Title: Christmas Without Mark
Author: Megzohio
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: T
Summary: Callie is experiencing her first Christmas without Mark around how will she deal with that and her feelings towards Arizona moving back in after cheating?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything all the great people in this story belong to Shonda. Grey's Anatomy I just am using them ti entertain you like she doe's on her show. BTW this is my first fanfic ever so kinda nervous and hope your not to mean if you don't like it. Thanks for reading just trying out this Secret Santa :) Enjoy also thanks to my beta Bev!
'It's that time of year again' Callie had thought to herself. 'A time for happiness and cheer, a time to be there with your family and friends'. "Ugh what am I going to do?" Callie went over in her head. Things with Arizona are just starting back up. 'I'm still so hurt and angry but I know if I'm going to give this a real chance I need to let it go and try to make us work, not just for Sofia but for us. I look back over the years at all the times we celebrated Christmas together. This is the first one without Mark, my best friend, my daughter's father. I'm so lost without him. I know if he was here he would be spoiling Sofia with so many gifts and just being happy with us. I know he is safe and happy with Lexie, but how I wish he was here with us'. I look over to my left and see Arizona and Sofia decorating the tree. There matching smiles appearing on their faces. Even after what Arizona did there is no doubt in my mind that she loves Sofia more then life itself. Arizona had caught me looking at them and sends me a wink with her dimpled smile. She really is trying. I need to put forth the effort as well. I walk over to my girls. Sofia looks up to me and hands me her first ornament. I rub my hand over it. On one side is a picture of Arizona, Sofia and myself. On the other side is one of Sofia and Mark. My mind goes back to the day we took the pictures. Mark was so proud of his "lil mighty oak" as he called her when he first found out I was pregnant. He was telling Sofia all about Santa and she just watched him like she knew exactly what he was talking about. Sofia yanks at my shirt and I pick her up. We put the ornament on the tree and I kiss her head wishing Mark could see this moment, see how beautiful his little girl is growing up to be. Arizona comes behind me and wraps her arms around Sofia and it's like she can see my thoughts. She whispers into my ear "I miss him too". We finish decorating the tree and Arizona's pager goes off. "911" she says as she kisses me on the cheek and heads to the hospital. We still haven't kissed, we still haven't been intimate. I miss her touch, I miss our love making. But I still see Lauren and now Leah touching her and kissing her. Neither of us wear our heart necklaces we got each other for Valentines Day. I rub my neck in the spot it use to lay. We have been sleeping in the bed now for two weeks. Each night is different. Each night Arizona moves closer to my side of the bed and each time I snuggle more into her body. I don't know why this is so hard for me. I know I love her, I know I want this to work, but something is still holding me back. I look out the window and notice it's starting to snow. I guess it will be a white Christmas after all. Arizona sends me a text telling me she wont be home til late. I make Sofia and I dinner. After dinner Sofia and I watch Frosty the Snowman. My thoughts travel to Arizona and wonder what the 911 was.
I was paged by Karev but not for an emergency. I had asked him yesterday to page me at this time so I could have a little time to Christmas shop for Callie. I'm so happy to be home, I have missed my little girl and my wife. I'm not even sure if I should be saying wife. Things are so hard between us right now but I'm so glad she's giving me another chance. I messed things up so badly. The miscarriage took a huge toll on me. Callie couldn't see that I had to be the good man in a storm and hide my true feelings. Hide my hurt, my pain. I never wanted kids. Now, I can't imagine not having them. I wanted this child so badly. I remember the night I told Callie we were going to have another baby and she got down and kissed my stomach. At that moment I fell in love with her all over again. Ever since the plane crash things had been a roller coaster, then I finally came back and accepted the new me. But I was still distant with Callie. I didn't let her all the way back in my heart til that exact moment. That night we made love for hours, that was the memory I hang on to often. Seeing Callie today looking at Sofia and me, I knew what she was thinking. The look on her face said it all. I knew she was wishing Mark was here. This will be the first Christmas without him, even I wish he was here. I brought her so much pain this last year and I never got to tell her how sorry I was Mark passed. But I have a great plan for this week for our family. I walk into the mall, it's already crowded around this time of year. I know the exact place I am headed for. I walk over to the lady and within minutes I pay and am headed back home.
