DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rose Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy, Miranda Hart, Rent, or Abba. Most unfortunately.
So dark we forget who we are.
When he said all those things … I don't know, I just panicked! / And started singing Abba. :Oneshot RoseScorpius NextGen:
So let's find a bar
So dark we forget who we are
Where all of the scars
From the nevers and maybes die
~Out Tonight, Rent.
"… so anyway, that's about when I started singing!" Rose cried, smacking the bloke on the arm for good measure.
"Erm, singing?" he repeated.
"Yeah, I tend to sing whenever I get nervous," Rose admitted, screwing up her nose. "What IS this stuff, by the way?" she asked, peering into her nearly-empty-glass-bottle and HELLO, VODKA!
"Well, I dunno, you were the one who ordered it–"
"I ordered for something fruity," Rose cut in, leaning an elbow on the bloke's shoulder. "Fruuuuity, that's a funny word, innit? FRUITY – but I don't know what it is! And I think I've had a bit too many, perhaps I should have water – oh god, no –" It was like her entire BEING rebelled at the thought of having anything but alcohol. "Sorry, water, my beautiful chum, but you are just not going to cut it tonight! It's going to take some serious fruitiness to make me forget the disaster of a day that I just had."
"Yep, it was a disaster, alright," the bloke snorted. "what with you singing–"
"Ok, clearly, you have never heard me sing before," Rose pointed out. "Trust me, you do not want to, but I can't help it! I get all nervous and shaking and – Friday nights and the lights are loooooow!" Oh, no. She was belting it out, and lord even knows where this one came from! "Looking out for a place to goooooo–"
"May I please go?" the bloke eyed her, fearfully.
"–nnn-nnn-nnn, I forget the words, but you get a chaaaaance–!"
"Ok, this has been real, insane girl, but Ima just head back to my mates now, m'kay?"
"YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN!" Rose yanked back on his arm, practically throwing the bloke back onto his bar stool, which he nearly fell off in her enthusiasm. "YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEN! MERLIN'S BLOODY PANTS, SOMEONE STOP ME!"
"Oi, mate!" the bloke quickly turned back to one of the bartenders, gesturing frantically over Rose's head. "Tequila shot for this one!"
Well. That's one way to get her to shut up! She should remember that for next time (because, let's face it, there was going to be a next time). Rose had no idea what happened when she was born, but it was a bloody miracle that she was even still upright on her good days. Maybe it was the singing, maybe it was the fact that she was over six foot tall (thank you giant heffalump of a father!) or maybe it was the fact that she had the social skills of a constipated camel. Whatever it was, it was no wonder that she was in her 20s (ok, fine, late 20s) and still single.
Especially if tonight was anything to go by!
Once the tequila was in her system, however, she was thankfully able to put a hold on the singing for about five seconds and realise that Albus was finally trying to push his way back through the crowd. It hadn't been her idea to come out tonight – please, her idea of a 'wild night out' was eating regular mayonnaise instead of low fat! – but Albus had sort of insisted. Something to do with 'getting over the fact that you're useless in an emotional crisis and having a bit of fun for a change, now get your arse into something smashing!' She really had no idea.
"Rosie!" Albus called, waving a hand as he pushed and tripped his way in front of them. "Sorry – bathroom's on the other side of the bloody pub – hey mate," he added to the totally random bloke that Rose had just started rambling to about ten minutes ago when Albus had disappeared to go use the bathroom. Then, he did a rather spectacular double take as he added,
"… uh, who the hell are you?"
"Oh! Albus, this is–" Rose had slapped a hand down onto the bloke's shoulder, but had a total mind blank. "–oh god, what's your name?" she asked.
"Liam," the bloke rolled his eyes.
"LIAM!" Rose yelled, slamming his shoulder again. "Albus, this is Liam, my new best friend!"
"Yeah, ok – nice to meet ya, you flippin' nutcase–" Liam the random bloke said, before jumping off his barstool and disappearing into the crowd without another word.
Brilliant.
"Well, now I'm even more depressed," Rose pointed out.
Albus just snorted, taking Liam-the-bloke's now free seat. Rose loved her cousin dearly, especially since Albus seemed to be one of the few people in this world who was just as crazy as she was. Not that she's crazy! Nooooo, no, it's perfectly normal to act out your own winning Oscar speech! None of this amazingness could have been done without her dear Albus, her parents, her gorgeous cat, Miri …
"Rosie," Albus grinned, nudging her arm.
She made a sound of defeat.
