Summary: Post-Chosen fiction, Buffy and the gang start out again, but not without a few reminders of their recent past
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. This all pretty much belongs to Joss Whedon, who rocks so don't sue.
Author's note: This is another fiction written by 14-year-old me. I got five chapters in then I had to quit. I did write some smut into this one which I felt was impressive at that age. It's in chapter 3? Or 4? You'll find out, and I'll warn you if you don't want to read it. Uhm, at the time I hadn't read any post-Chosen fics that I liked to I started my own. This is probably an overdone topic now, but I'm still publishing it because I did start this pretty much May 21st, 2003. That's the day after the series ended… and the day after my 14th birthday. Enjoy, comment if you'd like. Like I said in Foreign Exchange, I may never update this; I just didn't want it to get lost in the interwebs. Enjoy! Wow, that was a long note, but I like talking.

New Beginnings

Chapter 1: Dead or Alive

It was night, and everyone was asleep on the school bus. But, still Buffy sat looking out the back window staring down the road that once led to Sunnydale. Silent tears streamed down her face. Her old life, her house was gone, and so was Spike. She really did love him, but it didn't matter now. He was gone, just like Angel was. He saved the world. Inside of her there was still hope that he made it, but it was quickly falling away. She looked around the bus and counted all the girls. Four. Only four had died. Plus Anya and Spike that was six. Six dead, millions alive.

"Thank you." She whispered. A sad smile grew on her face. "Thank you."

She leaned against the seat and closed her eyes. Buffy was exhausted, but she knew it would be impossible to sleep. Buffy hadn't slept alone for the last three nights. She laughed in spite of herself at that fact. He helped her sleep, comforted her. The world slipped away when he held her, but the world wasn't going to slip anymore. The world was going to crowd her, and she didn't have anyone to fight it back. She put her arms around her middle, and tried to remember what it felt like to be in his arms. Buffy put her head against the window's cool glass. She sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the soothing vibration the road gave.

About three hours later the bus drove through the streets of LA. Buffy had hardly slept. Dreams of Spike plagued her. The bus came to a stop and she jerked forward, out of her thoughts. Buffy was confused by her surroundings, they were familiar but she couldn't remember how.

"Where are we?" one of the potentials asked.

"This," Faith started pointing out the side window at a large what looked to be a hotel "Is where Angel lives." The bus was filled with whispers; Buffy realized that none of them knew whom Angel was. Once the question was asked Faith smiled a little.

"I'll let our esteemed leader explain that one."

Buffy sighed and stood up. "Angel is…Angel." She shrugged. Describing Angel was hard for her. "He's a vampire with a soul… like Spike is, I mean was. Like Spike was."

"Only more broody and less British" Xander added, and Willow laughed a little.

Buffy sat back down and drowned out the rest of the conversation. Was, she thought sadly, Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. She thought over and over. Spike is a was, of the past. W-A-S. She wasn't sure how long she had been thinking about her was but when Faith waved a hand in front of her face everyone but the two had left the bus.

"B, you ok?" She asked

"Wha- Yeah. I'm just tired" Buffy replied half-heartedly. "What about you?"

"Five by five." The brunette studied her face. "Wait, you're not sad 'cause Blondie died, but if it's none of my business…"

"No." Buffy snapped, "I mean…"

Faith stepped back, "Touché." She raised her hands in defeat. "But I get ya, you guys had a thing, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Definitely eye candy, and he seemed like a good enough guy, a damn good fighter…"

Buffy cast her eyes down, "He was," A montage of all things Spike went through her mind, fighting, fucking, and even singing. All there, in her memories, reminding her of him. "Great, a montage in my brain." She looked at Faith who had a skeptic look on her face. "I think I need to get off this bus."

"You're not the only one." Faith mumbled.

Once off the bus Buffy hugged her arms around her middle and shivered, afraid of what was going to happen once inside the Hyperion. The door was opened and she walked through it, Faith in tow. Everybody was looking at her, and she gave a little wave.

