Title: Opening Up
Fandom: NCIS
Author: Alidiabin
Words: 693
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Warnings/Spoilers/Rating: 8x13 | Deals with Self-harm | Teen
Parings: none.
Summary: Ziva's conversation with Wooten affected her, Ducky tries to help.
I know what it's like to be under the control of a man. To feel like you have no power. And the only way to get that power back is to... shut down. You tell yourself you must shut down. You tell yourself to never show emotion to anybody. I know what that's like. It's the only way you can survive. I also know what it's like to seek revenge.- Ziva David
Opening Up
Ziva sat in the car after her talk with Georgia Wooten. The conversation had been hard. She had spoken from her heart about controlling men and shutting down because it was the only option. She understood the words she had spoken to well. She had buried feelings deep down and locked them in a part of her soul which she had long ago thrown away the key.
She sat in the car outside of the Wooten household. Completely still. She needed to let her mind calm down. It was racing. She licked her lips and could taste sand. Desert sand. She could smell cigarette smoke coming from one of Wooten's neighbours. She found herself back in the Somalia in the cell.
"Tell me everything you know about NCIS" Salim called as he ripped her necklace from her.
She pressed her fingernails into her arm. It was something she done even as a child, distracted herself with physical pain when the emotional pain got too much. Her finger nails dug deep into her arm. They twisted her finger nails into her skin. She found herself calming down. The sandy Somali cell disappeared revealing an equally suffocating suburbia.
It was only when she got ready to drive off that noticed. She noticed the blood stains on her long sleeved shirt. She rolled up her arms she saw the smudges of her own blood. The marks were not deep and the pain had long ago subsided, so she made no effort to tend them.
She pulled her sleeves down and prepared to drive off. She took a few calming breaths. She drove off slowly at first but was soon back to her usual driving style.
She knew Gibbs would be looking for her wanting to know if she had gotten through to Wooten. But Ziva's first stop was Ducky's lab.
XXX
Swish
Ziva stood in the doorway of Ducky's lab just watching the older man talk to the bodies like old friends. She admired his happiness and optimism when they dealt with so much death and destruction.
"Ziva," Ducky said as Ziva he noticed her. "My dear would you like some tea?" Ziva nodded. Ducky turned the kettle on. "How are you, my dear?"
"I am fine," Ziva lied. Ducky saw straight though her lie. He stared at her. "I am fine she repeated."
"I was worried that this case would open up old wounds," Ducky whispered. He and Gibbs had both worried about it, and it seemed their worries had proved right.
"It was necessary for the case," Ziva replied, to Ducky's surprise she had admitted it had been difficult. "Not that it got us very far,"
Ducky made the tea and handed her a cup. It was as she extended her arm out to receive the tea, that Ducky noticed the traces of blood.
"What happened?" Ducky asked as he put down the tea.
Ziva did not say anything. Ducky carefully teased her long sleeves from her arms. He knew about Ziva's way of dealing with things. He had seen her absentmindedly push the points of her Star of David necklace into her bare skin, as he looked at the marks on her arms, and then saw her finger nails, he put the pieces together.
After, deciding Ducky had been given long enough to pity and judge her, Ziva pulled her sleeves back down.
"Ziva," Ducky whispered.
"I do not need to be pitied doctor," she replied, adding formality as she often did when upset. She liked to hide behind formality and rules.
"I promise you, that is not the case." Ducky told her. "I would be lying if I said, I was not worried, but I do not pity you." He took Ziva's hand, "In my long life I have known many people, and I have seen few suffer greatly and come out the other side. You are one of those people. I know you are strong, but it is okay to have a bad day"
"Today is a bad day," Ziva admitted. Ducky got a bowl of water and some tissue, Ziva rolled up her sleeves and let Ducky clean the scratches.
A/N: I know this story does deal with something that is on the spectrum of self-harm. If you feel I have not approached this appropriately, do tell me. Also, any offensive comments will be deleted.