She knows she's his whore, she just hasn't decided whether or not she cares. Another night of rough, painful sex with Puck, Santana is gathering her things from the truck and heading back into her house. She always tells herself that this will be the last time that she allows him to treat her this way, but yet the phone call comes and she doesn't say 'no'. Against her philosophy, at least the philosophy that she told Rachel and the other glee girls.
And it's true, she has never said no, but it doesn't mean she hasn't wanted to. But when the words are about to escape she finds a reason to keep it inside. She can't say no, especially to Puck, because she loves him.
Was it wrong to love someone that would never feel the same way? Someone that will use you and discard you, then go back to his loving girlfriend? Yes, and Santana knew that. But she wasn't sure if she cared. The way he felt when she was pressed up against him made all of the other things meaningless. All she knew was that she wanted him again and again, and she would never say no.
It was getting to the point where these once in a blue moon phone calls were turning into three/four nights a week calls. And she never said no, even when she had early Cheerios practice in the morning, or an English paper she should be writing. It was starting to become too much for her and the rest of her life was deteriorating around her. Her school work went out the window months ago, and now her family and friends are being affected as well. When she is at home she snaps at her family, because the lack of sleep doesn't bode well with two younger brothers and she hardly ever sees Brittany outside of school.
Santana knew that it was time to tell someone what was going on but she didn't know where to start. Brittany was her closest friend, but she wasn't good for things like this. Brittany was good for shopping, talking about boys and makeup tips, not serious conversations. Her mind then thought of Quinn but obviously as Puck's girlfriend this isn't something that she can discuss with her.
Because of her sexual history, Santana was never really good with making friends that were girls. Girls generally judged her by calling her a whore (which was now true) or she did something with a guy that they cared about so they hated her. It didn't leave her a lot of places to go when it came to a serious talk. The only girls that didn't ignore her were the Glee girls, but she didn't trust any of them enough.
'Tina', thought Santana. There was no way that Santana was going to be with Artie any day soon, and Tina seemed pretty cool. Santana went over to her backpack when she got to her room and grabbed her folder of music. In the back of the folder was a piece of paper that Mr. Schuester gave them with everyone's cell number.
'Well it's now or never,' Santana thought as she started to dial.
"Hello?" Tina asked.
"Hi… um… Tina? This is Santana, from glee."
"I don't know any other Santanas, but what's up?" Tina was puzzled on why one of the most popular girls in school would be calling her on a Friday night. Tina had just gotten home from a movie night with Kurt, Mercedes and Artie at Artie's house.
"I really just needed someone to talk to about something, and god, I feel really stupid, I shouldn't have called," Santana mumbled. It was a bad idea, she hardly knew the girl and she was going to tell her about how she was used and abused by Puck?
"No, wait…" Tina answered, "Meet me at Perkins, in like twenty minutes." Tina started to put her converse back on, while wondering what Santana could possibly want.
When Santana arrived Tina was already sitting in a booth sipping on water. Santana took the seat across from her and wondered how to start. "Okay, so here's the deal. I need to tell someone something, you being that someone, but you can't tell anyone about it or else I will tell the whole school that you gave Jacob a handjob in government class."
"EW!" Tina blurted out. "Fine. Deal."
"Umm, I kinda am seeing Puck."
"What? No you're not, he's happily with Quinn… I am really con… oh… you are having sex with Puck? What the hell, girl? You know better than that," Tina started to get angry at the idea of Santana being able to lie to her best friends.
"It's not that easy. I love Quinn, she is one of the few people that accept me for who I am, but every time he calls, I don't say no. I know it's wrong, but I can't say anything about it…"
"Say it. Say it out loud," Tina had to hear it to believe it. She knew that Santana had a heart, but it was just something that she had never seen before, and she had to hear it to really believe it.
"Say what?" Santana asked, trying to delay the answer. "Have you had the omelette here? I am kinda craving something breakfast-y."
"Santana, you know what I mean. I think you need to say it so that you can deal with it. Why else would you have called me, of all people? I don't even like you. Sorry, but you know it's true."
"I called you because even though you don't like me, you don't hate me, which places you in front of 95% of the school population. Yeah, I love the bastard. I love him, even though he treats me like dirt and will never care about me."
"Why do you let him then? Why do you let him treat you like a whore, if you know that he will never care? I just don't get why you put up with his shit," Tina asked. "Artie tried to get me to change my clothes and I went off, and I am pretty nervous when it comes to that stuff. But you, you are strong, why can't you stand up to him?"
Tina had never seen the other girl look so hurt. Santana was sitting across the booth, staring down at the menu because she couldn't let Tina see her tear up. She was raised to never cry, never show your feelings, it was a sign of weakness, and her father never let anyone in the family be weak. The waitress walked up to the table, but Tina waved her off.
"Santana?" she asked tentatively. "Hey, I promised never to say a word, tell me what is going on?"