She glanced around the room; she wasn't familiar with three of them, a petite girl, an African-American man and a green demon. All she knew about them is that they were looking at her, and that was making her uncomfortable. Buffy stood there not making eye contact with anyone until Angel came up and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy remained unmoved and a little surprised by the sudden motion, she allowed herself to relax into the embrace and eventually wrapped her arms around his middle. Buffy bit back her tears, not wanting to have an audience for it.

Angel pressed a kiss to the top of her head. When they broke apart Angel looked in her eyes, and smiled. Buffy looked down, unable to feel the same. Angel took a step back, hurt, and turned toward the group. "I believe introductions are in order.

Everyone knows Buffy." He moved aside so everyone could see the small blonde, she looked up and plastered a small smile on her face. The petite brunette came up to her.

"Hi I'm Fred, I've heard a lot about you." Fred said cheerfully.

"Uh, hi." She said lamely. "Sorry if I seem, well outta it, I'm really tired."

"I can imagine, saving the world and all. Well I'm going to let you meet everyone so…" She walked off and began to talk with Willow. This is gonna be a loooong night, Buffy thought

After everyone had been introduced and Buffy was about to scream if she didn't get to sleep anytime soon, Wesley came up to her. "Congratulations, you did it again. Saved the world, and awakened every slayer candidate on the planet, resurrecting the Council again would be a waste of time." He said, "How did you do it?" He asked, truly awed at the fact that 30 some girls defeated The First Evil and its army.

Buffy looked down and closed her eyes, feeling the tears burn the back of them. She swiftly walked out of the room, but not unnoticed, Angle followed her. Buffy leaned against the wall and slid down, unshed tears shining in her eyes, she wiped them away with her hand. "I found out what the amulet did." She said bitterly, already knowing who was standing above her.

"This has to do with why Spike isn't with you doesn't it?" He asked already knowing the answer.

She ignored him and continued. "To be worn by a champion, one with a soul, but more than human. Spike for all of the above. We were in the Hellmouth, fighting the Turukon or whatever the hell they're called, and Spike began to shout in pain and eventually the amulet captured the power of the sunlight and disintegrated everything, cleansed the place, then destroyed the town. Spike's dead, gone." She finished then stood up.

"Buffy…" Angel began sincerely.

"Don't, just show me to my room or wherever I'm sleeping." She said then followed him gritting her teeth out of newfound anger.

Angel led her to a one-bed room on the second floor; he mumbled a goodnight then left. Buffy walked around the room, inspecting the bathroom, which she was grateful that she didn't have to share with anyone. She turned on the light above the sink.

"I really need to shower." She said at her reflection. She locked the door and put the chain up, no one should be able to get in, even with a key. She stripped out of the dirty clothes and turned on the water in the tub waited until it was a good temperature and stepped in. Buffy turned on the spray and let the water wash over her dirty, achy body. She poured a healthy amount of the complementary shampoo into her hand and lathered her hair and rinsed. She grabbed the small bar of soap and rubbed it over her body, finding a few tender spots in the process.

Once clean, Buffy leaned against the wall of the cramped space and cried, something she had been trying not to do all day. She cried for all the dead girls, for how she treated everyone and herself. She cried for Spike and herself. Buffy hated herself for loving him, and for how much she needed him. Once she felt the water go cold Buffy turned it off and stepped out. Shivering at the room temperature she grabbed the largest towel and wrapped it around herself. She walked out of the tiny bathroom and looked at her now clean self, noting how puffy and red her eyes had gotten from crying. She shook her head and began to dry her hair with the drier.

Buffy walked around the room again, dry and still clad in only a towel. There was no way she was going to put on dirty clothes. Exhausted she laid down on the bed, which she had torn apart in a fury during one of her mood swings. She brought a pillow beneath her head and pulled the sheet over herself. Sobbing she hugged another blanket to her chest and eventually drifted into a restless sleep, still crying.

Meanwhile a bright light appeared on the road in front of the crater that was once Sunnydale. The light instantly disappeared and in its place was a living breathing and very confused Spike. "What in the bleedin' Hell?!?" He yelled looking around the desert.