Deckerd could sing, Yuuta had discovered this some time ago. However, the Brave Detective's voice rarely come out in singing of its own, preferring to let the songs from radio stations to fill his fondness for music and melodies and that disappointed Yuuta to quite a degree. When he said he could sing, it's not merely because the robot officer could memorize lyrics or keeping in tune to songs – Deckerd's voice was charming and melodious to his ears and without doubt, it would sound just as pleasing to whomever that listen to him. Which he unfortunately did very, very sparsely, even to Yuuta. The teenager had stopped coaxing the detective from singing after discovering that Deckerd preferred not to be heard, and the few instances Yuuta caught him did so was when the coast was devoid of people. If there were audiences, Deckerd would often grow too awkward, too embarrassed to let his voice flow naturally – and instead of a stunning performance to his ears, Yuuta would instead be served with a pitiable collection of lyrics that seemed to belong to no particular song. Only in a few choice circumstances did Deckerd was comfortable to have his serenade listened to and Yuuta could be proud of himself because when that happened, he was the only witness to his vocal loveliness.
Still, Deckerd could only so much resist temptations to good songs despite his reserve. Deckerd would hum to them as he did now – Without lyrics to be concerned with, humming was easier for the robot, now parked in the space of the Tomonaga residence in his vehicular form – and Yuuta allowed himself to be lulled to quiet delight at the smooth voice joining the harmony of the music from the Corvette's speakers as well as the gentle revs of his idle engine. The hotness of Sunday morning was a pleasant thing when all of these combined even as the sole Tomonaga son was sweating from exertion of his chores. It had been a long time since he last tidied up his room thoroughly and the accumulating boxes of no-longer-used stuffs needed to be cleaned out lest they would crowd his room. However, running up and down the stairs to get these heavy boxes down to the front yard was tiring and Yuuta had to pause to catch his breath after the third round. Of course, the lure of Deckerd's gentle humming was also part of the reason so Yuuta was again disappointed when the Brave Detective stopped his wordless singing even though the song he had been crooning to had yet to end.
"You shouldn't stop a song halfway, Deckerd. That's a surefire way to lose your fans," Yuuta pretended a sulky huff. He was not exactly offended but the impression of it usually sufficient to persuade Deckerd into resuming whatever activities he left unfinished.
This time however, it was without success – Deckerd resisted the temptation to do as was requested but it came with difficulty of its own for his instinct was fine-tuned into submission towards the human teenager, whether they were in professional situations or otherwise. Turning down the volume of his radio, Deckerd said carefully, "I can help you with it, you know."
Yuuta knew that the Brave Detective did not intend to relegate his humanly strength nor was he unaware of the Brave Polices' physical might. Deckerd, not the strongest but neither to be taken lightly of, could haul weights a few times his own without breaking any figurative sweat. The three boxes, along with the one still in the bedroom waiting to be taken downstairs, would tax nothing in Deckerd while it would certainly be toil for Yuuta to heave them all to the nearest garbage container. However, despite the shortcuts it presented, the Boss of the Brave Polices preferred to take matters into his own hands if he could help it. A task this mundane might worth help from a few human hands but it was certainly too outrageous to enlist the aid of a Brave robot.
"Thanks, but no," Yuuta said and the way Deckerd's chassis resignedly lowered on his shock absorbers hinted that the cruiser had indeed expected this kind of answer despite his hope to be replied otherwise.
"I wish to help…and it'll be easier for you too if you just allow me," Deckerd replied, a last attempt to reason with the young man before him. However, the Corvette was pretty confident where his goading would lead up to and futility had always been the destination.
Even longer before he realized that Decker had a hidden talent for vocal arts, Yuuta recognized the Corvette-former as an intuitive caregiver. He demonstrated it times and times again throughout the time they were living together, and though Yuuta was lightyears away from being disabled, Deckerd fussed over him as he always did since his coming to sentience all those years ago. Whether it was programmed into him, or he was nurtured with it, Yuuta could not tell, but Deckerd was not only a law enforcer and a protector of the innocents…he was also a worrier for the more delicate aspects of Yuuta's being. This was during the period of mere close friendship; after their relationship was taken to new, romanticism-infused ground, the human came to know that Deckerd had really been damming the majority of his attention-giving to a not-so-intimate zone. With that restriction lifted, Yuuta found himself pampered with the detective's love and care with royal-like lavishness when circumstances allowed for it – and when no one was there to watch. Deckerd was a discreet but passionate lover when he was not required to be the leader of the Brave Polices, two roles that Deckerd filled in with ease that ceaselessly amazed Yuuta.
Deckerd was definitely in his gentler role when he made the offer, a spouse wishing to alleviate Yuuta's difficulty. The young man was grateful for it but he too had his own misgivings at such extreme lenience, especially when it was achievable by his own hands. Smiling assuredly, Yuuta answered, "Come on, Deckerd. Just think of it as a workout. See? It's good for muscle-building."
