And now for the moment that Bri has been waiting for!
This story was inspired by "If I Was Your Man" By Bruno Mars. And is kind of like a chapter two to "Like the way it hurts"
He was beautiful and that's all that mattered. My dizzied, alcohol bathed mind drove his image from my memory and the strobe-lights throbbing through the club made it almost impossible to see his face. But I remembered that at one point, I thought he was beautiful. So I continued to dance with him, making sure our pelvises remained touching. I hoped I would get laid that night. My only concern was remembering his name.
At the time, I was taking my break up with Shizy-chan the way I normally handled them; wild and sex-crazed partying; though that night was different from other nights. No matter how much I drank myself stupid, the hollow hole in this dead heart of mine was never filled. The only solution to this I could think up was to drink more.
The lights flashed on and off in thousands of different colors, disorienting my glazed sense of balance. I clung to the man I had arrived with as my eyes struggled to keep up with the twists and turns of rollercoaster colors. Red green blue orange purple black purple white black red orange blue green black white black red black purple orange blue red white orange purple black purple red green blue orange purple black purple blue red blue orange purple black purple green yellow red blue orange purple. If I had known any better, I would have had a head ache.
I laughed to myself and curled my fingers into the short, buzzed hair of the shadow I held onto. Eyes landed on me. Eyes watched my every move. I felt them and stopped moving. A familiar glare washed over me, causing my glossy eyes to scan the people around us. Body movements were robotic through the wavering light and made it way too damn hard to recognize anyone.
My hands slid away from the figure I was holding as a sense of disappointment washed over my mind, as if this glare I could feel hanging over my head was not of anger but of scolding; like I wasn't allowed to hold my date. I caught a glimpse of the shape of sunglasses in the crowd – the sunglasses my Shizzy wore at all times – and my heart sprang to life with the idea that my recent ex was here; feet from me; growling under his breath at my every move. But with the flash of a green light the image was gone and my heart settled.
Thick hands landed on my waist and – without considering the possibility it was someone other than my date – I began to dance again. My thin, stumbling frame was pulled into a strong, toned body. My weak arms laid on the shoulders of my date, who was suddenly taller than I remember. I ran my hands up the back of his neck and let my fingers glide through his long, silky hair that reminded me of my Shizzy. With a giggling cackle, I leaned up with the intention to kiss the man whose name I had forgotten. I stopped when a flash of yellow revealed my Shizzy, holding me, his stone eyes hiding behind his dark sunglasses.
My breath caught in my throat as the lights took away my ability to gaze upon him. Shizzy – cold, dark Shizuo – was dancing with me. My dizzy hands cupped the sides of his beautiful face but the frame of his glasses avoided me. I could not touch them. There was only skin there and when the green light flashed the man I was holding was no longer my Shizzy but the date I had arrived with. My heart sank surprisingly low.
I was pulled – stumbling – through the crowd, flickering colors bringing about faces of demented demons and cruel clowns whose fangs bared sharp and ready to devour this liquor washed soul. I was not moved.
Light – one light – one still and consistent light hung in the refreshment room. I didn't realize how dizzy my feet were till I was under that light, struggling to walk on my own.
My date – who was now rendered as a fact to not be Shizzy – touched my face with smooth fingers and asked in an echo of a voice, "Izaya, are you ok? You look pale."
Though my state of being was, more or less, on the verge of concern, I snatched up another beer and reassured him I was fine. I knew for a fact I was not drunk. A light-weight was never a characteristic I was lucky enough to possess. At the time, I assumed the strobe-lights had disoriented me and I would be fine soon enough. But as I licked the rim of the beer bottle, my mind trailed back to Shizuo.
". . . I think I saw my ex-boyfriend." I started and downed the bottle with ease.
My date was anything but intrigued, "Heiwajima-sama?"
I nodded.
"Why would he be here?"
"No idea. He probably followed me to see if I was going to fuck you. He's obsessive like that. But not protective, I've notice. He never really cared whether I was hurt or going to get hurt and stuff like that. He just wanted me to hang on him. How selfish, right? Selfish little bastard. Didn't care about anyone but himself and what he wanted and his feelings – If he ever had any besides anger.
"I never should have been with such an angry person. Such an unpredictable temper . . . it was kind of exciting actually. Like I was walking on mines all the time. One wrong move and boom; I got this scar right here. This one too. He had a tendency of throwing things. I could dodge them most of the time; like 90% of the time. He didn't have the best aim but he had some serious arms. His muscles where like the size of my head . . ."
