Chapter 1

Broken and gone

Now this is an AU in a Psychiatric hospital. There are mental illnesses in this. If I write ANY mental illness wrong or I offend you, please tell me. I will change it immediately. Promise. I do not want to offend anyone, I am not an expert on these things. I'm going off some research and prier knowledge. Thank you and enjoy - Jamie

"Now, lets go over everyone's name, again." A young women with black straight hair said. She held a clipboard in one hand, a brown crimson pen in the other. She sat right on the other side of me, as kids went around the circle, stating their name to us.

"My name is Kida," said a young man with blond hair. He gave off a big stupid grin and chuckled a little. I studied him up and down. Young, maybe 14 or 15 years old? Blond hair... Dyed? Defiantly. He had a hoodie, slightly teared at the left elbow. It looked ruffled up. Maybe he got into some fights, was he in a gang? By the looks of him, he could be. An earring on one of his ears, what would the be for? Wanting to be tough.

Kida lifted his hand behind his head, and there I saw it. Cuts ran down his arm, so that's why he wore a hoodie, hiding the scars. Some one must of saw them. His dad? Probably, he doesn't look like he wants to be here. Kida is here for depression, good to know.

Next sat a kid with brown hair. Glasses sat on the brim of his nose as he looked down at his shoes. Was he shaking? He's nervous. He played with the hem of his white T-shirt while muttering, "my name is Shinra." I almost couldn't hear him. How can one man be so quiet. He must have social anxiety. He looked up to see me looking at him, he jumped and covered his ears. I heard a faint, "I know, I know." Shinra has social anxiety, good to know.

Next. A young man, about the age of 13. He had black hair, parted evenly at each side. He wore a tie, completely straight, no telling how long that took. He kept looking at his nails, fidgeting with them a bit before looking up again, then he'd look back down at his nails again. "Hello," he said looking around the group. "I'm Mikado." And with that he went back to fidgeting with his nails. By the looks of it he had OCD. Hopefully it wasn't very bad, but if he was here it probably was.

"Aheem..." Came the voice of the women and I realized it was my turn. Everyone was looking at me with questioning eyes as I stuffed my hands in my pocket and leaned back in the chair. "May we have your name?" She asked, giving off a 'loving' smile. I sat there, giving the blank expression I had since the time my dad signed me in. She sighed, rubbing her temples before speaking up, "this is Izaya. Please be nice to him." They all nodded in agreement and went on to the girl next to me. I let out a sigh of content, I hated being the center of attention.

The girl next to me looked tiny... Too tiny. Her legs looked as tiny as the branches on the tree right outside the window. She hugged herself before looking up at everyone. She seemed pale, like she was going to throw up any second. "Hello, my name is Anri." She muttered. She must have an eating disorder. Everyone nodded in unison but me and they went on to the next person.

"Hello! Hello!" Came a booming voice, another boy, about the age of the Kida, sat in his seat. Waving his hand around happily. He was the only happy person to be here. He looked at me and gave a big grin. I gave him my usual 'I don't give a shit face', or that's what my dad would call it.

"My name is Aoba! I hope we can all be friends," yea right. I wanted to leave this place as fast as I could, not make a family here. I knew no one understood me from the minute we entered this place, but it's not like I can leave.

Next came a blond. He had dyed hair, defiantly dyed. He had glasses, down his nose a little as he sat in his chair, slunched over. He had his hands stuffed in his pocket as he looked up. Sighing, he muttered, "names Shizuo." He waved his hand, lazily letting it fall to the side of himself. I couldn't understand, why was he here? He seemed normal... very normal. I shrugged it off, and looked at the lady now, who was standing up to talk.

She clapped her hands twice, getting everyone's attention, even though she had all our attention in the beginning. "Alright everyone, for the time being you guys will always be with each other, same living area, same living room, same everything, so get along. Now, you will be sharing a room with someone. As I said before, get along."