Deckerd actually chuckled when Yuuta flexed his arm; his sleeveless t-shirt freely offered the Corvette a view of said limb. The young man's biceps were not as pronounced like a bodybuilder's but his athletic pastimes in college, as well as vigorous routines as Inspector Tomonaga kept it fat-free and nicely cut into shape.
"Alright then, if you insist," Deckerd relented finally as he always did whenever his wish clashed with Yuuta's, "But my offer still stands. If you need me, just call me."
Such was always the deal – Deckerd was ever ready to help at a moment's notice but Yuuta had never bothered the Brave Detective when dealing with laughable simplicities. Nevertheless, he gave a thumbs-up for acknowledgement before he went back into the house for the final time, where the last box was waiting for his attention in his room.
Forced into idleness by Yuuta's insistence, Deckerd let his transforming gears –hitherto primed for form-alteration in case Yuuta would accept his assistance – back into neutrality. The radio was back to its previous loudness and a new song greeted him, its tune tranquil and easy to his audio receptors. Yuuta's bedroom-windows, with the curtains drawn permitted the robot detective momentary glimpse of his silhouette flitting inside the room before the boy moved out of his visual range. With no Yuuta around to occupy his sight with, Deckerd swept his headlights-lenses towards the boxes Yuuta had already brought out, two of which stacked rather haphazardly in a wheelbarrow. It would be unnecessarily exhausting to bare-handedly bring all of them to the dumping site, which was a few yards away down the street from here. The contents were largely no-longer used books and moth-eaten or out-of-size clothing that had been amassed over the years since his high school. The latter was more numerous, since Yuuta's growth curve rose steeply once he hit teenagedom and whatever shirts he bought was quickly grown out of. Even Deckerd was surprised as Yuuta's body gradually created curves and subtle bulges in the clothes he wore that were pleasant to look at, his natural lankiness decorated by muscles filling in where unused fat had been consumed by rigorous sporting activities. And if seeing was a pleasure to Deckerd, he took even greater delight in examining them, touching them…stroking the body of his lover more closely than anybody else could, very different from his own with its flesh and bones and the flexibility that came with them.
It was really easy to sweep Deckerd into one reverie or another and the Tomonaga boy was a potent source of it. Before long he was immersed in collections of memories and expectations – chiefly being the routine Sunday wash that Yuuta had attended to for the past ten years – hence, he understandably failed to notice that one of the boxes had tilted into dangerous angle. A muffled thud broke Deckerd out of his fantasyland; the top box had lost its battle against the gravity after teetering for a moment or two, its contents now spilled on the driveway messily.
"Oh!" Deckerd soft gasp came out involuntarily at the sight of the books and magazines spilled before him. It was not his fault if Yuuta's poor arrangement caused new junks that would need cleaning up, yet Deckerd responsively assumed his humanoid form – cautiously, of course, since his usual fast transformation would lead to him banging his helm on the overhead ceiling. Yuuta had not foreseen this added chore and the blue robot saw no harm to tidy back the scattered materials into manageable pile. Carefully avoiding the overhanging part of the house – beneath which was the space allotted where Deckerd was parked in his Corvette form – the Brave Detective scooted towards the wheelbarrow and the reading materials strewn on the driveway. Deckerd sighed; not only the box had fallen from his perch, the cardboards had actually been crumpled beyond repair upon impact and reading materials worth a few years' of collection lay in a disorganized heap which would surely cause headache when Yuuta saw it.
If he saw it, that is, and Deckerd had no intention to let that happen.
It would take a few armfuls of Yuuta to put all the books back into the wheelbarrow, and the damaged cardboard box would be of no help. For Deckerd however, they all fitted into his palm, which was much larger than a human's. The blue robot could still hear the soft rustling from inside the room as Yuuta tossed whatever few items which he had missed when packing the box, his figure through the window-glasses could be seen ducking to check beneath his bed and other furniture for said objects - Deckerd assumed that he would be finished with it before Yuuta got down with his last. It certainly seemed so as the last few books were carefully scooped into his opened hand…until a few smooth-covered magazines slipped out from the loose stacking in his palm and thumped to the ground beneath his fingers. It was an easy matter of picking them up again. That would have saved him from a lot of confusions and insecurities, when he reflected upon the event much, much later, but for now, it was not so. Deckerd's ingrained politeness insisted on maintaining a certain private circle for Yuuta, lovers though they were, and he refrained from looking through Yuuta's personal belongings in the other's absence – even if said human was there, his permission was obligatory in Deckerd's view.
However, all moral barriers were suddenly a hollow principle as the fallen magazines, lying in such a way under the revealing sunlight that there was no covering of the pictures they depicted on the covers, were laid bare to Deckerd's optics.
