Hello...~ I decided I would re-upload "Your Jar of Hearts" but it's not a songfic this time, unfortunately.
However~ I implore you to listen to the song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri while reading. I really got the whole idea from it and not to mention it's a wonderful song. ^^
Disclaimer~ All the Hetalia characters are owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, not me. And JUST IN CASE The song Jar of Hearts belongs to Christina Perri.
Ohyeah...this story is not beta'd, so beware and sorry for any mistakes it may have.
Enjoy the story~ And btw, reviews make my world go 'round. ^^
Italics - Past
Regular text - Present
Bold and italic - Thoughts
Your Jar of Hearts
By: Jubpawz
Matthew looked at America from across the meeting table. Germany was talking about something, but Matthew wasn't really listening…it's not like Germany would notice that he wasn't, anyway. No one ever did. Alfred turned and met Matthew's eyes and the Canadian could see the sorrow in his eyes…At least it wasn't the look that said "I'm sorry…please, take me back…"
Because Matthew had already decided that he was not going to fall for those cerulean eyes…not again.
"Matthew, I'm sorry!"
"If you're so sorry, then why does this always happen, eh? Every fucking time…I…I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving." Matthew decided, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the stray tears. His heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest…it was a type of pain he just couldn't deal with any longer. Alfred's face showed confusion until it dawned on him…
"You're…you're what? Oh, Matt no…please don't leave me. I love you…" Alfred said, embracing Matthew's smaller form. Matthew shook his head, gripping the American's bomber jacket feebly.
"That's what you always say…but I still come home and find another man in bed with you!"
"I was drunk…It was a late night…things with Francis and I …they just got out of hand…"
"I'm done with this." Matthew said, pushing Alfred away. "I refuse to keep going through this with you…I already have my things packed. I'm going to get them…and leave. And you won't have to worry about doing these things behind my back any longer…" Matthew started tearing up again as he walked upstairs to get his suitcase. Alfred ran a hand through his hair, feeling terrible. He had never thought Matthew would actually leave…he never thought his brother would get so mad…
Alfred got angered when he gazed upon Matthew, was about to leave the house with all his belongings. He grabbed Matthew's shoulder to stop him.
"You still love me…"
Matthew turned around, tears welling up again. "Of course I still love you…I never stopped loving you…"
"Then why…? Why are you leaving?"
"Because you don't really love me, Alfred. You need me…You need me around, but you don't really love me or else you wouldn't be fucking every country you can find…now let me go."
"No."
"Let me go, Alfred…or so help me…"
"I won't let you disappear from my life!"
Matthew put his things down and turned swiftly, delivering a slap to Alfred's face, causing him to let go and stumble back, shocked. Alfred reached up and touched his burning cheek and Matthew grabbed his things again.
"Goodbye, Alfred…My brother….my lover …I'll see you around, of course. But this…this is goodbye." Matthew murmured and turned, exiting the house with tears running down his face.
It hurt…it hurt so much.
Leaving Alfred was what he knew was best, but it still pained him knowing he left the love of his life…and that he would never be enough for his brother. His small, weak hands gripped the knife on the floor and raised it to his wrist, not even hearing the door to the spare room open.
No one would ever see him…
"Hey, man! What are you doing? That's so unawesome!" Gilbert yelled, knocking the knife away from the blonde's hand. The blonde looked up, tears blurring his vision. Gilbert rubbed the back of his head, nervously.
"Look…I don't know what's up with you, Canada, but that's not a solution to anything." He said and knelt down next to the man. Matthew rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and looked at Prussia.
"You…know who I am?"
"Of course I know. I'm the awesome Prussia! I know everything."
Matthew gave a little laugh, even though he was still sniffling from crying. Gilbert sat down, looking around at the abandoned room in the European World Meeting House. He always came here because he was kicked out of the meetings. He wasn't a country anymore, after all…
Luckily he came when he did…
"So why don't you tell the awesome me what has you so down?" Gilbert said, looking at Matthew and patting his back comfortingly. "I've never seen you so upset before…"
Matthew looked at Gilbert and nodded. He began to explain everything to Gilbert and the albino never stopped listening…
"Matt was depressed for a year after he left you! All because you had to toy with his heart! You bastard." Gilbert yelled at Alfred who flared in anger.
"And what about you! I hear you are always after a good fuck! Don't act so innocent, Prussia."
"I admit that in the past I was…I mean c'mon my best friend IS Francis. But now…I don't need anyone besides Matthew." Gilbert said, seriously.
"Sure…you're such a liar."
"Alfred stop!" Matthew yelled, having been there the whole time. His outburst ceased the argument between the two. "Don't try to pin your mistakes on Gilbert!"
"But Matt! He's not good for you! He hangs around with Francis and Antonio…they aren't a good group!" Alfred yelled and Matthew rolled his eyes.
"You don't even know him…now just go…I'm not getting back together with you. I love Gilbert…" The Canadian said and Alfred gave Matthew a pleading look.
"Please, Matt…I promise I won't cheat ever again…I'm a hero. Heroes don't break promises."
Matthew shook his head, chuckling in disbelief. "You already broke your promises, Alfred…"
Matthew stood up to leave the meeting room when he saw Alfred heading towards him, a strangely solemn look on his face. Matthew sighed and turned towards the man.
"Matthew…" Alfred murmured, when he was in front of the man. Matthew looked up to meet the man's eyes.
"Yes, Alfred?"
"You really love him…don't you…" Alfred averted his eyes.
Matthew nodded. "I do…very much so…"
"But…I miss you so much…" Alfred said, the heartbreak sounding in his voice, which shocked Matthew slightly.
"I can't go back, Alfred. Gilbert is good for me…he saved me when you couldn't. He was there when you weren't…He sees me. I'm sorry, but I won't leave that. I won't leave him." Matthew said and Alfred bit his lip, but nodded after a few seconds.
"…Okay…I guess. I've made a lot of mistakes with you, Matt. And…I'm really sorry for everything…" Alfred mumbled as he looked down. Matthew smiled sadly.
"I can't forgive you yet…but I will as soon as you prove to me you can let go of the past. Don't chase me anymore, alright Alfred? I don't want to keep hurting you." Matthew said and Alfred looked to the side, nodding.
And with that, Matthew left to go find Gilbert, a relieved feeling in his chest.
He met up with Gilbert outside the meeting room. "I think…he's going to stop trying to get me back…" He said with a small smile and Gilbert nodded.
"Good…that's the first step, right? I know you want to make amends with him."
"Yes…we're brothers after all and I hate this whole fight with him, but I think things are looking up for Alfred… And I'm very glad." Matthew replied as he laced his fingers with Gilbert and left the building, thinking to himself:
Please don't come back for me, Alfred…because I have finally filled the hole in my heart…
Fin~ Anyway, tell me how you liked it. I love reviews...I hope it lives up to the first version I put up here, for all those who favorited it.