The young woman looked at her clipboard and nodded. "Anri, you get your own room for being the only girl and there being an odd number," she stated, Anri seemed to perk up a bit, lucky her. "Aoba and Shinra, you will share a room together," the girl pointed to a beige door, letting both head off to their room.

"Mikado and Kida, you two get the yellow door room, please behave with each other," she said as they both got up and looked at each other with a smile. I can feel they will be good friends. They both ran to the room, eager to see what was behind the door.

"Lastly, Izaya and Shizuo," she muttered, pointing to an orange door. I nodded, got up, and walked over to the orange door. I slowly took the nob into my hand, feeling its coolness lick my skin. I shivered, but opened the door anyways.

There sat two beds, a night table on each side and a huge window in between. The room was a pale blue and a white carpet at my feet.

I walked in and sat at the bed farthest away from the door, feeling the soft mattress under my body. I looked up to see a wardrobe in front of me, guessing it was mine, I started unpacking my bag, which was already in the room for some reason.

I heard Shizuo come into the room as well. I peered over my shoulder and he looked at me.

"Already chose your bed I see. I'm fine with that," he grunted, flinging his suitcase onto the bed, making me flinch slightly. I don't think he noticed though, I was thankful for that.

This kid was different, I didn't see anything wrong with, and I wanted to know what was wrong with him, why was he here? I huffed a sigh and rested on my bed.

Shizuo looked at me, before going back to unpacking. "Guess we'll be roommates for a little. Lets get along," he said, putting a collared shirt into the wardrobe. I just stared at the ceiling, not giving any sign I was listening. But some how he knew. He sat on the edge of his bed near me.

Smirking, he gave off a remark, "not much of a talker." This made me look over to him. His smirk grew wider before giving off a laugh.

A knock abrupt both of us, Shizuo looked over to the door to see a nurse. She smiled at me before facing Shizuo, "can I talk to you?"

Shizuo looked over to me, then getting up and following the nurse out of the door. Once it was completely silent, except for my breathing, I jumped off the bed and ran to the door. I put my ear to the door, trying to hear the conversation. It was very muffled, but I could make out something like, "talking", "Izaya", and "try".

I heard enough. Walking back to my bed, I flopped down onto the bed, sighing softly. Of course they talked about me, they always did. I snuggled into my pillow, trying to get comfort out of it.

I heard Shizuo walk into the room. He walked over to my bed, and sat down. "I know you were eavesdropping," Shizuo stated, making me flinch again. "I don't care, I'm not going to make you talk like those doctors. You want to talk? Talk. You don't? Then don't. Easy," he muttered.

I felt my heart flutter at that, finally... Someone who understands. I couldn't believe. I felt tears prickle in my eyes, but I shook them off in the pillow. Every person in my life tried to make me 'normal'. Especially my father, but I don't like to talk about him.

I haven't talked since the 9th grade, I just stopped. I'm not mute, I just choose not to talk. Not to anyone. I don't write texts to people, talk on the phone, nothing. I'm in my Junior year of high school and now my dad puts me in this hellhole. Saying I'm broken and useless.

People always say, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt." Whoever made that saying must have been an ass. Clearly they've never had anyone sat anything horrible to them. People would push me into the lockers, telling me that, "I'll get no where," and "bet you are a screamer."

Last year, they pinned me down behind the school. Two guys holding my arms tightly against their body. I cried as they roughly tore my clothes off my thin body. Feeling cold air all around me, I kicked around, trying to get at least a little damage on them.

"Well, at least what they said was true! You're a guy!" He laughed, smirking over to his friends. "But," he said slowly unbuckling the belt that hung around his pants. I squirmed under the hold, gasping as I knew what was coming next. "Do you scream like one?"

I haven't told anyone about that day. Fearing they wouldn't believe a word that escaped my lips. I sat silently in my thoughts about it. Letting the kids who did what they did get away with it.

Shizuo must of noticed me grip the sheets tighter because I felt him touch my shoulder. "Hey, are you alright?"

Instantly I jumped off my bed, spinning around as I pulled his hand off me. It was them. They are going to try it again.