"Oh, WHY, Al?" she groaned, letting her head flop onto his shoulder. "What is WRONG with me? A bloke tells a normal girl that he's in love with her, she's ecstatic! She cries tears of joy, she rides off into the sunset on a pure-bred horse with a ridiculous name, like – I don't know – Incestuous Pride, or something. But me? No, no, no, I have to panic and start singing – SINGING!"
"Well, to be fair," Albus shrugged. "he did kind of spring it on you."
"That made it worse!"
Albus just snorted at that. "Did you at least sing an appropriate song?" he asked with a smile.
"If you call bursting into a rousing chorus of Mamma Mia appropriate, then yeah! It was totally appropriate."
"Oh god–" Albus clapped a hand over his mouth, but it didn't do much good. It was clear to tell that he was smothering bursts of laughter.
"It's not funny," Rose cried.
"No, no, of course–" Albus practically choked. "–you – you didn't – I'm sorry, I can't even!" He collapsed over the bar in hysterics.
Oh, honestly.
Despite the fact that she was still wearing her work clothes, it was barely eight o'clock in the evening, and she was feeling utterly mortified, Rose couldn't help but laugh along with her cousin/best friend. Besides, surely she would eventually find this situation funny, right? It's amazing the things that seem like the end of the world two years ago, but now are just hilarious. If she thought back to the time she once accidentally went to the wrong job interview and ended up working a shift as an exotic dancer (it … it was just a long story) she could actually get a laugh out of it. At the time, she had spun around that pole wondering what in god's name had actually happened here, but now, she kinda missed Nikki, Velvet, and the rest of the girls!
"… why does this keep happening, Albus?" Rose was practically crying now as she grinned, Albus hastily wiping at his eyes. "I'm 28, I deserve a proper boyfriend by now! Instead, I get husbands shoving fivers into my knickers, or genuine blokes who think I'm nuts!"
"Is that a rhetorical question, or do you really want me to answer?"
"Oh, shut it, you," she scoffed. Then, she turned and raised a hand for the lovely bartender – he was gonna totally be her new new best friend now! – and added, "Cheerio, barkeep! Another round of fruitiness for me, and something pink for the lady!"
"Oi!" Albus countered.
"Don't deny you want the pink!"
"I want the pink …" Albus admitted to the bartender.
"Right-o, mate," he smirked, throwing a tea towel over his shoulder, before bending down to get their liquor of choice. Rose knocked hers back almost the second it was set down onto the bar, and she seriously hoped that she had remembered to stuff a couple Galleons down her bra this morning (never leave home without them – never know when you might find yourself in socially awkward situations and need to go drink your sorrows away at the pub). She closed her eyes for a moment, the loud music of the bar pounding into her head and making her want to get up and dance … although, her flailing legs were probably best left for the relative safety of her flat. There's no telling how many people she could take out with her Irish jig!
"Al, I wanna be Irish!"
"You what?"
"I mean – dance! I wanna dance!" she insisted. "C'mon, Al, help me forget earlier and just dance with me!"
"No bloody way," Albus said. "Your dancing is horrific!"
"Offended."
"Well, I just mean that – oh, you know –" Yep, this was making it better. "Rosie, you're just …" And better. "… well, you've got a bit of leg on you, haven't ya?"
"Cheers," Rose chinked her glass against his, warily.
"Aw, Rosie, you know I love you," Albus nudged her once more. "So Scorpius Malfoy told you he's in love with you, big deal! There's no need to dance the memory out of your head. Be a grown up about it and just go tell him that you don't feel the same way."
"But that's it, Al," Rose countered, shooting him a desperate look over her drink. "that's … kind of not true."
Oh, yeah.
Scorpius Malfoy.
He was someone that she'd known for a long time, and had also been rather good mates with for a long time – ever since she had accidentally stood on his toes as a six foot one eleven-year-old, before promptly falling flat on her face – and he was one of the few people she didn't feel horribly awkward to be around! They both worked in a joke shop together; her uncle's joke shop to be exact. And yes, the answer was that neither of them really knew what they were doing in life. However, Rose had been perfectly content to just work alongside him and try and forget that she hadn't sort of adored him since that day he'd glanced down at her on the floor of that Hogwarts corridor and said, "Blimey! You alright?"
Hell, he'd even eventually grown taller than her! If there was a man out there who she didn't have to do 'the crouching gorilla' with, then she was ready to marry him on the spot.
They'd been in a teetering dance for a while now. She hadn't ever thought they'd actually do something about it.
"What d'you mean?" Albus asked her.
"Just that Scorpius is … well, a dork, frankly," Rose shook her head. "His idea of fun is to race down aisles and see who can find the misplaced Nosebleed Nougat the fastest! He might be a nutbar, but he's a good friend, Al, and when he said all those things … I don't know, I just panicked!"
