Disclaimer – I do not own any Outlander characters!

Jamie slowly lifted himself off the bed, wincing from the pain of his fresh wounds and bruises. He was thankful for Claire for tending to him with her skilled healing and reassured that her feelings had not changed despite the horrors he had endured. However, the experience had still stained his soul and he could not get the captains voice out of his head, taunting him.

There was still extreme guilt inside him for giving himself to Randall in that manner. And maybe even more guilt that it kept replaying in his dreams, sometimes feeling those rough hands around his waist and waking up in a cold sweat.

"Jamie?" a familiar sweet voice cooed from outside the door, "Are you awake?"

"Aye, come in Claire." Jamie called from the bed. Claire entered carrying a tray of breakfast. "How is my scot feeling today? I brought you some food to keep up your strength. I hope I need not fight with you again to eat."

Jamie shook his head smiling. "Be no point resisting you, Sassenach." He began eating some of the bread on the tray. Looking satisfied she put the tray down on the bedside table. As he ate, she looked over his hand and started to change the dressing on his chest, where Black Jacks brand had been removed the night before. "No infection, minimal swelling. Good…" she murmured to herself. She began added some more cotton to the bandage. Jamie let her do her thing, trying to sit as still as possible as he ate his breakfast.

When she finished she stood in front of him, hands on her side. "Now," she began, trying to formulate the proper wording for what she was trying to ask. "As your nurse it's my duty to treat all your injuries…How is it feeling down there, where you were assaulted."

Jamie coughed on his food and quickly looked away. "I-It be fine. Needn't be worrying 'bout it." Claire sighed, aware of his embarrassment but also concerned. "Is there still pain? Any bleeding? Maybe I should take a look-"

"Aish, no woman! Leave it be!" He pushed her hands aside and turned away.

"Alright, I understand. Well you should try and go for a walk if you're able, get some fresh air. I'll be restocking my herbs today, so send one of the men to fetch me if there's anything you need." She brushed his red locks out of his face and lightly kissed his forehead.

After finishing his breakfast and spending a considerably amount of time trying to get dressed with one hand, he decided to act on Claire's suggestion.

Walking around the grounds of the ministry, he took in a deep breath enjoying the retreat from the stuffy air of his room. He smiled when he saw one of the horses come up over the hill, sniffing for some more grass to nibble on. Horses were always his solace, often spending time in their company in bouts of weariness since he was a child. The horse's ear pricked up as Jamie approached, but he did not turn his attention away from the sweet grass. Stroking his shiny coat and gently speaking Gaelic to the beast, Jamie started to forgot about the horrors of the prison.

"Oh, Mr. Fraser-" a voice spoke behind him. Jamie turned to see Father Campbell walking towards him, one of the young priests who had assisted Claire during his healing. "I didn' expect you to be up n' about so soon, considerin'..." he trailed off, Jamie turned his attention back to the horse to hide his embarrassment. Father Campbell cleared his throat and shifted his weight.

"Beggin' your pardon, sir." Jamie waved a hand, trying to appear casual and end the awkwardness of the conversation.

"Do ye ride, Father?" he asked with a smile. The priest approached the horse, who nickered in return when he stroked its mane, obviously enjoying all the attention.

"Not in quite awhile, I'm afraid. When I was a boy I did enjoy it. It's a treat to have your animals here, they're such calming creatures to be around." Jamie nodded in agreement. There was silence for a while between them. The horse, either bored or looking for more grass to eat, walked down the hill and away from the two men. Jamie let out a breath as he surveyed the landscape.

"Mr. Fraser, may I offer my advice as a man of God?" Mr. Campbell said suddenly. Jamie looked over eyebrow arched. As much as he considered himself close to God and his religion, he was not in a particular mood for a sermon. But to not appear rude, he conceded to hear him out.

"I advise you to go to confessional, if not here, then at the nearest church. The priest can make clear to you why God chose such a fate upon you and how you can absolve yourself of your sin."

Jamie swallowed. How did he know the details of his assault, that he had in the given himself fully to Randall? Did he overhear his conversation with Claire, or had she told him? He heard the sounds in his head, the moaning sounds he had made in that prison, replaying in his head like some sick nightmare. He felt the bile coming up his throat and swallowed hard to keep in down.

"Excuse me, Father. Perhaps I best go back to resting now." He started walking down toward the building.

"Oh yes of course. Are you sure you don't need any help? You're looking quite pale." he called to Jamie. But he was almost halfway there and didn't turn back.

He felt hot breath in his ear and his skin pricked with goose flesh. He wanted to pull his neck away as it was scratched by the stubble of the captains beard. How long had this been going on? Did Randall have any slight of a beard when he first came to visit his cell? Is this his fate, to be trapped here for eternity?

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Hello everyone! This is my first outlander story and I love the show and the books! I will be honest and say I'm not concerned about historical accuracies and such. I'm writing this for fun. If you like Outlander and BL I hope you enjoy J