Deckerd felt his insides lurched with a weird sensation that he could not exactly described, only noting the multitudes of negativity seemingly battling to worsen his moods. His logic processors maintained its efficiency despite his mind being in total turbulence, counting exactly three magazines that had escaped the assembly of other books still miraculously held in his hand. And none of the three depicted mathematical, philosophical, science, or any of the matters that concerned subjects taught in the classes Yuuta had attended. Women were popular themes to display in front of a book or any reading material – he had countlessly encountered sports car magazines with female models posed around, inside and upon the exhibited vehicles, and out of context as that seemed to the Brave Detective, he took no serious consideration of them – but women in such…revealing positions were definitely exceeded the boundary. His body suddenly felt like melting within the confines of the metal armours, his limbs trembling with too many emotions to allow for steadiness when Deckerd let the rest of the magazines slid off his palm. In the jumbles, the detective's sharp optics could not find any other similar magazines, but those three alone was enough to destroy the blissful reality he had lived in all these while.
With the same trembling hand, Deckerd picked one of them using only the tips of his forefinger and thumb, holding it on the corner as if it was a disgusting material. A pretty girl was depicted on the front but all innocence was gone with her provocative pose. The picture was shot from behind while she bent over a table, her nudity displayed more openly by the spreading of her legs. Deckerd did not bother – or rather, he had no time – to read the title, the view was offending him greatly that he quickly put it back on the ground. The second magazine he chose to examine was less…provoking to his conscience; the female displayed was wearing very skimpy clothing that its lack thereof made little difference compared to when it was there. Deckerd wondered how she could wear that supposedly seductive smile while wearing such uncomfortable outfit, seemingly made of black rubber. However, Deckerd did not survive perusing the contents to the last page, each was full with pictures of women and girls in poses that should have been left in secret and tossed the magazine down to join the first. His third specimen showed a pole-dancing girl, clad with the same level of scantiness as before, displaying flexibility that weirdly roused envy in Deckerd; she was completely off the floor, hanging upside down and supported from face-scrunching fall by the intertwining of her leg and arm. Her other hand was placed on her breast, showing off their fullness, while her unused leg stretched out behind her and in the process, emphasizing its leanness, its length, its perfect ivory complexion. Perfect Gal the title read on the top portion of it but the robot no longer absorbed information from his senses while his inner thoughts rose to fill his mind.
Brave Detective though he was, Deckerd felt anything but what his rank implied. He was not a police officer at this moment, only a confused, troubled human in the body of a robot. The pessimism within him spoke devilry that, for a moment, seemed perfectly plausible in his distraught mind – that his worth in Yuuta's eyes was not as high as he had thought of. That he was merely a plaything to satisfy his sexual needs; just another slutty, dirty whore similar to the ones in the magazines, only with the added specialness of being in Yuuta's immediate presence, able to touch when the visuals of the females could not. The yet-to-be-processed fuel unexpectedly roiled in his stomach-equivalent fuel tank, threatening to come out in an embarrassing gush. Deckerd collapsed to his knee-platings, one hand quickly flew upwards to clamp itself on his mouth. Deckerd forcefully swallowed the natural lubricant in his mouth – his 'saliva' – as he fought down the urge to vomit (and possibly creating more mess to clean). The thought was dismaying as well as revolting but the third saliva-gulping eventually brought his systems under control, despite the phantom bitterness that lingered as if he did really retch.
No, that's not true. That couldn't be true, Deckerd whispered to himself. His logic processors confirmed his self-assurance with hard evidences pulled from his memories; his time with Yuuta, both as close friends and subsequently, as his lover, taught Deckerd the skills to evaluate the human's facial expressions, body languages and the tones in his voice. Neither Yuuta's utterings of 'I love you' – both direct and roundabout ways – nor his affectionate stares had been elaborate falsehood to keep Deckerd compliant and meek. His whispers of love and the silent moments they shared, nevertheless full of deep satisfaction, had been genuine and emotionally meaningful. The realization was an intense relief that coursed through the blue-clad detective, bringing a semblance of harmony that had formerly drained out upon his find. Deckerd had long been in love with this human named Yuuta Tomonaga, and that sentiments were not one-sided. There was no scope for doubt of the young man's feelings for him, he who had bound his whole heart to Deckerd, as the robot could feel and see and touch and hear. What then, had prompted Yuuta to possess these things Deckerd had discovered?
Deckerd's optics saw again the pole-dancing female on the cover of the magazine he was still holding – and suddenly, his unexplainable jealousy at this picture was not so unexplainable after all. These females, no matter how slutty or whorish they looked, were HUMANS…and Deckerd was not despite endowed with a very humanly heart. Yuuta's fleshed body held the allure of muscles that could ripple when stretched and relaxed underneath a skin that yielded to touch…so unlike his own, and Deckerd adored the human's body; had kissed and touched every inch of it with admiration for beauty that could not be found in Deckerd's own physiques. It was an attraction that these women and girls possessed too…because they were not robots made largely of metals. Their voluptuous figures were shaped with feminine-soft curves that were perfectly able to rouse the interest of watching eyes, a natural design that spoke of sexiness and sensuality without the need to even attempt it. Those was only half the source of his insecurity, though, and not even the worst of it; pornography, with these magazines being part of it, existed to gratify libidos and erotic fantasies of those that possessed them but with limited or no means to realize them. Perhaps …perhaps, despite Yuuta's love for him that he had repeatedly and tirelessly affirmed…Deckerd had failed to fulfill his lover's bodily yearnings.