"And started singing Abba."
"Ok, let's get this straight," Rose countered, holding her drink high. "I'll have you know that Waterloo was number one for two weeks when it first came out, and they were one of the best-selling music artists of all time!"
"God forbid!"
"Well, it's better that what youths today listen to," Rose snorted, gesturing vaguely to the air above her where the pub was currently belting out some pop/rap number. "I mean, seriously, how is this even a song? They're not singing, they're literally talking in time to music! Sometimes, not even in time!"
"We're getting kinda off the subject, here," Albus pointed out.
"Good! That's what I want," Rose slammed her drink down before shakily standing from her bar stool, which she was now tired of being plonked on. "C'mon, Al! Revel in the goodness of Abba with me – waterloo! I was defeated, you won the war!"
"Oh, god."
"Waterloo! Promise to love you forever more!"
"I swear, I'm not singing."
"Waterloo! Couldn't escape if I wanted to!"
"Rosie, honestly – you know all the words to Waterloo, but you haven't even heard of Clara Knightley–?"
"WATERLOO! Knowing my fate is to be with you–"
"She's only the most popular singer in wizarding history–"
"WOOOO-OOOOH-OOOOH – WATERLOO!"
Albus just snorted, jumping off his stool. "Finally facing my waterloo!" he sang.
"Now you're gettin' it!" Rose laughed, taking his hands and happily jumping backwards, dragging Albus with her towards where several people were dancing and singing along to the terrible modern music. "Let's jump back into the seventies, a time when even our parents weren't alive and dinosaurs roamed the earth – waterloooooo–! OH, GOD!" she had flung an arm back as a part of her fantastic dance moves, and naturally, accidentally punched someone in the nose.
"Sorry, sorry–!"
"Don't worry, it's fine–" the extremely familiar voice suddenly answered.
Oh, this was beyond pants. This was Merlin's god-damned undercrackers.
She'd apparently just punched Scorpius Malfoy in the nose, if him clutching at his face in the middle of the pub was anything to go by. "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry!" Rose cried, reaching out. However, she swung her arm back in immediately, babbling, "Are you – nope, that's weird – I mean, are you ok? I didn't mean to hit you – it – it wasn't for earlier – nope, that's weird, too – Merlin, I'm SO SORRY–"
"Rosie?" Albus helpfully put in. "Shut up!"
"You – get!" she chivvied him off, frantically.
This was slowly becoming a nightmare, and she'd had enough of that today! In fact, more than once she had hoped that she was actually asleep right now. Wouldn't that be strange? Imagine if you were actually asleep, right now! And you were about to wake up and suddenly you're completely different, like you're totally rich, or suddenly have a pet dog named Fifi, or live in a house made of cheese!
"Merlin, I could go for some cheese," she said.
"Pardon?"
"I – I mean – god, is your nose bleeding? I didn't mean to–"
"No, it's ok," Scorpius mentioned then, letting go of his spectacularly red nose and prodding it, gingerly. "You've kind of got a mighty right hook, there."
"It's the lifting," Rose shrugged. "work at a joke shop and it's impossible to not gain these bad girls – wa-BAM!" she yelled, pulling a muscle-man pose.
… just, what was she doing?
"Sorry," she said hastily, putting her arms down. "Look, Scor –"
"No, no," Scorpius suddenly cut in, shaking his head. "I'm not Scorpius tonight. I'm just an innocent bystander that accidentally got in the way of this lovely young lady with the red hair and legs a mile long. How d'you do? My name's – erm –" He hesitated for a moment. "– Roger! That's right, I'm Roger … Tequila."
"Your name is Roger Tequila?" Rose seriously tried not to laugh. He really was a hundred shades of adorable right there, standing before her in sensible shoes, a scruffy face and floppy blond hair, in the middle of a Muggle pub.
"Yes, yes, that is my name," he insisted.
"Right, fine," Rose shrugged. "Then, it's nice to meet you, Roger Tequila. My name's … Mimi Cinnamon Blaze."
"Original."
"Yeah, been saving that one," Rose grinned. "Ever since the Catscratch Club!"
"I'm going to pretend that I don't know that story," Scorpius pointed out. "and instead, ask if you wanna dance?"
"Look, Scor – I mean Roger – I mean – look, I just don't think that's a good idea–"
"Hey," Scorpius cut in gently, taking a step forward. Oh, be still, beating heart! "It's really dark in here – my name's Roger, your name is Mimi – we don't know each other, nothing's happened, we're just two people, who've met in a bar, and now I'm asking you to dance. It's ok. It really is."
