Kitty Connivance

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.

Author's Note: New part of the "Kitten Tales" series. And, written for my bestie, lms2457, when she was having a bad day. ;)

Castle woke with a start when someone wrapped a cactus around his foot. He yelped and kicked the offending object off and sat up in bed, his breathing ragged in surprise and pain.

He found the culprit across the room. The little black and white ball of fuzz, otherwise known as Malcolm, bathed his shoulder, indifferent to the pain he'd caused and the flight he'd just taken. The cat paused for a moment, meeting Castle's eyes with a non-amused glare before continuing his bath.

Rick shook his head and started to lay back down, only to find his pillow had been taken over by the other kitten, Joey. He gently picked the gray and white cat up and moved him to the side. The instant he touched the cat, Joey burst forth in a loud purr. Castle smiled and rubbed him between the ears as he laid down and began to relax.

He'd barely gone back to sleep when Joey snuggled closer and head-butted Castle on the chin.

"Go to sleep, you silly cat," he said as he rubbed the sore spot on his chin, then patted the cat on the head. "You're really supposed to be in Alexis's room, you know that?"

Joey's eyes opened just a slit and he purred even louder. Apparantly, this one had chosen him for his 'person.'

Rick always thought of himself as more of a dog person, but the cats, or Joey, at least, was doing a good job of changing his mind. The kittens didn't really need anything, besides the obvious food and water. When they wanted attention, they either curled up in his lap, as in Joey's case, or in Malcolm's case, found some way to attack or torment him.

He stretched and decided to get up. Joey was purring loud enough to rattle the walls, so he knew there wasn't much point in trying to sleep.

As he yawned, Castle stepped out of bed and pulled on a grey t-shirt as he walked through his office and into the kitchen. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and mindlessly got the coffee pot set and ready to brew.

Once it was going, he took a seat at the bar to wait. Joey hopped onto the cabinet and meowed expectantly at Castle.

He sighed, "You know Alexis is the one who feeds you, right? Go upstairs and I'm sure you'll find something."

The cat rubbed up against him, then jumped to the floor as the coffee timer went off. The smell was wonderful as he walked around the bar, past the refrigerator, and -

He screamed.

Something - Malcolm, he was sure - was on his shoulders, claws embedded, and not letting go anytime soon. Castle flailed, trying to get the cat off, but Mal was still small and wiley enough, he couldn't get a hand on the cat.

The next thing he knew, Alexis was running down the stairs, her eyes wider than he could ever recall seeing them.

"Get the cat off me!" he yelled, and she ran to his side.

He was still swinging when Alexis got to the kitchen. "Dad, you've got to stop moving, or I can't help you!"

Castle leaned against the countertop, his knuckles white as they gripped the edge. "You just had to have these... these cats... didn't you?"

Carefully, she approached, and took Malcolm off her dad's back. It seemed like she was taking WAY too much time in dislodging his claws. "Oh, Dad, you just have to bear with little Mal. He's just playing with you."

When she finished, she cuddled the kitten and asked, "What happened?"

He was still rubbing his shoulders, "I have no idea! All I know is that I walked over here to get a cup of coffee, and the next thing I know, your crazy little fur ball here is attached to my back!"

Castle reached onto his back again, "Do I need stitches?"

Alexis looked at his back and shoulders. "No blood. You're fine, Dad... for a pin cushion."

"Very funny," he said, considering the mess in the kitchen. He totally cleared the counter when the cat jumped on him.. the coffee maker was on its side and coffee was all over the top and spilled onto the floor. The pot still had some coffee in it, but was on its side in the sink.

He thought he heard Alexis say something about showing early to the ME's office and the door shut, leaving him with the mess.

Castle sighed and found a dish towel and turned to start wiping up the spilled coffee. He paused for a moment, spying Malcolm laying on the back of the sofa, looking happily content.

In that moment, Castle understood completely the conspiracy of cats plotting to kill their owners.