today"
"Depends. Have you come to your senses?"
"Crowley…" a sigh (a rather annoyed one) and a long silence "Actually, I was wondering if you had plans for tonight"
"No. No really" he responded, a bit too quickly, earning a smirk and a raised eyebrow from Adam "So, dinner at the Ritz? My treat, naturally"
"No, I… umm… how to put this? I… Well, Annie wanted to invite you over for dinner"
"Come again?"
"You know, Annie, my fiancée. She wants to get to know you a bit better. Considering you're like my best friend and all that…"
"Didn't know we were friends, angel" the tone was gelid and Adam couldn't prevent himself from rolling his eyes. Crowley was in serious denial…
"No. Of course not. We're enemies and all that. However… it would mean a lot to me if you came. I'll understand if you don't but…"
Crowley ruffled his hair, thinking long and hard about the proposal. He really didn't want to go… but he would hate to make the angel upset*
"See you at eight. Your place, okay?"
"Sure!" the other was positively beaming and the demon rolled his eyes. Sometimes, Aziraphale was a little too happy-go-lucky for his own sake "See you at eight, then!"
"This is going to be a hell of an evening…" Crowley whispered, hanging up.
* well, not really. That was his job, as the matter of the fact. Then again…
The flat was nice and well decorated. It had this cozy aura around it that you just couldn't ignore and that was somewhat sickening for a demon. Yet, Crowley was trying his best (no pun intended) to behave (how very un-demoniac of him!) and not to comment about it.
It was very chic, though. Ana's taste and his might even be the same and if he had not been focusing so hard on disliking her, she might even be the kind of human he would like to be around. She seemed so awfully nice and those kind of humans were exactly the type Crowley liked to temp. It was so much fun looking at them, trying to fight temptation*!
Dinner had been nice, too. Some nice soup, followed by a wonderful salad and a delicious duck casserole with potatoes. And now, for the dessert…
Seriously, if Crowley hadn't ought to hate the woman so much, he would really like her.
"Chocolate fondue" she said, placing the caquelon over the table "Hope you like it, dears" she added, addressing to her guests "I know you do, Zira" she continued, before leaning into a soft kiss with her fiancé. He smiled at her before carefully eying Crowley. Oh, if looks could kill…
Crowley took a marshmallow and dip it in the chocolate fondue, his eyes never leaving the couple. Aziraphale was smiling nervously at him and he couldn't help to smirk. He was a demon, after all, and therefore enjoyed instilling fear into the heart of his opponents**
He turned to examine Ana, who, surprisingly, was also staring at him. She was eating a strawberry in a way that Crowley found incredibly sinful*** and smiling sardonically at him. Yes, sardonically. He frowned. Really, how could his angel not notice?
Oh, there it was again. His angel. Adam was right; he needed to stop referring of Aziraphale as his.
"Told you" Adam whispered, taking a sip of his wine and smirking lightly. The boy was getting bolder with each passing minute.
"Sorry dear?" Ana asked, seemingly confused.
"It's nothing, darling" Aziraphale assured her, placing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close "nothing of great importance, anyway"
Crowley wondered briefly if the Principality could also hear his thoughts. He guessed he could, if he tried hard enough. But he wouldn't, because that would be prying and being the good-doer he was, he wouldn't do something so impolite. After deciding that, he resumed his glaring at his 'friend's' fiancée.
It was about to become a new hobby for him.
*Although, most certainly, Aziraphale wouldn't approve.
**Not that he considered the angel one, of course.
***And coming from a demon, which meant quite a lot.
Perhaps, what he disliked the most about this Ana-girl was the strange lingering sensation in the pit of his stomach that was left after spending time in her company. It was so weird and unnatural; making him, a demon, want to perform good deeds! Something outrageously kind, actually. It's was completely unheard of! No matter how nice she was, it would even matter if she was some sort of saint*, humans weren't supposed to have that effect on ethereal beings! And even if that was the case, after spending the last week having dinner with her (on Aziraphale's insistence) he should be getting immune to her influence…
His mussing was soon interrupted by a rather contemplative Adam Young "I wouldn't want to pry but… I think he expects you to be happy"
"Huh?"
