I just love "Sense and Sensibility". It`s my favorite Jane Austen, whom I hadn't even known before I watched S&S as a movie in 1995 (Ang Lee). Since I just adore Alan Rickman's interpretation of the Colonel, my story just had to be about Brandon and Marianne. I hope, I didn't get too carried away with this... my mother-tongue is german. So...if you find any mistakes, you may keep them.
First missing Chapter or:
How they finally got together
Marianne Dashwood took great pleasure in learning to play the piece of music on the tiny pianoforte the Colonel had been kind enough to send her. It was a most touching song and she was surprised by her friend's excellent taste. This was not the first time, however, that she became aware of her misjudgement. Only a fortnight had passed, since he had read poetry to her in the garden of Barton Cottage, under the watchful eyes of her mother and Elenor. Then, she was inclined to ask him not to read from her favorite book as he had offered. While she had truly come to enjoy this dear friend´s company, she would not have been able to bear it, if he would read the lines short of any emotion and honest appreciation. When he had started reading, however, she could not but stare at him for the longest time, as though to find out, why this man had hidden his quiet passion so far. She had closed her eyes and her chest had tightened by the sound of his deep, soothing voice. It had been beautiful. Now that she had spent so much time with Colonel Brandon, she found herself thinking differently about him. He was not boring at all. During their conversations she had found, that they shared much of the same interests.
Her mind filled with happiness for her Sister Elenor, who would soon marry the man she had hopelessly loved this passed year, for Edward had proposed to her yesterday.
As she looked out the parlour window she saw the Colonel jump off his horse to greet her mother and Sister.
"Mrs. Dashwood, Ms. Dashwood, how do you do this fine morning?" He bowed only his head, for they were aquainted good enough by now. He smiled at Elenor whom he had only ever seen sad and worried, and noticed the change in her expression. She looked happy.
"May I take the liberty of noticing the joy in your faces, dear Ladies?" he asked, "Surely, it is not for the sake of my visit?"
Marianne rushed out into the garden."Colonel! At last." She reached out her hands and he took them, careful to hold his distance and watching her mother for signs of disapproval. "Something wonderful has happened yesterday, which is the reason you find us in such an agreeable mood!" marianne exclaimed. "Dear friend, may you be the first to learn of the exciting news of Edward Ferrars´ proposal to my sister Elenor."
Brandon looked puzzled, first at Marianne, then at Elenor. "My...Congratulations, Ms. Dashwood", he said, "forgive me, but I had no idea of an agreement between you and Mr. Ferrars."
Mrs. Dashwood felt the need to fill Brandon in. "Colonel, their mutual affection started at Norland but Mr. Ferrars, being the Gentleman that he is, could not quit an engagement with Ms. Steel, whom he fancied when he was very young indeed."
Elenor continued: "Fortunately, Ms. Steel's affection towards him ceased, and her interest was transfered to another. But dear Friend, it is you whom I will be grateful to for the rest of my life. Had you not, in the kindness of your heart, offered the parish on your estate, none of this could have happened, for I am sure, Mrs. Ferrars would have found me as inexeptable as Ms. Steel. Thank you."
"Then I must apologize to you, Ms. Dashwood", the Colonel said quietly, "had I known, I would never have given you the, no doubt, terrible task of presenting my offer to him."
"Colonel Brandon", Marianne said cheerfully, "will you walk with me?"
"I certainly will, Ms. Marianne", he answered politely, "It is very fine weather and you do seem much better indeed."
They walked a distance without the need of words, then Brandon asked: "So tell me, Ms. Marianne, have you practiced the music I sent you? How did you find it?"
"Oh, it is a wonderful piece", she said, "and I must thank you for the pianoforte. It is indeed the smallest instrument I have ever seen", she smiled. "How did you know of my sorrow, not beeing able to play?"
He smiled back at her. "For I share your passion, Ms. Marianne. I feel quite distressed and empty should Business keep me away from my piano too long. And, I must admit, I did not sent you the pianoforte for the sole reason of your enjoyment. I do love to hear you sing."
"As I love to hear you read", she replied blushingly. "I will sing to you if you first play a duett with me."