I lost footing on the ground around me and quickly fell to the ground. The pain in my rear instantly snapped me back into reality, as I gasped in pain and looked around at my surroundings.

Shizuo was there, looking at me like I just committed a murder. He then ran over to the other side of the bed, kneeling down next to me.

"Oi, are you alright. Be more careful," he murmured as he looked at me with concern.

I couldn't understand, why did he care? No one else has cared. If I fell off the monkey bars they'd laugh at me, before kicking dust into my face.

Shizuo sighed before getting up, "I get it, no touching." The way he said it may me feel better. We just met today, I have to get used to him. I slowly got up as well, gripping the bed for support and lifting myself onto my two feet.

"Also, I didn't fully introduce myself," the blond said, smiling. He stood in front of me and I got a better look. A young boy, about the age of 17, stood there. He had dyed blond air, and now that I get a closer look, those are sunglasses, not glasses on his nose. He wore a collared shirt, unbuttoned at the first 2. It was a little too big, as his sleeves reached his knuckles. His pants, jeans, dark colored. And lastly, he wore a tiny smile on his face. His name, "Shizuo Heiwajima. Nice to meet you." He put his hand out in front, wanting me to shake it. Nervously, I did shake it. Feeling his soft skin under mine, it felt warm.

"And your name," he continue. "Is Izaya Orihara. Nice to meet you too," he laughed. I looked up him, still not being able to see his eyes, but I knew he was looking at me.

I gave off a small smile too, letting go of his hands and stuffing them into my pockets. I felt a small warmth fill me, it felt different. I didn't think I'd feel this before.

Shizuo looked down at his watch, seeing the time. "Alright, time for bed," Shizuo said going over to his bed. I watched him before nodding and jumping onto my bed too.

"Also before we go to bed I have a question," he said. I perked up, looking over to see Shizuo with his notebook. He pushed the notebook and pencil into my hands, "what kanji is used in your name?"

I looked down at the paper in front of me. Kanji? Why would he want to know that? Just Chinese letters... I picked up the pencil, and slowly scribbled the my name.

臨也, 折原
Izaya, Orihara

I sat back and looked at my work before handing him the paper. He looked at kanji and smiled.

"Pretty, one of those means meadow, right?" Shizuo asked, still looking at my name. I didn't say anything, just sat and watched him admire my name. Yes, one does mean Meadow. Meadow, field, so on. But he forgot about another one. Clearly he skipped over it. One kanji means break, fracture. Just like me... I'm broken.

I sighed, and got brought out of my thoughts as Shizuo handed me a piece of paper. I looked down at it,

静雄, 平和島
Shizuo Heiwajima

I smiled, it looked so pretty.

Shizuo took the notebook, holding it up so I could see. "This one means peace. Then this is hero or male. Then we have quiet and lastly island. Do you like?" He asked, as he put the notebook down on the desk.

I looked at him, before putting my face into the pillow. I snuggled into it, as I heard Shizuo chuckle. "I'll take that as a yes, good night Izaya," he murmured softly.

I felt my eyelids droop and I fell into a deep sleep.

"Izaya! Come here," came a demanding voice. I quickly jumped off the bed I sat in, racing down the stairs.

The smell of iron surrounded me and I slowly turned the corner.

"What did you need , Da-" there I saw it. My mom. Decapitated. Dead. Blood covered the floor and walls like fresh paint. My dad stood in the middle of the room, dangling my moms head by her hair.

I gasped and fell to the floor, my breathing became ragged and my vision blurred.

"Son, let me teach you a lesson," he muttered, throwing the head at my feet. I jumped back even more, my back hitting the wall. I saw my moms face more clearly, blood ran out of her eyes like tears. She wore a content smile, like she was okay with dying.

"Be a bitch to me, and this will come your way" he laughed, grabbing my hair in the process. I screamed, letting it echo throughout the house. My dad sighed, muttering something like 'shit child' before throwing me into the room. My body covered in my moms blood and I didn't even dare open my eyes.