Deckerd bit on his lower lip so hard his teeth nearly broke the flexible synthetic skin, halting the despairing whine wanting to come out. Of course, he knew Yuuta well enough; promiscuity had never been a part of the Tomonaga boy. Once Yuuta set his eyes on his long-time friend, finding interest in the Brave Detective under new light, Yuuta did not turn back from his decision. His social position and good looks ensured his chance with the opposite sexes if he so desired it and it still astounded the Brave robot that he was the person Yuuta chose as his life partner. And for the joy Yuuta brought into his life, Deckerd reciprocated as best as he could, emotionally and physically. They had shared bed for many times, each time descending the pinnacle of sexual pleasure with every appearance of satisfaction. The whispered conversations they had after had never been without appraisal for Deckerd's ability to so thoroughly satisfy the human, with which the former would respond with genuine appreciation of Yuuta's own gift of pleasure. Never did Deckerd assume that he actually fell short in his own pleasure-giving…a single deficiency that Yuuta possibly had not the heart to reveal. These pornographic magazines had thus become his escapade, an answer to the emptiness Deckerd had unintentionally ignored. Perhaps Yuuta had also grown tired of the same images in these pages viewed over and over, thus their fates in the garbage container…but if Deckerd was indeed sexually inadequate, the young man would secretly find new escapades with which to fake his satiation soon enough…
His artificial teeth had clamped down on Deckerd's lower lip with enough force to break the cover by now, thin ooze of blood-equivalent oil ran from the wound – and the hurt was not even felt by the robot. His possible failure, his biggest one should it turn out to be true, was a yawning chasm that shamed him to the very core. It ate at his thoughts as if in punishment for his tactlessness; consuming him from the inside with utterness that removed him from his surroundings. A faint creak of window opening on its hinge managed to rouse him. Reflexively, his head whipped around to the source of it and the window where Yuuta's silhouette had been flitting by was being opened. Deckerd felt his throat-piping went suddenly dry; he had preferred Yuuta not to catch him like this, red-handed with the crime of examining his personal belongings, never mind that they were about to head into the garbage pile soon. The would-be questions that would surely be uncomfortable to ask as they were to be answered, his own not the least of them, was filling the normally confident officer with dread. But most of all…the trepidation was worst at the notion of Yuuta's incoming confession of Deckerd's shortcomings. And still Yuuta was unaware of Deckerd's personal turmoil when he finally threw the window open, his smiling face hinted of puzzlement to find Deckerd in his bipedal form but otherwise, he had no suspicion of the Pandora box the detective had carelessly uncovered.
"Hey, Deckerd! What's up with the –" Yuuta's smile fell as suddenly as his words died on his tongue once his eyes recognized the magazine in Deckerd's hand. His mouth gaped into a comical 'O' of surprise for a few seconds before his mind asserted himself with enough motor ability to shut it close. But his eyes, wide with incredulity, remained bright and staring as if that act alone could prove false what he thought had transpired.
"…Yuuta…" Deckerd's whisper came out hoarse as if his throat-cable had been restricted into narrow opening that barely let air through it. It was too late to pretend that he had never seen the magazines and secretly improve his sensuality (which he honestly had no idea how to do so), without Yuuta needing to know that he had made the discovery.
"Oh, man," Yuuta moaned as his sight fell on Deckerd's dismayed face. For a while, silence reigned in which Deckerd's body experience paralyzing numbness when the human let his gaze travelled lower, down where he suspected the robot found the sensitive material. The Brave robot, not so brave right now though, felt an irrational urge to kick the wheelbarrow and the split box out of sight, perhaps in a scant hope to pretend normality but Deckerd remained kneeling at his spot. All of his guilty finds lay exactly where they had before – the damaged box, the innocent magazines and the remaining two pornographies. Yuuta's eyes snapped upwards, back to the face of his robotic lover, and what he read there made him groaned in a harsher, "Oh, MAN!"
"Yuuta!" Deckerd gasped, his voice returning at the plain distress on Yuuta's screwed-up face. His fast reflex brought him off his knees in the blink of an eye, quickly closing the distance between the two lovers in a single anxiety-fuelled stride, "I swear; I did not open the box on my own! It fell just like that – and I don't know what possessed me, I can't help but look~"
His tongue could not find words to describe the magnitude of his regret, Deckerd's optics helplessly pleaded with intensity that language could not contain. The matter with his insufficiency was already a complicated matter that Deckerd did not wish to rot his position even further with his trespassing into Yuuta's privacy. In his mounting anxiety, he did not even notice his hands clenching into such tight fists that the magazine in one of them were crumpled beyond recognition except for the splash of colours on its covers. There was no watching neighbour when this uncomfortable altercation began but Deckerd had not known it – and neither was he concerned about the scene he was creating, caring only for Yuuta's understanding at this very moment while his surroundings fell down the bottom of his priority. The human was now pacing around the room with as much uncertainty as did Deckerd while the latter waited for his judgment. When Yuuta again harnessed enough self-control to bring himself to face the robot, instead of hard lines and anger-born frown, the teenager's expression actually mirrored the robot's.
