My Fake Marriage to Peeta Mellark
"I, Katniss Everdeen, take you Peeta Mellark, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to entertain the capitol and save our families, from this day forward, when we are bugged and in front of cameras, when we are boldly or indirectly threatened with death, till Hunger Games do us part"
Chapter 1
The White Dress
I look in the mirror and try to imagine what the rest of my life holds for me as my team beautifies me. I am dressed in an elaborate white creation of Cinna. Somehow he always manages to make things pleasing to the capitol fashions yet beautiful.
I never wanted to get married but I suppose if I must for the sake of my family, I am glad it is in one of Cinna's dresses and not in something ridiculous Effie might pick. My hair is up in a complicated braided combination of small pearls and delicate flowers. A long laced veil falls on my naked shoulders full of something glowy that makes me look like light is radiating off me. The gown accentuates what curves I have and my makeup is somewhat similar to what I had as I rode the chariot at the beginning of the games. Meant to make me look beautiful but not unrecognizable.
Around me Octavia, Venia and Flavius take turns crying and admiring the dress, the hair, the veil, or how they can't believe I am getting married. I wish I could summon some fake excitement, I feel bad I am not as emotional as they are.
All I can do is look and look hard in the mirror and somehow try to find the girl from District 12 who didn't let fences or rules or threats intimidate her, nothing could stop her from doing what she set her mind to. She must be somewhere under all that make up and glow and all the white. She must be. She can't be gone.
In turn all I can see is another piece in their games, because no matter whether you live or die, once you're in the games, you never leave.
So here I am, standing motionless, waiting to go and get married to a boy who has waited all this life for this moment but couldn't be more miserable at knowing I am being forced into spending the rest of my life with him.
I feel selfish, for pitying myself, when in reality, I am to be with someone I know will always look out for me and strive for my happiness while he will only wallow in my indifference. I despise myself, I despise the capitol for doing this to such a kind person as Peeta.
Almost as if on cue he slowly comes in and shuts the door after him. I look around and realize at some point my prep team has left.
Peeta is dressed in a pitch black tuxedo with golden edges and his hair is styled in a way that makes him look older. Like a groom. Somehow the sight of him relaxes me a little. He has been with me in my most difficult moments in the last two years and somehow we have made it. It gives me some assurance to think of this.
My eyelids automatically drop to the floor and I don't know why. He crosses the room in slow hesitant paces and sits down in a chair not too far from me.
I think he will say something but he just sits there, his expression unreadable.
"They say it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding" I try to clear some of the tension in the air with a mediocre attempt at humor.
He chuckles, I don't know if I actually made him laugh or he finds it funny that I would try.
He opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it. He fiddles with his hands and finally stands up. He digs his hand in his pocket and with a half smile pulls out my mockingjay pin.
I laugh.
"As much as the mockingjay has come into fashion in the capitol, I doubt it would be approved on this dress" I say as I motion at the excess of fabric surrounding me.
"I didn't think so" he shrugs "I thought you might find a way to sneak it in there somewhere unnoticed. There seems to be plenty of space to hide all kinds of things in that big thing" he laughs as he looks over my dress.
I think of it and accept it; I just hold it in my hand.
He takes a deep breath and makes as if to leave and for a millisecond I swear I see that wounded look I haven't seen in such a long time but it's gone before I can tell if it was really there or not.
"Are you nervous?" he asks me.
I shrug.
"It's just another big show for the capitol." I say trying to make light of the situation but I know it's much more. Now I will live with Peeta. For ever. My mother and Prim get to keep my house but to keep up pretences I must live with him. In a way I am glad it will give me an excuse to sleep with him if he allows me to. The nightmares are always there and as selfish as I know it is, I know I won't refuse it if he offers. It's the only way I get some sleep at night. There is one more week before the Third Quarter Quell is announced where we will mentor so we will have a shortened honey moon by Capitol standards that will be broadcast for all the country to see. More pretending for the cameras only that it will have to be every second we are out of the bedroom. I hope we don't have to venture out too much, and I'm sure it won't seem strange if two newlyweds won't get out of their bedroom even if it is for completely different reasons then they think.