"For him, you know? Friends are supposed to be glad when one of them finds love"
"That's ridiculous"
"Maybe" Adam nodded his head, lost in thought "I also think he wants you to… approve"
"I won't do such a thing"
"Ah. Right"
Crowley drove in silence for a while, a pensive AntiChrist staring outside the window "I believe you ought to. Gotta admit that she's kinda perfect for him" he chewed his lip, nervously "It's egoistic of you not to"
"I'm a demon. That's practically part of my job description"
"Yes, well… I'm the AntiChrist, am I not? And I kinda care about other people's feelings. Especially from people that I… love"
"We don't love, Adam"
"I think we do. We just don't like to admit it" the teenager whispered and then sighed "I don't know, it's really confusing. However… if you truly care about him, you should…"
"Let him go? Wish them well and let him go?" Crowley replied, ironically "That would be incredibly corny of you to say, Adam"
"She seems almost incapable of doing wrong" he continued, more to himself than to the demon driver "and if you think it through, that would be exactly what an angel is looking for, huh?"
Incapable of doing wrong. Something about that phrase troubled Crowley, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Nevertheless, he didn't give it too much thought.
More urgent matters were at hand.
*Which he was sure she wasn't.
It was a cold gloomy evening, which seemed to fit his mood just right. Friday night and the wedding was just two days away. Crowley was feeling particularly down and no amount of havoc would make him feel any better. It simply didn't have any meaning anymore. Aziraphale, his long time enemy and best friend, was about to get married. And then things would change, no matter how much he would like to lie to himself. And even if that wasn't the case, the fact that remained was…
What are you thinking?! He reprehended himself mentally Demons don't love his inner voice continued, angrily Why would it matter to you if he doesn't love you?
Because I do love him he admitted to himself and then shivered. Love? That was a strong word. And demons weren't supposed to be able of, because, well, they were evil and had Fallen from Grace and all that. He shouldn't be feeling what he felt. He shouldn't worry about where Aziraphale's affections laid. He shouldn't…
And yet, he was. Feeling miserable because the angel had picked someone else. Most people would have thought he would be the one making Aziraphale all sad and depressed and troubled because Crowley simply couldn't fall in love. However, things always tend to turn out in the way we don't expect them to…
To be fair, he hadn't realized he was in love sooner. Of course, in the back of his mind, there was always that nagging feeling he got whenever Aziraphale got disappointed of him or that troubling chipperly sensation whenever the angel 'accidentally' touched him or that strange emotion that filled him with worry during the Almost-Apocalypse, after realizing he might never see his angel again… But, as far as truly realizing he was in love? No, nobody gave him any fair warning*
Until the moment he saw the invitation, laying innocently over his apartment's floor, he never noticed how utterly in love he was. He didn't like admitting it (not even to himself) but there was no use in denying the true any longer. He wanted Aziraphale and he wanted him just for himself (which was a bit more demonic, considering that was pretty selfish)
He sighed. He needed to stop that wedding… but how? Obviously, talking Aziraphale out of it wasn't an option. Mostly because he truly seemed to fancy the girl and unless he found something particularly nasty about her, there was no way the angel would leave her. 'Disappearing' her would be too overdramatic (and would make Aziraphale very angry, he guessed) There was always the option of making her elope with some human she randomly met… just a bit of lust here and there…
He was seriously pondering that option, when something caught his attention. He had been sitting in his Bentley outside Aziraphale's bookstore (not because he was ´stalking' him, of course not!) and just then, Ana seemed to be leaving. There wouldn't be a better time to put his evil plan into motion, he decided. So, he got out of his car, and prepared to follow her.
After all, following her driving his Bentley wouldn't have been very subtle**
*A clear case of denial, obviously.
**Never mind that leaving said car parked outside the angel's bookstore wasn't either.
A woman runs across the street. A man follows. She's clad in fancy designer suit. So is he. Designer high heels and designer sport shoes running down the wet deserted street. She turns around and he hides. She's fast, but he's faster (or so he thinks).She starts running gain.
They are heading into a dangerous neighborhood. She can't be up to something good, he muses, because a lone woman shouldn't wander into places like that, so late at night. Unless, of course, she's up to something.
Finally, the hunt ends. He realizes she has led him into St. James Park. How? He's not sure, because he's pretty sure they weren't running in that direction…
She enters the park. He follows her in.
She'll make sure he regrets it.
Ana stood in front of the ducks pond, surprisingly (or not) feeding the birds, while she appeared to be waiting for something. Crowley stood behind a bush, wondering what would happen next. He didn't have a plan and he couldn't think of one but waiting seemed like a good idea. Perhaps she was there waiting for a secret lover? Oh, that would make his plan so much easier…!
It started raining once again. He sighed, frustrated. He hated rain. As the matter of the fact, he hated London's weather. However, he stayed there, just in order to stay close to his angel. He groaned.
Honestly, how pathetic can someone get?
"Are you going to come forward dear, or should I just go ahead and smite you in the spot?"
And suddenly everything became very clear. She didn't just SEEM incapable of doing wrong. She WAS incapable of evil.
She was angel, after all.