He stared at her. He usually only played for himself, knowing how the music stirred him up. "You want me to play a duett with you? I was under the impression, that you do not know any duetts", he said teasingly.
"You must forgive my rude behaviour in the past, Colonel, for I have long since come to my senses. And Mrs. Jennings..."
He smiled at her warmly. "I know, she can be quite..." he roled his eyes and they laughed together.
"Colonel", she said, still catching her breath, "I am happy of your quick return to Barton Cottage, I must say I missed you dearly!"
The words had passed her lips, before she had thought of their meaning. He stopped walking, to look at her in disbelief. She had not missed his company, she had missed him.
"Ms. Marianne", he said, searching for the right words, "I beg you, do not toy with an old colonel´s emotions. Of course, you must be aware, that my...regards for you are not, and never will be confined by the boundaries of mere...friendship. As it is, however, I am quite content knowing, you consider me a friend, for that is all I could ever have hoped for."
Her heart was beating so loudly, she was sure, he would notice. If only he did, she thought, as she shortened the distance between them beyond any good manners. "Colonel", she breathed as she layed the palm of her hand against his cheek, "have I not implied my honest appreciation and care for you these past weeks? You have carried me two miles through pouring rain, gave me hope, when there was none. You are my Saviour. I could not possible find a better..."
"Ms. Marianne", he interrupted her softly as he slowly took her hand off his face, "Do not say something you will come to regret later. I have seen soldiers in war, strong men indeed, who endutied there lifes to the comrad that had saved them. While admiration and gratefulness might be reason enough for some people to share their lives, your spirited and romantic nature would never be happy with such an arrangement. Nor would mine. I shall take you back to he house now, your mother would surely not approve of such a long walk."
Marianne was speechless, something that did not occur too often, as they walked back to the cottage. She tried hard to keep her composure, but could not stop the single tear from running down her cheek. She could not understand, how she had managed to offend him so. She left him at the doorway and fled up to the bedroom. There, she threw herself on the bed and cried silent tears. Silent, as the Colonel´s manners, Silent, as her mouth, when it should have told him, how much she had grown lo love him. And she did. Oh, how she loved him! This was different from what she had felt for Willoughby. When she had lost him, it was the sadness for the loss of her first love, that had gripped her, the sadness of loosing a part of her youth. She knew she would not survive, if the Colonel left her. Willoughby, she had loved for his daring behaviour, his youthful spirit and his ability, to express himself well.
Colonel Brandon she loved, inspite of the fact that he lacked those superficial characteristics, but for his honest and quiet nature, which implied security and strength. For his deep soothing voice that gave her peace and for his ability to make her laugh and feel loved. Yes, she thought, happy and astonished by the feelings she had discovered. He is, where I belong.
Elenor entered the room to find Marianne sitting on her bed, tears running down her face but smiling happily. She was not sure what to think of this strange contrast of emotions on Mariannes face. "Dearest, what is wrong? Will you talk to me?"
"Oh Elenor!" Marianne cried and embraced her sister. "I have made a terrible mistake. I told Colonel Brandon, how thankful I was that he saved me and that I care for him."
Elenor did not understand. "But that was, even though I can not approve of your forwardness, a very nice thing to say to him."
"No, indeed, it was not." Marianne shook her head. "It was a most insensible thing to say, knowing the nature of his feelings towards me. Only this minute I realized something, which is the cause for my happiness."
"And what might that be?" Elenor asked, pulling a lock out of her sisters eyes.
"That I am madly in love with the man."
"What wonderful news", exclaimed Elenor smiling. "You have finally come to your senses. I do not see how you could withstand him for so long. I can assure you, that the Colonel is, to use your own words, madly in love with you also, ever since the day, he first met you at Barton.
Marianne blushed. "He is so gentle a man, he gives and gives, without ever taking."
"Well", said Elinor as though she was thinking aloud, "he certainly doesn´t have Willoughby´s looks and his talent to recite Poems..."
Marianne shook her head. "He has more, Elinore. He is, in his way, the most handsome man, I have ever layed eyes on and the sound of his voice makes me yearn for his touch."
Elinor was shocked. "Marianne! How can you say something so..."
