A/N: This is my first story so I would appreciate any form of help in improving it. First chapter is in Kurt's POV. I hope you enjoy it...

I've been sitting here for the past two hours, trying to form a coherent train of thought. And now that I've done so, I wish I hadn't.

My recent actions have been selfish, stupid, and desperate. I've been a failure. I failed Mercedes as a friend, I failed my dad as a son, I failed Finn by embarrassing him in front of glee, I even failed the Cheerios in that sweet little number.

I didn't mean to snap at my dad. I didn't mean to use him. I certainly didn't mean to hurt him. I love my dad, and I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. I just... I wish that I could be that person for him, the one he could have a riveting sports conversation with, the one who could join in with the jokes of the guys in the garage, the one who didn't make him sit through a musical every year. I've tried, and I know he's trying too, but it just seems like we would never be able to reach each other.

Finn. I'm not an idiot, I know Finn and I would never, in a million years, happen. I also know that setting up our parents will not help that at all. I'm not trying to seduce Finn, I'm not trying to "convert" him, I know he can't help being straight just as much as I can't help being gay. I just wanted to be closer to him. He's just like my dad...

Crap.

He's just like my dad. Is that it? Is that why I'm so desperate to have a connection with him? Because I'm desperate to have a connection with my own father? I mean, it certainly wasn't his intelligence I was attracted to, that's for sure. Great, now I can add pathetic to my list.

And then there's Mercedes. Sometimes I feel like she's the only person who could fully understand me and relate with me in a way nobody else can. I didn't mean to pressure her about losing weight, as a matter of fact, I admire her. I admire the fact that she's so comfortable with herself... I could take a lesson or two from the Mercedes Jones School of Self-esteem.

I need to make this right. I need to pull myself together and make this right. But where do I start? With my dad? No, I need to start smaller. Finn? Absolutely not. Mercedes it is, then. Talking to her about it is absolutely not an option... I just wouldn't be able to.

So... What now?

I went through my drawers and took out my scented stationeries (because you just know I have those randomly lying around my room). I've decided I'm gonna write her a letter, since everything just seems a lot less cheesy on paper.

But then again, the scented paper seems a bit too much, don't you think? Oh wow, this coming from a person who once wore a tux to school. This is going to take all night if I keep procrastinating like this, and that can't be good for my skin. Ugh. Just get on with it, Kurt... and stop talking to yourself.

Snoopy stationery. Possibly a decade old. Found under my old school files. I begin to write.

Dear Mercedes,

Hey girl, wipe that confused look off your face, this is not a love letter, nor is it a suicide note (bad joke? Yeah, sorry). And just so you know, I chose Snoopy because, well, just because.

So I would like to begin by apologizing again (and again) for the way I acted when Ms. Sylvester wanted us to lose weight. It was not very best-friend-ly of me. I know I've already said this, but I'm gonna say it again: I was wrong. I'm sorry. I should never have made you feel bad about your weight. It's not you, it's me (oh great, now this is starting to sound like a break-up letter), and before you start rolling your eyes and telling me I'm fabulous, I'm gonna stop you.

I wear fabulous clothes and have fabulous things in my room, but me? I'm just Kurt. Silly, sarcastic, snobby, selfish, stupid, sad, sad Kurt (try saying that 10 times fast!). But I'm trying to change that, well the selfish and stupid part, at least. And girl, I'm gonna need your help.

Everything is a hot damn mess, Mercedes. I'm sure you remember that embarrassing little number I did, where I practically undressed myself emotionally in front of the entire glee club. You know it's about Finn... it's always about Finn. I know, I know, Finn falling for me is just about as likely as me falling for you (no offense... I love you and all, just not in that way) but I can't seem to tear myself away from him. Aside from Artie, he is the first guy in school who has ever treated me with respect. Is that why I'm being so clingy? Because he's nice to me? 'Cause if I'm gonna fall all over any guy who doesn't throw me in the dumpster, or shove me against a locker, or slushie my face, or throw pee balloons at me, then I would have fallen in love with Artie a long time ago.

Oh, by the way, I totally set our parents up. I apologize if you're drinking something, you've probably choked on it by now. It's a stupid idea, made even stupider by the fact that I did it to get closer to Finn. But it worked well for my dad and his mom, they seem to genuinely like each other. I'm happy for them, I really am. I haven't seen my dad this happy since... well, since my mom. What really hurt me, even more than my plan to get close to Finn backfiring, is the fact that my dad and Finn got along really well. I mean, I'm glad my dad has his ideal son now... but it still hurts, knowing that his ideal son isn't me.

I wanna do right by my dad, Mercedes. I wanna do right for Finn and Carole too. I just can't seem to figure out how.

So sorry for all the drama packed in one long letter, sweetie. I just needed to say it. If you make it this far, then thank you. Love you, girl. Thanks, and I'm sorry, once again.

Kurt.