Author's Note: Just something I wrote for the sake of it. Snape/James
angsty introspections inspired by Sphinx's To Sever the Lining fic (which
this isn't a patch on but did motivate me somewhat). Anyway the second
after you have read this (and reviewed it, hint hint) you must go and read
To Sever the Lining from a Cloud because it's pure masterpiece. But read
this first!
Shadow Lover
I would sell my soul to lift your spirits on a rainy day. Give ten years to pain if it made you happy for just one moment. I would go anywhere, do anything, sacrifice everything, if you asked me to. I would. But I am only able to watch your world from a distance and wonder at what makes you smile, for it surely isn't me.
I disgust you; repulse you. Everything I represent makes your flesh creep with hatred and fear. You keep me burning awake at night.
Keeping to the shadows, as becomes a creature such as myself, I am able to record every detail that filters into my syrupy auror of the vile. I treasure the mundane because it sparkles around you like a glorious halo, casting ever more darkness on my offended soul.
I do not think that I am your equal, but I do think that just to look my way without the burning ice of hate in your gaze or to restrain the venom of your tongue whenever I am near would not be too much to ask. Sometimes your cruelty makes me boil and rage with volcanic anger. How, some nights, I would like to take your porcelain neck in my dark hands and shake and shake and shake and shake until you realise just what it is you have in me. I am yours. Everything I give to you. You do nothing but spit it back in my face. Was it destined to be this way? Can you live without me? Can there be light without darkness?
Surrounded by friends as you so often were, I grew to believe that it was them, not you, who rebuked me. How could you come to me with them trapping you like this? You were a caged animal needing to be rescued. I believed that I could save you and in saving be saved. I was wrong. You never loved me; you proved that when I saw that you prized my life at nought. I gladly would have died for you, a thousand tortuous deaths all for your whim. I would have died for you but you denied me even this.
***
When I heard of your death at the hands of the man who held my soul in his serpentine grasp I felt nothing. You had had my heart for countless years and with no soul to speak of, at least not one capable of human feeling, I did not deserve the luxury of mourning that so many others were able to wallow in. Some expected me to be glad that you were no longer there to shed light on my darkness and I suppose that my lack of reaction proved to them that they were right. Without you I was able to see a little clearer, the shadows seemed warmer when not subjected to the heat of your glow.
***
I'm lying. I missed you like when you wake up and notice that your legs are numb, you never realised the fact that you felt them until they went. I was incomplete, and suddenly even the simplest task of walking in a straight line became severe. I became severe.
And now, in my hollow present I am subjected to sitting and watching as my presence makes your luminous reflection shudder. Do you believe in destiny? Is this my second chance at life or do you trial me still? I do not know but I am willing to take the chance, I will sacrifice all I have to be burnt by your flame.
Shadow Lover
I would sell my soul to lift your spirits on a rainy day. Give ten years to pain if it made you happy for just one moment. I would go anywhere, do anything, sacrifice everything, if you asked me to. I would. But I am only able to watch your world from a distance and wonder at what makes you smile, for it surely isn't me.
I disgust you; repulse you. Everything I represent makes your flesh creep with hatred and fear. You keep me burning awake at night.
Keeping to the shadows, as becomes a creature such as myself, I am able to record every detail that filters into my syrupy auror of the vile. I treasure the mundane because it sparkles around you like a glorious halo, casting ever more darkness on my offended soul.
I do not think that I am your equal, but I do think that just to look my way without the burning ice of hate in your gaze or to restrain the venom of your tongue whenever I am near would not be too much to ask. Sometimes your cruelty makes me boil and rage with volcanic anger. How, some nights, I would like to take your porcelain neck in my dark hands and shake and shake and shake and shake until you realise just what it is you have in me. I am yours. Everything I give to you. You do nothing but spit it back in my face. Was it destined to be this way? Can you live without me? Can there be light without darkness?
Surrounded by friends as you so often were, I grew to believe that it was them, not you, who rebuked me. How could you come to me with them trapping you like this? You were a caged animal needing to be rescued. I believed that I could save you and in saving be saved. I was wrong. You never loved me; you proved that when I saw that you prized my life at nought. I gladly would have died for you, a thousand tortuous deaths all for your whim. I would have died for you but you denied me even this.
***
When I heard of your death at the hands of the man who held my soul in his serpentine grasp I felt nothing. You had had my heart for countless years and with no soul to speak of, at least not one capable of human feeling, I did not deserve the luxury of mourning that so many others were able to wallow in. Some expected me to be glad that you were no longer there to shed light on my darkness and I suppose that my lack of reaction proved to them that they were right. Without you I was able to see a little clearer, the shadows seemed warmer when not subjected to the heat of your glow.
***
I'm lying. I missed you like when you wake up and notice that your legs are numb, you never realised the fact that you felt them until they went. I was incomplete, and suddenly even the simplest task of walking in a straight line became severe. I became severe.
And now, in my hollow present I am subjected to sitting and watching as my presence makes your luminous reflection shudder. Do you believe in destiny? Is this my second chance at life or do you trial me still? I do not know but I am willing to take the chance, I will sacrifice all I have to be burnt by your flame.