"What the fuck is a wassail?" Emma asked her mother was making her go caroling and part of her mother's song selection was a song called The Wassail Song.
"Emma language!" Snow scolded
"Sorry... what is it?"
"It's an old tradition," James explained
"It's a salutation wishing health to a person, used back home when presenting a cup of drink or when drinking to the person." Emma's brow furrowed
"So basically... it's lame."
"It's not lame!" Snow cried
"Wassailing is part of some of my most treasured childhood memories!"
"It sounds cool!"
"It sounds like an excuse for Grumpy to get wasted!" Emma said
"Oh come on Emma it's fun, listen" James said
"Here we come a-wassailing Among the leaves so green, Here we come a-wand'ring So fair to be seen. Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year.
We are not daily beggers That beg from door to door, But we are neighbors' children Whom you have seen before Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year.
Good master and good mistress, As you sit beside the fire, Pray think of us poor children Who wander in the mire. Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year
We have a little purse Made of ratching leather skin; We want some of your small change To line it well within. Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year.
Bring us out a table And spread it with a cloth; Bring us out a cheese, And of your Christmas loaf. Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year.
God bless the master of this house, Likewise the mistress too; And all the little children That round the table go. Love and joy come to you, And to you your wassail, too, And God bless you, and send you A Happy New Year, And God send you a Happy New Year." James' voice was a nice delightful tenor, which surprised Emma greatly
"Can't we sing something else?" she asked
"Like what?" Snow asked Emma smirked and started to sing in a bad southern accent
"Woo! Somebody done been to the WalMart Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas Well you cleaned up, whatcha get?
5 flannel shirts, 4 big mud tires 3 shot gun shells, 2 huntin' dogs And some parts to a Mustang GT
You got gypped, there's 12 days to Christmas! I know that, I got it covered! Look over there in the corner! That's yours too? Yeah!
12 pack of bud, 11 wrestlin' tickets Tin a' copenhagen, 9 years probation 8 table dancers, 7 packs of redman 6 cans of spam, 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires, 3 shot gun shells 2 huntin' dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT
Man, these ain't normal Christmas presents! No, they're Redneck Gifts! Redneck gifts? Yeah, like if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishin' lures Or if you can burp the entire chorus to jingle bells Perhaps if you think that the nut cracker Is something you did off the high dive Or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus! What's wrong with that? I didn't say anything's wrong with it, it's hard to beat
12 pack of bud, 11 wrestlin' tickets Tin a' copenhagen, 9 years probation 8 table dancers, 7 packs of redman 6 cans of spam, 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires, 3 shot gun shells 2 huntin' dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT
Well, you know, you can't really consider it a Christmas Unless you go down to the penitentiary and visit your Momma You're not listening to me, get the car key out of your ear That's where the 9 years probation comes in I'm gonna do it for you again, now listen
12 pack of bud, 11 wrestlin' tickets Tin a' copenhagen, 9 years probation 8 table dancers, 7 packs of redman 6 cans of spam, 5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires, 3 shot gun shells 2 huntin' dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT
Are you cryin'? No, just my allergies Happy Holidays everybody!" Snow groaned, James gawked and it took everything in Henry not to burst out laughing.
"How about we just sing Jingle Bells?" Snow said
"Agreed" James said and so the little band of carolers struck up
"Dashing through the snow Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells "A day or two ago Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle bells, jingle bells
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh"
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh yeah
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh!"
"It's the traditional form" James sighed he was getting sick of all this fighting.
"Well that's dumb!" Emma said"Let's just sing one more song and then we can go home" James said sheparding his family into Granny's dinner
"What are we singing?" Emma asked"It's a song we used to sing on the farm when I was growing up, join in if you know it" James said clearing his throat.
"Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.
Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fuel.
"Hither, page, and stand by me, if you know it, telling,
Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling?"
"Sire, he lives a good league hence, underneath the mountain,
Right against the forest fence, by Saint Agnes' fountain."
"Bring me food and bring me wine, bring me pine logs hither,
You and I will see him dine, when we bear them thither."
Page and monarch, forth they went, forth they went together,
Through the cold wind's wild lament and the bitter weather." Surprisingly Emma knew the song and joined in
"Sire, the night is darker now, and the wind blows stronger,
Fails my heart, I know not how; I can go no longer."
"Mark my footsteps, my good page, tread now in them boldly,
You shall find the winter's rage freeze your blood less coldly."
In his master's steps he trod, where the snow lay dinted;
Heat was in the very sod, which the saint had printed.
Therefore, Christian men, be sure, wealth or rank possessing,
You who now will bless the poor shall yourselves find blessing." The dinner erupted in applause and Emma turned to her father and smiled.
"Merry Christmas… Dad" It was the first time she had called him that, tears came to James' eyes
"Merry Christmas Emma" He said gingerly hugging her much to his surprise she squeezed him hard
"You folks want to hear another song?" She asked the crowd cheered.
"How about Leroy The Redneck Reindeer?"
"The what?" Snow squeaked as Emma started to belt out the song.
"Well you've all heard the story
About Rudolph and his nose
Well I'll tell you a Christmas tell
That never has been told
Well you may think you've heard it all
But you ain't heard nothin' yet
About that crazy Christmas
That the North Pole can't forget
Rudolph was under the weather
And had to call in sick
So he got on the horn
To his cousin Leroy
Who lived out in the sticks
He said Santa's really counting on me
And I hate to pass the buck
Leroy said Hey I'm on my way
And he jumped in his pick-up truck
When Leroy got to the North Pole
All the reindeer stiggered and laughed
They never seen a deer in overalls
And a John Deer tracktor hat
Well Santa stepped in
And said just calm down
Cuz we all got a job to do
Like it or not Leroy's in charge
And he's gonna be leading you
And it was
Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Hooked to the front of the sleigh
Delivering toys to all the good ol' boys
And girls along the way
He's just a down home party animal
Two Steppin all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night
Before that night was over
Leroy had changed there tune
He had them scootin a holf
On every single roof
By the light of a neon moon
Santa wrapped his bad with the dixie flag
He as having the time of his life
You could here him call
Merry Chistmas Yall
And all of yall a goodnight
And it was
Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Hooked to the front of the sleigh
Delivering toys to all the good ol' boys
And girls along the way
He's just a down home party animal
Two Steppin' all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night
He makes Jingle Bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night." Henry couldn't help himself this time and laughed so hard he cried Snow groaned and shook her head Emma beamed
"ONE MORE TIME!"
"NO!"
Merry Christmas guys and Happy Holidays!