Hi everyone. This is my new fanfic, my other one 'My love do not bleed' is on hold. Any feed back is appreciated and will be taken on board. So give your opinion and tell if you want it to continue. Love you all
Disclaimer: Own no one execpt Kyle and friends.
Song: Tears don't fall- Bullet for my Valintine.
Everybody's Fool- Evanesence.
Tears don't fall.
Atemu
Fall from Grace
Wrapping my split knuckle in a pristine bandage Grandpa sighed dramatically. I rolled my eyes, gingerly touching my busted lip. Everyone made such a big deal out of the swings I got at the bully. Teachers made it sound as though I'd killed him. But other than a few bruises he'd be fine. No lasting injuries. I'm good, but I'm not barbaric. I can moderate the force behind my blows. Tired of his usual victims, he turned to me to torment. At first I ignored him, Yugi standing close to me, asking me to keep my cool. I kept it up until he decided it would be fun to trip me up. I landed gracefully, sighed and slammed my fist unforgiving into his spotted, ugly face. Yugi wasn't there so I didn't care. He hit the floor instantly, wildly punching up, that flaying hand catching my lip. The skin separated instantly, blood flowing out and I hit him again. Full of rage, hurt, confusion and a million other emotions that had nothing to do with him I was unstoppable. It took Mr Andrews, Jou and Seto to get me off the whimpering, pathetic child on the floor. Held in their iron grip, I regarded the boy I'd just beaten up and felt oddly satisfied. Everyone else was shocked into silence, usually I'm quiet. I'm not an attention seeker but I will fight for what I believed in. Right then, I believed the boy before me deserved to be taken down a peg or two. Humiliation seemed like a good idea. Still burning with anger I turned around and spat an insult at Mr Andrews, my sweaty PE teacher. I can't remember the exact words used, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. He went red faced and nearly wrenched my arm of dragging me to the principal's office. School called home. Grandpa picked me up from school, anger on his face. That's how I ended up here. Sat in the kitchen, bandages and a bowl of crimson tinted water on the table. A very annoyed man opposite me.
"Yami. What on earth was going through your head when you hit that boy?" He asked
"It's Atemu." I corrected
"Atemu. Answer the question."
"I was provoked. I merely protected myself."
"If he had hit you I would've brought that. He tripped you up and threw a few weak insults at you. You had no right to hit him. You could've hurt him." He patronised me. I growled and ripped my hand away from him, leaving the bandage trailing.
"Sure, THAT time he tripped me up and insulted me. NEXT time HE could've punched ME. Then you would be asking me why I didn't defend myself. I would only be able to answer that I didn't want to do him injury and I would rather myself was hurt than a boy trying to be a man. WHEN the knife came, you would want me to say 'please, put the knife down and let's discuss this like civilised human beings' and when he stabs me I'll say 'Oh darn. At least I tried to defuse the situation through words. My family must be so pleased that I remained just in my final act and the boy wasn't hurt. Now, no one knows he did it AND he can go on to stab someone else. But that doesn't matter! Because he's walking around without a scratch on him!"
"Atemu. Calm down!"
"Would you rather I was hurt? Is that what you wanted? Want me to go back and say 'Hi. Yes it's the guy who beat you up. Fancy a swing? Make my family proud."
"Atemu!"
"Believe me. I had no intentions of seriously harming the boy. My anger ran away with me and I couldn't control it."
"Yes. I see that." Grandpa took my hand again, smoothing the fabric over the swollen joints "You know full well that I don't want to see you hurt. You and Yugi are the two most important people to me. I am pleased that you were able to defend yourself but I still think you should've been able to restrain yourself better than you did. I do not want to be called back to the school because you've been involved in a fight and insulted the teachers."
"Yes sir."
He sighed and let go of my hand. I hastily placed it in my lap, wincing as I bit down on my tender lip. I didn't look up, allowing my body to slump. I had no energy left to smile and hold myself proud and regal.
"Atemu, you seem very depressed lately. You're getting into trouble more often at school. I've found the detention slips that you've forged my signature on. You're very good at it. At home you spend a lot of your time in your room, your music is...how shall I put it...deep. You hardly talk to Jou and the others anymore. You're even spending less time with Yugi. What's going on?"