Marianne gave her elder sister a most serious look. "Tell me, that this is not exactly the way you feel about Edward and I shall say no more!"
They embraced and could not help but laugh.
"I must tell him at once!" Marianne said then.
"But you can´t, dearest, he has left for London.
"London? When will he be back?" Marianne inquired nervously.
Elenor felt sorry for her. "He did not say, and I felt not at liberty to ask", she said, but added with a smile: "But I am sure he will not leave the county without saying goodbye at Barton."
"Then I must hurry there. Please do not tell mother of me running up there alone. I just have to go."
"Since I know how much he loves you and that he is quite incapable of beeing anything but honorable, I will not tell her." Elinor agreed.
20 Minutes later she was drenched in sweat, her Hair disarranged, for she had run most of the way. Thank God, she thought, as she watched him mount his horse. He hurriedly took off and jumped a little hedge. She ran down a slope to cut his way, staggered and fell down right in front of the horse ,which climbed and threw his master off. Brandon landed in an awkward position on his back and did not move.
"NO!" Marianne screamed, "please God, no!" She ran to his side, knelt down and held his hand. She wept over his limp body, stroking his hair and his cheek. "Do not leave me like that, I can not bear it. You are my love, my life. Christopher, there is so much I need to tell you", she begged. "Please God, spare his life or take mine too."
I need help, she thought then, stood up and ran to the big House of Barton. Her shaky legs could hardly carry her, and she fell twice before she reached it. For the sake of his life and of hers, she ran, like she had never run before.
"MRS. JENNINGS!" She screamed as she entered the hallway, "SIR JOHN!"
Mrs. Jennings and Sir John hurried to her side. "What on earth...Dear, you look awful, what..."
"Colonel Brandon", she sobbed, "an accident, he fell of his horse..."
Sir John called two of his man-servants and left the house immediately. Marianne, full of shock and fright, passed out in Mrs. Jennings arms.
When she awoke, two hours later, Mrs. Jennings sat by her bedside, knitting.
Marianne sat up at once. "Mrs. Jennings", she asked anxiously, "the Colonel...is he..."
"Not to worry my Dear", said the old Lady, "your Colonel is quite all right. It takes more than a fall of a horse to finish a man like him off."
Marianne embraced her neighbour. "Thank God", she whispered. "Mrs. Jennings...I know it is highly inappropriate...and I would not ask, if the matter was not of such importance...may I go and see the Colonel? We had a disagreement this morning and he left, before i could tell him...tell him..."
Mrs. Jennings smiled knowingly. "It is indeed inappropriate, young Lady. But I assume, that an invalid with a broken leg will not compromise you too much. You may go and tell the Colonel...that you love him. For I will not be the reason he has to wait on it any longer!"
"Thank you, Mrs. Jennings" said Marianne and left the room to find her Love.
"Come in!" said a deep voice, when she knocked on the door. Marianne entered and found Colonel Brandon upright in his bed, his leg supported by pillows. His white shirt was unbuttoned for the sake of a broad bandage that covered his arm and shoulder.
"How are you feeling?"
"I have been better", said he. "This is the second time you nearly put an early end to my life." As he saw, that she didn´t understand, he added softly: "The first time was, when you layed in fever and I feared your death. Come, do sit down, I would hate to get a stiff neck on top of it all." He smiled at her encouragingly. "Is there anything I can do for you? You do not look so well either."
"There is", she said and got lost in the deep of his eyes. "If you are able to, that is. Please, could you just...just hold me?"
He was taken aback by her request, too stunned, to say anything. Marianne, unable to hold her tears back any longer, threw herself on his chest. "Christopher, I love you so. You have to believe it. I thought I must die myself, when I saw your motionless body laying in the grass. Do not frighten me like this ever again, for I can not live without you. The girl that rejected you has grown into a woman, whose only desire is to return the love you gave her."
"Oh, Marianne, my Marianne, I have waited to hear these words for so long. But can I really trust them? Have I died and gone to heaven?" He took her chin into his healthy hand and examined her eyes. Yes. this was, what he had longed to see all those past painful months. Love.