And judging by the size of her wings and how well groomed they were, a high-ranked one. When she turned around, smiling endearingly (and infuriately, Crowley thought), the soft glow she was emitting almost blinded him but he managed to stay put and not run away, scared (although that would have been the wise thing to do)
"Really, dear" she whispered, coming closer to him "Following me around? Tsk. Tsk. Naughty, naughty demon"
He realized he had been frozen on the spot. Which most likely meant he was about to meet his end in the hands of this 'charming' 'lady' that Aziraphale was about to marry. Great. Just great.
"Who are you?" he asked, deciding it would be nice to know the name of his banisher.
"As I said, my human name is Ana Santos" she smiled some more, now standing in front of him "my angel name shall stay unrevealed, I'm afraid"
"What are you doing here?"
"You ask far too many question, dearest" she protested, shaking her head disapprovingly "If you must know, I'm holding an inspection"
"You're a Virtue" it had sense, after all. The seven heavenly virtues were high-ranked angels who were supposed to guard human beings of Temptation. Naturally, they couldn't take care of every single human all the time, so they were 'helped' by the angels guarding each territory. And they would hold inspections, once in a while, to make sure everything was in order, just as the Deadly Sins did with demons. It shouldn't be preoccupying, just a routinely procedure, but…
"Yes, I am. You may call me Kindness, if you must" she frowned lightly and a soft pout formed on her pretty lips "I like 'Ana' better, though"
"Aziraphale is going to be recalled, isn't he?!"
"What gives you that impression?" a slight smirk appeared on her face and Crowley decided it should be illegal for angels to smirk. It was a too disturbing image to behold.
"Why are you pulling this whole marriage-façade?"
She frowned once again and started playing with one of her curls, outwardly uncomfortable with the question "They're worried about Aziraphale, you know? Up There, I mean. He has so much potential and he seems to be just… throwing it away. Not something that we approve, let me tell you" a long sigh "I'm trying to help him"
"Oh, really?! How?" he knew he was playing with fire and was bound to get burned. However, if this was the end… he would like to understand what was going on, at least.
"Now, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, huh?" she smiled gently and placed a hand over his shoulder, soothingly "Listen, Anthony dear. I'm gonna let you go, okay? Do you promise to behave?"
"What's the catch?"
"There's no…"
"I know your lot, angel. I've spent far too much time with one of yours, actually"
Ana smirked again "I bet you have" then, the smile became sincere "There's no catch, Anthony. You obviously understand that you're not to speak about our little encounter, right?"
"Sorry, that won't do" he said, flashing a smirk "I'll tell Aziraphale. Warn him about being recalled and all that"
"What's the use, sweetheart? Wouldn't it be easier…?"
"I won't let you take him away!" he glared darkly "I know I can't exactly stop you. But I'll do everything in my power…"
"Why do you care?" a maniacal glint in her green eyes told him this was dangerous territory. She seemed far too pleased with herself… and far too genuinely interested.
"Because… we have spent these last six millennia in here and I… well… he's not pretentious as most of you are"
"So you like him, huh?"
"Didn't say that, Kindness"
She shook her head, clearly amused and turned around "Whatever. I'll better be leaving" she started to walk away, when she suddenly seemed to think about something "You realize he won't believe you, right? I'm quite good at making people fond of me, you know…"
"I have to try"
She smiled and seemed to re-think the whole business. Crowley could have swear he heard her whisper something that sounded suspiciously like 'You do care' but wasn't too sure. Finally, she spoke again "I made up my mind. I think I'll play it safe"
Out of nowhere, she miracled a rather dangerous looking spear and swung it around her, threateningly "I'm terribly sorry about this, honey bunch" she murmured, coming closer once again, stopping just in front of the demon "Any last words?"
Crowley glared at her, defiantly. He would meet his end with as much dignity as possible. His only regret was that he wouldn't be able to warn Aziraphale… or to tell him about how he felt… or to even see him again…
"No? So be it" she caressed his cheek very softly, almost tenderly or lovingly "This will hurt me more than you, you know?"
"I doubt it, dear" he responded sarcastically, before feeling the spear sinking in his fragile human skin. Then, everything went black.
Hell was unusually and unnaturally quiet. Of course, no demon liked that. Hell was meant to be a place full of screams of pain and agony of the damned ones. Not some sort of quiet and bad decorated office.
On that particularly distasteful day, Duke Hastur, who lately had nothing better to do with his time, was wandering around the Files Department. Since the (not-so-lamentable) lost of Ligur, the duke found himself expending more and more time in the company of Under-Duke Dagon. It wasn't so much of a change, actually. He would say Dagon was as much as a nuisance as Ligur had been but he couldn't quite get used to the idea of being lonely*.