"Clean up this mess," he said turning and leaving to go upstairs.

I nodded, trying to calm down, as I finally opened my eyes.

"Izaya," came a voice from behind me. No. It couldn't be. I turned my head to the doorway.

"Izaya, this is your fault," my mom laughed, giggling, her head shaking around the floor.

"Izaya?"

"Izaya!"

"IZAYA!"

I opened my eyes, feeling sweat cover my body. I looked over to see Shizuo with a nurse right next to my bed. I quickly jumped, falling off the bed and landing on my rear again. I gasped in pain, closing my eyes and clenching my fists. I felt Shizuo's worried presence around me and I opened my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Was he asking about my bottom or in general. I didn't respond, instead I got up on my unstable legs, before falling again. This time Shizuo instantly got to my side. Sighing, he picked me up and put me on the bed.

I scrambled to the head of the bed, brushing off the feeling of Shizuo's touch.

"I'll get some sleeping pills, you wait here," the blond nurse said, walking off to the door, leaving Shizuo and myself in our silence.

"Fuck," Shizuo muttered, stuffing his face in his hands. "You scared the living shit out of me. I didn't know what to think. I'm glad you are okay."

I felt horrible. Guilty. Shizuo worried about me. He shouldn't worry about me, he should worry just about himself. I whimpered slightly, noticing it caught his attention. He sighed and got up,

"don't worry. I'm just glad you are alright." He smiled, before rubbing his temples. I must have given him a headache. Great.

Soon enough, the nurse came in with pills and water. Sitting waiting for me to swallow them. Getting impatient she shoved the pills into my hands.

"Just swallow them," she muttered making me flinch. Shizuo noticed and pulled her away.

"Give him time."

I sighed, thank you Shizuo. I looked down at the pills, before nodding to myself. I grabbed the water and pills, and finished the job.

Shizuo looked proud of me, "good job." He sat on his bed, sighing with relief. The nurse wrinkled her nose at Shizuo, before leaving to go back to her office.

"What great nurses," he muttered, before crawling under the covers. "Get some more rest. Good night Izaya," Shizuo yawned, falling into a deep slumber. I watched his stomach rise and fall with every breath.

I smiled.

Good night Shizu-chan.

"Hey, did you hear?" Came a voice from behind me. It was almost like a whisper but I heard it. I was sat at a wooden table, drawing on a little sketch pad I found there. Drawing helped me pass the time a lot, letting my mind run free. I was pulled out of this phase when I heard that Kida character talking behind me.

"I heard Izaya went into full panic last night over a dream. I wish I could of seen that, the kid never shows any emotion," he snickered at me. I felt his stare on the back of my head like lasers into the ground.

"Kida! Izaya is right there. That isn't very nice, right Izaya?" Aoba asked, spinning my chair around to face everyone in the room. There sat Kida, Anri, and Shrina all watching me with their eyes. I winced at them, before feeling Aoba throw his arms around my neck from behind.

Quickly jumping I pushed him to the ground, the chair going with him. I flinched as I heard the bang of them hitting the ground.

"Ow," he whined, rubbing his ass as he looked at me. "Oi! What was that for?" He yelled, jumping up and grabbing both of my wrists with one hand.

I whimpered at the act, tugging and jumping, trying to free myself from his grip. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't break free. I whimpered again, causing Aoba to notice.

"What are you? A fucking dog?"

I yelped as he pulled me down to my knees. Feeling pain rush through my body. I just wanted to be left alone, why did they bother me. I did not ask for this.

I felt tears form in my eyes, closing them shut as I tried to stop crying. I look pathetic and I knew it.

I felt another presence around us, great. I just wanted to die.

"I think you should let go of him," muttered the voice. I opened my eyes, scanning the room to see Shizuo stood there. He had a hand on Aoba's shoulder, giving him a stern look.

