Care, Trust, Love
Another night. Another trip through the castle. Another annoying conversation with Potter.
"… So we picked it up, and you know what happened?"
"No. And James, I really don't care!" Lily Evans turned a corner, not waiting for James to say his idiotic comeback.
"But," he fell into step beside her, his voice a whine. "I wasn't finished!"
"You are now."
"Can't you ever let me get the last word in?!"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because your word is stupid."
"Not always."
"Most of the time." He sighed frustrated.
"Do you like making me miserable? Or is it just subconscious or something?"
"I don't like making you miserable."
"Do you mean that?"
"No. I'm just saying it."
"You can be a right bitch sometimes, do you know that?"
"'You can be a right prat sometimes, do you know that?'" She mocked him cruelly.
"Can't you at least try to be nice to me? I don't know what I have ever done to you, but I hate it when you treat me like this. Like I'm slime in the bottom of your cauldron."
"Because your ego is the size of the Great Hall and you're an arrogant, egotistical idiot."
"Will I ever be good enough for you?" She laughed; however it was mean. So cruel that she even felt a little bit of guilt swoop through her stomach.
"You are good enough for me." His mouth went dry and his blood pressure rose dangerously.
"Then why do you always say no when I ask you out?"
"Because I don't like you and you've asked me out eight hundred and thirty seven times. It's annoying!"
"If I stopped would you?"
"If you stopped I would never have to hear your annoying voice fifty times a day. If you stopped you wouldn't ask me out again!"
"Why don't you like me?"
She stopped and turned to him angrily. "Because you persistently ask me out. Because you don't ever leave me alone. Because YOU ARE YOU!" She bellowed into his face then stormed away.
Her hair whipped his face as she passed, and he snapped. He roughly grabbed her arm and yanked her back towards him. Angrily, he pushed her up against a wall, glowering into her eyes. His stomach ached with shame when he realized the pools of emerald were shadowed with terror and hurt; in spite of that fact, he continued to growl out his anger.
"You are the cleverest witch in our year, Evans. You know every book, word for word. You seem to know all the details of every prank I have ever pulled. You can do ALL of that; but you can't seem to fucking see that I love you. That I REALLY like you.
"Well, since you seem to like a challenge, I have one for you. I dare you to care. I dare you to trust me. Goddamnit, Lily, I dare you to love me." He shoved away from her and stalked in the opposite direction they had been headed.
He went straight for the Gryffindor common room, and he was so upset that he yelled for ten minutes at a group of second years for talking too loudly, then sent them to bed, two of them in tears.
The rest of the room cleared out quickly; James Potter's legendary wrath wasn't something they wanted to experience firsthand.
James threw himself onto one of the couches and stared into the fire for hours, watching the flames until they were nothing but embers.
After awhile, his eyes drifted shut. He slept fitfully; his dreams consisting of the fear in Lily Evans' eyes.
Lily paused outside the portrait hole. The Fat Lady was snoring softly in her frame, her head tipped back on a pink chair. She felt that if she were to wake the slumbering Lady, that there would be hell to pay.
Lily was a very proud woman. And it was an unfathomable thought to find Lily Evans in any kind of trouble; she had vowed early in life that the day hell froze over would be the day she would allow herself to be caught breaking any kind of rule.
But even after a time in the kitchens, being doted upon by sympathy-laden House Elves, she felt as if her life was in pieces. She had never actually disliked James. In fact, his arrogance actually tugged at her interests; however, she repeatedly tried to convince herself that James Potter was just a slimy git that didn't know a charm from a spell.
Even after reassurance from her friends, she couldn't help but notice the sexy way he pulled his fingers through his hair when she was around. It drover her mad the way he looked at her; like she was the prettiest thing in the world.
He can't think that! She scolded herself.
She knew she wasn't pretty. Not like Jessi Daniels, or that raven haired girl from Hufflepuff. She knew that she wasn't nearly as beautiful as her friends.
She hated her hair; for, it would never lie flat. Her milky complexion made her unwanted freckles stand out more than they should. She longed to be able to tan like Jessi; however, being out in the sunlight for two hours bought her a week of pain and redness. Her teeth were crooked, and her parents had never had the money to purchase braces for both her and her sister.
