You shouted 'jump' but my heart faltered
After weeks of distance and the occasional short, superficial conversation he can't take it anymore. Liam thinks his marriage is falling apart, that maybe it was always a lie. He misses the dead fucking baby he never even got to meet and she was marrying that pink shirt wearing smug bastard.
Oh god he needed her. It wasn't the same as the want and desire that made his balls ache at the sight of her in that (he couldn't think of it as anything wedding related) dress. He was losing her, maybe he already had, and the thought terrified him so much he did everything he could to unthink it.
Her absence was unthinkable. He could not survive without her. He would live but with just memories of what he never had; the bitterness would destroy him.
So for once he makes himself be the brave one. Finds her alone in the factory one night nursing scotch from the mug he bought her proclaiming her 'Queen Bitch' over all. It's a sight so familiar and sad that her image is burned onto the insides of his eyelids in rainbow colours to haunt him every time he tries to sleep.
"Carla? I don't know what to do. Just please, talk to me."
He knew she wasn't well; sadness just didn't seem to cover it. He was worried and perhaps a little guilty but mostly he was angry. He was hurting too and she wasn't there. He did not have the energy to chase her into the abyss. And yet he found himself trying anyway because he would never be his brother.
"I'm fine."
It's a fucking infuriating generic response that matches the fucking zombie like emptiness in her eyes and the fucking tightness in her smile. And he just wants to fucking shake her and reawaken the real woman he knew was still somewhere inside.
"No your not. Neither of us is fine." He fixes her with a look that adds shadows of age to his normal boyish face. He had never been so serious.
Her lips form a tight line and her brow furrows as she fights the heavy sheen of tears. There is a moment of hesitation before she swallows and uses the heels of those home wrecking boots to wheel her chair so she can face him without the obstruction of a desk.
"But we have to be, don't you see Lee? We can't rely on each other anymore."
Her hands move constantly as she talks, engagement ring glistening in the simple light.
"No," He protests like a spoilt child, "I need you and you weren't…"
"I can't trust you anymore Liam. I have so much that hurts, and its just there waiting to come tumbling out every time I see those dopy eyes of yours. But you have caused so much of my pain that I just don't trust you with my heart."
A strangle sob escapes her and she hides behind a hand when the tears start to fall.
He bites down against his teeth as his jaw starts to tremble but he makes no effort to stop the tears as he wishes for numbness against this new pain.
"I can't live without you."
It's all he has left because surely she understands that he will die without her. He'd get down on his knees if he thought it would make the slightest bit of difference. It wouldn't, he could tell by that hard look, the same she had worn at his brother's graveside.
"You already are sweetheart."