"Are you nervous?" I feel like he expects me to ask.
"I've only been waiting for this moment since I was five" he says so casually you'd think he was just talking about what bread he made today. It's when he says these things that he makes
me feel so uncomfortable and his eyes bore into mine with such intensity I can't meet them.
"I'm sorry" he says. "I know this isn't what you had planned. Believe it or not, it isn't what I had planned either".
I sigh because he is right. The last thing I ever wanted was to get married. But of course Peeta must apologize for something that isn't even remotely his fault. It's so Peeta. And I know he doesn't want this either. Not like this. Yet somehow in my mind it doesn't register with the seriousness I know it should. But I have been kissing the boy incessantly for months and swearing my love and adoration for him and blushing and smiling and fawning over him so much to the point where this doesn't seem like such a big deal. It's the children department I am worried about. I hope they don't make us have children. A fake marriage I can deal with better than bringing more innocent children to this world to have them possibly die in the Hunger Games. That I couldn't stand. For Prim I did what I could to save her, I volunteered. But for any possible children the best I could do is mentor them and that's just not enough. No, it's best just not to have any. But somehow that doesn't seem like my decision anymore.
"It's not your fault" is all I say in reply to his apology. I wish I could say more to reassure him he doesn't have to feel bad for this but I'm afraid it may send the wrong message so I just stay quiet.
He turns around and starts to walk away but then stops as he remembers something.
"By the way, your cousin, Gale, is outside waiting to see you" he says and I know he tried to hide the disdain in his voice but couldn't completely.
Gale! I feel a million things at once and I shove them away and mentally stomp on them.
We have never really talked about those kisses and I just cannot have him come in here and ask about it and raise suspicions to people seeing him come in. There's enough talk as it is. Besides it would be pointless.
Those kisses don't matter anymore. Regardless of how fake this marriage is it's still a marriage and I am not about to risk my family's safety. We had always been friends before and it will remain that way for good. And the sooner he understands that the better. It seems mean but he should have known better that this could have never worked out. The moment I volunteered for Prim all possibilities of any life with Gale vanished. It was a choice I made and I stand by it. I had never wished to marry anyways.
"Don't let him in!" I yell and it catches Peeta by surprise and he can't help showing a little satisfaction at my response. Before he gets any ideas I clarify. "We can't afford any more doubts on anyone's mind, especially today"
He nods.
"I'll let him know he can ask for a dance once the party has started" he suggests and I gratefully nod.
I watch him walk away and I feel like I should say something but before I can come up with anything he is out the door.
I sit down and that's when the nerves really start to come. It is finally dawning on me that in a few minutes I will be Katniss Mellark, wife of Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread. There is some endearment to it when I think of it. It almost seems like something that could have happened in real life.
Could I have ended up married to the boy with the bread if neither one of us had ended up in these horrid games? Could Peeta have eventually made me fall in love with him if he had tried and I had let myself? I can't imagine he would have had any trouble with any other girl but would he have succeeded with me?
Before I can ponder upon this Cinna is in the room extending his arms towards me. I smile and twirl for him.
"You look beautiful" he says. His presence settles my nerves. He has become so indispensable to my survival that it is impossible to believe he has done it all through clothes. No, he is more than just my stylist. He is my friend
"Thanks to you" I reply. I wish I could better express my gratitude for his being here.
"Are you ready?" he asks me. I nod even though it's not true.
And before I know it, he is leading me out the room as I squeeze the mockingjay pin in my palm.
A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read my first chapter. Reviews and tips are appreciated beyond words can express. I haven't written in a while and this is my first attempt at writing a Hunger Games Fanfic so any feedback is so valuable to me.