Winter Song

"She loves me; I know she does!"

"Ha! If you listened to her for once in your miserable life, you would understand that she doesn't!"

"You obviously just want her for yourself! Open your eyes leech! She doesn't want you!"

"Seems like you're confusing me with yourself, Jacob!"

"I don't see why you can't just leave her alone! You're a fiancé stealing bastard, you know that?"

"Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!" Renesme screamed, dropping to her knees, clamping her hands over her ears.

Nahuel and Jacob had been at it; ever since she had refused Jacob's proposal on her birthday. She had openly admitted that she had fallen for Nahuel, who had been her best friend for years.

Jacob couldn't take it. He phased almost as soon as he had managed to get outside.

But now it was too much to handle; at least for Renesme.

"Renesme, are you alright?" the both of them shouted, before turning back to glare at one another. Nahuel lightly touched her shoulder, hoping not to scare her.

"Renesme," he whispered, "please tell me what's wrong. Please?" she lifted her face out of her hands; her face was tearstained.

"I just want you to stop fighting..." she pleaded, feeling like a little girl again. Nahuel nodded and left the kitchen. When Jacob reached out to her, Renesme flinched and darted from the kitchen.

She ran all the way to the cottage, tears blurring her sight. Arriving in her room, she immediately collapsed onto the bed, falling asleep easily.

The next day, Renesme was determined to fix the gap. As she wandered to the main house, the light sky made her confident that it was going to turn out okay.

"Morning, everyone," she murmured, smiling at everyone. Someone was missing.

"Where's Nahuel?" Renesme asked, feeling the room's tension build. Her mother drifted over to her, looking uneasy, but only barely.

"Renesme," Bella said cautiously, "After last night, Nahuel came to Carlisle and said that he believed you would be better off if he left. I'm sorry, dear, but he left almost as soon as you had."

Renesme felt like she had been hit by a train. Nahuel had left? He'd promised that he wouldn't leave; that he couldn't leave. So, it was her fault. Nahuel had chosen to leave because she had asked him and Jacob to make amends.

Nodding, Renesme grabbed her jacket and tugged it on, running back outside. She ran all the way to a clearing, not far from the far edge of the forest.

This was Nahuel's favorite place. She showed him here for lunch and it became his favorite thinking spot. Renesme had hoped that he was there, thinking; deciding.

There was no trace of him or his things, anywhere.

Finding the center of the clearing, Renesme laid down on her back. She stared up at the grey sky, waiting for the stinging tears to finally set themselves free.

Why did he have to go? She thought bitterly, feeling the icy November wind freezing the trails her tears had left. He didn't need to go. He didn't want to go.

He had told me himself! Her resolve and composure was shaken to its core. Nahuel had told that he didn't want to leave; he loved it too much here.

"Fine, then." Renesme said, thinking out loud now. "I'll wait here, for him. I'll come here every day until he does."

And that was that.

Bella watched out the window as her daughter rushed off into the woods. It was the middle of December and snow blanketed everything.

Saying that Bella was worried was an understatement. Renesme had become obsessed with the woods since Nahuel left. Bella almost felt it was her fault, being the one that delivered the news to her daughter. Carlisle said that it would take time for her to heal.

Bella wondered if there was enough time, even in their existence.

••

Renesme paced the clearing, feeling her fingers growing numb. Her jeans were dampening by the minute, and her boots were probably filled with snow.

She was convinced that Nahuel would return. She any want to miss that moment. It had only been a few weeks, but Renesme already understood the gravity of her undertaking. She believed firmly that, if she failed to return to the woods each day, Nahuel wouldn't come around.

He would give up, and pass her by.

Renesme knew that he was going to come back. And she would wait a lifetime or more for him.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Edward, where's Renesme?" Alice bounded over to her brother. He was sitting on the porch, gazing pensively out into the blooming trees. Seeing his expression, Alice sat down on the floor, leaning against his chair.

"Oh, I see..." Alice's voice turned meek, small even. She was hoping to tale her niece on a shopping trip, try to take her mind off of Nahuel, but Renesme had gotten away.

"She's like her mother isn't she?" Edward sighed.

"Distraught?" Alice looked at him, curious to what he was getting at. Edward smiled softly.

"Passionate, I guess..." the smile vanished as he glanced down at Alice.

She knew he was worried. It was April, 2 days from being May, and Renesme still insisted on venturing out into the forest. Unbeknownst to her, the whole practice was putting a strain on everyone.

