Author's note: I have rated this T for character death. This is not a light, fluffy piece, so be warned. I don't know where this plot bunny came from, I never expected to write a character death story as my first complete ST VOY story. I normally write more cheerful stories.
Disclaimer- I don't own any part of Star Trek Voyager. Never have, never will. I make no profit from this story. I have only borrowed the characters for a little while.
The Drawing
The day she died was one of the worst days of my life. His too. He took even harder than the rest of us did, even Naomi, and the Captain was her hero. But Naomi wasn't in love with the Captain.
I don't think he ever talked to anyone about it. I know he didn't talk to me. I tried, believe me, I tried.
He put on a good front for the crew.
Her crew.
I heard him call us that once. Her crew. Not my crew. Not our crew. Not even the crew. Her crew.
He didn't shut himself off from us. He presided over her funeral, cried and shared stories with us. He was always ready to offer a shoulder for a crew member to cry on.
There was a hollowness to his expression for many months. He spent more time holed up in his room. I think he was going on vision quests. I wanted to help him, but he brushed me off, gently. I didn't have the heart to make him tell me what was going on.
In time, it seemed he healed. The hollowness is still there though, just not all the time.
He doesn't blame himself for her death, for which I am grateful. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was a tragic accident.
I think Kathryn Janeway would take comfort in the fact that her death was not meaningless. She died protecting Voyager, protecting all of us.
I think Chakotay takes some small scrap of comfort from that, at least.
The strangest thing, though, happened a few days ago. I was watching Naomi for a little so that Sam could have some time off. Naomi wanted to draw, so that was what we were doing. She wouldn't let me see what she was drawing, and even moved to another table. Well, kids get like sometimes, so I just let her be. About an hour later she slipped into the seat opposite me and set a picture in front of me. I gasped. There, drawn in a child's hand, was Voyager. It was open in the front so you could see the bridge. There was Kim at the comm, Tom at the helm, and Tuvok at security. Chakotay was sitting in the Captain's chair, and Naomi sat in the first officer's chair. The Captain stood/hovered? I couldn't tell which, behind Chakotay. She was wearing a long white robe and had a golden halo over her head. Her arms were wrapped around Chakotay in what was clearly mean to be a hug. Her wings came out at a funny angle and grew large as they went out the top of the ship and surrounded Voyager. She was smiling.
I didn't realize that I had started crying until a drop of water landed dangerously close to paper.
"B'Elanna? Are you okay?" Naomi asked. I raised my head to look at her. She looked a little worried.
I sniffed and wiped my nose. "I'm fine, Naomi." I replied. "It's just- your picture-"
"My picture made you cry?" Now she looked really worried.
"No-Yes, but in a good way." I began. "It was just really nice and so I was crying. It's really nice." I repeated.
"Are you crying because you miss Captain Janeway?" she asked.
I nodded. I felt ridiculous, but it felt good to be able to let this out. Janeway and I didn't get along at first, but I grew to respect her and consider her my friend.
"I miss her too." Naomi confessed. "That's why I drew this picture. See?" she pointed to the Captain. "She's protecting all of us," Naomi waved to indicated the wings.
"Why is she hugging Chakotay?" I asked.
"Because he's her best friend." Naomi stated simply. "And he misses her more than anyone. So she's hugging him to make him feel better."
I couldn't help it. My sniffles had subsided somewhat, but when Naomi finished I started bawling my eyes out and half smiling at the same time. From the mouths of babes I thought to myself.
Naomi came over and wrapped her little arms around me. "I miss her too." she said into my shirt tears welling up in her eyes. We sat there holding each other and sobbing. After a while her sobs subsided and I looked down to see her sitting in my lap, looking tired and older than I've ever seen her. She turned up to me, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I feel better now" she whispered.
"Me too." I whispered back. I kissed her on the top of her head. "Thank you for showing me your picture."
Finis
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