"School doesn't agree with me."
"Fine. School isn't for everyone. What about Yugi and friends?"
"I don't feel much like socialising anymore."
"Why?"
"I don't fit in anymore. Never did."
"Why not?"
"Just don't."
-Flashback-
Sitting quietly outside Yugi's room, I had my heart in my mouth. Jou was with him, discussing school. They hadn't included me in their conversation, choosing instead to hurry into Yugi's room. I have to admit that hurt, I felt replaced. But I lingered outside, I had wanted to show Yugi how my writing had improved. Wanted him to be proud of me. But leaning against his door, clutching my school note book, I wished I'd never had the idea.
"Hey, Jou. You hear about that guy? The one who openly admitted he was gay?" Yugi asked, his usually innocent voice was coloured with distaste.
"No. What happened?"
"Someone called him a faggot and he lost it. Something along the lines of 'Yes, I love another boy. Is that really so wrong?' Everyone went mad. I heard he got beaten up and had to leave school because of bullying."
"Ouch. Well...he shouldn't say that in school."
"Exactly what I thought. Announce it like that and people will talk."
"What do you think about gays?"
"Well...I don't like it. It does seem wrong. I can't imagine kissing another boy."
"I know. Yeesh. At least our friends are straight. Wouldn't know what to do, if one of them wasn't."
"They'd be treated differently, that much I know."
I didn't wait around any longer. I left them alone. My mind a lot cloudier. My heart heavier. An almost unbearable weight on my shoulders.
-End Flashback-
"This isn't a healthy attitude you've got now."Grandpa informed me, snapping me out of the past. I scowled "Tomorrow, you're going to school and apologising to Mr Andrews. You will also find the boy you beat up and apologise."
"I will do nothing of the sort. All right, Mr Andrews didn't deserve it, I recognise I was wrong there. But I will not apologise to that bully when he started it. Because of me he won't hurt anyone else. You want me to give him back his power?"
"Power! Atemu! This has nothing about power! You hurt a boy much weaker than you, someone who doesn't have you abilities. It-."
"MY ABILITIES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I WOULD NEVER USE MY SHADOW MAGIC AGAINST ANOTHER PERSON! I WON'T EVEN USE IT AGAINST BAKURA OR MALIK! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF THAT!"
"A-Atemu!" Grandpa stammered
"I would never endanger another person with my !"
"Atemu! All right! I believe you."
I calmed, fists I didn't remember clenching uncurled. I was surprised at the uncontrolable anger flaming through me. The link was noticably silent, strained, afraid. I shrugged away the fact that Yugi had been affected by my anger and that shocked me further.
"Atemu,you're becoming hard to deal with. I can't understand why you're so angry. You keep pushing us away. I don't know what to do." Grandpa sighed, steepling his fingers over his nose.
Those were the words that left his mouth but not the words I heard.
"I don't want you here. You're a burden. So uncontrolable and wild. I'm just thinking of an excuse to kick you out."
These were the words I heard. I leant back in the chair, folding my arms over my chest.
"I'm so sorry, Mr Mouto.Forgive me for being so thoughtless." I sneered
"Enough of that attitude young man. Don't be immature."
I gave an undignified snort and showed him how immature I could be. I let lose a string of egyptian curses, he understood every word and I worked hard to keep the smug smirk of my face. A cold, netural mask fixed itself to my face. It fitted perfectly, moulded to the shape of my face, I felt no need to remove it. I shoved my chair back and rose from the table. Grandpa followed my movements rising when I did. I darted for the stairs, shooting into my bedroom and slamming the door behind me. Grandpa's fists hammered against the door moments later, drilling my resentment and confusion into me. The heavy paper weight on my desk was suddenly hurled toward the door before I even realised it was in my hand.
"ATEMU! OPEN THIS DOOR! WE NEED TO TALK!" Grandpa hollered
"Leave me alone!"
"I won't until we talk!"
"Go away, you fool!"
The hands retreated and I squashed down my guilt relentlessly. When the old man's footsteps echoed against the stairs, I threw myself onto my bed. Growling, I flipped myself onto my stomach and dug down the side of my bed, retriving my note book. Words seemed to be the only way to express myself now. I wished I had it in school today. I iched for it, Iwas tempted to use my school exercise book. But I didn't. I snatched a pen from the floor, pouring over the words appearing on the page in fury and uncertinaty.
