A/N
Welcome to my first Dragon Age story! Just as a general warning this story will become huge...like spanning all 3 Games huge. Main characters will be involved but not the general focus until maybe midway DA2 and I will read and appreciate any comments, kudos, reviews and recommendations. Even if you just want to complain ^^
This story will include a lot of research i did on all the available sources on Thedas... I will however make use of artistic freedom.
The first part will not include any romance unless you count mentions of certain characters, like for instance pessimistic egghead!
Also DISCLAIMER I do not own any of the recognizable stuff, you know what I'm talking about! Thank Bioware and the fantastic people working for them
Enjoy!
When someone asks you: "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" most people would not expect: "Running a secret organization with the aim of reclaiming racial independence or creating an autonomous state." as a serious answer. And yet that is where I found myself 5 years after my death.
Yes, you heard correctly, AFTER my death. I honestly do not know what to tell you. It just happened and despite many good theories I never truly found out how or why it happened.
I was walking back home from the tube station. One of the houses in my street had some reconstruction going on. I passed it as I did every evening when something heavy, cold and blunt hit me full force in the head.
My last thought was 'OUCH!' … I know, I know very profound stuff.
After that my world turned black.
My awareness returned in small flashes. It felt more like a dream under the influence of a double dose of Valium. All I remember is being surrounded by a green haze, floating rocks and glowing crystals, also gravity was everywhere.
The time I "properly" woke up I was in a dark place. Literally. It was different from the total blackness of unconsciousness and the dream state. Squinting my eyes I could make out the barest hint of light. I felt like I was still floating. A part of me was still not sure if this was even real. My first look around was almost too dark to make out anything of use.
The room I found myself in was small but had a high ceiling. The cold and dampness should have been chilly but I felt fine. Every surface in my visual field seemed to be the same dark grey stone. It must have been smooth once but it looked more like a crumbling old ruin than anything else. Also there was nobody around. No telltale TV or Radio noises or chattering of small groups of people in the background. All I could hear was echoing dip-drops of water. This meant this was no hospital, which was really the only place I thought I might wake up in.
Sitting around would not help me so I sat up and immediately I thought 'Bad idea!' Disorientation hit me, hard. I could barely feel my own body. I could not make out whether I was standing on solid ground or on a wobbly waterbed surface. This would take some getting used to. Tentatively I took some steps forward and nearly did a face plant. Mental note to myself 'Do not walk if you cannot feel your legs move, too much of a gamble.'
But then I could not just stand around in the same spot for eternity, could I? Had I been kidnapped after being knocked out? It seemed the only logical explanation.
Was I still asleep or hallucinating? My surroundings seemed real enough but I could swear I heard music in the background. It was faint and seemed to be coming from everywhere.
Despite my situation I felt deceptively calm. I had always been an emotionally well-balanced individual before… well whatever this is. Should I panic? No. Panic was counterproductive. I could not afford it. I wanted to pace. Walking always facilitated me in bringing order to my occasionally chaotic mind. So I paced slowly, following along the wall. Several rounds later I felt a little better. Also I finally did not feel like falling over anytime I took a step. The less you think about it the more your body supplies you with automated movements.
It was time to leave this little room to get some information.
Where was I? Was someone else here with me? If yes, friend or foe? If no, what in the blazes was I supposed to do?
No answers would be found in this cubicle of a room so I should venture onward into the unknown.
Hesitation was the only thing which stopped me. I had seen enough horror movies to know where walking down dark, empty corridors got you. However it is also said: Nothing ventured nothing gained.
I stepped out into a … hallway, big surprise. The walls were from the same stone as before. I had a bit more light here as it shimmered through cracks in the ceiling where a big tree root dug into and through the stone. Must be one big tree.
The light made it possible to take in more details of my surroundings. It was still quite dark, but at least I had discernible greyscale and not only 'dark' and 'beyond dark' to describe this place. I was incorrect in assuming that everything was made from smooth stone. When I had a closer look at the wall to my right I could make out finer details. Someone had carved beautiful patterns into the stone. In some areas there were squiggles on the wall that must have been script of some kind, though none that I have ever seen. Though much of it was worn off. This place must be relatively old if masonry was worn down as much and a tree grew through the ceiling. Maybe an old ruin? Now I felt like I was accidentally starring in Tomb Raider or Indiana Jones.
