Title: "Help Wanted"
By: Lexie Summary: Xander needs a new secretary and Buffy just happens to be available. Chaos ensues.
Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Buffy. If I did BX would have happened long long ago and would probably be married by now and there would have been at least two Xander's in every episode since there's twins that I could use. Two Xander's is always a good in my book. But anyways Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and who ever else, owns everything Buffy related. Not me no matter how much I wish for two Xander's.
Rating: PGish Category: Humor/Romance

A/N: Dedicated to Brooke and Shawn:)

A/N 2: Line break means changing of POVs.

"Help Wanted"

Xander pulled his blue Explorer up into the driveway just as the first few raindrops began to spill from the bleary gray sky. Xander couldn't help but think that this was the perfect ending for his day. This day could go down in the books as "Xander's day from Hell".

As he trudged towards the house he thought about how his life came to this day. All in all life had been going pretty great for him. After Buffy defeated the first, life did as it always does at the end of every May and simply went back to normal. Or as normal one could be living in Sunnydale. Only except this time everyone in the Scooby Gang pretty much left Sunnydale in order to build the new Watcher's Council.

Giles and Andrew were currently in the UK setting up new headquarters there. They took all of the Slayers-in-Training with them to continue training them. Faith and Robin where roaming around the country in search for little slayers and sending them directly to Giles to be put under his supervision. After the whole first slayer fiasco, Willow and Giles agreed it would be best if they could learn all they could about the origins of the slayer.

So Willow, with the help of Kennedy, got a team up and were in Africa studying "really neat old stuff", as Willow had called it the last time he talk to her on the phone. All seemed to be fairly busy with their new assignments and yet all seemed to be happy and well.

The only ones left were Buffy, Dawn, and himself. Dawn decided that she wanted to finish out high school and basically wanted to be a normal teenager. She wanted to gossip on the phone with her friends, stress over tests, go to dances, and suffer through biology like the rest of them. Except she vowed to not blow up her school like her older sister did.

When Dawn made her feelings known about wanting to stay in Sunnydale, Buffy made a decision to stay behind and watch her little sister grow up. She decided she had had enough of fighting wanna be slayers for bathrooms, trying to get blood stains out of her clothes, or trying to explain why she had two blown up high schools on her record. She simply wanted to live again. She didn't want to be on the other side of the world while her sister was going to her senior prom. So Buffy retired her stakes.

One thing that Buffy learned about herself last year was that she really did enjoy counseling at SDH. She says she loves the feeling of helping someone or just listening to them when they need her. So she decided to make a career of it. She officially became a Sunnydale University student again the fallowing fall.

Xander was really proud of his girls. They were both doing well in school. Buffy had just plowed through her first year at school and was getting her degree in psychology. Dawn will be a senior in high school next year and will be graduating in the top of her class. The Summers girls finally got the hang of the whole school thing.

As for why he stayed in Sunnydale, well he simply couldn't picture any where else he wanted to be. Before Buffy announced her decision to the group, he and Buffy sat down one night and had a long discussion about everyone's future. She told him about Dawn wanting to stay behind and what it would mean if she were to leave her little sister behind. She discussed her thoughts about retiring from the slayer world.

Xander could have not agreed with Buffy more. He too wanted those things for Dawn, Buffy, and even himself. So that night Xander made the decision to stay behind and also watch Dawnie grow.

After Anya's death, living alone in his apartment was unbearable and he always found himself at Buffy's. Buffy must have noticed this and asked him one day to bring the rest of his stuff on over and officially call it home.

"Home sweet home" he said as he was walking in the front door. The first thing he noticed when he stepped in, was the smell of the HoneyDew Melon Candle he had bought Buffy the weekend before at the mall. She told him she didn't like the fragrance of all of Willow's magic candles. Plus, she was always a little worried to light one up for the fear of accidentally saying the wrong thing around it and then Bam! there goes an innocent by standards body part! You could never be too safe with magic, Giles always said. Thinking of his luck with magic and more importantly his own body parts, he quickly bought Buffy a 24 pack of non-magical candles. Plus, he really did love how her face would light up when he would surprise her with little things like that.

The first thing he noticed when he stepped into the house was the sound of the TV and the faint voices of Buffy and Dawn coming from the living room. He was happy that they were both home because he could finally get some sympathy for his bad day.

With that thought he headed towards the living room with a purpose.
Once in there he saw that Dawn was laying back in the recliner, with the remote in hand, flipping channels. Buffy was standing by the window watching the rainfall. Xander made his entrance known with a loud sigh and dramatically flopping on the couch, taking up the whole expanse of the couch with his flailed out arms and legs.

