Title: Things Are Never Easy
Pairing: Santana / Brittany
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
Summary : Santana had always been deadly afraid to come out. The day she decides to do it, she realizes she might have had a good reason to be so frightened.
A/N : I wanted to know how Santana could come out to her parents. I'm afraid RIB will go like "Oh, Britt, by the way, I came out to my parents." next season, and I really would like it to be more. I would like her whole coming out to be a long road for her, something hard and painful... All the parents aren't as accepting as Burt Hummel, and I would like Glee to talk about those kids for who telling their family (and friends) they're gay is a hard thing.
Chapter 1 : Confessions
That was it. That was the day. She was going to do it.
Santana Lopez was in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, her legs crossed under her; she was looking at a picture of Brittany and her, letting memories take over her thoughts. It was an old picture, taken back in the days when they were 5 or 6; it was Brittany's birthday, and the two girls were holding each other by the shoulder, Brittany's hand clutching firmly the stuffed duck Santana had offered her as a gift, never letting it go. With the other hand, she was tickling Santana's ribs, a mischievous smile on her face as she watched the smaller girl, who was laughing so hard she couldn't even look at the photographer. Santana could almost remember the laugh of Brittany's father who was desperately trying to get them to stay still, so that he could take one picture of them where they wouldn't move. He didn't succeed, but that was part of what made that picture so perfect.
I can do this. She kept repeating in her head. I can do this. For B. For us… For me.
Her mother interrupted her thoughts, calling her from downstairs.
"Santana ! Dinner's ready!"
"I'm coming!"
She took one last look at the picture before shuffling it into her pocket, took a big inspiration and went downstairs to join the dinner table.
She stopped by the dining room door. Taking a look at her mother bringing the dinner on the table, while her father was reading the newspaper. Like any other day. She knew what she was about to say was going to change the whole otherwise calm atmosphere. Had she been able to see her own face in that moment, she would have seen the same sad frown she worn every time she had to watch Brittany with Artie – when they were still together. The same frown she also had at the end of Songbird, or when she had confessed feelings she wasn't sure would be reciprocated.
She snapped out of her thoughts, shook her head, and walked into the dining room to take her usual sit beside her mother, in front of her dad.
She didn't look at them. They started eating, neither of them talking; they didn't really have anything to say to each other anyway. The only sound was the sound of the forks in the plates, and the sound of chewing. The only words that escaped her father's mouth were some muffled compliments about the food; otherwise, the silence was deafening.
She averted her eyes to look at them, and broke the silence, putting her fork and knife soundly on each side of her plate. Her parents both looked at her, startled by her unexpected outburst, and she looked at each of them before blurting the words that weighted on her mind.
"I'm gay."
Damn it Lopez, you could have thought of a better way to drop the bomb.
Her parents stopped eating, her mother with her fork halfway to her open mouth, in a position that would have been funny in any another situation. They looked at her in disbelief, not really sure if they had heard it right or if it was just an effect from their imagination. Her dad was the first to react, frowning and growling.
"Excuse me?"
She gulped at the sound of his voice, and repeated her sentence with a little less assurance.
"I'm gay."
The silence following her sentence was deafening. Resounding like a gunshot. She saw horror slowly painting its way over her mother's face. Her father's face stayed still, but his eyes were getting dark with anger. She was still facing him, looking at him right in the eyes without retreating, even if all of her body screamed for her to run away.
She watched him as he slowly stood up to make his way towards her, and stopped in front of her. Staring at her for what felt like ages, with that same still look on his face.
And then, without any warning, he slapped her violently.
Ricardo Lopez was not a man to mess with. He was a well-known doctor, confirmed catholic, very strict in his work and with his family. He was strong. Had a strong bone-structure and a firm handshake. When he shook your hand, it felt like he could just break it without any effort; when he slapped you, it felt like being hit by a truck in the face.
Santana's head was violently pushed aside, and she stumbled to keep her balance on the chair while the pain flashed sharply across her cheek. Eye contact with her father was broken the moment his hand hit her cheek, leaving the mark of his fingers printed deeply in the flesh, a trail of blood starting to bleed from where his wedding ring had ripped the skin. She looked down at the carpet while one single tear escaped her eyes, not because of the pain, but because of the rejection.