I open the door and find my two girls cuddled up on the couch sleeping. I pull out my cell phone and snap a picture. I pick up Sofia without disturbing Callie. I place her in bed and kiss her forehead, whispering 'I love you' to my little girl. I head back into the living room. I lean over and place a gentle kiss on my wife's cheek. She stirs at the contact. She looks up with sleepy eyes and takes my hand. We walk into our bedroom and she lays down. I go to the bathroom to do my nightly routine, and then I crawl in bed, next to my wife. I look over at Callie and she is looking at me with tears in her eyes. I grab her hand and say "What's wrong? Talk to me". "I miss Mark" Callie says. I lean over and wrap my arms around her tightly. "I know you do, I miss him to. I'm so sorry he's not here for all of us. I wish I knew the words to say to take this pain away". She looks at me surprised. I just wrap my arms a little tighter and whisper "Get some sleep". A little while later I hear soft snores coming from my beautiful wife. I don't let go of her. This is the most she's let me hold her since the cheating. I fall asleep soon after.
The next morning I wake and Callie isn't next to me. I don't hear anyone in the entire house, and I start to panic. The memory replaying in my head when Callie took Sofia and went to Meredith's. I rush out into the kitchen and notice my girls drinking hot chocolate and coloring Christmas cards together. My heart starts to slow down. Callie looks up and says "There's a cup on the counter for you too. Come join us". I sit down next to Sofia and she shows me the finger painting cards and I just think they are perfect. I look to Callie and say "We should get ready. I have something I want us to do today". She looks at me confused, thinking she has forgotten something I have told her and I reassure her that it's a surprise. She smiles and goes to our bedroom to get ready. I take Sofia into her room and get her ready as well. Within twenty minutes we're all ready. It's a beautiful day. Snow all over the trees and ground, perfect time for the holidays. We arrive at our destination. Callie looks at me and I say "Come on. It's time". We get out of the car and walk over to Mark's headstone. I bought flowers for Callie to lay on his grave and two days ago while Callie was called into an emergency surgery, Sofia and I drew up Christmas trees and even got him a present. Sofia lays everything on the grave. She is still to young to understand, but Callie is holding back tears as we watch our little girl at her father's grave. Callie grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. I start to speak "Gosh Mark, lately life has been so crazy. We haven't been here and it's mostly my fault. I'm so sorry your gone and I didn't keep my promise to protect our girls. I never plan on breaking that promise again. I know you've been looking down on us and seeing our little girl getting bigger and growing more beautiful everyday". Callie tightens her grip on my hand and her sobs become even more harder then before. Sofia grabs Callies other hand and says "It's ok Mommy , Daddy is over there smiling at us. He said everything is going to be ok". Callie and I look at each other and then to Sofia. She repeats herself "Daddy said it will be ok". I look out in the open thinking I might actually see Mark. Callie does the same. I pick up Sofia and continue talking "Your Daddy is right, everything will be ok. Mark, I promise to take care of everything and always be here for ours girls. I know you will continue to look down on us and never miss a moment in our lives". I bring out the present and tell Callie to open it. She slowly opens it and reveals a plaque with a picture of Mark, Callie, Me and Sofia on it with the saying 'always together, always a family, it will all be ok'. Callie looks at me and grabs me in a bone crushing hug. She is sobbing uncontrollably. But I know she needed this, I needed this. We haven't been here since his passing. I tell Callie "I'm so sorry" and we lay the plaque on Mark's headstone. We sit there in silence a little while longer. As we walk to the car I look back and swear I catch a glimpse of Mark smiling at us.
We get home and Callie starts to prepare dinner. We haven't said much since we left the cemetery. I take Sofia in the bathroom and start to give her a bath. She starts splashing and asking things about Santa. "How does Santa come with presents if we have no chimney?" Sofia asks. I smile and think she is to smart for her age. I smile and say "He has his ways, Santa can do anything". She starts to giggle. Callie calls out to us and tells us dinner is ready. I get Sofia dressed in jammies and head into the kitchen. We eat and watch the snow continue to fall. Once again Sofia brings up Santa. "Does Santa really have flying reindeers?", Callie starts to giggle and it's the most sweetest sound I have heard in a long time. Callie answers "Yes, and his number one is called Rudolph. He has a red nose so he can see in the snow". Sofia gets excited and asks for the whole story of Rudolph and it last all the way til her bed time so Callie and I sit on her bed with her telling her all about him.