With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping There's always something different going wrong Your tears don't fall The moments died, I hear no screaming There's always something different going wrong Your tears don't fall Oh! Yeah! This battered room I've seen before Lets go Would she hear me if i called her name? There's always something to be going wrong Your tears don't fall Your tears don't fall they crash around me
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall [tears don't fall]
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come
Better!
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home.
My mind wondered and the pen fell limp. I drifted into uneasy slumber.
The front door slamming stirred me back into consciousness. I glanced at the clock, school was over. Yugi was home. My second lecture was due. Their raised voices reached me with a furious passion.
"Grandpa? What's wrong with you?"
"Atemu was sent home early today. He started a fight with a boy."
"Oh, dear."
"The boy wasn't badly hurt. I tried to calm him but I think I only made the problem worse. He turned everything against me."
"I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you."
"He knew exactly what he was doing. God, he's so angry and bitter. I'm at the end of my tether! How am I supposed to cope with him if he's expelled?"
I didn't listen anymore. I pounded down the stairs, making my presence known, the voices stopped immediately. I glanced at Yugi as I headed for the door. He was still in his uniform, shirt messily tucked in, backpack thrown in one corner. Something in me ached for him but I turned it down. Emotions have no home in a Pharaoh. I continued for the door.
"Yami! Wait!" Yugi cried.
I turned slightly "It's Atemu."
He paused, surprise lighting up his eyes. I took the opportunity to close the door in his face.
It was late when I returned home. I dropped my keys on the table and headed to the fridge, pulling out a bar of chocolate and a can of beer. Closing the door revealed two furious amethyst eyes. I met them with a steely gaze, unblinking, emotionless. Just how I was supposed to be.
"Yes?" I questioned, breaking the seal on the can and lifting it to my lips.
"Where did you go?"
"Out."
"Why?"
"I wanted too."
"Meet anyone?"
"What is this, twenty questions?"
He scowled at me; I leant back against the counter, watching Yugi trying to throw an insult back at me.
"You upset Grandpa, you know?"
"I am aware of that. I heard the conversation you had earlier."
"Why did you start that fight?"
"I didn't start it, I finished it."
"How'd you get that?"
"I have explained it to your grandfather. I was provoked and I could not control my anger."
"That's crap and you know it."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're evil and harsh!"
His words hurt me a lot but outwardly I expressed no emotion. I let nothing past. The mind link wasn't fooled and a tremble of guilt rattled toward me. I gave a vicious shove at the emotion and slammed the link shut. Yugi's eyes betrayed his hurt.
"And you're useless." I snarled
The words spoken by both of us, hung in the air between us. With his head bowed, Yugi turned away from me. Ah, there was that familiar emotion. Loneliness, my old friend.
-Flashback-
There was two of them, two hikari's. Hidden from Bakura but not from me. Surrounded by trees and bushes, laughing children darted about, innocent and free. There was me, shrouded in darkness and shadows.
"Is something the matter, Yugi?" Ryou asked gently
A deep sigh erupted from the smaller boy. "It's Yami."
"What about him?"
"He's so....different. Sometimes it's like I'm talking to a brick wall! He just doesn't care."
That hurt....a lot. A branch I didn't remember grasping snapped in my hand. The fractured end dug into my palm. I threw it away from me in disgust.
"He's difficult, isn't he?"
"Yeah. Unpredictable."
There's a third memory burned into me. Things that I could've lived without but things I chose not to.
A boy and a girl, framed by the dying sunlight. The shadows had already reached me, my blood eyes hidden.
"I swear, that boy!" Anzu fumed
"Who?"
"Pharaoh Atemu, he's so unreliable!"
Yugi nodded. "I know he is. He's changed his name! A few weeks ago he was Yami!"
"Even Bakura's more reliable than him!"
"Yeah."
"Well, there's one thing you gotta admire."
"What's that?"
"He turned down death."
I think then....when they were trying to change me....was when I really started to rebel.