She raised her head just in time to see him making his way out of the room, and weakly tried to call him. Weakly wasn't a word usually used to describe Santana Lopez. But when she left the high school hallways and entered her house, her attitude changed totally; she wasn't McKinley High school head bitch in charge anymore. And in this moment when her father rejected her, she felt utterly small.
''Dad, I…''
He cut her in the middle of her sentence, giving her a dirty look.
"I don't recognize you anymore."
And then he left the room, leaving her alone with her mother.
She stared at the empty door for a moment, before turning to her mother. For help, acceptance, or a sign that she wasn't that wrong. She needed to be loved for who she was, and even if she didn't really believe in it, she still had a hope that her mother would understand and support her. She NEEDED her.
When she faced her mother, she met her disgusted look and her heart sank. Her mother looked at her with that look you wish you would never have to see on your parent's face; like you deceived them. Like you broke their confidence in you. Like they hate you.
"I don't understand…" her mother muttered under her breath, staring at her, her eyes taking in every detail of her daughter still sitting at the table while her hand was clutching the cross around her neck.
"Mom, I can explain, I…"
"Just shut up. I just… I don't understand how it is possible for me to have given birth to such a monster."
Santana opened her mouth, wide in shock, but then closed it without saying anything. If her father's slap was painful, this sentence was pure torture. It was like being punched repeatedly in the stomach, and not being able to do anything about it. A flash of hurt passed across her face. And just like that, without any warning, her mother lost it. She started yelling in Spanish, throwing her arms up in the air, her face red from anger.
"¿Cómo pudiste hacer eso? ¿Qué chucha pasa contigo? ¡Eres la vergüenza de la familia! Siempre fue así. ¡Nunca fuiste capaz de hacer las cosas bien, siempre tenias que ensuciar tu nombre y cagar todo! ¡¿Por qué no podías ser como la chica Fabray? ¡Es hermosa, talentosa, es todo lo que nunca será! ¡Oh sí, yo sé lo que paso el año pasado, pero prefería que mi hija sea embarazada a las 16 mientras de ser lesbiana toda su vida!"
(Tr: How could you do that to us? What the fuck is wrong with you? You are the shame of this family! It's always been this way. You were never able to be good anything, you always had to mess it all up and dirty our name! Why couldn't you be as nice as the Fabray girl? She is beautiful, she is talented, she is everything you'll never be! Oh yeah, I know what happened last year, but I would rather have my daughter be pregnant at 16 than being a freaking dyke her whole life!)
Santana was still in shock, taking in all the hatred and disgust her mother was throwing at her. Maria Lopez kept shouting, getting angrier and angrier at each word she spoke.
"¿¡Y ahora que, me vas a anunciar que tienes sexo con la chica Berry? ¡Siempre pensé que había algo malo con ella, siempre te lo he dicho! Nunca me gustaba; pasas demasiado tiempo con ella, a causa de este Glee Club, o no sé qué. ¿Y tus otros amigos? ¡Nunca fuiste capaz de elegir las personas buenas para ti! ¿Noah Puckerman? ¿Brittany Pierce? ¡Oh wow, que bueno! ¡Un adolescente delincuente y una rubia estúpida! ¿¡De verdad!"
(Tr: And now what, you're gonna tell me you're fucking the Berry girl? I always thought something was wrong with her, I always told you so! I never liked her; you spend way too much time with her, with this Glee Club thing. And your other friends? You never knew how to choose people who would be good for you! I mean Noah Puckerman? Brittany Pierce? Oh wow, great! A delinquent teenage boy and a blonde dumbass! Really !")
"Mom, Britt is not…"
"¡I DON'T CARE WHAT BRITTANY IS OR ISN'T! Te lo voy a decir, no es buena para ti. ¡Nunca lo fue! Y mírate ahora... ¿Qué, mañana me vas a decir que quieres jugar golf? ¿O peor, ir a la GAY PARADE? Santana María López, no lo voy a lograr. Tu no… "
(Tr: I'm gonna tell you, she's not good for you. She never was! Look at yourself now… Now what, tomorrow you're gonna tell me you want to start playing golf? Or worst, go to the GAY PARRADE? Santana Maria Lopez, I won't accept it. You won't…)
Santana couldn't listen to it anymore. She got out of the room while her mother was still yelling that she could go to hell, whatever, that's where she was gonna end anyway, sooner or later. She ran out of the house, jumped in her car and drove. Drove while still trying to hold back tears, to the only place where she knew she would be safe.
