Chapter 1
This is roughly based in the Season 2 time line. It is an AU so the characters will be portrayed differently.
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or anything mentioned in this story, apart form the plot. Hell the Universe was something i saw done by another author first. Please enjoy.
This is the re-upload of Chapter 1
"King of the Dolphin-Unicorns Kurtie!" said Brittany skipping over to Kurt, as he stood by his locker styling his hair.
"Morning, Queen of the Unicorns Brittsey." said Kurt closing his locker.
"Are you ready for all-day Cheerio practice?" She asked.
"Sure am. As Coach has us singing as well as doing stunts." He said linking their hands
"Your hands are still so soft." She said.
"I know like-"
"A baby's!" they said together then lapsed in to giggles.
They skipped towards the gym. Unfortunately Azimio and Karofsky greeted them.
"Hey A, look it's dumb and dumber." Kurt and Brittany looked around to find whom they were talking to.
"No silly, I'm Kurt and this is Brittsey-I mean Brittany."
"I know that thicko!" said Karofsky, "But you're too brain dead from getting it up the ass to know what I'm talking about."
"I don't think you should be talking to Kurt like that." Said Brittany moving in front of Kurt like a protective kitten.
"Ooh, so scared what are you gonna do?" said Azimio
"They're gonna get their shapely arses to the gym while I drag your sloppy butts to principle Figgins's office for harassing my Cheerios. Tweddle Dumb and Tweddle Porcelain skip of to practice."
They didn't need telling twice, they ran to the gym. When they got there everybody was stretching they found Santana and Quinn and started to stretch with them.
"-I still don't see what he sees in Berry she has boy hips, hell Kurt has better hips than her. Don't get me started on how she dresses." Said Quinn.
"She dresses like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a dark specific fetish." Said Santana then received a high 5 from Brittany.
"Okay ladies today we are gonna learn a new routine with Hummel and the Un-Holy Trinity singing." The quartet high five-ed, "And the song that I want you to perform is…Just Dance by one Lady Gaga featuring Colby O' Donis. I know that you four are good at Gaga. So I'll let you girls work on the song and I'll work on the routine with the lesser beings."
At Glee Practice:
Kurt sat in between Brittany and Quinn with Santana sat on Brittany's left on the back row. Mr Shue walked in and wrote, 'Boys Vs Girls' on the board.
"Boys on one side girls on the other." There was a little scuffle.
"Kurt with the boys,"
"Actually as an horary girl I should be with me people."
Mr. Shue raised his eyebrows
"Sorry, doesn't count."
"What if we want him?" asked Quinn
"Okay if you all want him, the girls can have Kurt if the boys have no objections."
All the girls except Rachel put their hands up.
"Man Hands doesn't count."
"It's okay. One rule for Little Miss No-Boobs another for everyone else." Said Kurt walking over to Mr Shue. "Mr Schuester, you are a closeted discrinimator. It is just as bad as your weird obsession with Miss Pillsbury."
"Kurt, sweetie, its discriminator."
"M's and N's confuse me." Said Kurt sitting next to Noah.
"Yeah, me too." Said Brittany
"Kurt that was out of line what you said to me."
"No, it wasn't, cos we done The Rocky Horror Picture Show as a weird type of present slash flirting thing for Miss. Pillsbury ever though she is in a relationship."
Everybody sniggered except Rachel who was still in mood about Quinn and Kurt insulting her.
"That is so true. Me and 'Tana totally saw him trying it on with her."
"Mmmm Hmmm, it would have been totally wanky but it was so 'Ewww! God! Make it stop.'"
"Anyway," said Mr Shue trying to get back some control, "boys take the Spanish room. Girls have the Choir room."
Spanish Room:
"What about…Our Generation by The Who?" asked Finn.
"Nah," said Artie "Too…anthem-y.
"What about I Don't Dance from High School Musical 2?" the boys looked at Kurt like he was crazy. "Finn could take Chad's part as Finn doesn't dance. Noah or I could take Ryan's part then Mike and Co can dance and do stuff."