Marianne pressed a shy kiss onto his lips. "I dare say, you are very much alive, my Colonel. But... heaven it certainly is." Brandon fought back his tears as he held her head and Kissed her back. Slowly, his tongue opened her mouth to meet with hers. She let out a soft moan. Her desire rising by the second, the kiss became more and more passionate.
Brandon finally put a stop to it. "Marianne, while I truly enjoy kissing you, my love, we must remember where we are. And the fact that we are not officialy engaged yet, doesn´t help matters. Besides, I shall not be able to guarantee for your safety, if you do not leave immediately. He twinkled at her and she blushed. She kissed him on his forehead, before she walked towards the door. In midway she stopped, turned around and looked at her future husband. "This was my first kiss, you know?"
Brandon smiled. "And how did you find it, my Marianne?"
"I think it will become my favorite passtime occupation", she grinned.
"Well, then we shall have yet another passion to share on cold rainy days", he replied laughing.
He proposed to her, as soon as he was able to kneel down, and four weeks later, they were to become husband and wife. By that time, Elinor was already married to Edward.
As her wedding day approached, Marianne grew quieter by the day. Finally, as she helped her sister into the wedding-gown, Elinor decided, that it was time for a talk.
"What is the matter, Marianne, did you have a change of heart? Please, talk to me."
"Oh, no, Elenor, it is still my dearest wish to marry the Colonel. But...as much as I love him, I still am frightened of what is to come after the ceremony..."
Elenor lowered her eyes. She did not like talking of such intimate matters, not even to her sister. "I understand you well, for I was scared myself just a few weeks past. But, as it turned out, there was really no reason to be worried. Do not expect too much of this first time of total intimacy between you and your husband. You may not like it much, but be assured that everytime you are together after that, you will enjoy it more." She blushed and smiled at Marianne. "He will be careful, be sure of that. There is only one man I believe to be as kind and gentle as my Edward - and that is Colonel Brandon."
2. Missing chapter or:
The Wedding-Night
It had been a beautiful ceremony, Edward, of course, had held the Service. Now, she sat in a green open carriage, cradled in the arms of her beloved husband and was on her way to Delaford. Her body was exausted but her mind was very much awake and she felt both, excited and scared. When they reached the big estate that was now her home, he helped her out of the carriage, kissed her gently and said: "I love you, my sweet Mrs. Brandon. Would you fancy a tour of the house or do you prefer a glass of wine by the fireplace to settle you down? You do seem a little cold and shivery."
"The fireplace, I think", she answered nervously.
He swooped her up to carry her over the threshold.
"Christopher!" she cried, and added sternly: "I do not think, your leg is quite up to the task just yet, you really shouldn´t."
As he smiled, she noticed that he looked ten years junger than just a few months ago. "Darling, I know your romantic taste. And since it is my deepest desire, to make my little wife happy, I SHALL carry you. If it breaks my leg a second time, so be it."
Laughing, they reached the parlour, where he put her down gently. With interest, she looked at her surroundings.
"Marianne", said he, "please feel free to make any changes in furniture or decoration you find nessessary, except for the library."
"Well, I suppose it does need a bit of a female touch here and there, maybe some flowers or Wallhangings. But there is absolutely nothing, I wish to change. It is very tasteful and appeasing.
He blushed slightly by her compliment. "Come, let me take you to the sitting room. The fire will ease the cold as well as the tension."
She settled in a comfortable armchair facing the grand piano. After he had poured her a glass of port, he took the seat opposite and watched her as she stared into the flames. "My love, you are still shivering. Maybe we should retire, it was a long day, indeed."
"NO!" she said, a little too fast, than added: "I am not tired just yet."
Brandon knew instantly, that she was frightened. He walked over to her, knelt in front of her chair and took her hands. "Marianne, we do not have to do anything tonight. I would hate nothing more than the thought, of you resenting me for it. Take all the time that you need, you know I am quite good at waiting."
"Please, Christopher, will you play the piano for me? Music always calms me down."
Brandon, glad, to escape this awkward situation, strode over to the piano. "Anything in particular you would enjoy?"
"Just play me your favorite", she smiled. She had never heard him play before.
"As you wish, dearest. Vivace, ma non troppo, Beethoven."