He dropped a whole bunch of archives, just in order to HEAR something. So much silence was distracting. It was so abnormal and was making everyone a bit jumpy. You see, the filled with terror screams of the humans souls were like music for the demons ears*** and they liked 'working' while listening to music. So, when no music was provided, they could get easily distraught.
"Stop that, would you?" Dagon exclaimed, frustrated. After all, Hastur had been dropping files for the last three hours "You're disorganizing them!"
Now, for a demon, being organized is not a proper skill. However, Hastur mussed, when you are the Lord of the Files, organizing was part of your job. In the end, it's always easier to find something when you know exactly were you put it. And considering how long Hell had been operating, it was more than handy.
Just then, a scream filled the air. It was such a desperate and worried scream that made every demon smirk 'happily' and get back to work, already feeling better (or should I say worse?) "Now; that's what I was talking about!" Hastur exclaimed, rather cheerfully "That's proper music!"
What the Duke had failed to notice (as all the other demons had) was the fact that no human soul would be capable of producing such a horrible and mortified scream (never mind which terrible torture it was suffering). It was a demon screaming. A rather pissed off, confused, scared and frustrated demon named Crowley, in fact.
The office's door swung open and both the Duke and Under-Duke gazed at the creature standing at the threshold. And smirk crept its way into Hastur's lips as he greeted the newcomer "Crawly! So long since we last see each other!" he looked rather diabolic, grinning like a madman while baring his fangs. Yes, the demon duke was up to some entertainment today…
The other demon glanced at him for a brief moment and then turned his attention to Dagon "Yes, very long. Hoped we wouldn't meet again, I must say. Anyway, Dagon, have you seen Adra?"
"You mean Adramelech? Have a little respect, Crowley, he's an Arch Demon!" Dagon protested, rolling his eyes.
"I'm a demon" the other protested "I don't know the meaning of respect"
"Crawley…"
"It's Crowley" the Serpent protested, apparently adrenaline still running high after his little encounter with the Virtue and therefore not afraid of any sort of hellish punishment "So, know where he is? If not, kindly stop wasting my time"
"Oh-ho! Feeling brave, aren't we?" Hastur exclaimed, sitting over Dagon's desk, earning a glare from him "Care to tell us what's the urgency, Crawly?"
The other gritted his teeth, feeling intense wrath. He glared "I need a new body"
"I can see that" Hastur replied, not paying any mind to the low and deliberately dangerous tone "Question is, why? Your little angel finally had enough of you?"
Remembering how much of an urgency it was for him to get back to Earth, Crowley forgot to have any prudence while dealing with his superiors and picked Hastur up by his neck, glaring very darkly "I-need-a-new-body. I shall not discuss why with you"
Hastur seemed unfazed by the turn of the events while Dagon shifted uncomfortably on his seat. He had heard what Crowley had done to Ligur and had no intention of ending the same way "Now, let's all calm down and…"
"I don't have time for thisss!" Crowley hissed loudly "Where's Adramelech?"
"Aren't you supposed to be in some diabolic mission with the Master's son?"
Adam. Right. He had forgotten about him. Bless it, he was in serious shit! He had left the Antichrist hanging around with an love struck angel and a Virtue. Great. Just great.
And suddenly, he had an idea. An idea that would guarantee him a quick exit from Hell, without the whole hideous bureaucracy procedure of getting a new body. "That's right. That's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. A problem has arisen, though"
"Is that so?" Hastur was smirking once more, having released himself from the lower-ranked demon grip.
"Indeed. You see, I've run into an angel"
"Your little angelic friend?"
"Aziraphale? Bah. I would never worry about him" he tried to play it cool, didn't want anybody questioning his true motivation "He wouldn't dream of interfering with our mission. No, I'm afraid I have bigger troubles. A very virtuous one, for that matter"
"A Virtue?!" Dagon exclaimed, scandalized and standing up "You have a Virtue in your territory and you didn't tell us earlier?!"
"Well, I…" he couldn't tell them he hadn't noticed sooner because he had been too busy glaring at her for stealing HIS Aziraphale away. That would be suicidal and A.J. Crowley was many things but suicidal was definitely NOT one of them.
"That could be problematic" whispered Hastur, deep in thought "Well then, let's get you a body, huh?" Crowley eyed him with rightful mistrust. The duke smirked some more "Hey, it's for everyone's interest that the Antichrist doesn't get smote by a Virtue. Come on, stop looking at me like that!"
Hastur walked outside the office and Crowley followed him, grudgingly. Dagon watched them go in silence, inwardly wondering what the higher-ranked demon had in mind.