Aoba immediately backed off, jumping back to his friends. I slowly got up and ran to my room. Crawling under the covers and curling up into a tight ball. It's been a week since I've arrived and I hate this place so much. I've been having nightmares every night, waking up in a cold sweat.

I heard the door open and a clanking of some sort. A hand was placed on my shoulder, and a soft voice was heard.

"Izaya," came the voice of Shizu-chan. I gave Shizuo the nickname the first night, but I never told him yet. He'd probably throw me against the wall if I did. I actually never spoken to him yet. I felt bad, but I couldn't do it yet.

"Izaya," he said again. I peeked out of the covers. "I have a present for you," he put down what looked like a cage. A cat-carrier. I perked up now. I sat up, putting my legs criss-cross.

"The people who run this place agreed I could get it for you," he said. Shizu-chan opened the cage, and a black fluffy kitten jumped right out. The cat landed on my lap, nuzzling its head into the crook of my neck. The cat was very fluffy, and soft. Completely black except for the one white paw, at it's front left.

Shizuo laughed at the act, before sitting next to me petting the cat. "It's a boy, named him Hikari," Shizuo get a pen and paper. He wrote something on it. Once done, he showed the paper to me;

光
Hikari

"It means light," Shizuo continued putting the pen and paper down. "I'm hoping this will be some light in your life."

I hugged the cat even tighter. "Hi-ka-ri," I said, almost like a 4 year old learning a new word. The word escaped my lips before I could even catch them. Hikari.

I looked up to see Shizuo beaming. I've never seen him smile like this before. It made me happy… I like seeing Shizu-chan happy.

He scratched the cat behind the ear, earning a purr from it. I giggled softly, feeling the flick of its ear against my nose.

Everything that happened prier to this was forgotten. I forgot about Aoba, Kida, and the rest. It was only me, Hikari, and Shizu-chan.

I yawned quietly, my eyes slowly drooping. Shizuo looked at me, "you must be tired. Go to bed." He said. I nodded, letting him take Hikari from my lap and letting me snuggle under the covers. Once I was comfortable, I felt weight near my head. Hikari was curled up in a ball right near me, Shizu-chan must of put him there.

"No more nightmares now," Shizu-chan said as he got the lights. "Hikari is going to protect you."

And so are you, Shizu-chan. Right?

It's been three days since Hikari arrived in my life. I loved him. Shizuo was right, he is like a light into my life. Shizuo helped me a lot, but I still couldn't open up to him yet, no matter how hard I tried.

It made me feel guilty. Guilty that I couldn't even talk to my closest friend. It would come one day, I knew it.

I was currently sitting on the couch in the living area. Hikari was on my lap, sleeping soundly. Shizuo was next to me, watching the news which played on the TV(I wasn't paying too much attention though, more attention was on the cat currently purring on my lap).

Ever since the accident with Aoba, no kid really bothered me. They knew if they did they'd get a smack right in the head, delivered by Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan helped me a lot during the day. During the boring classes they made us sit through. During any meals we had to eat. And during any resting time we had, like now.

I heard footsteps approaching, quickly snapping my head, I saw a nurse enter the room.

"Izaya, can you please come with me," she said. The nurse must of noticed my uneasiness as I got up and smiled, "you can bring Hikari too."

I walked down the baby blue halls in my pajamas and socks. Hugging Hikari close to me, I felt the knot in my stomach grow tight. We entered a small room, which looked like an examination room you'd find at a doctors. She set a clipboard down on the desk and gestured me to sit on the examination bed. I obliged and sat down on the cold metal, Hikari in my arms.

"Just going to check your weight, height, eyes and basic stuff. It'll take ten minutes. We'll start with your eyes." She said, walking over with a flashlight.

Flashing the light in my eyes, she announced them nice and healthy.

Next came my reflexes, which she also dubbed good.

Ears, throat, breathing, and heartbeat were all healthy.

Now she had me against a wall, pressing some sort of measuring thing to the top of my head. I still had Hikari in my arms, holding him close to my chest. She smiled once done, jotting down all the information she needed.

