I wake up drenched in sweat from another nightmare. I feel cold on the other side of the mattress which means Peeta is up. I take a shower and get dressed and pay my daily respects to Prim. My mind wanders, as it always does around this time of day, to the never answered question of why. Why kill her to break me? I could have become a martyr. But no, she killed the innocent one instead, leaving me shattered and left to pick up the pieces.I take a deep breath. I won't cry. I won't give Coin the satisfaction, even though she's dead.
I walk to the kitchen to see what Peeta's made me for breakfast. To my surprise I find him in the kitchen.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"I decided to take the day off." He says, "We haven't spent much time together lately."
I smile. This is the Peeta I came to love. This is the Peeta that knows even the things I cannot admit to myself.
Our lips meet and he tastes like honey.
"So, what are we making?"
"I was thinking cheese buns."
I laugh. I have always loved his cheese buns, but until now, he hasn't taught me how to make them.
"That sounds great."
We spend several hours baking the cheese buns, and afterwards we eat almost all of them.
Next he tries to teach me how to draw. He claims that I am improving, but I don't see it. After a while he just gives up on trying to boost my self-esteem and just draws. He draws everything. Me, the lake, the trees, the cakes he used to frost, the flowers. Everything. I love watching his eyes when he draws. They light up with a concentration I rarely see in anything else he does.
After a while we both get tired of drawing, and for lack of anything better to do, we just sit on the couch. I grab a warm blanket and put it over us, like a tent to protect us from the raindrops that have begun to fall. And we start to tell each other stories. I tell him of hunting trips from long ago, and he tells me all the stories he overheard at the bake shop. In a strange way, this reminds me of the games. It reminds me of when we were in the cave and I told him about how we got Lady. But this is different. It's more uncensored… in the games we always knew that if we slip up, we were dead. But here there is no reason to monitor what we say because we love each other, for real. So no matter what he says I will love him, and I know that he thinks the same of me.
The hours pass and we realize that it's time for dinner. He cooks while I write to make sure things are not forgotten.
We eat dinner together, just like it has been for the last several years.
And I suddenly realize how happy I should be. I have smiled and kissed and loved, but I have been drowning my happiness in a sea of grief. The loss of Prim, Cinna, Finnick, and so many others that I have loved. I have suffered the wounds of Gale and my mother, who never even said goodbye, like a scar of an old wound. I have told myself that I can never forget. That I have to remember Rue's face as the spear went through her stomach. That I have to remember the pools of blood around Boggs when his legs got blown off.
"Peeta," I say softly "Are you happy?"
Peeta takes a deep breath, pondering the question.
"Yes." He finally answers "I am always broken, sometimes more than others, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel that I will get past it, permanently this time."
"But isn't that hope?"
"It's hope that I can be happy. So yes, it is hope." He pauses. "What about you, Katniss?"
I sigh.
"No." I say flatly. "But I should be."
"Katniss, everyone should be happy now. But are they? No. Everyone still remembers the rebellion and district 13. Everyone's lost someone or something close to their heart." He pauses. "But we keep smiling so that our children and our children's children can believe we moved on."
"But," I start, "If we're all broken, aren't we all fixed?"
"What do you mean, Katniss?"
"We help each other pick up the pieces." I explain, "And when we can't find the rest of them," I pause, "We put our hearts together."
"That may not be true for everyone." He pulls me into a passionate kiss and when we break apart he says, "But it is true for us."
We fall asleep on the couch between kisses, and I know there will be no nightmares tonight.
A/N: Hello! This was my first try at an everlark oneshot, so I hoped you liked it! I've had this idea for months, and a couple days ago I finally started writing it. Constructive criticism please!