*Not that he would ever admit it out loud. Dependent personality disorder is something that Hell tends to frown upon. Particularly because Satan himself suffered of Schizoid personality disorder**
**Which means that he lacked of interest in social relationships, seeing no point in sharing time with others.
***For most of them, at least. Crowley certainly didn't share that liking.
"You shouldn't have send him alone" Dagon murmured some time later, when Hastur was back into his office, after sending Crowley back to Earth.
"Why's that?"
"He's a low-ranked demon. He could never fight a Virtue by himself"
"Exactly my point"
"Exactly your point? What do you…? oh. Right. I see…" and he did see. It was a very ingenious plan, to be perfectly honest (not that Dagon was, mind you) Hell had forbidden every demon to extract any sort of vengeance of Crowley due his participation in the Apocalypse-that- wasn't. Hastur hadn't been happy with that. But now, the opportunity of revenge had presented itself and it had the form of an angel.
Hastur would let the Virtue destroy Crowley. Then, he would take care of said Virtue.
Meanwhile, on Earth, the day of the wedding had arrived.
Aziraphale stood in front of the large mirror that he had miracled inside his bedroom*. He was wearing a white tuxedo (he refused to wear black, no matter what) that looked quite good on him. It was also true that he had lost a little weight, which worked just fine for his looks.
In truth, he looked like a fine gentleman.
He grimaced inwardly. He was getting serious cold feet about this whole marriage-business. Of course, he would never stood Ana up, but he felt like he couldn't do it. He smiled at his reflection and the mirror reflected a very forced smile. Another sigh. This wasn't good…
"Are you sure you have absolutely no idea where he is?" he asked, turning around to face Adam, who was sitting over the bed that Aziraphale had never really used.
"I've already told you, Aziraphale" the boy replied friend- yet tiredly "He said he was going for a quiet ride and then he never came back"
"Think he's okay?" he couldn't help to feel a bit anxious about his long-time Enemy (and currently Best Man**)
Adam shrugged "I think so. He just needs to sort things out. Give him some time"
"If you say so…" yet couldn't silence his inner voice, which kept telling him Crowley was in trouble.
Both heard the door downstairs being swung open and shared a look, before Adam stood up "I'll go" at the threshold, he turned around and smiled encouragely "You'll be fine, Aziraphale"
"I hope so" the Principality whispered, turning around to face the mirror once again "Okay then. Should I pick the blue or the green tie?" he questioned himself aloud.
"Angel!"
The voice seemed so relieved and incredibly happy to see him. Slowly, not daring to move too quickly and feel disappointed that everything was product of his hyperactive imagination, Aziraphale turned around just to find Crowley standing at the bedroom's entrance, looking very thankful.
"Crowley, dear! Where have you been?! I've been deadly worried…!"
Before he could continue with his ramble, the Serpent had flung himself at him, managing to knock them down onto the bed "I made it back in time" he whispered softly, head buried in the angel's shoulder blade "Thank you, thank you, thank you"
If the Principality didn't know better, he would have thought Crowley was thanking some supernatural being for… well, he wasn't sure for what. Anyway, this was getting pretty weird and he had the feeling he should do something about it.
Except… Crowley's body pressed so close and firmly against his felt sooooo good.
"Eh, my dear? Care to enlighten me a bit?"
The demon suddenly remembered what he was doing there and his relief washed out almost immediately "You can't marry that vile creature" he stated, plainly, clenching his fists "I won't let you"
Aziraphale winced visibly and attempted to stand up, finding it was impossible soon enough. He looked at Adam, who was standing at the threshold and eying them a bit worriedly but smiling somewhat contently "Could you leave us alone for a little while, dear?"
"Sure" the teenager responded, shrugging "just try to behave yourselves, okay?"
The angel flushed fervently and found himself out of words. He decided to let the matter drop and stared at his companion, who was still clinging to him as if life itself depended on it "Crowley?"
"Huh?" meanwhile, Crowley had decided that resting his head on Aziraphale's chest was the nicest and most comfortable thing on the world and was starting to get a bit sleepy.
"We need to talk. Kindly remove yourself off me, please" He did as told, but didn't look pleased about it. The angel chose to ignore this "You do realize you're being childish, right? I mean, just because I'm marrying, doesn't mean that…"
"It's not that! You see, Ana is…!"
"And of course, since she is a human, she'll eventually be gone and…"
"You're not listening!" the other accused him angrily "Ana is a Virtue!"
Aziraphale looked considerably confused "Beg your pardon?"
"She's one of the Seven Heavenly Virtues! Kindness, actually, and she was here to held a inspection!"