Like a complete and utter, ass hole I went on like that for almost a half an hour – talking to my date about the flaws of my ex. He had tried to change the subject three times before I realized I was talking too much and drowned my mouth with a long swig of alcohol. To say that Shizzy was not on my mind would be a lie. Leaning against the refreshment table, my eyes were drawn to the door way that flickered with the strobe lights of the dance floor. A deep flicker of crimson red held Shizuo's image but was quickly hidden by a fast black out. When the lights flashed to white he was gone, along with all hint that he was even there at all.
Maybe I was getting drunk; it was too soon to tell. I finished off the drink in my hand and left it on the table. If I am drunk I just want to go screw this beautiful guy and get the night over with. If Shizzy is here then he's going to pick a fight. And if he's going to pick a fight, I want to be outside so I have room to run. Chases are always fun; especially since I always win. Either way, I'm way too horny to just stand here. And something a little raunchy would break up this awkward silence between myself and my date.
Throwing the last of my inhibitions to hell, I jumped on my date, taking the back of his neck in one hand and pushing him up against the ugly red wall on the east side of the room. He didn't reject me the way Shizzy would have and that was a bit of a turn off, but I let my tongue invade every crevice of his mouth. His hands settled on my waist and only my waist; they did not explore the greatness that was my body. The eighth wonder of the world was standing before him and all he wanted to touch is my waist? How disappointing.
I quickly became bored with the perverted, public display of lust I was trying to start and pushed myself off him. This is pathetic. It's like he's not even trying to be sexy. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he needs more liquor. The thought of how Shizuo would have thrown me up against the wall and destroyed my body on the spot signified that I definitely needed more liquor.
I managed to get a few shots of tequila into my date within the next fifteen minutes and, before I had time to see another Shizuo, the two of us were stumbling into the New York streets. Shizuo had officially left my intoxicated thoughts, which meant I was now officially drunk. Maybe not as drunk as I would like to be, but the sensation was glorious, the alcohol forbidding the cold air to affect my warm skin, my arm linked with my date's so I wouldn't lose my balance as we stumbled to the road side, giggling about something funny that I didn't care enough to remember. But it was funny and at the time I found the nameless man flawlessly adorable and the fact that he was taking me home to "met his mother" insanely erotic.
"Taaaaaaxiiiii!" I shouted into the night, either unaware or uncaring to how moronic I sounded. None of the passing cars stopped which only made my date giggle even more.
"Shhh!" Slurred the voice of my escort, "You're so loud my mom's gonna hear you and come here herself! You're sup-osed to be a surprise remember?"
"O-yeah" I leaned forward and spoke loudly into his broad chest, touching a finger to my lips "Shh! We gotta be quiiiiet!" He giggled at me and I smacked his arm, "Shush, now! You want the whole fucking neighborhood to hear us! Shut up! You listen to me or-or I'll scream!"
He cackled into my ear, "Hush, ok, ok, I'm quiet."
"Good! Now shut up!" I demanded throwing my free arm into the wind.
"Izaya . . ." Called a deep, sensual voice from behind me. The voice was all too familiar but I had never heard it so soft before, so gentle, as if turning around to face the voice was a decision I could make and not a demand. I spun on my toes and squinted at the tall, dark, and perfect blonde leaning against the corner of the club in dark skinny jeans and the white dress shirt and dark vest I had bought him.
"Wait, Izaya, just . . . let me say something." That expression in his eyes were far to Bambi-like for him. I hated it. Why wasn't he getting mad at me like he knew I wanted?
I smirked devilishly at him, "Oh what, Shizzy, you jealous I'm having a better time than you?"
I smirked a crooked smile and swayed back on my heels, "Hey look," I shouted cheerfully, throwing my hand back to get my dates attention and smacking him in the face, "It's lil' Shizzy! Hi, lil Shizzy!"
Shizuo smoothly slipped off his sunglasses, showing his dark chocolate eyes that melted my soul. He looked me up and down, disappointed, "What are you doing . . . ?"
I stopped swaying. He knows me well enough to know that I'm pretending to be wasted when I couldn't be more than a little intoxicated. But it's fun to pretend. My voice returned to its regular octave, "Having fun. And you're ruining it."