"…You should NOT have found those…things," Yuuta murmured – and Deckerd reflexively recoiled, expecting rebuke despite the absence of aggressive hints on his face or in his voice. No matter how mighty his physical was, or how expertly he wielded his gun in the line of work, his strength accounted for nothing before this one human. Even when Yuuta was a boy, a mere 8th grade-schooler when most other kids were still free of responsibility, his will was to Deckerd a matter of obligation, as it had been when Deckerd's sentience was evoked.
"I didn't mean to, Yuuta…but I was too curious for my own good…" Deckerd intended a longer explanation, to make understand the accidental position he had landed himself in but a look from those brilliant blue-grey eyes of his lover made him progressively unintelligible. It had not been vicious intention that Deckerd glimpsed when his optics met Yuuta's own eyes. There was sadness, yes, and a bit of embarrassment too, if Deckerd's dazedness had not affected his assessment of Yuuta's unspoken language.
"I know you, Deckerd, and I believe you," Yuuta's sigh filled Deckerd with renewed hope. However, the hint of exhaustion in it was something new, something unexpected, considering that the Corvette-former believed in all realities that he was in for a scolding, if not punishment for his intrusiveness. Deckerd remained politely quiet, pitying the obvious difficulty Yuuta was forcing himself through to begin his explanation. Yuuta's gaze landed on the littered reading materials down below as if willing the sight of them to help him ease the knot suddenly forming in his throat. He shook his head dejectedly when the pile proved to be of no help whatsoever and the silence was beginning to overwhelm him.
"Gosh, those stuffs were old…I forgot that I had them," Yuuta's self-control stumbled and a short nervous laugh escaped him. It died with an unnatural cough as suddenly as it started. "…They weren't mine, though. When…when I was in the second year in high school, Masaki decided that I – we – needed a little…'fun' and lent me those."
Deckerd listened without offering intervention; at least, Yuuta did not seem to be in any danger of completely falling prey to his awkwardness. Though the rough date of the magazines mildly shocked him, Deckerd supposed it was otherwise normal for a teenage boy starting to take interest at the age in which Yuuta did. Moreover, pornography was such a widespread thing that it was easy to imagine an adventurous teenager – Yuuta definitely being that – found oneself delving into these…'exciting' pages, the lure made all the more effective when the bait was cast by a close friend. Emily, Kikumaro and Masaki had been close friends with Yuuta ever since their kindergarten days but only Masaki went to the same high school as Yuuta. Among those three, that boisterous boy was certainly a possible candidate in persuading a then-naïve Yuuta into this sort of…reading.
"We…uh, we got hold quite a few of them after that, but I've never returned these to him. I guess I kinda…forgot…about them. Masaki's collection has been growing over the years and it's really easy to lose track of all those –" Yuuta was teetering on the edge of full-blown babbling, which was reined in just in time. Another throat-clearing cough and Yuuta nervously concluded, "I guess Masaki didn't even realize he's missing these three."
Deckerd did not really seek the answer to how the magazines came into Yuuta's possession as much as why Yuuta needed them now. Having read quite a bit on human psychology, Deckerd knew that the sexual exploration-phase was inevitable, particularly in boys, when their inquisitiveness drove them into new territories and the pornographic magazines were cheap entrance for that purpose. Of course Yuuta would be interested too when his body stepped beyond the threshold of childhood…and though he did not seem like a person who routinely purchase pornographic materials to slake his lust with, at one point or another, he would get his hands on them. Yuuta's confession of having borrowed them to begin with seemed to agree with the human's personality which Deckerd had observed so far…but surely…with Yuuta now committing himself in a serious relationship with Deckerd, he would not require other means to express his sexuality? Yes, Yuuta had conceded forgetting of still possessing them but the detective's nihilistic assumption of himself interfered with the effective convincing. There was no telling if Yuuta's mind was completely off them since his days of borrowing/lending…or if he had secretly stole a quick glance to finish what Deckerd could not.
Yuuta could only imagine what chaos was concocting under that hat-like head-gear of Deckerd's. Obviously, this uneasy circumstance they were in was not what the human wished out of their togetherness…but the bean had been irrevocably spilled and Yuuta could only afforded his partner a momentary stillness, allowing Deckerd's evaluation to work in peace as Yuuta knew the robot would anyway. Deckerd stood motionless, only his hands moving in repetitive clenching that the robot did not quite realize he did when his insecurity was a matter more pressing in his mind. He did not want to accuse Yuuta of being dishonest with him no matter how good its intention might be…but if there was anything in him that dissatisfied Yuuta, he needed to know rather than kept in the dark.
"...Am I lacking, Yuuta?"
Spurred by Deckerd's thirst for revelation, the question came out in a single, quick utterance that it was a miracle Yuuta could grasp at the individual words at all – but he did anyway. As comprehension dawned upon him, Yuuta's own nervousness was wiped completely to be replaced by disbelief, as his expression clearly showed it. In fact, he began to doubt his own ears (or brain, in case it misinterpreted Deckerd's inquiry) that he had to confirm it, "What do you mean?"