"But Dude its High School Musical." Said Finn
"Ain't Ryan gay?" asked Noah
"Nah, he fancies Kelsey." Answered Sam
They shared a look that said what you too?
"Little sister that is obsessed with Zefron. And makes me go to see each of his films when they come out in the cinemas."
"My little sister is totally obsessed with Ashley Tisdale." Said Sam
"Did you know there is a new one coming out soon?" asked Noah
"We should totally take our sisters to see it!" said Sam, the two jocks high 5-ed.
"So we're up for I Don't Dance?" asked Kurt
"Why don't we put in the Maybe pile?" Said Finn still anti the idea.
They when through lots of different song but they still couldn't find one.
"What about Mannish Boy by Muddy Waters." Suggested Finn
"Uggggg! I'm bored!" said Kurt lying on a table.
"Why don't you go and find out info about the competition?" Asked Noah, as this was the 5th time in the past 3 minuets.
"Okay!" said Kurt then he skipped over to the French room.
French Room:
"Hey Britts!" he said when walked into the room
"SPY!" Rachel yelled pointing at him.
He completely blanked her
"What's been going on?"
"Oh the crazy short girl has been yelling out stuff. Guess what!"
"What?"
"Lord Tubbington has texted me saying that dolphins especially dolphin-unicorns should find their mate before they're 17."
"Really that means I really need to find my mate in the next 9 months."
"Didn't Mr Butt-Chin say something about Gay Hogwarts?" Brittany asked.
"Yeah, let go ask him about it. But first I need to tell Noah something."
Spanish Room:
They popped in to the classroom.
"They aren't doing anything." Said Kurt
"Okay Princess. Hi Brittany."
"Hey Puck. The only thing going on was the Dwarf yelling at us. How come you're both Jewish but she's really annoying but you're not?"
"I don't know."
"Oh yeah. Me and Britts are gonna check out Gay Hogwarts."
"Okay princess make sure that you do what the Puckasaurus taught you."
"Okay, bye Noah and your fellow dinosaurs." Brittany said with an absent-minded wave and pulled
Mr Shue's Office:
Brittany and Kurt walked into Mr Shue's office.
"Hey, Mr. Shue." They said together then high 5-ed.
"Kurt, Brittany, what can I do for you?" he asked tiredly.
"Who's our Sectional competition?" asked Brittany
"I told everybody yesterday."
"Really? I swear that you told everyone but Finn 'cause Finn done a dramatic storm out after kicking a chair over." Said Kurt
"No, Kurt, I told everyone."
"Oh okay."
"Our competitors are the Hipsters and the Dalton Academy Warblers."
"Which one is Gay Hogwarts?" asked Brittany brightening up.
"That one is the Dalton Academy's a'capella group which is the all-boys private school in Westerville."
"Thanks Sir." They said together, then skipped out of the room to Kurt's Navigator.
Some part of the road between Westerville and Lima:
Brittany and Kurt drove to Dalton, as it was about an hour and a half, and neither's aloud to drive for longer then an hour constantly. So Brittany drove for 45 minuets and Kurt drove for 45 minuets.
Dalton Academy for Boys:
They walked to the reception and talked to the 30-odd year old, brunette behind the desk. With a name badge witch said, 'Susan'.
"Hi!" said Brittany waking the hand not holding Kurt's. (Her left hand)
"Hello, May I Know Who you are?" Susan asked.
"I'm Brittany S Peirce and this is Kurt E Hummel my Best Friend."
"Hi!" Said Kurt
"May I know why you are here?" she asked
"Well, we heard that you had a show choir. And as we are the vocals for our school's cheer squad and we though-"
"Who's better to ask then a show choir?" They said together
"Ask them what?" Asked Susan she was enticed by these cheerleaders also it was the most interesting thing to happen this week.
"Oh, just their opinion on our singing ability and song choices, we would ask the people in our show choir. But they don't like people who can dress properly and look like humans." Said Brittany, then Cheerios high 5-ed.