No one seemed to notice his grand entrance because Buffy continue staring out the window and Dawn just kept on flipping. So he sighed loudly again. And again the girls didn't take note of his distress state. He tried once more but this time put a small whimper in there for effect.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Not even a "what's wrong Xander?" Here he was sprawled out on the couch after having his day in hell and they didn't even look his way once. How dareth they! They were suppose to come running the moment he let his distress known! They were supposed to make it all better with hugs and massages. All the while wearing short skirts and tight t-shirts. Preferably it being Buffy wearing the short skirt and tight t-shirt, little Dawnie of course would be decently clothed but would have a tall glass of ice tea and a box of Twinkies in hand to make up for it. But what were they doing? Ignoring him! So this time he made a loud moan and flailed his legs and arms again. They couldn't possibly ignore that!

Dawn just glared at the TV harder and turned the volume up more.

"Aren't you even going to ask how my day was! Man, you guys are much more supportive and caring in my mind."

"You're day? What about my day? This is the first day of my glorious summer and what does it do? It rains! This summer officially sucks" Buffy announced from her position at the window. She could feel Xander's annoyed glare on her back. "Fiiiinnne how was your day Xander?"

"Why thank you for asking Buffy! I had the most horrible day. It all started off this morning when, Edna my secretary, called in saying she was quiting and moving to Florida. Apparently Florida has something to offer senior citizens that a construction site in California doesn't. So then all day I..."

"Wait a minute." Dawn interrupted. "Isn't Edna the one you are always whining about being mean to you?"

Xander scoffed at her. "I do not whine!" Off the "yeah right" look that Dawn was giving him, he sat up on the couch and turned to Buffy. "Do I whine Buffy?"

Buffy turned her head towards the two of them and raised her eyebrow. She suddenly felt like she was walking in a minefield with the attention on her answer. "Umm. I wouldn't call it whining. You sometimes pout when you talk and it makes you're voice sound all high pitched...like a whine, but not quite."

"Ha!" Xander turned back to Dawn with a cocky grin on his face. "Thank you Buff. See I don't whine..." suddenly he thought about what Buffy said and a confused look came over his face and he cocked his head to the side. "Wait a minute...Hey!"

Before he could turn back to Buffy, Dawn brought his attention back to the subject before hand. "Xander, continue on with you're story about old Edna moving to Florida"

"Oh yeah" Xander continued on "Anyways, Edna quit and now I am short one secretary. In fact it was the only secretary I had. So today the office was a mad house. I had to do all the photocopying myself. The coffee machine wouldn't work right. I had to answer the phones and direct them to where they needed to be. And do you know how hard it is to check your messages in your message box if you don't have the code to get into it! Because I was so busy doing office work I didn't get a chance to go out to the site and tell my men about the changes the company wants to make from the original plan. So then they didn't know what they were suppose to do or not to do and now they have to go back and change the stuff they accomplished today, thus putting us behind. It was complete utter chaos. And to top it all off some guy named Barney ate my lunch!"

"Wow that's intense" Dawn dead panned. "So what are you going to do now that you don't have a secretary?"

Xander sighed and rested his head against the back of the couch. "I guess I'll have to find a new one."

Upon hearing this Buffy turned away from the window suddenly interested in the conversation.

"I hate hiring people. You have to go through all that awkward interviewing with answering weird pointless questions. Except now I will be on the other side of the desk asking the weird pointless questions." Xander said while reminiscing about some of the many awkward job interviews he had been on in his time.

Buffy stood behind him with a slow grin appearing on her face. She was out of school for the summer and for the first time in 3 months she was able to work. She desperately needed the money. Last time she heard, Xander pays his secretaries pretty well. How hard could being a secretary be? Answer a few phones, do some typing, and make some coffee. Couldn't be that hard, right? Besides this was Xander here. He was the sweetest guy in the world and he was her best friend. This couldn't be better.

Buffy rushed around the couch and plopped down right beside Xander. She grabbed his hand and held it in hers. "Oh Xander! That's just awful! Whatever will you do now?"

Dawn looked at their joined hands and cocked an eyebrow up. Before she could say anything Buffy continued to lay it on thick.

"You are left behind all by your lonesome with all that office work to do. How dare Ellie do that to you!"

"It's actually Edna but Hey! There's that caring I was talking about earlier!" Xander grinned. "And yup. I'm all alone and now I have to hire someone else. It shouldn't be too hard. All I have to do is put an add in the paper."

"Not hard? Xander have you ever hired anyone before?"

"Well no, not really. They mostly just said there's your office, your desk, and your secretary. Go.Work. Now."

"See you've never hired anyone before. Now you will have to do that all on your own. You'll have to come up with an add to put in the paper. Then you'll have to start making appointments for all the people who want to try for the job. You'll have all these resumes floating around the office. You'll have to get credentials on these people and call to get references on them" By this point Xander's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Then you said it yourself, there will be the awkward interviewing. Then there will be the whole big decision of who should you hire? Do you know how indecisive you are, Xander? For dinner last night it took you 45 minutes to decide between pizza and Chinese food. And after all that you ate at Burger King!"

