Tonight,everything ends.
She wasn't sure, at one point she was convinced she was, but now she was not so sure.
It is really seen as a symbol of weakness? Maybe that was it. She wasn't having a bad month or a hard time
she was just plain and simply - too weak. No it can't be.
She had every viable reason to do this, every single reason was a good reason to her. Clouded judgement? Possibly.
It wouldn't have been the first time she had considered it nor would it be the last.
It wouldn't be the first time she had tried either, That she was sure of.
Eric was supposed to be her safety net, her protection, her escape - he was supposed to help her to not feel this way,
so why was being around him making her want to do it even more? She could ask Horatio, he wouldn't know,
she could ask Alex, yes she would be worried but she couldn't help her either.
The answer lies in her, alone. It hit her so hard that it even confused her,
She started wondering if 'tonight' would be her time to say a last prayer.
She would look back on life and remember when she was a young child, she didn't have to worry about boys, or friends,
because boys weren't interested and friends would constantly come and go.
Now, she was older things had changed and she didn't like it.
All those nice boys she once grew up around wanted to screw her
and all those girl friends she used to love so much just wanted to kill her.
Work wasn't the same anymore, it seems working there only caused more pain and hatred that couldn't be ignored.
It brought out the facts she tried so hard to hide from.
Nobody makes it out alive. If people tell you something over and over, do you start to believe it?
I suppose to her that depended on the context.
People constantly call her beautifull, she believed it less day by day, people called her useless, a waste of space.
she believed that more day by day and it was taking it's toll.
Nobody knew she had a weakness for 'online friends'. No, not relationships with online men, but girls, boys, general nice people who she considered friends. From all over the world. Some were fake, they pretended to be people they weren't but she didn't care. She did the same pretending she was happy when she wasn't.
She would wake on a morning, turn on the computer and talk for hours - she'd laugh, cry, envy, and celebrate - everything, with these people.
It was easier then. But then she grew up and everything changed.