"Oh, what school do you go to?"
"William McKinley High School," when they said this they both pointed at each letter on their uniform.
"Luckily for you the Warblers are in rehearsal. So if you just go up a floor and it's the 4th floor on your left."
"Thanks Susan!" said Kurt. And they went up stairs.
"Lefts and rights confuse me." Said Kurt
"Santana wrote and L on my left hand in sharpie so I wouldn't get confused." Said Brittany showing him.
"Cool. I wish I had someone like Santana." Said Kurt then he knocked on the 4th door on the left.
A Warbler opened the door. Brittany and Kurt waved flirtatiously. His eyes when wide then he slammed the door. They looked at each other then shrugged. They could hear a few words through the door.
'Cheerleaders!'
'One guy and one girl!'
'You mock us sir!'
It went silent then a less shocked Warbler opened the door.
"Come in. Sorry about Jesse he hasn't seen a girl in over month." Said the Warbler, who's hair was obviously dyed blond. They followed they guy into the room.
"Mr. Shue's son?" Kurt asked Brittany.
"He didn't look like Mr. Shue." Brittany shrugged.
There was a cough from an Asian guy with a gavel.
"Hi!" Kurt said to him, and then whispered to Brittany. "I didn't know that Mike had a brother."
Brittany shrugged.
"Hello, I'm Wes, this is David and this is Thad. We are the Warbler council." When he gestured to each Warbler, David waved and Thad nodded.
"I'm Jeff." Said the blond that let them in.
"I'm Hummel, Kurt Hummel."
"I'm Brittany S Peirce."
"Britney Spears?" asked Jesse
"No. Brittany S…Peirce."
Wes banged his gavel. "Order!" he demanded.
Brittany and Kurt faced him.
"Why are you here?"
"Well, originally our Glee Club. Well, the boys, asked me to spy on the competition, I think the meant the girls but then Britt had this awesome idea to be come friend and see if there are any nice Dolphins here as this is Gay Hogwarts."
"I think Kurtie might find His Dolphin because the last time the girls 'Spied' we found Berry's Mom it was really weird trip. Also I need more people to make out with as I have a perfect record." Multiple boys chocked when she said this.
"How did Susan let you past?" asked Thad.
"She told us where to go. Well, after we said that we need someone option on our vocals and our Glee club are unfashionable Donkeys."
A boy wearing a gelmet stood up.
"Hi. Blaine Anderson."
"You wear way too much gel." Said looking at Blaine.
Jeff high 5-ed his brunette friend. Blaine looked slightly upset.
"Okay. So are you willing to perform for us? Or was it a cover story?"
"Only if you want us to." Said Brittany
"Hands up if you want them to perform." Said Wes everyone's hand went up.
"What song?" asked Brittany in a whisper.
"Broadway or pop?"
"Pop." Said Brittany passing him her iPod
"Gaga? Perry? Stefani?" said Kurt going through her artist.
"Why don't perform Stefani's Rich Girl cause that has two artist." Said Brittany
"Okay as long as I'm EVE."
"Sure. Lets perform." Brittany put her iPod in the speakers.
BRITTS: Na[x36]
When Brittany was going Na they slid their hands down their sides rolling their hips. Then shimmed their shoulders
If I was a Rich Girl
Na [x15]
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
Bounce stepping in between the boys in the chairs and sofas Brittany was fanning herself
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
Then she 'slut-dropped' at the back.
Think what that money could bring
I'd buy everything
Then she when to different boys singing these lines lightly flirting.
Clean out Vivienne Westwood
In my Galliano gown
No, wouldn't just have one hood
A Hollywood mansion if I could
Please book me first class to my fancy house in London town
All the riches baby, won't mean anything
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring
All the riches baby, won't mean anything
Don't need no other baby
Your lovin' is better than gold and I know
If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah)
Then she done bounce stepped toward Kurt and the council.
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
She was flirting with Kurt but on the 'wealthy Girl' part she slowly dropped leaning on Kurt.
