The idea came to me as I was thinking about internal dialogue that Alistair may/may not have had during Morrigan's proposition. I always thought there should be a lot more angst to this than there really was. My first attempt at second person POV. Of course, all Alistair.
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~The Right Thing~
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It's not like you want to do it. But what sodden choice do you have?
It's not about desire. The thought of touching any other woman that way repulses you.
It's not about your life either. You would give your dying breath if it means saving hers.
It'snot even about Morrigan! (though this makes it worse – Maker- is it possible to hate someone more?)
Not because of desire.
Not because you value your life.
Not Morrigan.
Your eyes meet in the darkness of your room. Her eyes glimmer for one breathless second. The whole sodden world can end for all you care because she is with you. And that is all that matters.
It is the way you love her.
It is the way she loves you.
It is the way you are together – closer than breath, closer than skin.
It is the way you want more, the way your love for her is insatiable and that even when you no longer know where she ends and you begin, you still want more.
It's the inescapability of who she is, and what you are becoming, what you have already become because of her.
It's the way she makes everything else fade away without trying when your eyes meet. There's no mistaking it. She tells you with one gaze that you are hers. You cannot even put it into words.
It is the way your heart whispers her name before it skips a beat at the brush of her lips against yours.
It is desire, the kind of desire that cripples you and makes you go weak in the knees. The sort that gets you all turned around, colors your world and makes it so that you can't even remember life before her.
And finally it is the way your heart falls when you think about what will happen if you don't do this, and one of you has to die, and you have to face the rest of your life without her. And by chance if you go to the Maker, you will still not have her, and that…that scares you more than anything ever has before.
The thought of losing her cripples just like your desire for her. And for some reason you cannot lose her.
You cannot.
"I'll do it, if it's what you want."
The words escape you, each one gliding off your tongue in perfect simplicity. You realize the bitter irony as the situation is one of the most complicated of your life. She looks at you in the darkness, her eyes filling with tears and you think maybe you're doing the right thing.
Yes, you think. The right thing.
Even if it hurts, even if it has nothing to do with desire, or your own life, or Morrigan. You'll do it because you love her. And because she loves you, and this thing between you is perfection in a world shattered with pain and choices you don't want to make.
But this choice, it is the right one.
Her kiss tells you that you're right.