A/N- Just a li'l thing… sorry about Reichenbach angst! I just rewatched it and I'm overcome with feels. Poor John! I've always thought that Sherlock thought everything at hyperspeed, so that second before John responds to him this is what runs through his head(in my world).
"Take my hand."
Take my hand, John, because you don't know the most important thing. How could you? You've always focused so thoroughly on the present that it's physically impossible for you to think ahead.
Ha, and I thought that it was stupidity. I probably won't ever tell you this, but I was wrong because, John, you're not stupid. You're anything but stupid. Everything but stupid. Everything…
What I'm planning to do might surprise you. Of course it will, I've always kept my emotions hush-hush. Now, as we run down this darkened street alley hand in hand, I wish I'd opened up to you more. You tried the best you could, but I was distant.
You know, John, I rather like these handcuffs. They keep us together. Whenever we weren't together, I wished that we were. There's something about you that's my anchor to the real world. Who knows where I'd be without you. Who knows where you'd be without me.
Well, we're about to find out, John. Not that you know it.
Take my hand, John, because soon you'll be losing me. I won't slip away slowly like those in your silly films, you won't be there at my hospital bed holding my hand. You won't be able to hear the actual moment when my heart stops beating. It will stop not because I have died, but because I will be dead to you.
No, not like those deaths. Mine will be swift and sudden. Fitting, yes? I was always a swift and sudden person, was I not? You won't be able to stop me, John, even though you'll want to. I'll be too far. I'm too far already, for you to stop me even if you did know.
It's won't be a sharp crack, like some's death might be. No, mine will be much more dramatic. Everyone will be able to see it. Don't worry; I will talk to you right up to the end. Not my end, our end. I shall go on.
Take my hand, John, because when you hear me say my last goodbye, what comes next is your torture. You will see me fall. It will seem slowed down, because it's the end of your world. And all you will be able to do is watch. Watch me fall.
It will be painful for you, but don't feel alone. I will be watching you and making sure you're alright. And you're not the only one who will feel that way, because I shall also carry that pain. The pain of leaving you. Losing you.
I never thought it would end this way. Then again, I never imagined meeting you. I thought I would live my life out solving crimes and saving the world, but it would be wasted because I'd have no one to share it with. No one that mattered, that is.
What are you thinking right now, John? Because your eyebrows are furrowed with worry and you're struggling to keep up. I'm sorry, I will try to run slower for you. I'd much rather be running this crazy race with you than against you, but soon, I will careen out of control and smash. And you may slow down. You may even stop, but I pray for you to keep going without me.
Take my hand, John, because to everyone out there who sees us on the news and who reads your blog, I outshine you by far. Thank you, for writing me like some heroic lionheart. I may outshine you to them, but in my small world you are the only star I gaze up to for guidance. You shine brighter than any individual I have ever met and will ever meet.
Take my hand, John, because you mean the world to me, and if I could do anything else I would. But I cannot. And so I will end my life for you. I wish I could tell you all of this, but we have ran out of time. Remember me, John. I may come back in your dreams. Please don't be angry with me, and hold in your heart that I love you more than this world. And it is for that reason that I leave it. For you.
"Now people are definitely going to talk."
Oh, John. My dearest John. You have no idea.