Title: Embrace
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Roy x Edward
Summary: No one should have to suffer on Christmas Eve.
Warnings: Angst. Slight spoilers for ep. 1, 3 & 7. Yaoi. OOCness? Oh, and slight content, nothing too explicit though.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
"Christmas -- that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance -- a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved."
- Augusta E. Rundel
Embrace
Edward sat on the windowsill, resting his feet on the radiator below, trying to keep them warm. For it was a cold winter's night, and although the windows were tightly shut, there was still a draught in the room. His real fingers were almost numb. He breathed out, forming a mist on the window pane, and raised his half-frozen flesh hand gingerly to trace three letters on the mist. He watched as the mist faded away, bringing the three letters with it. He looked up at the night sky, where millions of bright stars twinkled down merrily at him, as if mocking his sadness.
Outside the street lamps were lit, flooding light onto the deserted streets of Central. There were piles of dazzling white snow on the pavements, gleaming off the soft moonlight and the light of the lamps, but not a single soul was to be seen. Everyone had gone home, where it was warm and jolly. Everyone was enjoying a delicious hot feast with their family and friends next to the fireplace, while chatting and laughing with each other without a care for anything in the world. Everyone was happy. Edward was the only one who had no one to celebrate this festival with. He was the only one who felt no joy.
This was one of the worst nights in his life. He could remember few other nights when he felt so full of agony, when he wanted to give up on life. There was the night when his mother died. There was the night when he and his brother attempted human transmutation. There was the night when Nina Tucker was turned into a chimera, and later killed. But this night seemed to be the most painful of them all, because he had no one to share the pain with.
He was all alone in the huge house. The many corridors of this large house were empty and gloomy, and the rooms were dark and silent. He felt as though he was in a haunted mansion, but he knew there were no such things as ghosts. The emptiness seemed to be swallowing him up, engulfing his heart. The bedroom he had once shared with his lover held so many dear memories of the precious past. Now he was left all alone in this frighteningly spacious house, once so lively and filled with happiness, and he would never admit it, but he felt so small and timid without his lover's presence.
It had been more than eight months since Edward last saw his lover. Ever since then, he had went through each day in a dream-like state. He was alive, yes, but he was not living. He still went to work, and he did his work without protest, but he never paid attention to what he was doing. He avoided saying anything as much as possible, and when people spoke to him and he had to reply, his mouth made automatic responses which were often very curt and barely comprehensible. For the first two months he was full of hope of that his lover would come back to him, but as time passed, he had slowly learned to accept the fact that it was never going to happen and he had given up most of his hope. His lover had abandoned him, forever.
Daytime was a dream for him, hazy and unclear. But at night, he was most awake and vigilant. He felt like an owl, sleeping during the day and waking up at night to hunt. Only there was nothing to hunt for. He had nothing to do at night. He always felt so tired, but he could never go to sleep until the final hours before dawn. He would sometimes just sit on the bed, staring up vacantly at the ceiling, and wait for sleep to come to him, or he would take a stroll around the maze-like house aimlessly, like a restless ghost, though the latter was more common. He always felt incredibly miserable, but no tears ever came to his eyes. The sorrow was vented up inside him, and he could find no way to let it out.
Yet behind all that misery and anguish, there was still a tiny drop of hope left. It was the only thing which kept him alive. He wanted to die, but he couldn't let himself die. For there was still a chance, however small, that his lover would return to him. And if he really did, against all the unlikely odds, then Edward wouldn't want his dearest to find him dead, would he? No, he most certainly wouldn't want that to happen. He need to stay alive, for his lover. Tonight was the perfect night if one was to reunite with one's family. If his lover ever chose to return to him, tonight was the best night to do so. And that was how Edward came to be sitting on the windowsill, watching the path leading up the house, waiting, wishing.
His thoughts went back to that night exactly one year ago, when his lover was still by his side. It was snowing that night too. He remembered sitting in the same position as he was now, waiting for his lover to come home from work. At that time, everything was fine. He loved his lover with all his heart, and his lover loved him back in the same way. That night, if someone had told him that he would feel like dying a year later, he would have found the idea utterly ridiculous and laughed out loud at it. Why would he feel like dying when he was so lucky to have such a wonderful life? But, oh no, it wasn't impossible at all. Here he was, a year later, tormented by the loss of his love. He sighed, but something that resembled a smile formed on his face and his cheeks coloured a little as the embarrassing but happy memory came back to him...
---
Flashback
Eagerness filled Edward as he saw the dark-haired figure approach the doorway of the house. He leapt off the windowsill gracefully and dashed to the front door to meet his boyfriend. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Edward opened the door.
"Good evening, Roy," he chirped, taking off Roy's thick black coat for him and hanging it up on the peg by the door. He closed the door.
"G' evening," Roy replied. Then he walked into the dining room and the sight of the grand feast set out on the table met his eyes, complete with turkey and Christmas pudding. "Wow, Ed."
"Yeah, I prepared it all myself... Actually, no, Winry helped." Ed smiled sheepishly.
"Ah. Did Miss Rockbell come all the way here from Rizenbul to Central just to help you cook a meal?" Roy asked, amused.
"Well, she was going to come and do her Christmas shopping here, anyway. And this isn't just any meal, is it?" Edward said meaningfully.
Roy chuckled. They took their seats opposite each other and began to have their dinner. "I never knew you were so good at cooking," Roy remarked. "The food is really good, Ed."