Rose was glad that Albus had disappeared, because she didn't think she would be able to stand the OHMYGOD look on his face if he saw her. It was against her better judgement, but this could very well have been the last night of her life before she lost one of the closest friend's she actually had. So she took Scorpius' hands and, ignoring her boiling face, proceeded to dance along to the music of today.
Thing was, she and Scorpius had always loved dancing together; they often played music at the shop, songs from every year you could think of (maybe that was why she had a perchance for singing and knew all the words to Waterloo – well, a girl can blame something!) and on more than one occasion, Scorpius had yanked her away from the shelves right there in the middle of the store, to spin her around to the dulcet tunes of Clara Knightley. Don't need no potions, baby, you're my high … tonight was no exception. Scorpius twirled her around, an arm around her waist and even though they must have stuck out as the tallest bloody couple in the pub, he still dipped her and laughed as they lost momentum and nearly fell. She shrieked as he span her, and they both had to apologise profusely to the couple they accidentally nearly knocked out, but he had spun her back into him and her back crashed into his chest, and she was laughing, and this was where she was supposed to be, always …
"So, Roger …" she asked, unable to move. "How was your day?"
"Oh, y'know," she felt him shrug behind her. "Better now that you're here."
"Stop it!" Rose said cheerfully, turning around to bat him good-naturedly around the head, but she found that she couldn't quite flirt like this. Not only did she have absolutely no idea how to flirt to begin with (please, let's not bring up the hot builder incident; let's just say that her idea of flirting was apparently awkwardly bringing up marriage within five seconds of meeting … yes, it was as bad as it sounds) but Scorpius was probably about as socially inept as she was! If anything, they were both going to leave this situation even more embarrassed that she had been back outside the shop, and that would be a truly marvellous feat!
"I'm sorry, Scorpius," she said, shaking her head. "I can't do this."
She had intended on making some dramatic turnaround, where she flipped her hair and disappeared through the crowd. However, she hadn't exactly counted on a drunk girl getting in her way, plus the one or two (or five) fruity goodnessnessnessness…es throwing her off balance. "WOE–" she yelped, hanging onto the poor girl she'd banged into for dear life, until Scorpius intervened.
"Hang on, you numpty!" he snorted, helping her upright. "You two ok?"
"Sorry, mate!" the drunk girl cried. Then, she seemed to notice the bloke who was supporting her from falling over and she added to Rose, "Pwoar … nice one!"
"Oh, but he's not – he's not my – he's – oh, screw it," Rose sighed. "You're totally right. Up top, girlfriend!"
Drunk girl slapped her a high-five, as Scorpius said, "Okaaaay, c'mon!" pushing her away.
"But I just made a new friend!" Rose complained. "In fact – yep, I'm fairly certain she's my spirit animal – owl me!" she yelled back over her shoulder.
Scorpius just rolled his eyes, continuing to make her walk in front of him, his hands on her shoulders, heavily. It actually took her several moments to make her realise that he had pushed her to the front doors and they were now outside the pub. She wasn't entirely sure what his plan was, but if it was to FREEZE TO DEATH, then he was getting it right! Hell, it was bloody January! If she hadn't been drinking all evening, she might've done something stupid, like insisting on getting into his coat, but of course she wouldn't do that again – oh, no! That – that would be crazy …
Ahem.
She glanced up, and she realised that it really was just the two of them, standing in the street. London nightlife never really died, but apart from the flickering street lamp and the muted music floating through the pub doors, they were basically as alone as they had ever been. She felt her heart thumping erratically, and she wished that she had her spirit animal back, shoving tequila into her hand. Or, at the very least, that the concept of picturing Scorpius naked would help with her nervousness. Because, of course, that particular strategy only made things worse and she hastily wiped her palms on her trousers, suppressing the urge to break out into –
"Gimme, gimme, gimme, a maaaan after midnight!"
Kill her. Just kill her!
"Erm–?" Scorpius began.
"No!" Rose cried. "No – I'm sorry, I swear I won't start singing again! You know I only do that when I get nervous, and um – woooon't somebody help me chase the shadows away – NO!"
"Anyone ever told you that you're a little bit mad?"
"Oh, yes," Rose answered. "I like to think it makes life interesting."
He grinned, however he crossed his arms over his chest, glancing away slightly. It was obvious body language, even for her, and she finally dropped all ignore it and hope for the best strategies as she awkwardly began,
"Scorpius … look, you're one of my best friends. And I can't lose you. After what you said earlier …" she couldn't quite meet his eye. "This is changing things, and even though I'm not opposed to change – I mean you're – and I'm – you know? And remember when we did that thing–? With the duck and the exploding pizza – anyway! My point – my point is … erm …"
Jesus, did she even HAVE a point?