"Crowley…"
"She's gonna take you away! You're being recalled and somehow I know it's my fault but I can't let you…!"
"Dear, I…"
"I'm telling you the truth, I swear!" he was getting desperate and running out of options. If the angel didn't believe him… granted, he didn't have any proof but one would think… "I followed her last Friday and she smote me and that's why I've been missing and…!"
"SHE DID WHAT?!" he stood up, suddenly looking between cross and affronted. Crowley gulped. He had forgotten how menacingly his friend could look…
"Eh…"
"I can't believe that!" he yelled and started to pace around the room "I can't believe it!"
"You don't believe me?" Crowley asked loudly, feeling somewhat betrayed. He had expected him to! Of course, he was a demon but that hardly mean he would lie about something like that***!
"It's not that, dear. What I meant…"
And then Crowley did something that later he thought had been remarkably stupid yet it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. He gripped Aziraphale's wrist, pulled him close… and kissed him.
It was the shortest, chastest and hardly worth to be called a kiss, but it taste like…
Well, like Heaven.
Someone started clapping. He soon realized the sound wasn't coming from him or from his companion. A soft bright laughter filled the room, along with the claps "Marvelous presentation, my dear Anthony. Brilliant. Just brilliant"
The Principality was lost in some little and far away world, because he didn't even react to the woman's voice. On the other hand, his counterpart quickly stood between him and Ana "Go away" he hissed dangerously, knowing he was as good as dead for defying a Virtue but not caring at all.
"Really, dear…" despite she sprung her long white wings, she didn't move. She just kept on showing that infuriating smile of hers.
"YOU!" Aziraphale was back from his far away land and was now standing too, trying his very best to glare at the newcomer "How dare you?!"
"Beg your par…?"
"You smote him? YOU SERIOUSLY SMOTE HIM?! I'm disappointed at you, Ana! I expected better from a Virtue as yourself!"
Ana rolled her eyes, clearly amused "Darling, I ran out of options. Dear Anthony is a nasty piece of work, I'm afraid"
The demon beamed, proud of being 'complimented' by a Virtue. His 'Enemy' however, looked livid "You smote him!" he yelled again "You bloody smote him!"
Oh, he said 'bloody'! He must have been incredibly pissed, the demon mussed happily. At least, the angel cared for him too! But… wait a second. Why didn't he seem surprised that his fiancée had a pair of pretty wings and liked running around 'righteously' smiting demons?
"Zira dear…"
"Don't 'dear' me, Anne! I can't believe you smote Crowley! You… you… cheater! That was absolutely unfair and uncalled for!"
Cheater? Wait a second. This didn't make sense. At all.
"Okay, maybe I did cheat" she conceded "Yet I didn't lose the beat, did I? In the end, Anthony showed up to stop the wedding, did he not?"
Okay, he was missing something. What exactly? He didn't know. And something told him he didn't want to.
"It doesn't matter! You smote him!" Aziraphale wasn't breathing, Crowley noticed, which meant he was trying his best not to explode. Personally, the demon believed a little wrath now and then didn't hurt anybody**** "After you promised nobody would get hurt!"
"He followed me! It was his own fault, really!" Ana defended herself, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly "And I never said that. I just told you everything would work out for the very best"
"Ana…"
"I'm sorry, alright?! I'm really, truly, deeply sorry! There! Happy now?!" she snapped, irritated. Then, she smiled again "You still owe me, though" Aziraphale frowned and looked disapprovingly "What?! You get your demon, I get my money. Fair is fair"
"I think I'm missing something" Crowley finally interrupted, anger quickly building up inside him "I would like an explanation. Now"
"I…Well, you see… Now, what you need to understand…" the angel had gotten nervous and was out of words. In contrast, Crowley could think plenty of them. Granted, most of them where curses and words that must never be spoken in high society, but he hadn't run out of words, at least.
"We made a bet" the female explained conversationally "When I was sent to make an inspection on Zira, I was simply delighted. I had missed him a lot and frankly, I was itching to leave Heaven for a while. It gets boring once in a while, you know?
"Anyway, I ran into him in the park and we immediately recognized each other. Now, I know you don't remember me, Anthony dear, but we met long ago, back in the time when the Eden still existed and you hadn't temped Eve yet"
"She was the Guardian of the North Gate" Aziraphale supplied helpfully "certainly you remember her, my dear boy?"
"Of course he doesn't" she continued, shrugging it off, as if it didn't matter to her "Even back then, he hardly had eyes for anyone that wasn't you. Why, I'm even surprised he remembered he was there to create havoc and temp poor darling Eve!" she smiled understandingly "Anyway, as I was saying, we recognized each other. And I might have not seen him in a while, but I noticed how miserable he looked right away. And me, being Kindness and all that, decided that simply couldn't be. I was going to help him, no matter what.