He sorted the sheets and closed his eyes briefly. And then, he began to play. His fingers ran over the keys, his features grew into an everchanging mixure of relaxation and concentration, as he became one with the music and the instrument benieth him. Marianne, not able to believe her ears, stood up, her hands clenched to her chest.
When he had finished, she ran to him and leaned against the piano, tears running down her cheek. "This was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!" she exclaimed. "It was so moving and you played it so well. I am sorry, you must think me silly."
He did not. Brandon wiped a tear off her cheek and could not help but kiss her.
If his hands are as wonderful on me, as they are one the piano I do not want to wait any longer, she thought, as she returned the kiss passionately.
"Marianne, Darling, are you sure about this?" he asked with a hoarse voice, giving her one last chance to change her mind.
"You are right, my love, I do not think I prefer the piano to the softness of your bed. Not yet", she added blushingly. "Will you show me to our bedroom?"
The bedchamber was warm and comfortable, the fire being the only light. Now, that she became aware of the huge victorian canopy bed, she tensed up once again.
"Good grief, Christopher, how many people sleep here?"
He smiled, embraced her and kissed her forehead. "Just the Colonel and his Lady, my love. I had it made only a month ago and I told the carpenter it had to be ready in time, or he would suffer cruelly."
She had not noticed that he´d undone her dress in the meantime. Now, as he pulled the glittering fabric of her gown off her shoulders, tenderly kissing her neck and collarbone, her own desire and the honest wish to make this wonderful man happy, let her drop the protective cloth all the way. He stood in awe as he saw his beautiful wife for the first time so completely undressed.
"Dear Colonel" she whispered then, "as an army-man you must be aware, that this is indeed a very unfair fight, for you still have all your clothes."
"That can be remedied easy enough. Would you care to give me a hand...?" Slowly, he opened the heavy buttons of his uniform-jacket.
She rushed to him and pulled the jacket off. What a shame, she thought, he really looks good in that. But she liked even more, what she saw now. His wide cotton shirt tucked into those tight white pants was all the encouragement she needed to kiss him fiercly. She somehow managed to pull the shirt over his head, and became instantly mesmerized by the warmth of his Skin.
Brandon had long known, how much he loved her, but never had his thoughts been anything but honorable. Until now. Feeling her skin, her small breasts against his chest, he prayed that he would be strong enough, to carry out what he had planned. He led her to the bed and gently layed her on it, placing himself beside her. He began caressing every inch of her. His fingers traced the contures of ther lovely breasts and as he gently touched one her nipples, they reacted immediately and she let out a soft moan. Intrigued by her sensuality, he leaned closer and flicked it with his tongue, which made her shiver. "Are you still cold, Marianne?", he asked teasingly. His hands and lips were soon all over her body and Marianne arched and called his name, when he started to caress the sensitive spot between her legs. He grew dizzy when he felt just how ready she was for him.
Oh, yes, he thought, moved by her passion, she is everything I thought her to be. She is innocent as the first flower of spring but as explosive as gunpowder. He strained hard, not to give in to the wants of his manhood, painfully restrained by the weight of his body. He wanted her to know the pleasures of physical love before he had to hurt her by making her his own. Otherwise she might be afraid of his touch for the rest of her life. As he kept on stimulating her with his finger, she grew more and more ecstatic, as he could tell by the force with which she took hold of his shoulder.
"Christopher", she breathed, as she tried to pull him onto her, "I shall not be able to stand this any longer."
His loving eyes looked at her reddened cheeks, the disarranged hair. He had never thought her more beautiful.
"Not this time, my love", he ansered quietly, "for all I want at this moment is for me to become aquainted with your wonderful body and for you, to learn to trust me. Please Marianne, just let go and receive the pleasures I am about to give you."
"About to give me?" she wondered, "but have already given me the greatest..."
Brandon moved to the end of the bed and knelt down in front of it. He grabbed her by the hips and pulled her down, close to him.
Marianne was not prepared at all for what happened to her next. As much as it had aroused her when his hand had stimulated her, it was nothing, compared to his tongue. He kissed and licked and sucked her, he made her cry and beg for more. She climaxed violently and when he held her in his arms afterwards, she was so overwhelmed by her emotions, that she sobbed at his shoulder, which startled him.