As I placed my hands against the stone to feel the pattern I felt as though something was not right with what I was seeing. An odd feeling that something was very wrong without knowing what it was. I started to glare at the wall in frustration when it hit me like a ton of bricks and I did a double, no triple take of my hand… which I could see through faintly.
I was shocked, then fascinated. In order to find out more I held it against the light to see what happened. It was like looking through milky glass. I could see the outline of my fingers and my wrist and arm, but I could also see through my hand and make out the shape of the tree root. Curious I looked down.
My body was the same, though I realized with some relief I seemed to be clothed as I was before I had my head smashed in.
I was a ghost! Or not really as I could not phase through walls, or float or anything else that would have been cool. On the other hand I did not feel solid either. I felt in between, which did not make a lot of sense. And that is when I finally grasped that I was dead, and transparent and very lost, somewhere. Before I could lose my cool, my logic decided to step in: Could I change anything?
There was nothing to be done about my death, it had happened. I did not even know how I was a transparent specter so nothing to be done about that either. The only changeable variable was my spatial unawareness. And so my brain put the phenomenon of my death on lower priority and declared denial my new best friend. As a consequence I put all my remaining energy into resolving my state of disorientation by getting un-lost as soon as possible. Exploration here I come!
While I walked down the hallway I had to dodge all kinds of rubble on the ground. The stone should facilitate echoes in a corridor like this, but my footsteps were silent. In the background I could hear the faint dripping sound of falling water. The whole ambiance seemed perfect for a ghost. Maybe I did belong here after all.
As I walked it became increasingly bright. I decided to follow a small draft of air and finally stepped out into a brightly lit great hall. The center piece was a giant statue of a woman with draconic wings. It looked very impressive and reminded me of old shrines dedicated to gods and goddesses of the ancient civilizations.
The light I had followed came from a huge gap in the ceiling. It was shimmering yellow and green, most likely reflecting from the many leaves of the trees growing up there. Water steadily fell down from the many roots reaching into the chamber. It gathered in a large pool around the statue.
All around the room I found more miniature version of the dragon lady and dozens of owl statues. What at first looked like benches, were actually sarcophagi. Fantastic, I must be in some ancient mausoleum. I seem to fit right in as a dead person. Maybe there are more ghosts around. It did not sound as encouraging as I had hoped.
This hall turned out to be a dead end. However the presence of a skylight made it possible to guess the time of day and so I decided to make it my base. Any good video gamer knows base camps are important. Wonder if I could light a bonfire…what would be the odds…
From this hall onward I explored every room adjacent to the hallway. Many of them were filled with empty and destroyed bookshelves. Others had larger sarcophagi inside. Several of them were so destroyed I could not enter them. In the end I found a staircase. The way up was blocked by fallen debris, my only remaining option was going down. A route for another day, I decided.
I returned to the hall and picked a dry corner to sleep. By now it was night out and barely any light shone from above. I sat down, closed my eyes and tried to relax. And I waited and waited. I tried counting sheep, which I had never done before. I hummed myself a lullaby. After my 2nd time of going over Mozart's "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" I decided to give up. Sleep would not come, no matter how long I waited. As I focused inward I noticed the music again. It had been unnoticeable as I focused on my surroundings but now in my introspective it became more prominent. The song was sad and beautiful in a haunting way. It could have made anyone smile in enjoyment and cry silent tears in reverie. I was alone with myself and the melody.
The thing about sitting down on your own and focusing inwards is: it gets you thinking. More and more I became aware of my non state of being.
I should be tired. I was not.
I should be hungry and thirsty. I was not.
I should be solid. I was not.
I should be dead. I WAS NOT.
I was WRONG.
The music turned dark.
My mind continued to run in circles, again and again. I was brought out of my musings as the hall brightened once more. Daylight filtered in. The everyday normality of it stood in stark contrast with my own existence. I was an anomaly, unnatural, my brain would no longer comprehend my current state of being. Helplessness spread through me. For the very first time in my existence I did not know what to do with myself. I lacked explanation and purpose. Despair crept up to me and folded around me like a heavy, cold blanket. Then my instinct kicked in and screamed for the people that would have loved me and helped me out of any situation… my parents. And in answer to their absence I felt a very real sense of loss. There was no home and no family for me. I had no idea where I was, no discernible future, no purpose, nothingness.