Callie and I walk into our bedroom and start to get ready for bed. I get into bed first and she gets in after me. We haven't talked much since this morning and I don't know if she is mad or what. I hear Callie ask "Will you hold me?" Instantly a smile forms on my face and I pull her close to me and wrap my arms around her. "Thank you for today" Callie says. "I really needed that." I kiss her cheek and say "It was for all of us". She looks at me and starts to lean in and brushes my lips lightly with hers. My heart is racing and her hand moves to the back of my neck, keeping me there. Her tongue slides over my bottom lip, I open my mouth and give her permission. She slides her tongue inside. God I have missed this. It doesn't last long but it was perfect. Callie rolls back over and snuggles into me closer then before. Tonight is the first night since being home I actually feel like it is my home and this is my family my wife.
Today is Christmas Eve. Callie and I are working so we can be off tomorrow to spend Christmas with Sofia, just the three of us. I haven't seen Callie much at all today. I text Callie to let her know I won't be home for dinner to go ahead without me. I look back at my phone and see the picture of my girls sleeping on the couch together. 'God I am so lucky' I say to myself. I finally catch a glimpse of Callie. She walks over to me and gives me a peck on the lips. "Hey" she says. I say hey back and ask if she got my text, she smiles and says "Yes, but I will wait til you get home so we can eat together. I'm heading to daycare to get Sofia and I will see you tonight". She walks off with a little more sway then she has the past few months. I think visiting Mark was a great idea.
I head home around midnight and to my surprise I open our apartment door to see Callie with head phones in her ears and dancing in her underwear in our living room. I stand there, not moving, just watching her with the biggest grin on my face. She turns and notices me and jumps, then smiles. She calls out "Join me". She takes the headphones out and music fills the room. I take off my coat and head her way and start dancing around her waving my hands in the air and Callie just moves like a goddess. This makes me think back to our first time dancing together in her living room when we first got together, and I start smiling more. We both burst out laughing and fall onto the couch. I look at Callie and say "Oh my God I've missed this. We haven't done this in so long". "I haven't done this in so long. I felt I needed to do it before I burst" Callie says. She stands and puts on her sweats. She grabs my hand to help me stand and says "We need to start wrapping presents". She goes to our bedroom closet and brings everything out into the living room. I notice pizza on the coffee table and take a slice as does Callie. We eat and talk about how Sofia is going to love tomorrow. We wrap all the presents and eat the cookies Sofia and Callie had put out earlier for Santa.
We wake the next morning with Sofia running into our room screaming "Santa came, he really came! Come on Mommy!". She grabs my hand and I grab Callies. We all run into the living room. We begin laughing at how excited Sofia is. Callie grabs the first present and hands it over to Sofia who instantly tears the paper away. Her first gift was a uniform light up pillow and she loved it. Her next gift was a complete kitchen for her room. She opened all her presents and reached under the tree for the last present that sat there. Callie read it and said "It's uh, it's for me?". She looks at me slowly and I tell her to "Go on, open it". Sofia looks at her mama with excitement and says "See what Santa brought you". Callie's fingers start to tremble over the wrapping paper. She slowly starts to unwrap it. She unwraps it to reveal a long black box. She looks at me and bites her bottom lip. She slowly opens it and it's the necklace I got her for Valentines Day so many years ago but with an additional 3 hearts. She has tears in her eyes and looks to me and says "What's the extra hearts for?". I run my hand over the necklace and grab the first additional heart and say "This one is Sofia's heart". I grab the 2nd and say "This is Mark's heart. He may not be here, but you always carry him in your heart". I grab the 3rd one and say "This is for the child we lost. I know Mark is watching over now for us, but we both know our child lives and always will live in our hearts forever". She lets the tears start flowing freely now and grabs me in a death gripping hug. I lean back and say "May I put it on?". She turns around and starts saying "Yes yes yes please". I unclasp the necklace and put it around her neck. I place a small kiss on the back of her neck and she turns around and kisses me with so much passion. I grab her hands and look deeply into her eyes. "I love you Calliope. I always have and I always will.
Callie looks at me and whispers "You called me Calliope! You're back Arizona!". She hugs me again and whispers in my ear "I have missed you".
That night we went to bed as wife and wife and made love for what felt like the first time. I am back and I am finally home