"Please forgive me, if I have hurt or offended you in any way, my Marianne."
"Hurt me? Offended me? You have just given me the most wonderful experience of my live! These are tears of joy. But what must you think of me? I am quite ashamed of myself, for I am sure, even the servants must have overheard my cries of passion."
He cubbed her face with both hands and said softly: "Promise me, that it will never be any different when we are together."
For the longest time they layed under the thick quilted Cover, naked, just enjoying the closeness of each other, not a word needed to be said. Then, Marianne remembered the way his kisses and his loving hands had made her feel and she instantly wanted more. She turned around to face her husband and started caressing his back, her hand moving slowly towards his buttocks, then stroking his thigh.
"My Darling...this time I will not be able to restrain myself, be sure of that", he warned her with his deep, throaty voice.
"I would not want you to", she answered sincerely.
He closed his eyes and kissed her passionately, leaving no doubt of his desire for her. She felt his manhood rise against her abdomen and shyly moved her hand onto it. Encouraged by his groans, her hand became more confident and by her touch he grew larger, still. She was excited and ready for him but... Goodness, she thought. I very much enjoyed his fingers, but THIS is something entirely different.
"Will it hurt?" she asked quietly.
"I have been told as much", he answered truthfully. "But knowing now of the passion you are capable of, my love, I doubt that it will hurt you but a few seconds."
He rolled on top of her, letting the tip of his hard rub against her. Her breathing grew faster and then she moved her hand down to direct him. She cried out in delight, when he entered her, careful, not to penetrate to deeply. Moving back and forth ever so gently, all his concentration was on holding himself back. He was sure, not to be able to do so much longer. His love for her and her tightness drove him insane. Marianne kissed him wildly, beeing almost at the end of this wonderful journey herself. She wanted to be closer to him still, feel him all the way, and the next time he came forward, she met him with a force, that made her his.
She screamed as she felt the razor-sharp pain, and he stopped moving at once.
"Darling, I...", he started to say, but she shook her head, biting her lips and squinting her eyes.
Brandon was unsure of what to do and carefully tried to pull away from her.
"No", she breathed, "do not stop. I am allright. The pain has ceased."
He was amazed by her courage and trust and he kissed her thankfully. Very gently, he began moving again, and they soon entered heaven together.
"Good Morning, Mrs. Brandon", he said cheerfully as he entered the chamber, carrying a large tray. "Would you fancy some breakfast?"
She sat up in bed and smiled at him.
"Yes, Indeed, I have not eaten since lunch yesterday!"
While she slowly sipped her tea, her thoughts drifted away, and in rememberance of the mistakes she had made, her expression grew quite sad.
"Marianne, what is it, love? Do you have second thoughts about this?" he asked worriedly.
"Oh!", she exclaimed, "Never. I just...I can´t tell you really, it wouldn´t be..."
"Proper?" he finished with a smile. "Marianne, although there are many things I wish for this marriage, there is one thing, I absolutely expect. Honesty, my love. We are in our bedchambers, dearest. Here, I do not wish you to be anything but true. No worries about propriety."
"I just thought", she said blushing, "how much earlier I could have had this wonderful feeling of laying in your arms, had it not been for my foolish, selfrightious behavior. Loving you now the way you loved me these past month, I can appreciate how despereate and pained you must have felt. I shall feel the same way, should you ever stop loving me."
Brandon looked at her in amazement. "Marianne, I...please, do not worry about what lies behind us. It was rather difficult at times, but...what you said to me after I fell off the horse, or rather...to my motionless body," he grinned as she opened her mouth in disbelief. "When you agreed to have my hand and...last night. All this repaid me for those years of sorrow. Although I did love you at first sight, I could not have asked for your hand. I knew then, that you still had some growing up do do. But let us not talk about this any longer. You are with me, at last, and that is all that counts."
He gently took the teacup out of her hand to set it onto the nighttable. "And for your last concern...as long as this body is able to, it shall love you anytime, you feel the need..." And with this, he drew her close and she knew that she didn´t care a bit, if she should go another 24 hours without food.
The End.