Deckerd fidgeted some more – he could not help his reaction, not when Yuuta's look demanded his instant clarification in that manner. His eyes were not uncaring but they were stern, unrelenting. The Brave Detective fleetingly imagined being under the sweeping gaze of a hawk with eyes as piercing as Yuuta's and he was the frightened hare. Yuuta's patience allowed the robot to collect enough of his wits to speak again, "You've always said that I am…attractive…and I am really glad for it. I really am."
Deckerd's modesty was a well-known fact to the human but there was something subtle in the robot's tone that drew Yuuta's eyebrows together, sensing the rhythm of negativity in the barely-started confession. Indeed, Yuuta had made it known on countless occasions that he derived great pleasure in merely seeing the robot's physical aspects – the dominantly blue and white armours his body was 'clothed' with, rugged yet sensitive enough to register Yuuta's tender caresses; the exotic emphasize of his ember optics against the moon-pale face; a mouth framed by lips that seemed to eternally beg for a kiss…there were many facets of Deckerd that inflamed Yuuta's interest, none of them any less comely than the other and all were combined to make the Brave Detective the most alluring creature the human had set his eyes upon.
No matter how much Deckerd tried to reinforce his voice with a little more confidence, he could not stop the experienced anguish from showing. Thus it was, amidst the pressing weight of his misgiving and his determination to ensure his partner's right in the relationship he had built for almost two years, Deckerd poured his heart out shamelessly, "You know my feelings for you, Yuuta – I love you, but my body can't please you the way a human can. I can't help the design I was born with but I WILL tend to your pleasure to the best of my ability. Tell me if I need to improve somewhere but please, please don't estrange me…don't put me second to these females. You don't need their images to bring you satisfaction. I will see to it that I become someone you can be happy with but you have to tell me where I'm lacking…"
Deckerd regretted over the lameness of his finish but what stroke of determination or bravery or simple foolishness had been exhausted by the end of his elaborate supplication. The rigidness he felt overwhelming his body seemed to radiate out, infecting the very atmosphere and solidifying it into choking consistency. The unwelcomed change in the air did nothing to ease up his already terrible mood, hating the weakness he was displaying before his human lover and the helplessness of his position. He stood there feeling awfully vulnerable, trembling with a sudden brush of weakness that made him feeling naked physically and mentally…and still Yuuta did not give his verdict, making the waiting tenfold more excruciating…
It might have been only a few seconds in reality. For Yuuta, with his mind baffled by layers and layers of confusion, it was an eternity for comprehension that unraveled far too slowly. Yet, he understood it in the end…and his only reactions were dumbfounded gaping of the mouth while his eyes blinked uselessly up at the Brave Detective. Deckerd was still waiting for his words with maddening patience, considering the chaos his misconception had brought the robot, and Yuuta gave him credit for maintaining his composure…or at least, as much composure to fool onlookers at the first glance. A deeper observation revealed the tightness of Deckerd's pale lips – a single bleeding streak across the bottom one – and subtle shaking coursing along the blue-clad body…Yuuta could not catch the robot's optics, hidden by the dark visor hanging above his face, but the faint glow reflected on his cheeks showed erratic brightening of the optical lenses.
Yuuta snapped out of his dazedness out of the blue but the shock robbed him momentarily of words appropriate in the situation, managing only a stupid, "…What?"
Deckerd heard him but he remained quiet, knowing that it was not what Yuuta was intending to say. Indeed, what felt like a thousand thoughts raced through his mind; most were too fast and too numerous to ponder, but he noticed that some had questioning tone, other demanding…and not the least, self-accusing. Yuuta rubbed at the back of his neck exhaustedly, casting his mind around for statements that would not worsen the situation but he could not help the hurt at Deckerd's impression of his dishonesty. Given, it was a natural train of thoughts when discovering such things…but it unsettled Yuuta a little deeper than it should. These would require much consolation before Deckerd could be convinced, who was naturally self-conscious of the physical differences he had with his human partner.
"Deckerd…this is exactly why you should not have found those mags." Yuuta felt a surge of anger but it was not directed at Deckerd; the emotion was for himself…if he had only remembered the magazines earlier and returned them to its rightful owner – or better yet, just chuck them straight into fire, the gloomy find would never have happened. "They gave you bad ideas. You would never have thought about such nonsense if you didn't see them."
Deckerd slowly raised his head, relieved that he could not trace any hardness within the human's reply that he had always feared. His orange optics made tentative contact with Yuuta's eyes…and the sadness in his look came out through his heart-wrenching whisper, "I want to be the cause of your happiness, Yuuta . You give me everything I've ever had and ever will – my heart, my life, my world. I could never do enough to show how much you mean to me. The least I can do is to ensure your happiness, make you satisfied for loving me…and I'll do whatever it takes for that."