Bella had become a borderline recluse. Edward hadn't touched the piano in months. Emmett and Jasper didn't go to Canada when they hunted anymore. Rosalie had become bitterer, even though Jacob had left a week after Nahuel did. Alice didn't even try to dress Renesme up anymore;

Alice Cullen actually allowed her niece to go through her days in jeans, button down shirts, canvas sneakers, and a ratty canvas jacket. This was appalling on any level, no question about it.

Only Carlisle and Esme were unconcerned. Carlisle maintained the belief that Renesme was doing this to heal; it was selfish, but there it was. Esme was just happy that, every so often, Renesme would sit down and eat maybe talk to her grandmother.

"It's going to take time." was Carlisle's mantra. Everybody hoped that he was right.

Renesme sighed as she struggled with the hem of her shirt. It was summer again and Alice had insisted that she repair all of Renesme's button-downs. Renesme knew that Alice was planning to toss all of the plaid shirts when she could, but wasn't going to fuss about it. It wasn't like the shirts mattered to her.

So, here she was, in a flowing pale blue halter, jeans, and her worn canvas sneakers. Alice had insisted that she wear something different, for the first time in months. Renesme could've cared less about clothes.

She just wanted to be in the clearing. It was her home away from home and had been for almost a year now. She spent all her days there, talking out loud to Nahuel; well, her mind's version of Nahuel. As she talked, she wondered if Nahuel could hear her, wherever he was these days.

Most days, though, she would lie flat on her back and watch the clouds swim in the sky. It at least brought her a bit of a smile.

Sometimes, Renesme wondered if she returned to the clearing for Nahuel or to escape the looks she got from her family. They were concerned, protective, and treated her like she would have a psychotic breakdown at any second.

"It's funny, Nahuel." Renesme smiled, blushing "I think that I'm focused on everything, but at the same time, nothing at all. Do you get what I'm saying? ... Of course, you do. You always do."

She went on like this until night fell.

"Happy birthday, Renesme!" Esme smiled when the young girl stumbled into the kitchen, already fully dressed.

"Oh yea," Renesme whispered, "Thank you for reminding me, Esme." she smiled, but Esme's faded totally. The girl didn't even remember that today was her birthday. Esme wondered if she still was all there.

After Renesme ate and wandered back into the woods, Esme sped up to Carlisle's study.

"Esme, love, what's wrong?" Carlisle asked as soon as she walked in. She turned and looked at him with sad eyes.

"It's Renesme, isn't it?" Carlisle answered his own question. Esme nodded. If she could've cried, she would've been a royal mess at this point.

"She's forgotten her birthday, Carlisle. That poor girl has forgotten her 18th birthday." Esme was miserable. "Are you sure that she's healing still?"

"I'm not sure at all Esme..." She looked up in surprise. He stared at the floor, disappointed. She hadn't seen him unsure about anything for many years.

"What can you do for her?" Esme pleaded, softly, touching his cheek. Carlisle looked her in the eyes.

"I'm not sure, but I have options." Carlisle admitted, "If we could get her to agree to try some, I could see what I can do."

"And what about Edward and Bella?" Esme asked out of curiosity. Carlisle sighed.

"They'll be fine, love." He gave a small smile, "why don't you go check in on them?" Esme nodded and smiled softly.

"I'll go stop by the cottage with Rosalie later..."

"That's my girl..." Carlisle whispered, brushing her lips lightly.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

Renesme sat in the clearing, counting the leaves as they fell around her. She was thinking about what Esme had said this morning. Was it really her birthday? She was surprised she couldn't remember. She was half expecting to come home to a party today.

"So, Nahuel, I'm 18 today." Renesme muttered, "What do you think about loving an older woman, huh?" She sighed as a breeze ruffled her hair.

"Did you really think I had forgotten that you're only 17?" She laughed, grinning. "You'll always be the older one, in spirit that is..." laying back on the leaves, she gazed up into the once-more grey sky.

"You would think it would tire of being so grey here all the time..." Renesme imagined Nahuel saying.

That was the fine line between insanity and what her mind was floating in currently. Renesme had come to terms that she was not, in fact, talking to Nahuel, but to an imaginary friend, of sorts.

Either way, she was comfortable with whatever she threw at herself.

"October 19th, the day I officially lost my mind..." Renesme mused, bitterly.

If he was coming, today would have been a good day to do so...

••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Renesme, wait!" Edward called. In mid-stride, he watched his daughter stop and turn, her eyes wide like a child's.

"What is it?" She called back.