"It's not that easy." Santana finally spoke. She couldn't tell the asian girl with the rich, over-protective parents what it was like to live in her household. How Puck was the least of her worries, not when she had other men to worry about.
"Puck treats you like crap, but you love him. You even fought Mercedes for him. Why would you fight for that? It just doesn't make sense to me…"
"Of course it wouldn't make sense to you! You live in the perfect little family, in a perfect house with a brother and a dog! You would never understand what it is like to be me! To never be enough, to never really be loved!" Santana was almost screaming in the middle of the restaurant.
Tina was speechless. She sat and waited while Santana calmed down. The blood started to leave Santana's face, as she took a drink from her water. Tina was frightened, unsure of what would be the right thing to do in this situation. Santana took some deep breaths before starting to speak again.
"Sorry. I just don't have the greatest family life, okay? I'm used to be treated like shit by people that I love. It's just how the world works for me, I guess."
"You deserve better than that. Everyone deserves better than that, I mean, it's not fair." Tina felt a lot of empathy, because although on the outside she lived a picture perfect life, her mother was very demanding.
"Life isn't fair, haven't you heard?" Santana snapped. She stood up from the table. "I'm not that hungry anymore."
Tina grabbed Santana's arm as she turned towards the door. "Santana, if you ever need anything, just tell me."
When Santana walked down the hall, every head turned. Not because she was so beautiful, everyone was already used to that, but because she demanded respect. She was in charge, and this morning there was a raw energy coming off her that needed attention. She held herself with power and grace and walked straight up to Puck, who was at his locker.
She slammed it shut and Puck spun to see who had disturbed his mirror time. "What do you want, Lopez?"
"I want you to stop calling me."
"And why would I do that?" he laughed. "I thought you liked our time together?"
"Overnight I developed this thing called a conscience and it told me that I should only fuck guys that buy me dinner first," she shot back.
"Oh, decided to get classy, bitch?" Puck sneered. "You say this now, but when I call, you'll come crawling, you always do."
"Don't make any assumptions. Stop calling me, or all of your voicemails to me will be streamed online and sent directly to Quinn. You want me, you have to do it right from now on. Because there are a hundred guys at this school that would date me and are better in bed than you."
Santana walked off as Puck's jaw hung open. Quinn walked up to him and asked, "What's up with her? What did you two talk about?"
"Nothing. It was nothing."
Puck drove his truck to her house that night, knowing that it wasn't the smartest idea if what she had said was true. But he couldn't handle the thought of letting her go. He would do anything to make her happy, even if he had to break up with Quinn.
He walked up to the door and knocked. Her father opened the door with a grunt and Puck let himself in and walked the small distance between the living room and the two bedrooms to her closed door. "Santana?"
"What do you want?" she called from the other side of the door.
"To talk to you," Puck answered. "Please? I won't try anything, I promise."
The door opened and Puck walked in. As always, it was a disaster, with clothes everywhere and her bed unmade. Her hair was frazzled and there was music playing softly from the other side of the room, where a patch of the floor was left clean. Santana had made a place for practicing Glee routines, Puck noticed, and he chuckled at the thought of her practicing showtunes in her underwear.
"Are you going to talk or what?" Santana had her arms folded and a stern look on her face. She was not ready to deal with him, not yet, but she put on a strong face and just pretended that she wasn't freaking out on the inside.
"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't treat you like I do. I know that, and every time, when it's over you know, I feel bad for doing that to you, but like, I can't stop. I miss the feel of your hands on my neck and the way you nibble at my neck. And it was just so easy to have you both, you know? Like having Quinn for things and having you for what we do. I don't want to get rid of that."
"Well I'm not doing it anymore. I like you a lot, you know that. I always have, so I thought that even that little bit of you, that was enough. But it's not. I deserve better than that. Sure I'm poor and my dad is a drug addled idiot that used to beat the shit out of me, but I am still a person, and I deserve respect and love. Even I deserve more than what you give me. So you don't get both. You can't have me and her."
Puck paused for a moment before he made his decision. But it wasn't really a choice to be made, he knew what he had to do, what was the best for everyone.
"You. I want you." Puck looked her in the eyes as he saw the spark return to them.
"Really?" Santana asked, as if she was a five year old being promised candy. Her arms dropped, no longer crossed, and a smile started to spread across her face.
"Yes really. You and me, no one has the chemistry we have. You know, babe?" He took the last few steps over to her and picked her up. They connected in that moment, and just stared at one another. She grabbed him as hard as she could to make sure it was real, that he was really there in her room holding her.
He placed her back on the ground when he remembered what his decision meant. He would have to tell Quinn everything. "I'll tell Quinn tomorrow and next Saturday? You are going to put on that skirt I like and we are going out." He gave her a peck on the cheek and left the room.
Santana stood in disbelief. She couldn't believe that someone had chosen her. Wanted to be with her, and her alone. She could have danced, she was so happy.