Yuuta's throat constricted for a moment or two, overwhelmed by the absolute sincerity of Deckerd's words. The teenager seriously could not understand why Deckerd would always assume himself to blame when incidents like this was the fault of no one. Too see the brave Detective bereft of spirit and his usual liveliness, Yuuta felt pity for him. Caregiver as the robot was, he too deserved to take as much as he gifted Yuuta. Deckerd was a perfect lover, one that far exceeded his imagination of an ideal partner to share his life with. This uncertainty was not what his beloved deserved.
"Come here, Deckerd." It was a request rather than a command. His countenance twisted into an expression of worry but Deckerd did not flinch away from complying the boy's wish. Deckerd stepped forward and lowered his torso slightly, bringing his face as close as possible to the window where Yuuta was. The human too leaned forward, and though he make no contact, Yuuta's face was mere inches from Deckerd's when he spoke, "Don't sell yourself short, Deckerd."
Deckerd's optics flared in shock, bathing the human's visage in a short burst of orangey light. The words he heard were one thing…but Yuuta's whisper was a supplication, not exactly a tone Deckerd was expecting. The detective's mouth quirked, as if trying to make a reply but the expression on Yuuta's face told him that more was coming so he continued his silence.
"You don't have anything to fix about yourself, Deckerd. I like you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE," Yuuta said. His hand lifted itself, the fingertips following the shallow furrow along the side of Deckerd's face. "Those stuffs you found…they are a part of an old story that I don't exactly remember now. It's been in the box for a long time until you accidentally brought them out. I've never touched them anymore and I don't need to."
While Yuuta's words made its way into Deckerd's mind, his touches eased the detective's tense body. The trembling in those large limbs slowly subdued and Deckerd relaxed into the caresses on his face, letting his human's fingers to work their charm uninterrupted. Slowly, Yuuta's mouth followed the trace of his hand, butterfly-light touches that stopped shy from becoming proper kisses. Again, Yuuta spoke, his voice quieter now, his lips a gentle brush against Deckerd's white skin, "I don't need anything or anyone when I have you here. Nobody else can make me happy like you do."
"Yuuta…I –"
"Sshhh…" Yuuta whispered and pressed his mouth to the corner of Deckerd's mouth. A soft coo echoed from inside Deckerd's vocal tubing, slightly frustrated that it had not been a real kiss but enjoying the teasing feel of it nonetheless. Yuuta released his lips from contact, instead leaning further forward and rested his cheek against Deckerd's. The synthetic pale skin was warm but the comfortable heat had not been the work of the sun. "You said yourself that I have wider pick on girlfriends out there. You told me that I should have no trouble finding someone…but I don't want any of them, Deckerd. Give me a thousand – a billion – choices and I'll choose you everytime."
"But Yuuta…I'm not sure that –" Deckerd tried to back away – not much, only enough to take in Yuuta's profile in its entirety – but Yuuta did not give him the chance. His unused hand grasped on the other side of Deckerd's face and though his hold was not strong, the subtle pulling motion was easily understandable. Deckerd let himself be pulled back and Yuuta's cheek returned with its gentle pressure on the robot's own.
"No 'buts', Deckerd. I only want you and I'm not regretting my decision, ever. Do you regret being with me?"
"NO!" Deckerd swallowed hard. He pushed his face harder into Yuuta's hug, willing himself to be as close as possible to his beloved…his human whose presence was the entire reason of his life. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I could NEVER regret having loved you…I could not bear being away from you, Yuuta."
"Good – because I'm not letting you go either way."
Deckerd's insides tingled with excitement at the sudden forcefulness but it lasted only for a second. Yuuta suddenly moved in for a kiss, and as their lips met, Deckerd didn't seem to have any insides at all, only an empty space full with the fluttering wings of butterflies. His body went rigid though fear had nothing to do with it this time – his shock was a pleasurable one, a nervousness that paralyzed his thoughts as effectively as it did his physiques. Yuuta's hand made the pulling motion again and Deckerd willingly submitted his mouth into a deeper kiss. There was no tongue-play but Yuuta's marks were left there nonetheless, not to be seen but clearly felt when the human claimed every available inch on Deckerd's pale lips; a gentle nip here, a passive pressure there…and all the while, Yuuta was careful to avoid the streak of his self-inflicted wound. Being much larger than Yuuta, Deckerd did not dare push himself further into the touch lest he might just knock the boy off his feet though he longed to badly; Yuuta's domination was a sweet intoxication that Deckerd would not refuse even if he could.
The kiss came to a leisurely close that belied its sudden beginning. The pressure of their lips upon each other lessened steadily but the touch was never thoroughly broken; Yuuta's mouth drifted to the corner of Deckerd's lips and slowly made its way to his cheek, dotting the trail with brief yet tender caresses from his mouth. For a while, their satisfaction was reveled in quietness…and when Yuuta spoke again, his voice was barely above a whisper, "How does that feels, Deckerd?"