She had a 2-seconds hesitation in front of the door, but she finally rang the bell. Brittany opened just a moment later, this huge beaming smile of her fading when she took in the state of her best friend, still trying to hold back the tears.
Santana couldn't hold herself anymore. She fell into her best friend's arms, crying and clinging to her for her life. No words were spoken between them, but Brittany understood immediately what had obviously happened a few minutes ago in the Lopez house. She held her friend, trying to comfort her, but Santana wouldn't stop crying and felt like all her strength had been drained out of her body. Brittany picked her up, and carried her inside.
Her parents were in the living room, watching television, and they turned to her when she closed the door.
"Honey, who w…"
Their faces fell when they saw the broken form in Brittany's arm, and they immediately stood up to make their way to the girls; luckily Brittany's younger sister was at a friend's for the night, or she would have freaked out too.
"Brittany, what's happening?" asked her father, obviously concerned for the Latina who was still crying. The Pierces had known Santana for years now, and they really liked her; she was good for their daughter, and spent so much time at their house that they almost considered her as their third child.
Mandy Pierce motioned for her husband to go back to the living room, and he did so, knowing that his wife would be more useful than he would. She followed her blonde daughter as she carried her best friend upstairs, careful not to bang her against the walls.
"Is she okay?"
"No mom, she's not" replied Brittany simply, putting the still crying girl on her bed and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.
Santana was still sobbing, trying to avoid Brittany's gaze. She hated her to see her that way, hating to make her sad, but in this moment she desperately needed her. She was gasping for air, obviously on the edge of a panic attack; Brittany forced her to lock eyes with her, and spoke the words softly but firmly.
"San, calm down. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
Santana nodded, still crying, and buried her face into her best friend's shirt, still clinging firmly to her.
She could hear Mandy Pierce's voice from behind.
"Oh my God, she's bleeding! I'm gonna go and get something to clean the gash."
She came back seconds later, and sat beside the girls, turning the still-crying Latina's face to her so she could have a better view on the cut. She started gently cleaning it, and the girl flinched under her touch.
"Yeah, I know it hurts baby, but I'll be quick." She murmured soothingly. "You've got a pretty bad bruise here too..."
She didn't ask any question. She didn't ask how it happened, or who did that to her. She knew all Santana needed for now was help and comfort; the questions would come soon enough. Either way, Santana was not in shape to say anything in that moment, still sobbing heavily, and unable to catch her breath.
Mandy Pierce finished her work, and then kissed the girl's forehead. "Britt is gonna take care of you", she murmured.
She turned to Brittany while getting back up on her feet. "You'll be okay?"
Brittany nodded, mouthing a quick 'thank you' before turning her attention back to her best friend. Her mother kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her arm for support, before leaving them alone, closing the door behind her.
Santana still couldn't breathe properly, shaking uncontrollably and gasping for air, her tight clothes nearly suffocating her.
Brittany picked her again, gently undressing her before settling her under the covers of the bed, in nothing more than her underwear. She let her go for a few seconds in order to remove her own clothes, and Santana whimpered at the absence of her friend besides her; but just a moment later, Brittany slid under the covers, wrapping herself around her and holding her close.
She felt her friend's body relax into hers and the shaking slowly disappear as she seemed to regain her breathe; but she kept soothing her, stroking her bare arm and murmuring soft sentences in Dutch to calm her until she drifted into sleep.
The last thing Santana thought before letting exhaustion take over her body was the look on her parents' face when she had come out to them.
Clearly, she had a good reason to have been so afraid all this time.
A/N : I hope you liked it ! This is only the first chapter, Santana still has a long way to go... So if you're willing to take this road with her and see where it goes, don't hesitate to review, and tell me what you think !
Also, I apologize for the mistakes ; I am French, and English isn't my first language but I'm trying to do my best. Don't hesitate to correct me when I'm wrong !