I felt as though I should cry, but I could not. This deep sadness settled into my bones. My grief and hopelessness made me feel heavier, darker. They spread through my veins like lead. I was dragged under by the weight into a cold place. It felt like drowning. As I allowed these feelings to weigh me down time lost all meaning. The abyss had me, held me.
Xx some time later? xX
The whirlwind of emotions did not pass easily. I would like to think a guardian angel swooped in and helped me find my path. That was not the case. In the darkest recesses of your mind you will inevitably stumble upon the core. The very origin of what makes you, YOU. I had found my soul. Its brightness was undimmed by what went on around it. It felt like the eye of the storm. No matter how much chaos surrounds you, within that part of yourself is absolute clarity. I hung onto that clarity like it was my one and only lifeline.
Later I would resurface from the depths of my mind and be put out by my inability to find this clarity again.
Logical thoughts drifted through my mind again. I was a ghost, emotions seemed to have a large influence on my non-physical state.
'Heavy' felt more real, more here, but left me in a very dark, gloomy state of mind. Deep breaths, let it all disperse and I was calm again. For the next hour I kept on meditating to calm my breathing and my emotional state.
When I felt no more heaviness I went through my existential crisis in rational steps.
I was dead and shut off from all I knew. My family would be informed, they would grieve and hopefully move on with their lives. My friends would be shocked, but would continue on. My world did not need me anymore, maybe this one did. I will need a new purpose here. My first priority now was: Get more information!
When I opened my eyes again it was dark again, but I felt brighter, light and free. Compared to the darkness within this sort of physical darkness had no effect on me any longer. Since I was not solving any problems sitting in a corner and it was not getting any brighter I resolved to continue my exploration. I could honestly not think of anything that could harm me in this state. I later found out that this line of thinking had been very naïve of me.
With one hand on the wall I made my way, step by step, through the darkness of the ruin until I reached the staircase. What greeted me 24 steps down was another system of tunnels full of rubble. Yay! Note the enthusiasm.
My eyes adjusted to the shadows slowly all the while I mapped the place out in my mind. It would not do to get lost later on. The more I saw of this place the more I felt like I was having a Deja-vu and I did not mean the fact that everything looked the same. Even though it did. My mind kept telling me I should recognize this place, but did not provide further clues as to from where. There was something familiar about the style of the ornaments and the figures and statues and I could not put my finger on it.
The oddity began to become annoying. Like having-a-word-on-the-tip-of-your-tongue-annoying.
The next staircase I found led upwards. My hope to find a way out of this place was dashed when the stairs abruptly ended in a wall of dirt. Another blockade on my way to freedom.
I turned back and began mapping out side passages and rooms. On my way I noted several intact traps, which I did not trigger. I don't know if I even could. A few rooms gave of a creepy aura. The song was louder in those places and I felt heavier. It scared me. It felt like a breeze swirling through my essence, at which point I turned and left. Mental note: avoid these places.
Apparently there was no exit available in this part of the ruin. I was cut off from the outside. Despite the large amount of room around me this place suddenly felt claustrophobic. I half ran, half stumbled back to my hall and decided to meditate some more. It could not hurt to keep calm and carry on.
My peaceful contemplation was disrupted by a flash and crack from above. The occasional drip of water from the root increased into a small continuous stream. Grumbling sounds and the fall of drops on many leaves could be heard from the opening in the ceiling. A thunderstorm raged above. For as long as it lasted I sat and enjoyed the new sounds and smells, which came with the storm. It took a long while for the weather to calm down. After the storm had passed the pool in front of me had transformed into a lake, high enough to reach my ankles.
Indeed, the water flooded through every crack in the stone. As I made my way back to the stairs I discovered that the lower passages were flooded. I could not swim through this. As it turned out, I did not need to. My form passed through water with no resistance. A few hallways had collapsed, on other occasions a wall had come down and opened up new places to explore, which I relished in doing. The staircase, which had been a dead end was now free of debris. As I waded through the mud up the stairs the smell of ozone became stronger and stronger. The very air seemed charged by the lightning.