"Now your weight, please leave the cat on the bed. Don't worry," she said, noticing I was struggling to put the cat down. "It'll take a minute. I promise!" I stepped onto a weird machine, letting it beep three times before showing my result.

"A little under weight, young man. But you have gain some weight. Just keep doing what you are doing and you'll be fine," she smiled. I quickly grabbed Hikari and nodded.

She soon let me go and I raced back to Shizuo who was still sitting on the couch. Once I sat back down he smiled at me. I've never felt happier in my life.

Two weeks have passed by with Hikari until he went missing one day. I looked around wildly, trying to find the cat. Under the bed, in the wardrobe, in my bag. He wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"Where could of that damn cat gone," Shizuo muttered as we finished searching the whole room. A knot formed in my stomach as Shizuo scratched his head. "Gotta be somewhere, lets look out of our room."

I agreed.

It was bright and early, everyone seemed to be out. I looked over to Shizuo, who was looking around the area. "Izaya," he started, I perked up at my name. "Check the bathrooms."

I nodded and headed over to the boys bathroom. I opened the door, hearing something dripping in the center of the room. Opening the room I saw the source of the sound.

Hikari. Hanging. By his tail. Blood was dripping out of his stomach as he was hung from the ceiling upside down.

I immediately lost all circulation to my legs, they gave out and I feel to my knees. I felt tears form in my eyes, and I screamed. Screaming as loud as I could.

Shizuo came running in, smashing the door open.

"Izaya!" He called rushing to me, kneeling down. Following my eyes, he saw what I screamed about. His eyes widen in horror at the sight, before pulling me into his chest to prevent me from looking at it any longer.

I let all my dignity fall, and I cried. Screaming and crying into Shizuo's chest.

"Hikari," I screamed, letting my voice ring through the whole building. "Hikari, Hikari," I hiccuped his name, sobbing into Shizuo's chest as I gripped his shirt.

He put both of his arms around me, pulling me into his lap. My legs on either side of him, I pressed my body into his body more, almost making him fall over.

He whispered words of comfort as he pet my head, "it's okay. It's okay." He mumbled into my hair. How is it okay? Hikari is gone. Hikari. Hikari.

Why Hikari. Why did they have to take him away. Why did everyone want to fuck with me so badly. What did I do? I didn't do anything. I just lived. I did nothing.

I felt more presences around us and I curled into Shizuo some more. Letting my sobs echo throughout the bathroom.

"Please leave until he calms down," Shizuo asked the people. They must of obliged because I heard the door opening.

Once closed Shizuo gave me a squeeze, letting me know we were alone. "Izaya, I'm sorry," he mumbled. I shook even more. This wasn't Shizuo's fault. "I promise you," he continued. "Whichever fucker did this is going to get hell."

I nodded, still sobbing into Shizuo's soaked shirt. He started petting my hair again, I didn't even notice he stopped. He must of when everyone came in. He also started rubbing my back, lightly scratching it at some points. Shizuo knew how to comfort me, and even I didn't know that.

I couldn't feel much, everything felt numb. Everything felt numb and tiring. My eyes were forced shut due to being right in Shizuo's chest. I didn't mind though. I felt sleepy as I started sniffling a little.

I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep. I didn't want to wake up to this world anymore. It was worse than hell. I hated it.

No one would care if I was gone. No one. No one. But Shizuo. Shizuo. Shizu-chan. He would feel sad if I died. And I know he would. He would cry for me like I am crying for Hikari.

Shizu-chan was here and he'd always be here for me. He would hug me when I cry, help me feel better when I'm sick. He cares for me. And I'm just realizing this now. Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan. Shizuo.

"Shizuo," I mumbled, my second word in front of him. Second word said since I stopped talking. I let sleep take over me, letting me rest.

First Chapter done! I really hope you enjoyed! I plan on writing more, I love this couple!

As said before, if you have any questions or I wrote anything wrong, please tell me!

Thank you, again - Jamie / jamietennant . tumblr .com