"Ugggghh" Xander took his free hand and rubbed his forehead. "You're right. This will be really tough!"

"But don't worry Xander. You have the answer to all you problems sitting right in front of you"

At this Xander sat up straighter and look around. "I do?"

"Yes, silly! Me!"

Dawn busted out laughing. "Oh this is going to be good"

Xander just stared at her. "You?"

"Yes, Me. Buffy, you're best friend"

"So you're gonna help me hire someone new?"

"Nooo. You're gonna hire me!"

Dawn started laughing harder than before while wiping the tears away from her eyes as she pleaded, "Oh Buffy Stop you're killing me here!"

Buffy just glared at her sister.

"You?"

"You've already said that, but yes Xander me"

"Oh" He stated meekly. "Um...well..." Danger! Danger! Xander Harris!This is bad. Here's Buffy sitting right beside him giving him her pleading eyes, which was always cute and annoying at the same time. She wanted him to hire her to be his secretary. Meaning he would be over her, giving her orders to do stuff. Important stuff. Important stuff that his paycheck depended on kind of stuff. Buffy taking orders? No, no good would come from this at all. "Buff...I dunno..."

"What's there not to know? This is perfect." She told him happily.

"Well, remember the last time we tried the whole lets work together thing? That really didn't work out for the best"

"Yeah but see this is completely different. That was working in the hot sun getting all sweaty and stuff. And that demon attacking was totally not my fault." She waved it off with her hand.

"Yes, but all the damage you created excluding the demon fight was."

Buffy completely ignored his last shot at her. "Besides, back then I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was kinda lost. But now I do know what I want to do. Things are way better now. And this will only be for the summer, which by the way I will be completely free for. And this is a good time to make some money" She pouted at him. "You wouldn't want to put me and Dawn out on the street, would you?"

"Yeah, about that summer thing I thought you wanted to hone in on your skills as a slacker for the summer. Just the other day you were saying that you were excited about sleeping in, watching pointless talk shows all day, laying out and getting a nice tan, and doing absolutely nothing for long periods of time. All of which I whole heartily agreed upon, especially, the laying out part. What about that huh? You really must seize up all the chances you can get at being a slacker. I wouldn't want to take that away from you."

"You wouldn't be taking that away from me"

"Yeah Xander, she's right you wouldn't be taking that away from her. I'm sure she can still hone in her slacker skills while working for you" Dawn piped in while trying to keep a straight face. Buffy turned around to give her sister the "slayer glare" but she was distracted when Xander stood up and her hand slipped out of his in the process.

Xander needed to get up and think. He started to pace around the room.

"Well see Buffy being my secretary is important stuff. Big deadlines are due soon. There will be lots of busy work to be done and with long hours! What about your secretary skills? How many words can you type per minute? Can you make good coffee? And what about filing things, that's very important stuff" Oh he had her now. He's tasted her coffee before. That stuff could be used as a line of defense against any foe.

"Well I've actually never counted how many words I can type." She started ticking off with her fingers. "There's a starbuck's on every corner. And you've seen my closets: the shoes are meticulously arranged."

"You do have nice closets." He thought out loud. "But see we'll be working day in and day out together. Things might get tense. People tend to get tense when they are cooped up with me for long hours on end and you'll be doing it at work and at home."

"Pffftt I've known you for 8 years now and I haven't gotten tired of you yet!" She grinned up at him. "Who gets tired of the Xan-Man?"

She realizes this is going to be harder than expected. She was going to have to bring out the big guns. So she stood up to match him.

"Xander think of all the benefits this will have! We can save gas because we can car pool. And we can..."

"Wait you can't drive and you have no car. Either I or Dawn take you everywhere so therefore its pretty much a given that we will be car pooling, except it will only be my car and only me driving...the only exception now would be that I would be paying you for it!"

"Okay so think of the other benefits. I can make us lunches and put them in cute little brown paper bags with our names on them and then we can both eat them together at work. And we can trade off lunches like the old days! It will be just like the old days!" Buffy started edging slowly towards him. Once she was right in front of him she put her arms around him and put her chin on his chest looking up at him. She put in the extra step of putting on her famous "Buffy pout". He was a gonner for sure now.

Working day in and day out with Buffy Summers. What would that be like? Xander thought to himself. Xander then sighed deeply. He was a weak man. "Well I wouldn't want you and Dawnie to live out on the streets. I would get lonely."

"So is that a Yes?" Buffy asked excitedly.

"Yes" Xander said.

"Yay!" She hugged Xander tightly now and Xander's arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace. "You will not regret this I promise! I'll be the best secretary in all of the history of secretaries!"

Dawn busted out laughing again.

"Seriously, you guys have got to stop! I'm gonna pee on myself here!