I jogged down a last bit of hallway and up 5 slim steps and found myself out in the open. Freedom at last!
Dark green surrounded me. The change in color was like a shock to my deprived senses. I stood in the dense thicket of a forest with very tall gnarly trees. The vibrant new colors almost drove me to tears. Until now I had not realized how stale the air below was. I enjoyed the fresh air, the scent of wet earth and grass and leaves, the faint breeze in my face and hair. It was addictive. New noises reached my ear, no echo of drops in stone halls. I heard owls hooting and leaves rustling and bleating of deer in the distance. The forest was alive and for the first time since my death I felt alive as well.
I remained in that spot for hours not moving beyond 10 feet in any direction. After I had absorbed my fill of life and marveling at the feeling of sunlight and moonlight on my translucent skin I moved. In order to not get lost I walked through the surrounding forest in concentric circles, spiraling outwards and back. I managed to identify a handful of tree types. On the other hand I did not recognize any of the shrubs or herbs I came across. They looked familiar, yet I could not name them.
Even though I did not want to imprison myself again, I went back underground. I wanted to check if the storm had opened up any interesting spaces within the tunnel system.
Several more rooms had opened up, all of them emanating a sinister aura. One of the walls had come down and the path beyond led through several large caverns full of spider webs. Gigantic spider webs. I did not wait to see how large the spiders had to be to spin this much thread.
I jogged along and for the first time saw some actual corpses in this gravesite. Old corpses, simple skeletons in leather and heavier armor. Must be a very old grave. The armor and the bows and daggers looked positively archaic, not to say ancient. Obviously everything was in disrepair and yet the quality was such that some authentic details remained visible.
After I passed a hall full of skeletons I walked up into a greater hall. What caught my eye was a beautiful circular mosaic on the ground of the far side of the room. With single-minded focus I walked straight towards it until I stood just in front of it. So engrossed was I in the flowing pattern of shimmering colorful stone, that I squeaked and jumped in surprise when a low snort came from behind me. In panic I turned around with too much speed, slipped on the tiles and landed on the floor. How inconvenient to become a clumsy ghost the moment I needed to be alert.
From my new perspective the creature in front of me seemed even taller to me.
There on a pile of rubble and shiny gold coins sat a dragon. A fire breathing, snoring reptile, roughly the size of an SUV. Sweet merciful fate had decreed that my clambering, clumsy noises did not wake it.
The acceptance of the existence of the fire drake in front of me was the trigger for my next epiphany. The statues, the hallways, the dragon, the ruin in the forest…. It felt nostalgic! I had been here before so many times, yet never before in person. All of this was familiar through a computer screen while playing Dragon Age Origins. Following that line of thought I must now be in Thedas. I was in freakin THEDAS! I had to stop myself before my thoughts spun out of control. This was no place to have a moment of enlightenment!
I doubt the dragon could actually hear or smell me, but I did not feel comfortable having a picnic in front of it either. I snuck past him up the stairs through another hall full of webs (shiver) and out into a gigantic room, not unlike the foyer of an expensive hotel. Now that my brain had a reference and knew what to look for I immediately recognized this place. I was in the forest ruins in the Southeast of the Brecilian Forest in Ferelden.
For a moment I was happy to finally know WHERE I was, until I asked myself WHEN I was.
Canonically this place is introduced in DA:O, was I here before the Werewolves, or after? I have not seen any. And how long before or after? Maybe this was another age entirely. I could certainly pick from about 8. Maybe I could find more indicators. With any luck I might find a clan of Dalish elves, which would indicate anything after the fall of the Dales. I doubt any Dalish elf would talk to a spirit looking like I do. And I was a Spirit, not a Ghost! Although I was not an aspect of anything as far as I knew, not like Hope, Faith or Justice or Compassion.
After making my way back outside I sat on a fallen tree trunk and tried to recall anything relevant from my obsessive (yes I admit it) game play of the Dragon Age Trilogy and me reading any related literature.
Cole had been a spirit of compassion, but he made himself physical. If he could do it I could do it. So my next order of business: Get a body!