A few moments passed before the robot made his reply. Deckerd needed to secure his conscious presence before he could answer correctly or he might do so in unrelated context – Yuuta's touch always made his surroundings receded into something like an illusion where the only real thing was the teenager's existence. "…Nice. Wonderful…it feels…amazing. It feels great. It feels…"
Deckerd's stammering would have gone on and on – there were simply too many emotions their kiss had inspired but no one word fully encompassed the scope of Deckerd's pleasure. Yuuta's chuckles saved him from further searching. "You like it?"
"Yes." There was no stammer this time and Deckerd answered it confidently.
"I do too…and that's why you don't have to be worried about pleasuring me, Deckerd." Yuuta said, suddenly serious. This time, though, the brave Detective was not alarmed by the tonal transition – Yuuta's eyes remained soft and reassuring, even maintaining a gleam of mirth from Deckerd's near-babbling. "There's not one time you haven't able to satisfy me. I'd be damned if I can't be sated when I'm making love with someone as sexy as you."
Deckerd gasped, reflexively turning his head down as if hiding his face from Yuuta's gaze would help him; Yuuta's bluntness was not uncommon but it shocked Deckerd every single time whenever the boy did it. His cheek-plating burnt with pleasant embarrassment, shyly acknowledging – and delighted – that his human lover found him sexy.
"If you still aren't convinced…perhaps I should get you in my bed right now and make you – "
"Yuuta!" Deckerd chirped, further embarrassed when his own mind finished what Yuuta had been cut off from uttering. The young man merely grinned, thoroughly enjoying the robot's awkward fidgeting as the hotness from his face crawled downwards, purposely targeting all of his erogenous zones and sensitizing the sensory grids for possible contacts. "Please…we are in the open…"
It did not occur to Yuuta before that they might be watched by their neighbours, on purpose or otherwise. For a second or two, Yuuta found himself troubled by the prospect of the unwanted gossip they might have ignited…but really, the kiss they had just shared was not exactly definable from a distance. Moreover, it was not an uncommon sight for Deckerd to rise up in his bipedal form and talked to Yuuta through the window. Yuuta decided no harm had been done even if someone might stumble upon their careless kissing session and threw the subject out of his mind. After all, the present Deckerd was a far more interesting focus. Though a love-making was not exactly in Yuuta's immediate to-do-list, the sight of his robotic lover visibly struggling to rein in his unexpected lust was far too precious to not act upon. He deliberately spread his grin even wider, twisting it into the sort of smile Deckerd knew to have devilishly pleasurable outcomes for both of them. The Brave Detective whined deep in his throat, willing himself not to be too loud…and Yuuta was not even doing anything yet.
"You know, Deckerd…" Yuuta said, pretending a thoughtful expression for added effect, "I think this room-cleaning can wait a bit…after I give you the usual Sunday wash. What do you think?"
"I…whatever you wish, Yuuta," Deckerd mumbled, looking suddenly very naïve…and adorably hopeful too. His optics made a responsive flip from Yuuta's face to the messiness on the driveway. The upper ridge framing his optics drew down in his equivalent of a frown, wordlessly searching upon Yuuta's face if he did not mind leaving his work halfway.
In fact, Deckerd's weekend wash had always came only after Yuuta was finished with everything else he needed to do, intending to 'save the last for the best', as he had put it to Deckerd. However, Yuuta was more than willing to make an exception this time around. The Corvette-former certainly deserved an early pampering for that emotional stunt he went through, self-inflicted though it was. He wanted to say, more than just via words, how much he appreciated the robot for every little and big things he had given. A wash might not sound much but Yuuta knew how fond he was of this seemingly insignificant activity. If it was a cause of Deckerd's pleasure, Yuuta had no qualms whatsoever into giving it to him.
"The cleaning can wait," Yuuta said honestly, "but you…I don't know about you, but I can't wait anymore."
There was not merely sexual implication in there; Yuuta intended comfort too when he made his decision to shift his attention to his robotic lover instead of the room-cleaning. Deckerd's optics seemed to smile when perceiving the intention of his lover and Yuuta smiled with him. Indeed, Deckerd was his topmost priority…he might not realize it, but if only Deckerd had asked for the wash before he started the cleaning operation, Yuuta would immediately grab Deckerd's favourite soap and a sponge and proceeded to attend the detective rather than his room.
"Thank you, Yuuta," and the way Deckerd's optics looked at him, no words were needed to perceive the gratefulness that extended well beyond the act of routine washing.
"Don't mention it. You just wait for me in the driveway; I'll be back as quick as I can," Yuuta winked and was rewarded with Deckerd's sheepish smile as a result. A subtle jerk from Yuuta's chin prompted Deckerd to initiate the transformation sequence back into his vehicular mode – and as the process unfolded, Yuuta let his eyes feasted upon the flipping, folding, sliding pieces on his body until they compacted themselves into his Corvette form, wondering how on Earth the robot could doubt about his own attractiveness when this frequent form-alteration was enough to capture his attention, drawing his eyes from everything else in his surroundings. Smiling, Yuuta shook himself out of his amazement and ran downstairs, intending to make the wash the most amazing Deckerd had so far.