Dean sat at the table drinking another cup of coffee. He couldn't sleep, and not just because of the caffeine. It had been one month since Mary came back and it was still a lot to process. At this point it was so late, Dean just figured he'd pull an all nighter and worry about crashing later.
"Hey," Mary said, walking into the room. "I didn't think you'd still be up."
"Couldn't sleep."
"I know the feeling."
Mary grabbed a mug for herself, poured some tea, and sat down next to him. The two drank in silence.
"Is that my wedding band?" Mary asked after a few minutes.
"Uh, yeah," Dean said, looking at his hand. "Dad gave it me years ago."
"He did?"
Dean took another long drink of coffee.
"Yeah, he kind of promised it to me after you died but my fingers were too small you know?"
Mary nodded and took another sip of her tea. She had a "mom sense" that that wasn't the full story.
"I'm sorry. You probably want it back," Dean said, starting to take the ring off.
"No. Keep it. John gave it to you for a reason right? I'm sure it means more to you than it would for me."
Dean was thrown off by that comment.
"Mom, can I ask you something?" he asked. She nodded. "Did you love him?"
"We were young," Mary answered simply. "At the time I did, but… I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my doubts. I hope you don't remember all the fighting and times he or I would be gone."
Dean cleared his throat. He did remember.
"I guess I'm not truly sure how I feel," Mary continued, "I know I should have been hysterical when you told me he was dead but…"
Mary trailed off. What was she doing? She knew this was not a conversation to have with your child. I mean, Dean was still four right?
No.
"To be fair, it was a really weird 24 hours," Dean said, trying to defend his mother's thoughts.
Silence grew between the two again.
"I was fifteen," Dean said, taking his turn to break it. "And I was living in a boys' home. I had met a girl and fell for her. We were supposed to go to a dance when Dad showed up to get me. I knew I was never going to see her again."
Mary reached over and grabbed her son's hand. She ran her thumb over his knuckles.
"Anyway, I was pissed and really hurting," Dean continued, not noticing she was touching him. "I hated him and I missed you. I think it was the one time when I really needed you but… you weren't there."
"And that's when he gave you the ring?" Mary finished for him. Dean nodded. She could see there was still a little bit of pain in his eye.
"I'm here now," she added, reassuring him.
"I think I'm, uh, going to try going to sleep. Sam will kill me if he finds out I was up all night."
Dean got up and poured the rest of the coffee down the drain. He put his cup in the sink and made his way to the doorway.
"Dean?"
He turned around.
"What I said and how I feel about John… it doesn't change anything about you and Sam. You're my sons and I promised to love you, no matter what."
"We know," Dean said. Mary smiled. "Goodnight Mom."
"Goodnight baby."
Dean bit his lip to keep from smiling. He turned back around and made his way to his room and fell asleep.
Mary wasn't too far behind him.
And in the morning when they woke up, no one said anything about what was discussed. And Sam never suspected anything.
198913