"You forgot the medicine, sweetie." nodding sharply, Renesme raced back to the house, where Carlisle was waiting with a bottle.

Carlisle smiled at her and held out a small pill. "Swallow this, please."

"What'll it do?" Renesme asked, skeptically. This was the weekly ritual since Carlisle decided to try to help her out. She complied, even though she knew she couldn't be helped.

"It's just a simple relaxer. Calm down your thoughts." sighing heavily, Renesme went and stuck her head under the kitchen faucet, getting enough water to swallow the tiny tablet.

Racing out into the center of the clearing, Renesme looked around with wild eyes. Alice had had a vision right as she left; a small feeling that someone or something will be visiting that day.

Then she proceeded with her rituals: checking the tree tops and underbrush before collapsing onto the ground.

It was early December, but anything more than a few flurries had yet to fall. The ground was cold, hard, and pretty uncomfortable, but Renesme didn't really mind.

"It's been a year, and your still not back. It's also been a year since Jacob left. He also hasn't come back..." Renesme started Talmud to herself, totally relaxed.

"I think it's funny, you both left because you thought I would be better off. Take a look at me, Nahuel... Do I look better off to you?"

"Alright then, it seems you're right. I'm only pretending to be insane, but there is another thing that I want you to know..."

"You want to know what else is funny. I think I'm in love with you. I can't comprehend if I am in love with you or if I just feel it, but... Yes, that's all it is... I think I'm in love with Nahuel." Renesme sighed, shutting her eyes. She felt a little bit of closure, being able to admit it to herself. It still didn't feel right.

Deciding that she was frozen enough, Renesme stood and began to stroll outbid the clearing.

"I'm sorry, but I think I missed that last part." Renesme spun. Nahuel was standing at the opposite end of the clearing. Standing still, in a shock, Renesme rolled up her jacket sleeve and shut her eyes tight. Pinching her forearm, extra hard, she told herself that it was those meds. They were toying with her.

Opening her eyes again, she was astonished.

"You really are here, aren't you?" Renesme asked, completely surprised. In a split second, he was in front of her, smiling.

"I tried to leave, but you've been with me everywhere I've gone." He replied, "I never really left, if you think about it, Renesme."

Renesme was floating on Cloud 9. Nahuel had come back, just like Alice had predicted (not that Alice was ever wrong...).

"Now, what was that you said again?" Nahuel murmured, holding her hands in his. Renesme blushed furiously and looked down a little.

"I said, I think I love you, Nahuel..." She whispered. He smirked, leaning in a bit. Their noses were touching and Renesme was trying as hard as possible to keep her breathing normal.

"Well, then, I think I love you too." Nahuel grinned, moving just barely, and kissed her lightly.

Renesme thought she had died and gone to heaven. Her head was swimming as Nahuel lightly moved his lips against her. Her legs were shaking, but she leaned in to Nahuel.

Smiling into the kiss, Nahuel could feel Renesme's body pressing into his. He held onto her, fearing that if he let go for a second, she would slip away. He had missed her immensely the year that he'd been gone. He had thought that, without him, maybe the beautiful Renesme could find happiness; even if it meant he would pine for her all of eternity.

But, isn't that what you do if you truly love someone?

••••••••••••••••••••••••

Rosalie was watching the forest, waiting for her niece to return. It'd been almost 5 hours since had left. She was resisting turnouts to hunt her down for another ten minutes.

"Rose, you gotta sit down, babe." Emmett told her, rubbing her shoulders.

"I can't, Em. Something just doesn't feel right." Rosalie looked up at him sadly. Renesme had been odd after Nahuel left. Distraught, and obsessed with the boy that had left for her own good.

It was like the Edward-Bella fiasco; that seemed like a million years ago now.

Rosalie was turning away from the window when she saw 2 people emerge from the woods. Renesme was laughing and tugging Nahuel towards the house.

"Alice, Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Everybody! Get down her, quick!" Rosalie shouted, excitedly. Within a second, the entire family was down in the living room.

"Oh my goodness!" Alice squealed happily, bouncing on her toes near Jasper.

"Alice, I seriously owe you." Edward grinned, happy to see his daughter, finally happy.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

Author's note:

Hiya everybody!

Sorry this took so long, it was a bear to write. I really wanted to write it, thought. The story is based on Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michelson. It's a beautiful song and speaks of love in the purest, truest form. The lines I drew a lot of inspiration from were:

"This is my winter song/ December never felt so wrong" AND "my love a beacon in the night/ my words will be your light/ to carry you to me"

So, I hope you enjoyed!

Carie Lea