"Which led us to our current situation, as the matter of the fact"
Crowley just stared at her, rather gloomily with raised eyebrows. She giggled girlishly and rested her head over Aziraphale's shoulder, succeeding in royally pissing the demon off.
"My dear friend here" she continued, pointing at her angel companion "was miserable due love depravation. He was pretty sure his love was unrequited and would most likely make him lost a good friend. And you know what they say; better a good friend than a bad lover"
Crowley, who had never heard such an expression, merely huffed, making her smile go wider "I, naturally, knew better. Even back in the Eden, I knew you liked Zira. Not in that way, maybe, but you were fond of him. After six millennia of spending time together, I figured the feelings had grown. Because, honestly, who could resist him?" Ana giggled some more, pecking the Principality's cheek, making him blush madly "I know I couldn't" she added, winking in the most unangelic manner "So, anyway, I came up with a plan. A plan so simple and so brilliant that nothing could go wrong!"
"Pretending to get married?" the Serpent asked, clearly unimpressed. The Virtue laughed merrily.
"It was a win-win situation, you see. If you interrupted the wedding, I would have proved that you, in fact, loved him back and would have won that little bet with Raphael. And the one I made with Zira later, of course. And you shouldn't worry about it, dear" Ana continued, noticing Aziraphale's worried expression "we weren't betting on your relationship. We were merely betting on an hypothetical situation"
"And if I didn't stop the wedding you would have married Aziraphale, right?" Crowley asked (or rather stated) knowing the answer already "I remember you now. You were Aziraphale's little girlfriend"
"JA! There, I told you he glared at me!" the happy Spanish-looking girl exclaimed "I knew it!"
"Never mind that, darling" the angel protested, now looking at her disapprovingly "You smote him and therefore turned the odds in your favor"
"On the contrary" she proceeded cheerfully "I saw a great opportunity there. If Anthony cared (truly and deeply) for you, he would 'skip' the whole Hell's Bhurocracy- thing and he would be back before you even noticed" she smiled proudly "and he did. So, I'm happy to announce, that yes, Zira, Mr. Anthony J. Crowley is deeply in love with you!"
"I haven't say such a thing"
"Stop playing macho, Crowley. We all know it's true" Adam had appeared at the threshold and was surveying the scene with a sly grin.
"Weren't you supposed to be guarding the entrance, to begin with?" the demon asked angrily, frustrated that everyone in the room seemed to be 'against' him.
"I knew already about the arrangement" the Destroyer of Kings explained calmly, now getting cocky "Ana explained it right after we meet"
"WHAT?!"
"I figured it could come handy to have an ally on the other side, if you catch my drift" she claimed simply "And in the end, it worked, didn't it?"
"You're so dead, Adam Young"
"I'm your Boss' son, remember?"
Crowley murmured something that sounded quiet threatening and Aziraphale decided it was time for him to speak up "My dear, I… umm… can I have a word with you? Alone, please" he added, turning to his 'guests'.
"It's okay" Ana said, turning around and heading towards the door "We'll be at the Coffee Shop down the lane. You're paying for whatever we're having, Zira" she warned, before leaving the room followed by a still grinning Antichrist.
*Or rather, the small room over the bookstore that could be used as a bedroom.
**Although he guessed the term didn't apply anymore, considering that, by the look of the things, he wasn't going to be at the wedding.
***Okay, maybe he would. Long ago, he would have without even feeling bad about it. But that was hardly the point right then!
****As long as it wasn't directed to him, that is.
"I'm terribly sorry about this whole business, Crowley" the angel apologized, sitting next to his 'friend' "I disagreed with it from the beginning but Ana is far too insistent…"
"Is it true?"
"What? The whole 'evil plot-thing'? Not really my sort of thing, but as I said, Annie is…"
"No. I meant the part about you being miserable. Because of me. Or rather, because you thought I wouldn't reciprocate your feelings"
Aziraphale looked ashamed and turned around, choosing to stare at the wall instead of at Crowley "I'm afraid so. I… knew that what I felt towards you had stopped to be just friendly feelings for quite a while. And with the whole Apocalypse-thing… I started wondering how much of a bad idea would it be to tell you"
"Angel…"
"I kept telling myself that I shouldn't entertain such thoughts and that the only thing I would accomplish would be lose your 'friendship' or our Agreement or whatever thing you seemed to think we have" he sighed, seemingly tired "Ana talked me into giving it a try. Said that no life was worth living without love and some other silly things and I… I guess I just wanted someone to give me a little push so I could… I don't know, justify my actions and blame everything on someone else if things were to turn out wrong…"
"I think I might share your feelings"
"Huh?"