I'd get me four Harajuku girls to
Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names
Love, Angel, Music, Baby
Hurry up and come and save me
She was lightly touching Wes's shoulder and playing with his gavel
All the riches baby, won't mean anything
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring
She was leaned on David playing with is tie while sing this.
All the riches baby, won't mean anything
Don't need no other baby
Your lovin' is better than gold and I know
She sat on the desk leaning back on Thad while singing.
KURT: Come together all over the world
From the hoods of Japan Harajuku girls
What? It's all love
What? Give it up
What?
BRITTS: (shouldn't matter) [x4]
Kurt bounce stepped towards Blaine, Jeff and Jeff's friend shimming.
What?
Come together all over the world
From the hoods of Japan Harajuku girls
What? It's all the love
What? Give it up
What? [BRITTS](shouldn't matter)
He was at the middle of the room looking at Brittany who as sat on the council's desk. And they sang to each other.
What happened to my life? Turned up side down
Chicks that blew ya mind, ding, it's the second round
KURT AND BRITTS: Original track and ting
KURT: You know you can't buy these things
See Stefani and her L.A.M.B I rock the fetish people you know who I am
Kurt bounce stepped towards Brittany at the desk.
KURT and BRITTS: Yes ma'am, we got the style that's wicked
I hope you can all keep up
We climbed all the way from the
bottom to the top
now we ain't gettin' nothing but love
If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah)
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
They shrugged in beat and rolled their eyes
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the
world, if I was a wealthy girl
When the song finished they just linked hand then done a curtsy bow combination.
"WOW!" said Blaine not being able to keep his eyes of Kurt.
"Double WOW!" said Jeff.
"Triple WOW!" said Jeff's friend
"Shut it Nick." Said Jeff then he kissed Nick on the cheek.
"Apart from WOW any other comments?"
"So can we be friends?" asked Brittany
"We need friends who don't call us stupid and don't ignore our talents." Said Kurt
"Well, I don't think Blaine is going to ignore your talents." Said Jeff winking at Kurt.
"So Blaine is a Dolphin?" Asked Kurt
"A Dolphin?" asked Wes
"A Dolphin is a gay Shark. So Kurt just asked if Blaine is gay." Said Jeff rolling his eyes.
"I'm a Dolphin." Said Kurt
"Me too." Said Blaine jumping for Kurt's attention. "I'm 100% dolphin."
Jeff and Nick were trying to hide their sniggers about Blaine trying to get Kurt's attention.
"I'm a dolphin," said Jeff high 5-ing Kurt.
"I'm a half-dolphin." Said Nick.
"Same!" Said Brittany. "But Jeff is your dolphin? Right?"
"Yeah," Said Nick with a small smile looking lovingly at Jeff.
"And Blaine is 100% lone dolphin." Said Jeff winking at Blaine.
Wes banged his gavel and said
"Warbler Practice is over. I suggest that anybody who isn't staying the weekend should get going."
About half the boys left, the other half gave their number to Brittany then left.
"So, no offence but if you want to get home before it gets too dark, I would get going now." Said Wes trying not to cause offence to the Cheerleaders.
"Oh, it's okay. I'm staying at Britts's and we don't have to be back 'till 11pm," Said Kurt.
"Well why don't we go and get coffee?" asked Jeff
"Okay, cool." Said Brittany
Jeff and Nick lead the way with Brittany Asking Jeff whether he's a Unicorn. Kurt linked his hand with Blaine's, the five walked to the coffee shop.
The Coffee shop, near the Cafeteria, Dalton:
They got their drinks and sat down at a table. There was an awkward silence so Blaine said;
"So what's school like Kurt?"
"School sucks!" said Kurt he sipped his coffee "People call me and Britts stupid. Then Azimio and Karofsky call me a Fairy but I'm not a Fairy I'm a Dolphin."
"Kurtie don't forget that you're the King of the Dolphin-Unicorns."
"Thanks Britts."
"Kurt," said Blaine leaning forward to hold Kurt's hand. "That is what most homophobic people call ga-Dolphins, Fairies and f-fags."