Ed grinned. "Thanks."
After they had finished dinner, Roy helped Ed to clear up and do the washing. Then Roy had a quick shower, and they both went to bed.
It started off with a fiery kiss, and Edward didn't know how they ended up with no clothes on. Maybe it just felt right... Edward had started having dates with Roy about three months ago, and he only moved in to live with Roy a few weeks ago, and they had done nothing so far, but just share a bed. All the time he had longed to do this, but every night, he felt too awkward, too embarrassed to bring it up. And yet, when the moment was right, it just felt natural. He didn't have to say anything; it just happened. Roy seemed to know that he wanted it.
Edward's heart was pounding as they undressed. Was it out of fear or excitement? Maybe both. He couldn't say he wasn't afraid. This was his first time, after all, and he was glad that he was giving up his virginity to Roy, of all people, because he loved him and trusted him. He was sure Roy would make sure it didn't hurt too much. But he was not even sixteen yet. Okay, so he would be sixteen in about a month's time, but he was still fifteen for now, and it was illegal. And it was only now that the fact that this was fraternization hit him. Why hadn't anyone noticed and reported them yet? He'd actually dared to move in with Roy. It must be obvious there was something going on between them. Then why...?
He couldn't believe they were so lucky to not get caught after all this. He was frightened. What would happen to them if they get caught? They'd be stripped of their military ranks. They'd be thrown in jail. All the hard work he'd done for his brother would go to a waste. He couldn't afford that to happen. But he could never, ever leave Roy. He was probably willing to risk all this to be together with Roy.
These thoughts whirled round and round in his mind. Stop think about other things, he thought. You're just ruining the whole thing.
He didn't need to worry, however, because just a moment later, after Roy had stopped stretching him and entered him for the first time, the pain forced all his thoughts to the back of his mind. But there was pleasure too; pleasure he had never experienced before. This was different to everything he had done in his life. There was nothing which could compare with this sensation. It made him forget about everything else. He and Roy were the only people in the whole universe. The bitter coldness of winter was gone, replaced by overwhelming heat. Their bodies were so close together it was almost unbearable. The pain, the pleasure, the love, the lust, all mixed together.
Nothing else mattered.
When it was over, Roy whispered into his ear, "I love you, Ed, and will do so forever and ever and ever."
Ed was too exhausted to say anything; he merely smiled.
Roy smiled back lovingly, and they both drifted off to sleep, their bodies still close to each other, giving warmth.
End flashback
---
Edward pulled himself back to reality. Something wet was on his cheek. He touched it with his flesh hand. He gasped as he realized it was a tear. He didn't know what on earth he was crying for. Was it for the loss of his first and only love? Or was it for his own stupidity of believing in true love? Roy had promised to stay with him and love him forever. He had promised to be faithful and true to Edward. Edward had put all his trust into the man's hands, but he had betrayed his trust. He had broken his promise and abandoned Edward in the house, leaving him full of despair. Edward shouldn't be crying because the bastard had left him. He should be glad, even.
He wiped away the tear, but a moment later, more tears rushed back. He cursed himself silently for these tears falling without a good reason, but in spite of himself, he let them fall freely. They rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably; big, fat, silver tears of grief and pain.
Outside the white snowflakes floated down from the dark blue skies, all beautiful and sad to the boy as he wept, finally freeing the emotions trapped inside him for such a long time.
No one should have to suffer on Christmas Eve.
---
The sun peeked out shyly from behind the hills. It was Christmas Day, and snow was still falling outside.
The young blond boy dreamt on as the sun rose higher and higher in the sky...
"I need a hug," the boy said, looking up at a dark-haired man with big, round, golden puppy-eyes that melted.
"Then I shall give you one," the man replied with an amused grin.
He opened his arms to welcome the boy.
A branch cracked, waking the boy up from his sweet dream. For a moment he was confused between dream and reality. He felt the man's arms surround him, as real as real could be, but then the feeling was gone, and loneliness washed through him again. He gave a disappointed sigh.
"He's never going to come back," he said aloud to himself. "Don't be silly."
"Who said I'm never going to come back?" a voice asked from behind the boy. He gave a visible jump as he recognized the familiar voice. He turned and found himself looking at a smug smirk.
"Mustang, you bastard!" he shouted angrily, just managing to restrain himself from punching the man's face.
Roy's expression softened at once. He even looked guilty and ashamed, which was rare for him. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm truly sorry. Listen to me. I can explain. It's not what you think."
"No!" Edward cried. Roy frowned, but Edward continued, "I don't need an explanation now. I can listen to all that later. Right now, all I need is a hug. That's all I want you to give me right now."
Roy looked surprised, but he smiled gently. "Sure, if that's what you want, I can give you one with pleasure." He, too, missed his lover extremely, and longed for the boy's touch just as much as the boy yearned for his.
He reached out with his arms and swept the boy into a warm embrace.
"Merry Christmas, Ed."
It was a White Christmas, and perhaps the happiest one ever in both Edward Elric and Roy Mustang's lives.
The End
"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold,
everything is softer and more beautiful."
- Norman Vincent Peale
A/N: I was sitting on the windowsill, listening to Unbreak My Heart and Big Big World on my iPod Nano one night when this idea came to me. I no own those two songs. Anyway, merry Christmas and please read & review!