"I know . . ."
I blinked at him. Not exactly the answer that I was expecting, but ok. I grabbed my nameless escort's arm but couldn't think of anything to say to such an . . . out of character response. I wanted him to be mad. I wanted him to chase me down the street, like he always does, and manage to hurt himself, like he always does, so I can walk over and smirk at him, like I always do, and tell him all come back to his sorry ass once more, "Well . . . If you'll excuse me . . . I have to go . . . with this man . . . and not you."
Sure, it was an awful reply and saying it made me want to bash my head into the waiting taxi's window, but if it got him angry, that's all that mattered. My tries were in vain. The look on his face told me there would be no chase tonight – no battles to win – and I was both disappointed and pleasantly surprised. Shizuo stepped closer as I turned to step into the taxi.
He came to the opposite side of the taxi door, the two of us face to face now, "No," he stated calmly, "I just . . . want to tell you I know . . . I understand, now, why we keep breaking up. It's my fault." Those evil eyes were so sincere they glued me to the road. My aching, hollow heart skipped a beat for the first time in a long time . . . but maybe that was just the alcohol. He couldn't be serious. He was trying to give me a false sense of security so he can grab me and beat me till I come home with him. That sounded more like my Shizuo.
But there was no hint of trickery in his eyes; his dark, suffocating eyes. The purity in his tainted eyes caught me so far off guard I couldn't think. But I didn't let my surprise show. Instead I tried to sound sarcastic, "Really, it's your fault?"
"Yes" He answered honestly
"And when did you have this epiphany?"
"The moment you left my arms."
My loss of words became permanent, my lips hanging open slightly like a dumb struck idiot. It was the first time I ever saw warmth in his cold gaze.
He waited for me to speak but I couldn't so he continued, "I don't blame you for wanting to leave all the time . . . actually, now that I think about it, you had no reason to keep coming back to me. What I did to you over and over wasn't fair. And you don't have to worry about that anymore. I'm going to work on my temper . . .
"I should have treated you better. I should have bought you nice things and told you every day how handsome you are, until you got so sick of hearing it, it would make you mad when I said it. I should have held you closer and told you how much you mean to me instead of just assuming you knew.
"I'm not here to ask you to take me back. I won't bother you anymore. This is the last you will hear from me," he turned to my meaningless one night stand and pointed to me, "Do not take advantage of this man. He's greater than you will ever understand. And he deserves better than me . . . Don't make the same mistake I did . . . because you'll never know how wonderful he is until he's gone."
My date blinked, probably too drunk to fully understand what's happening. I glanced between them longing for words, desperate to speak the words I never told him; tell him how much I love him and the romantic way he beats me. I forgot how to open my mouth. Someone remind me how to talk.
My sweet Shizuo turned to me and his overwhelming gaze weighted me down. With the most intense love in his voice, he bowed his head to me "Goodnight, Izaya."
He slipped his sunglasses on and made his way down the dark street. I kept my eyes on him till he turned down an alley and was out of sight. Was that an apology? At the time, I wasn't sure, but it sounded sweet as hell. My Shizzy, sweet. Who would have thought he had the ability to be sweet. The idea was incomprehensible but it just happened and the fact that it just happened was both unreal and a little . . . Exciting – if you know what I mean.
His presence had left my heart pounding faster than my ridiculous date has ever made it pound. And for a moment I wonder what the hell I was doing standing next to him instead of starting my own chase. I looked over my shoulder and up at my nameless date.
". . . See ya" I mumbled with a shrug and took off down the street after my adorably and surprisingly kind Shizuo, leaving my date next to the open taxi. Who cares about him, he'll find a new guy my morning, hopefully. Who am I kidding; I really don't care what he does. I whipped around the corner, catching sight of Shizuo.
"Hey!" I shouted through the dark alley.
Shizuo came to a steady halt and turned to me. I began making my way down the dark, wet alley, approaching him with determination, "Ok! What I'm about to do does not mean we're back together!" I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed him up against the brick wall of the building, laying the deep, passionate kiss on those thin, dry lips of his.
Almost instantly, his lips attacked mine, letting my small hands hold into the building. Our tongues slid together, hot, wet, longing. I pulled away before he could get too excited, the both of us breathless. His deep, dark, unreadable eyes gazed down on me, crushing my drunken soul with their weight. All I could do was smirk and mutter, "Take me home."