"Why?" Kurt asked Blaine with his eyes wide innocently.
"I honestly don't know. People are mean for no good reason. They may call you horrid names, they could mock your intelligence or they could beat the living crap out of you."
Kurt saw how sad Blaine looked so he sat on Blaine's lap and hugged him.
"It's okay Blainey, you have your fellow Birdies and Dolphins at Gay Hogwarts. And now you have me!"
After his initial shock Blaine returned the hug.
"You smell nice." Kurt muttered into Blaine's neck.
Blaine froze for a few second.
"Um, Thanks?"
"That's okay."
They stopped hugging but Kurt stayed on his lap he turned around to pick up his coffee.
"So, is Blaine comfy?" asked Jeff wiggling his eyebrows at the boys.
"Definitely, also he smells really nice."
"Really? What does he smell like?" Asked Nick disregarding Blaine's death glares. Kurt leaned back into Blaine neck and smelt him, causing Blaine to have Un-dapper thoughts.
"He smells like Raspberry Hair Gel, Vanilla and Awesomeness."
Nick had to stifle a giggle.
"Really?" asked Brittany. "What do I smell like?"
Kurt got off of Blaine then straddled Brittany then smelt her.
"You smell like Lord Tubbington, Strawberries and Fondue. You should tell Lord Tubbington to cut back on the cigarettes as it will make him ill." Said Kurt
"But whenever I tell him not to smoke he reads my diary, then he joins another gang."
"Sorry, but whose Lord Tubbington?" asked Nick
"Oh, Lord Tubbington is my cat!" Kurt got off Brittany and sat next to Blaine.
"Blainey?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I sit on you?"
"Uhh sure?" Kurt sat on Blaine leaning his head on his shoulder. "You said earlier about being called names, does anyone do anything else?" said Blaine
"No. Well, Coach, Santana and Quinn chew them out if anyone tries to be violent. But if Coach or The Un-Holy Trinity aren't there the boys try to push me into the lockers. In glee they aren't mean about me being a Dolphin but they mock me and Britts 'cause we're not that smart." Said Kurt. "You know you can put your arms around me."
Blaine awkwardly put his arms around Kurt.
"That's horrid! They're supposed to be your team mates…friends." Said Nick. Jeff was nodding along.
"It'd mostly Rachel 'Gold-Star' Berry and Mercedes 'Techno-colour-Zebra' Jones. They are really mean. Didn't you say Finn thought you were gonna peak on him in the shower." Said Brittany
"It's because he's the Quarterback, I think. He thinks way too high of himself. But he isn't even that fit. I'd totally peak at Blaine though." Kurt said this with a small nod, causing Blaine to blush.
"Isn't it a little hot in here?" said Blaine.
"I could totally help you take your blazer off."
"Um, could you get off so I can take it of myself?"
"Okay sure." Said Kurt he stood up and Blaine took off his blazer.
Kurt sat on the chair next to Blaine.
"Oh, My, your arms are awesome!" said Kurt "Can I touch them?"
"Uh, sure?"
"Oh, they're so muscle-y!"
"Really?" asked Blaine. Kurt nodded. "Well, I do box."
"Wow. That would be really hot to watch."
"Kurtie is getting late and we should be getting back. As Coach has us practicing the new routine tomorrow even though it's a day off for everyone else."
"Oh yeah, Blainey you should totally come tomorrow." Said Kurt his eye lighting up. "After we could get coffee and everything" when he said this he was leaning in and fluttering his eyelashes.
"Are you sure?" Kurt nodded. "Okay, I'll try to come." Said Blaine. "We need to exchange numbers."
"I don't know mine." Said Kurt.
"It's okay it's on my phone Kurtie." Said Brittany.
Blaine got Kurt's number, then texted him.
To Kurt:
Hey, It's Blaine
"Look, I got your text." Said Kurt showing Blaine his phone.
"Well, we better get going." Said Brittany.
They left Dalton and drove home.