"You really are bad at this, aren't you?" Scorpius noted.
"Shuddup, I've been drinking, here!" Rose countered. "What I mean is … I love you. Too – like, I love you, too! Oh my god, did I just say that?" she glanced around hastily, as if somebody else were about to suddenly appear out of the sky. "Actually, you know what? I think that might have been a Wrackspurt! Nasty little things, you know, cause temporary brain malfunctions? Guess they must be fans of Abba, amiright–?"
Scorpius kissed her.
She hadn't even seen it coming, and she rather thought her heart spluttered and died. It had been a long time since she'd been kissed like this. He'd grabbed behind her head, crushing his lips to hers and she kissed back, mainly because she had no idea what was going on, and it was Scorpius, and he was there and she might as well not go wasting her emotions, and she rather thought he ought to lay all his love on her and was she seriously singing Abba in her head right now?
She curled a hand into his shirt, pulling him close for a second more … before pushing him back.
"Scorpius–" she gasped.
"I'm sorry!" Scorpius staggered back, hastily. "I know I've messed up a lot of things, recently. But I have to admit, I'm a little confused, now. I love you, Rose you know I do, more than anything, and I'd also gathered from your reaction outside the shop that you didn't feel the same. But–"
"Oh, no, I feel the same!" Rose assured him. "Totally the same! Same-a-rooney! Love and so many feels and that I can barely hold 'em in. But it's just," she had to pressure her brain into actually thinking for a moment (a rare moment if there ever was one). "I don't think I'm ready to hear it, Scorpius. The thought of you – the thought of us – is thrilling, but it's also utterly terrifying and half the time I can't even breathe because you're there, in front of me, looking gorgeous and – I'm sorry –" she said, weakly. "I'm a mess. An utter mess. I'm in love with you, and I can't even kiss you without going into freak out mode. If I can't handle this, then I can't handle a real relationship, and I know that makes things awkward and weird, but Scorpius, I don't want to lose you, I can't – I can't –"
"Hey," he said gently, moving forward slightly and reaching out. He placed a hand on her shoulder tentatively, but she didn't really have the strength to fight it. Instead, she let him pull her into his arms, just hugging her tightly like a beautiful cocoon or something. No! Not a cocoon – that would be weird – no, like a warm hugging bear! Or Scorpius, or whatever.
Screw it. He was hugging her, and she didn't even feel like singing.
"I get it," he murmured. "I don't think either of us are ready. I know that I still giggle whenever someone says the word 'arse' – but in a very manly way of course."
"Of course."
"So … so," she felt Scorpius sigh, and she felt her fingers curling into the hem of his jumper, tightly. "Until the day you stop singing and I stop giggling?"
She smiled against his chest.
"Until then," she answered.
They pulled back then, after several more moments. There were a few seconds of them both awkwardly hovering for a moment, Rose rubbing her arms warm and Scorpius coughing slightly, until eventually Rose just jerked her head back towards the pub doors.
"Oh, c'mon, Roger," she grinned. "Let's go dance."
"So long as you don't sing Mama Mia again–"
"I am never going to live that down, am I?"
"Oh, no," Scorpius grinned, throwing an arm around her as they slowly ambled back to the pub. "I'm afraid not. And don't worry about the fact that I'm brooookenhearted," she glanced up at him with a groan as he continued to belt out, "Bluuuue since the day we parted! Mamma mia, now I really know!"
Rose rolled her eyes. "My, my, I could never let you gooooo!"
"Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do–"
"Scorpius!"
-Fin
A/N: There were three different influences that made this crazy story happen.
The first is the BBC show, Miranda. If you have never seen this, then go watch it. NOW. Seriously, it's the single most funny thing on this planet, and if you do not at least appreciate what a comic goddess Miranda Hart is, then I'm afraid we cannot be friends. That is all. But back to my point, I was binge watching this series (as you do) when I thought, 'Why don't I write a Rose/Scorpius story, based on Miranda?'
Then I added in Abba songs. Because reasons.
Lastly, I was also inspired by the quote from one of my favourite songs from Rent, Out Tonight, which was at the beginning. So yeah, as a result, this story happened. I'm still not really sure where it came from, and it's kind of crazy and all over the bloody place, but it's here, and I hope you all enjoyed it!
Please review and let me know what you think! :)
Until next time -
- Moon. :D
PS. I posted this today because I realised that it was this day, eight years ago, when I first joined fanfiction. EIGHT YEARS, PEOPLE. I'm still not sure whether that's awesome or just sad, haha.