-End flashback-
The next morning, sleep had not come to me. The entire night, sleep had evaded me, danced on the edge of my pillow and come within teasing distance but it was ungraspable. I slipped downstairs earlier than usual. I sat in the dimly lit living room, dressed in black, watching the figures on the TV prance across the screen. Turning slightly, I caught my reflection in the mirror. Pale skin, soulless red eyes and heavy dark circles under them. Just a phantom. Mr Mouto and Yugi trooped downstairs, each giving me glares. I ignored them, trying to lose myself in the program. A bowl of water logged, mushy cereal was set in front of me. I shoved it away from me without even a glance, there was an exasperated sigh and the bowl was removed.
"Stubborn ass." Yugi whispered under his breath
"Brat." I shot back
His expression almost made me apologise.....almost. He sat down opposite me, with a scowl on his face. Grandpa hurried around, grabbing objects and shoving them into his bag.
"I'm going to the museum boys. Have a good day at school. Atemu, behave."
I nodded in response. Yugi bounded to the door and waved goodbye to his grandfather. He returned to stand in front of me, arms folded across his chest. He regarded each other with hostile glares.
"What happened to you, Atemu?" He whispered
I shrugged, never taking my eyes of the TV.
"I give up! You're a nightmare!"
"That I am."
The doorbell rang and Yug jumped up to answer it.
"Hi, Jou!"
"Hey, Yugi."
"Let's go to school."
"What about Atemu?"
"He wants to walk on his own."
"Is he sure?"
"Yes, he's sure. Let's go."
"All right."
Then, they were gone. I turned the TV of with a frustrated growl. I left the house, with no intentions of going to school. They'd be angry. But what they know can't hurt them.
I prowled the streets, paying no notice to my ringing phone. Shop windows and people passed like a daydream. I could pin down nothing. There was nothing! Without thinking about it, I slipped down onto a bench and bowed my head. I felt the gentle presence of someone sitting beside me. But I pushed that away.
"You look like a man on a mission." A faintly accented voice said
I turned to meet the green eyes of a man a few years older than me. I leant away from him but felt that I could trust him. Slung over one shoulder was a guitar. He was surprisingly handsome.
"Yeah. Something like that." I answered
"I'm Kyle." He extended his hand
I grasped his hand "Atemu."
"Nice."
I nodded. He slid the strap of his shoulder and stretched out beside me.
"How old are you, kid?" He asked, running his gaze over me
"Seventeen." I answered, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze.
"Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Don't like school. It's a waste of my time."
"Agree with you there."
I chuckled.
"Cute and badass." He mumbled
I smiled, relaxing. He nodded in approval.
"You seem so tense. It's not right for such a young man."
"Yeah."
"Something on your mind?"
"If there was, I wouldn't tell you."
"Why not?"
"I just met you. You could be a madman for all I know."
"Very wise."
"I don't take sweets from strangers either." I joked, watching his reaction carefully.
His eyes lit up at my rather weak joke.
"Not even from attractive, rather cocky strangers?"
"Especially from attractive, cocky strangers."
He laughed. "You're all right, kid."
"You play?" I pointed to his guitar
"Yup. Part time in a club."
"Can I hear?"
"Do I get paid?"
"If I like it."
"Fair enough."
He pulled the instrument toward him, strumming the strings. A melody I didn't know sounded out around us. I found myself humming along to it.
"Nice." He commented
I gave a small smile. I glanced down at my watch and sighed.
"I gotta go." I said hesitantly.
"Oh, all right then."
I turned to walk away.
"Hang on." He seized a pen and grabbed my hand. He hurriedly wrote a series of number on my hand. "My number. Call me. Even if you just need to talk."
"I'll consider it."
I rose and left, walking back toward the house. Back to where my heart was lying shredded at a small boy's feet.
"ATEMU –WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS-! GET HERE RIGHT NOW!" Kiaba shouted
The front door hadn't even had the chance to close. I groaned, shoving my inky hand in my pocket. I strode toward them, with my head held high and pride beside me. I got a shock when I entered the living room and came across Yugi, Jou and Kiaba.
"Sit right there Mr." Jou growled
Wordlessly, I crept across and sat where he pointed. I kept my face carefully neutral.
"Is there something you want?"