She was curvy, and had the body of a model, but she had to work for it. Every morning and evening found her on a five or so mile run. She didn't mind it; it cleared her mind and allowed her to release pent up anger and energy; even if James stalked her the entire time. She wasn't entirely bugged about it, either.
Suddenly she felt guilty. James Potter did nothing but shower her with attention, and she brushed it off as if it meant nothing to her, even when it meant everything to her. Her sister was up on a pedestal, and Lily was lucky to get praise from her parents.
After her first year at Hogwarts, the admiration had dwindled back to nothing, and she was left with being sorely disappointed that her parents didn't care. With plans for Petunia's wedding, there wasn't much thought spared for the younger daughter. She had one letter from her parents… from back in October. It broke her heart. She did her best… and was recognized by her teachers only. She hated it.
Stifling a sob she tapped the frame of the Fat Lady's portrait. The Lady gave a particularly loud snore and blinked awake. She gave Lily a reproving look when she said the password and muttered a quick apology.
"To bed with you, Miss Evans," the Lady said sternly.
"Of course, ma'am." The Lady's expression softened as she swung open.
Lily clambered silently through the portrait hole and stood for at least ten minutes breathing hard. She knew it was well past one o'clock in the morning, and she knew there were lessons beginning at eight o'clock, but she found herself strangely wide awake.
She contemplated going up to bed, but knowing the action would be fruitless, she proceeded to her favorite chair. The glowing embers in the hearth provided a soft light and comforted her some.
As she leaned her head back, letting out her breath, a loud, obnoxious noise made her jump. She whipped around only to find someone sleeping… the noise was his snoring.
She didn't recognize him at first, but as he shifted on the sofa, his unruly hair caught her eye.
It was strange to her to see him like that. James looked so innocent and peaceful…. Suddenly he jerked and moaned softly.
"…I'm sorry…" he murmured. "…No! I mean it! I-" he paused, shaking fitfully. "…NO! LILY! I didn't mean…!"
Her breath caught in her throat; he was having a nightmare? About her? She felt oddly guilty. She had upset him… again… for the eight hundred and thirty-eighth time….
"…I'm sorry…" he whispered again then fell still. She chewed thoughtfully on her lip as she observed his face. He had a slightly square jaw which she found quite attractive; and already she could see the five o'clock shadow forming down said jaw line.
She silently crept over to the couch he was sleeping on. She kneeled beside him, and a lone tear slid down her cheek.
"No, James," she murmured, softly stroking a lock of his hair off of his forehead. "I'm sorry. For everything I've ever put you through." She swallowed back emotion; James mumbled something unintelligible and she smiled to herself. "You know, James, I do care. I care about you, and Sirius and Remus and everyone else, too.
"I trust you. More than I've ever trusted anyone else. You make me feel so safe… so beautiful. No one has ever made me feel like that before. I thank you for that.
"And, James? I think I can learn to love you. You're not ignorant, or a git, or any of the other horrible things I've called you. In fact you're quite intelligent and your high spirits keep everyone on their toes and happy. That being said, I want to make it clear that those are the things that attract me to you; not the things that are your faults."
She suddenly felt as if a large weight had been lifted off both her shoulders and her heart. She climbed slowly to her feet, her eyes never leaving James Potter's face. She smiled down at him, thankful for the wave of fatigue that was sweeping over her.
"Good night, James," she whispered softly. She bent low over him and kissed him gently on his forehead. "I wish you sweeter dreams." She thought she caught him smile, but the action was over so quickly that she definitely could have imagined it.
She stumbled her way up the stairs to her dormitory and threw herself on her four-poster, fully clothed. Within minutes, she was fast asleep, and for the first time in months, she slept soundly.
After he was positive that Lily had gone up to bed, James sat up and sighed dreamily. He was finally getting to her!
As awful the temptation was to run up the stairs after her, he held himself back. He would have her yet; he was positive about that.
He sighed again, then laid back to stretch his aching muscles; however, they weren't so aching anymore. He grinned unrepentantly to himself, suddenly beat.
Exhaustion over came his happiness, and he drifted back off to sleep… his dreams were again of Lily, however there was no fear involved….