"Well, I did dislike your fiancée just for the sake she was your fiancée. And I was planning of getting rid of her, no matter what" he smiled a bit sheepishly at Aziraphale's fierce stare "and I was worried to death that she might take you away. And I did go to Hell and came back in record time just to try to stop the wedding, so I think it's safe to say that I… I might feel the same way you do"
"You love me back?"
"I'm not gonna say it, angel" he protested, stubbornly "I'm a demon and had a reputation to protect. Can't go around saying mushy things as that"
A soft and good-hearted giggle filled the room, making Crowley roll his eyes (though, inwardly, he was grinning like a fool) "I love you, my dear" the Principality whispered against his ear, sending shivers down his spine which Crowley decided was an awkward and definitely undiabolical feeling*.
"I'm not saying it back"
"There would be no need" the angel stood up and offered him his hand "Come on now, I think they would be waiting for us"
"I could think of plenty other things that I would rather do now that we've admitted our… eh… feelings towards each other" a smug smirk spread across his handsome features, while he pulled his counterpart back into bed "for example…" he continued and proceeded to kiss his companion neck in the most seductive way.
"Cro-Crowley! Really dear, this is not the time and certainly not the place…!"
"Oh, but angel, there won't be a better time or a better place…"
*Although certainly nice and warm.
Later that night, a very chipperly and fairly drunk Virtue stood on the roof of an apartment's block, looking quite pleased with herself "I always liked Zira, you know? But I also always believed in the whole 'if you love him, you have to let him go'"
"Figures" Adam whispered, standing next to her in almost the same drunken stupor "You're an angel, after all"
"I'm happy for him. 'Course he deserves better, but Crowley is the one he picked, huh?"
"U-hu"
"Umm… I think I'll send them the Wedding Cake. I'm not using it, anyway"
"Ah, you're such a good loser"
"Shut up" she argued jokingly "I think your diabolical mission shall be reinitiated soon enough, correct?"
"Maybe. Maybe they'll be like newly wedds and could hardly stand the thought of being apart"
"Not the mention they'll be…"
"Stop it right there. My poor intoxicated mind can't get any graphic images right now"
Kindness giggled girlishly "Tell Crowley that he better look after Zira, okay? Tell him that if he doesn't, I'll come personally to smite him"
"Got your message. I'll tell him"
"Also tell him that he has an inspection coming on soon too. I expect Greed or Wrath the ones holding it"
"Right. Gotcha"
"You're a fine lad, Adam. Especially for being the Antichrist. Keep an eye on them when you can, please"
"I will"
"And try to go back home soon. Dog misses you a lot" she smiled some more, before sobering up "And so does a certain redheaded female…"
Adam blushed profusely "Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll be back soon"
"Take care" she hugged him lightly once more, before spreading her long white wings "now, I'm going back to Heaven, I'm afraid"
"Drop by to visit whenever you want"
"I might do that" she offered him a last secretive smile "just to check up onto those two"
And with that, she disappeared into the shadows of the night.
Meanwhile, in the tiny bedroom over a small bookshop, an angel and a demon laid, staring into each other's eyes "What are you thinking?" Crowley asked, placing one golden lock behind the ear of its owner.
"I always thought this would be… more romantic"
"It's not my fault, you know? Six millennia of repressed urges tends to do that"
"Six millennia?"
"Well, just because I didn't know what I exactly felt about you, doesn't mean I didn't want to…"
"Okay, too much information"
Crowley smirked evilly "I'm a demon, dear"
"I know" Aziraphale kissed him once again "And I wouldn't have it any other way"
"So, you won't try to change me again for another pretty goody-two-shoes Virtue?"
"You want to marry me?"
"Huh?"
"Well, I never really got to ask Annie. So I figured I would ask you"
"Nice. Really romantic"
"I thought you didn't like corniness"
"You know what? Just shut up and kiss me again"
And, just as Adam and Ana supposed, they went into 'newly wedds' mood all over again.
So… did you like it? I know I had fun writing it! (of course, it also diverted my attention of the things I should be truly doing; like my homework… or updating my other fics!)
Anyway, just a curious note. In my original version, Crowley was the one getting married. Then, I decided marriage would suit an angel better and also, I think most of the time is Crowley the one leading 'poor' 'unsuspecting' Aziraphale into a relationship so… well… anyway, I hope you liked it.
Let me know what you thought! And thanks for reading through! I'm awfully bad at writing one-shots…