"I'll say." Jou mumbled
"Oh yeah?"
"I know that you cut class today. No one knew where you are." Kiaba informed me.
"And?"
"Why?"
"Does there have to be a reason?"
"Of course!"
"Fine, ok. How's this? I didn't want to go in, because it is a waste of time."
"Atemu." Yugi groaned "You're not eating or sleeping either. What's wrong with you?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"You know I don't believe you."
"I'm fully aware of that. But there is nothing wrong with me."
Yugi grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, funny; I didn't even remember turning away. He looked straight into my eyes, while I tried to avoid his.
"Please, stop lying to me. What wrong?" He asked
"It's you." I whispered
"What?"
"Oh, make sense. You senile old Pharaoh!" Kiaba snarled
I winced, before anger grew in me like a wild thing. I looked back up and the lights flickered.
"It's you! All of you! You don't talk to me but you think I can't hear!" I yelled. There was stunned silence, while I continued to yell. "You don't even think about what I want! You call me all the names you can think off and HOPE I don't hear! You just don't care!"
"Atemu." Yugi gasped "I don't understand you."
"God damnit, Yugi! I love you!"
The words left my mouth and I wanted to die.
There was three stunned faces looking at me, Yugi's face was paling rapidly and I couldn't look at him.
"Atemu....I...we...no...but..."
I never saw Jou's fist ploughing toward me. I felt it though; it knocked me off balance and sent me crashing into the glass top table. It shattered beneath me, slicing my jaw and neck. I gave a cry of shock as blood started to weep from the cuts. Jou grabbed my shirt collar, yanking me toward him.
"Faggot." He growled before letting me fall back to the table.
He grabbed hold of Yugi and Kiaba and headed toward the door. I did nothing to stop them. I couldn't even pick myself up from the floor. They left and the slamming door rippled through me. Grandpa returned home and gasped as he came across me sitting in what used to be his glass table. I couldn't even look at him. He dabbed at my neck, mumbling kind words, calling me clumsy.
"Only you could fall over a table." He mumbled.
I didn't retort. I was dead inside.
"Thank you Mr Mouto." He seemed to realise that I didn't call him that out of spite. It was out of shame.
He was finished, I ran upstairs. Humiliation and anger burning through me. Hurt made the link slam shut. There was a buzzing in my mind but I put that down to a ringing in my head. I threw myself down, face first onto the bed, tugging a pillow over my head. How could I have been so stupid? HOW?! In a moment of panic, I grabbed my mobile and dialled Kyle's number.
"Hello, Kyle Birch speaking."
"Kyle? It's Atemu."
"Hey, kid. What's up?"
"I've done a really silly thing and I don't know how to make it better."
"Slow down, Até. Right, now explain to me what you've done."
"Oh, you're gonna hate me, but they hate me here, so I have nothing to lose."
"Stop it. Tell me what you've done and I'll make my own mind up."
"I told my friend that I loved them."
"And?"
"He's a guy. Our-his- other friends were round and they were yelling at me and I lost it. One of them hit me and....oh god...what do I do?"
"Easy. It's all right. I don't hate you. Someone hit you? Oh Até, I'm sorry. Only you can decide what you're going to do."
".....I can't stay here. But I have nowhere to go too."
"Come with me. I'm leaving town anyway. Gonna hit the road and find a new place. Wanna come?"
Did I actually have a place here anymore? No. Not anymore.
"YES!"
"All right, let's blow this joint! Meet you at the bench, ok?"
"Be there in a few hours!"
"Awesome. Oh and Atemu....I would never hate you because of that."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
He hung up and quickly so did I. Yugi returned and ignored me. Swiftly my plan was set into action. I crept into Yugi's room; he'd dozed off, lounging on his bed. I allowed myself a small smile. I walked slowly toward him, hesitant, afraid.
"Goodbye, Yugi. Always my aibou."
I leant forward and briefly touched my lips to his. Then I left. The puzzle and a fresh sheet of song lyrics were left on my desk.
I should cry........ But tears don't fall.
Perfect by nature Never was and never will be Look here she comes now Never was and never will be Without the mask, where will you hide? I know the truth now It Never was and never will be It never was and never will be
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Can't find yourself lost in your lie
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool