AN: These things tend to hit me outta nowhere and thus I needed to explore a darker side and usage of the Khurain Channeling Technique.
AN 2: This story contains dark themes with dubious consent and dubious morality as plot points. Nothing graphic.
In the semi-darkness of the bedroom there is barely any difference. There is still her long hair, her shapely figure, her sensual voice as she moves at a slow pace above him. His hand strokes her cheek tenderly, a finger feeling for the miniscule bump of her mole as it skims over the skin beside her lower lip. She breathes out, takes a hold of his hand and kisses his fingers, one by one. She is sensual in everything she does. She is elegance, she is grace, she is beauty, and kindness and dignity and love. She is Mia Fey-
A lightning bolt strikes across the rain-heavy sky, and even if the flash of light illuminates the room for merely half a second, it is enough to break the carefully constructed illusion. The chestnut brown hair in his mind's eye has to make place for reality's ebony black. Even with the beads taken out and the topknot let loose, there is no mistake. He stills, frozen in place as the familiar feeling of guilt permeates his whole being. Wrong. This is wrong. She is not Mia Fey, she is-
She is understanding.
A hand moves to his hair, another in a gentle touch to his chin. Lips ghosting over his.
"Sssh, I know…" Her whispered words pulls him back from the dark precipice he's balancing so precariously on. They're both equally guilty in this dance of deceit, denial, and regret over a time that never was. His hands goes to her hips, his mouth finds hers, and again they build up a rhythm together that shuts the world outside away.
If only there was a way to make it last forever.
The aftermath is always bittersweet. Reality bleeding through the thin veil of post-orgasmic bliss way too soon, pushing him back towards the edges of the dark, bottomless pit. He knows she is watching him where they lay facing each other, her long fingers stroking back his sweat-slicked hair as her lips form somber words.
"I have to go."
"Please stay."
"You know I can't."
Their parting kiss is always soft, a tender and careful touch as to not shake the illusion too hard. He watches the contours of her body disappear through the now thickening darkness of the room and out the door, carefully shutting it behind her. Her routine is going to be the same as always. Have a thorough shower to wash away every single trace of him, and check for marks that would need an explanation. Though, there never are any marks, but they cannot afford to be sloppy. He lies in bed listening to the running water of the shower, imagining her underneath the warm spray, droplets cascading down porcelain skin. Her hair is chestnut brown and her eyes are warm, her mouth curved in a soft smile as she invites him to join her.
He wasn't aware he's crying before he touches his own face, choking on a sob as he succumbs to the raw sorrow pouring from his heart. She's alive, yet she isn't. How can you mourn someone dead, yet they aren't?
The sounds from the shower dies down and is replaced by the pitter patter of the rain outside, the only sounds present besides his own quiet sniffling. He falls asleep with a wish to dream only of her, but instead there is only an endless void of darkness.
"What's the matter, Nick? Mia get your tongue last night?"
Maya's comment on him not wishing her good morning when she returns from her breakfast run is innocent and teasing, yet it makes a flush creep dangerously high up on his neck. He swallows down the bitterness and clears his throat.
"I am not feeling too well." he offers, trying to look somewhat invested in his mug of coffee.
"Yeah, sorry but you do look like shit. Go have a shower, and maybe talk to a doctor about your budding insomnia?" she replies, piling groceries on the kitchen counter.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" she says after a pause. "I'll make you breakfast so get going! Don't wanna be late for today's case."
He flashes her a strained but thankful smile, abandoning his coffee and slinking towards the bathroom. Whatever had he done to deserve a friend like Maya? Whatever had she done to deserve a terrible friend like him..?
As he looks in the mirror he realises Maya is right. He does look like shit. Besides his matted hair and morning scruff there's dark bags underneath his eyes, and didn't the t-shirt he's wearing use to be a little bit more form-fitting? He rubs at his face and sighs as he digs out his shaving tools from the closet. A shave and a shower later he's back in the small kitchen, donning his suit bar his jacket. He sits down to a pile of pancakes drenched in a generous amount of syrup and jam, topped with bacon, and a glass of freshly pressed juice. He gives Maya a look that says 'I can't eat all of this.'
"Oh yes you can and you should, because Nick, either you bought a new suit one size too big for you, or you've magically shrunk, and I don't believe either of those." she says firmly. He can do nothing but comply with her order.
"What the hell, Wright!?"
He's initially irritated that he couldn't shake Edgeworth off, but he quickly resigns and sighs, facing the prosecutor as he slams the door and walks up to him. He's angry, he's usually angry, no, perpetually displeased maybe, but now he is actually angry. He steels himself, mouth a thin line, eyes stern. Edgeworth raises a delicate eyebrow as he folds his arms, trying to stare him down.
"Well!? he demands, not budging from his spot. Phoenix grits his teeth.
"What?" he throws back. Edgeworth snorts in reply.
"That little stunt you pulled in court today. Have you seriously lost your mind!?" he snaps angrily. Edgeworth has a scary angry-face, but it doesn't really hit home like it usually does anymore.
Phoenix doesn't answer, finding some spot to the far left of Edgeworth more interesting. His head feels foggy, his mouth way too dry, he just cannot concentrate. Maybe he is losing his mind after all. Edgeworth sighs as a full minute passes without him saying anything.
"This is not you." he says, the anger in his voice slipping away. "This is not who Mia Fey envisioned you to be."
Phoenix's attention snaps back to Edgeworth as if a trigger has been pulled. For a few seconds all he wants to do it punch the arrogant prosecutor right in the nose. Instead he takes a step forward, going eye-level and uncomfortably close with him.
"Don't you dare ever mention her name or even pretend to know what she wanted of me." he half-whispers, the anger boiling just underneath the surface. To his credit Edgeworth actually looks half frightened. Phoenix backs away and slips past the prosecutor, reaching for the door handle before Edgeworth speaks up again.
"You're hurting. From what I do not know, but you cannot keep going on like this. Seek help, before it is too late for you as well."
When he turns to look at him, he's greeted with the silveret's unmoving back. He doesn't turn to look back at Phoenix even when given a solid ten seconds to do so. Phoenix swallows heavily before he leaves the room.
His and Maya's trek back to their hybrid office-apartment is silent. He was let off the hook with a warning (and some disgruntled stares). The conversation with Edgeworth plays on loop in his head and as if there wasn't already enough misery going on the sky suddenly opens and it starts pouring. They run the rest of the way but still manage to get somewhat soaked.
The very first thing he does when he gets back to his apartment in the evenings is to turn the lights on. The darkness only reminds him of the day he found Mia dead. Panic rises to the surface as flipping the light switch does nothing.
"Ah, yeah." Maya says, tapping her chin with her index finger. "I was going to tell you, we got a note in the mail this morning, saying the power will be out for a few hours this evening due to repairs. I'm sorry, Nick, I forgot."
"It's… alright. Don't worry about it." he manages to say, voice rough around the edges.
"I can always go out and get some burgers for us? We can light some candles and play some board games? It's been a while since I played- Nick? Are you- are you crying?"
It happened again. The tears just starts leaking without him wanting them to. It's wrong. Everything is just wrong. Edgeworth is right. He is hurting. But not only from the very obvious.
What he is doing is wrong, he knows it is so very wrong. It's even more wrong because of who he is. He is supposed to be a man of the law, with justice as his ultimate goal. Protecting the innocent, not sleeping with them without them knowing…
He can see it all, the headlines telling the world about his fall from grace. Maya's tears of betrayal, Gumshoe itching to give him a thorough whopping, Edgeworth's face with absolute disgust written on it as he slams all the decisive evidence down in front of the judge. Guilty.
Maya is on him in an instant, hugging him so tightly he can barely breathe. He blinks and sniffles, hesitant to put his arms around her. He swallows several times before he can get the words out.
"Maya, I'm so sorry." he croaks.
"What for?" she asks gently. "If you're thinking about earlier today in court, pay it no mind. We're human. It happens."
"I'm not a good person, Maya. I'm really not." he continues, letting his arms hang limply down his sides as he buries his face in Maya's shoulder.
"Of course you are, Nick. Whatever makes you think you're not? You took me in when I was all alone- when my sister… died." her words become softer, her sorrow still lives inside of her as well.
"Heck, Nick, you let me live here with you, for free. You never expect anything from me. Do you have any idea how much this means to me? How much it meant for me how you worked tirelessly to uncover who was behind my sister's murder? You're always there for the people who need you, working towards justice. You are a genuinely good person."
"I miss her so much, Maya." he chokes, finally hugging the girl back. He can feel her breath catching. She hugs him harder.
"I know… I do too, every waking minute."
They pull apart and he catches a glimpse of a tear that she rubs away hastily.
"But… Life has to go on you know? Somewhat, for us anyways…" she adds quietly.
"I'm uh, I think I'm gonna go to bed." he says, starting to remove his soaked suit jacket.
"Yeah…" Maya offers as a short reply. "Good night, Nick." she adds, squeezing his arm and offering him a sad smile. He returns it before he heads to his bedroom, closing the door, hastily removing his clothing and falling un-elegantly down on his bed.
'This is not who Mia Fey envisioned you to be.'
Edgeworth's words dig sharply into him and he rubs his face, angry at the tears, angry at Edgeworth, angry at the world and the people in it, and at himself for not being there to protect her, for doing the fucked-up thing he is doing right now. Justice is dead.
He's fallen asleep after an unknown amount of time has passed. He wakes up to a body besides his, arms snaking around his torso, hugging him tight. His face is still a bit wet with tears, and for a moment he believes Maya heard him crying and like the good friend she is she's come to comfort him.
"Phoenix." the voice of Mia says softly. He swallows and says her name like a prayer. She pulls him back from the dark precipice again, a little way back from the void. Just this once. Just one more time. He has to let go eventually, for himself, for Mia, for Maya.
He turns to her and she kisses him, and the future again becomes uncertain as the void pulls him in with its seductive voice.
AN: We can't all have happy endings.