I saved the little brat today. I was minding my own business, frolicking through the forest, when I saw my poker buddy harassing the cry baby. He stole my peanut last night when I wasn't looking. I took the opportunity to attack. I planned to get my peanut back by reaching into his mouth but I misjudged my strength and he cracked open like a watermelon.

"A vampire's shame." I said, "Stealing someone's peanut…" I added mentally.

While looking for my peanut, the little girl kept gawking at me. I found my peanut on the ground next to the brat. I leaned down to get it asking, "Are you all right?"

But that stupid brat grabbed my hand and a Edward the fairy stole my peanut and I never saw it again.

I wrote a poem.

Peanut, oh peanut, where hath thou fled?

My poker buddy stole you and now you are dead.

I avenged your death but, to my surprise, Little Edward Fairy took you, and I cries.

The little girl who took my hand lunged into my arms and looked into a place that was not supposed to be looked at. Then I heard music.

First Night

It seems I have been stolen from yet again. The Aidou boy used all my hair jell for his Kaname ice sculpture. Now my hair is atrocious! My hairs all flat and junk! (I think I'm turning gay) Everyone starred at me and my hideous hair while I talked to myself. Suddenly, the gate opened. I quickly put back on my wig.

When the doors opened all the ladies (and a few men) stood perfectly in line. Yuuki was smack dab in the middle of the walkway. Probably doing some hooker dance….

As the merchandise (me) walked down the path. Aidou started shooting all the girls. They thought he was kidding but he was really trying to kill them. He's a bit of a crack user.

I found a new peanut but it fell from my pocket and Yuuki's fat butt fell on it.

"Yuuki." I asked, trying to pull her off my peanut, "Are you alright?" I asked the peanut. Yuuki's bug eyes starred at me for the longest of time before she answered in my peanuts stead, "Yes!"

"Thank you for always working hard (to crush my peanut)." I said, sarcastically.

"Not at all." Yuuki replied. Not at all?! She doesn't work to kill my peanut?!!!!

"It's expected from a prefect!" She stood up. Oh, so now everyone's after peanuts?!!!

"Please don't be so formal (dumb) with me." I know what you want!!!!! "It makes me feel a bit lonely…" That you kill all my peanuts!!!!!!

"It's because you saved my life!" She explained. That you kill my peanuts?! You should be thankful, stupid girl!

"Don't worry about that anymore," I said and patted her head, looking for more peanuts, "about the past." WHEN YOU LET EDWARD TAKE MY PEANUT!!!!

Zero (the gay wad) grabbed my hand and glared. That loser wanted my peanut too!!!! Stupid prefects…

"Class is about to start, Kurly-senpai." Only I noticed that he purposely pronounced my name wrong.

"How scary." I said, walking away, "Mr. Prefect."

I was about to threaten him about my peanut's wrath when two humans ransacked me.

They shrieked little sounds and handed me a poison filled box and a flower.

"Thank you." I said, annoyed. I took the presents, never taking my eyes off Yuuki's boobs.

I heard Zero yelling as I left. I glanced back to see his inflated (infected) hand shacking at the girls.

The strange bat lady (Sirene) fell from the tree. "I'll carry that for you." she said. I gave it to her, not warning her about the poison, and went to class.

Nothing happened in class worth mentioning. Besides Aidou's drawings that I'll take and sell on eBay(or eDIE, as we call it) later. Shiki said something about how delicious Yuuki looked and I thought of how great it would be if they killed her. She's only delicious because she ate my peanuts!!!!

"Here, food." Rima said, tossing Shiki peanuts. He ate them like a dog. 'MY PEANUTS!' I thought, but kept my cool.

Ichijo and I were discussing porn when Yuuki came by. She overheard us and quickly ran away. I wanted to get my peanut but Ichijo held me back. We continued talking and walked on.

Later…

I was dancing through the woods again when I saw Aidou trying out his new make-out tactics that he had been using on Ichijo earlier. I noticed his victim was Yuuki. I wanted to help but my wig fell off. I started crawling around looking for it. I heard screams but ignored them. When I realized it wasn't on the ground I heard an evil laugh. The Edward Fairy took my wig! I chased him around.

When I finally caught him I put on my wig with one hand and kept him in the other. I walked up to the seen of the crime to see Zero taking control. I told him to drop the gun and that I'd beat up the fool for my own amusement later. I made something up about reporting him to the Headmaster when I was really going to drop kick him to Utah.

"Will that be all right, Kiryu-kun?" I asked. The vampire hunter scowled at me. The pussy begged me to take him away like a frightened little girl! ("Please take him, Kuran-senpai.")

"Kain," Orange top jumped, "Why did you not stop Aidou? You are also to blame."

Two tickets to Utah please! As if Kain heard my thoughts, he grunted. Blah, blah, blah, responsibility talk. Blah, blah, blah.

"I'm sorry for this frightening experience, Yuuki (I wish I could have done it myself)."

"Don't be. I was only bitten a little bit." But the peanuts were eaten whole!!! If I were Aidou, you'd be missing a arm! And a pruned body from blood loss! Zero took his prune away and I turned to the idiots to head back to the dorm. Aidou wet his pants from my gaze.

"Do you boys like Utah?" I asked, chuckling to myself.

"Huh?" They asked.

"Never mind. Let's go." They followed me back.

After talking with the Headmaster, I was told to suspend the boys for ten days. Later I heard Aidou talking to Kain.

"Kaname's peanut was better than I imagined! It was so worth pretending to harass Yuuki over!" Aidou said.

"If you say that out loud, the Dorm President will scold you again." Kain warned.

"I look forward to it! Kaname's wrath is so much fun! A sadistic vamp like me loved to mingle with that hunk! That peanut was so delicious… I just couldn't resist!"

"Hey!" Kain barked.

I walked in the room and backhanded Aidou.

"You JUST ATE MY PEANUT?!!!! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT BACK!!!!!!!"

"I apologize." Aidou whimpered.

"Wasn't that what you wanted?" I heard Kain tease as Aidou yelled for him to shut up. I went upstairs to my room and cries.

Peanut, oh peanut, where hath thou fled?

My poker buddy stole you and now you are dead.

I avenged your death but, to my surprise, Little Edward Fairy took you, and I cries.

The next day I got a new best friend. When Yuuki sat on him it was the end.

I rummaged through her hair for another, I hope it was no bother. (FOR ME!!!)

The following night Aidou ran away, I ran after him but my hair went astray.

Little Edward Fairy looked all hairy as he carry my wig.

When I found my wig, Aidou was being a pig, chewing on Yuuki.

I got tickets to Utah to send them away but, to my dismay, the Chairmen said "No way!"

At the end of the day I slapped Aidou silly and thought very hard about naming him Billy.

I cries.

I'll see you tomorrow, Diary! Love, Kami Bill Kuran.