Strength To Go On

Edward Elric laid in his bed staring at the ceiling, running over the events of the past few days in his head.

Hey Nina, I've got an idea- Those words…

Do you want to play with Daddy tomorrow?

Why couldn't he see the meaning behind them sooner…

Lifting his hands to rest on his face, he shuddered, he could've done something, it seemed so obvious now, looking back, what was going to happen. And he did nothing.

Edward had sat by as it happened, he should've known and yet- he didn't even suspect the alchemist until the words came out of her mouth. He was even excited to see a talking chimaera. Tucker didn't even regret what he did, Ed thought as he grit his teeth in disgust, that bastard, calling it progression. And yet his daughter, his own daughter that he experimented on, that he condemned to a life of hell, still cared about that monster; while he only cared about his certification.

The young alchemist tossed and turned throughout the night, sleep would never come, he knew, not after that. Tucker's words kept ringing through his head.

We're the same. He'd claimed with that...insane look in his eye. You're just like me!

Ed knew that that was wrong, and yet...he couldn't deny he once had the same disregard for life. He took a long look at his hands in the dim moonlight drifting through the window. He had disregarded life, but he learned from his mistake, and he'd never see it as anything other than a mistake. He'd never disrespect any life like that again, and he was determined to set things right. Still staring at his hands, he let his right one, his permanent reminder of his arrogance, ball itself into a fist.

"That bastard…" His hoarse voice barely audible, cracking ever so slightly "He didn't even comprehend what he did was wrong…"

The next morning when Alphonse had gone to wake his brother, he was met with an empty bed and a note.

Visiting Nina, it read.

Alphonse sighed as he carefully folded the blankets and sheets Edward had practically torn off the bed, and then headed to meet his brother.

As he rounded the street corner to the house, Alphonse was greeted with a startling amount of military personnel surrounding it. Luckily some of them recognized him and let him through, carefully pointing him in the direction of his brother who seemed to be in the backyard.

"Sit." It was muffled, but it was recognizably Ed.

"Shake." As Al grew closer he realized it wasn't that his brother's voice was muffled, it was that it was unnaturally quiet- almost devoid of life.

"Good girl, Speak."

"..Ed...ward…" Alphonse hesitated as he heard Nina's voice and came to a full stop at the corner of the yard, watching the scene before him. His brother was crouched down to her level, gently petting her hair.

"Yeah, Nina?" Even though he couldn't see his face, he knew Ed's was probably just as scrunched up and pained as it was the previous day. He knew if he had his body, his own face likely would've matched.

"..Ed-ward…...sad…" She raised her head, looking him in the eye and tilting her head ever so slightly, "Why...does it hurt..here..?"

A hollow sound came from the blonde in question as he exhaled, "It's nothing, don't worry."

"..No-sad….big….brother...happy…" She struggled out, "Happy….we..can...play…" She raised a paw and began pawing at his coat, "...Be...happy….Ed..ward…"

There was a pause and Ed lifted his head and looked her in the eyes, "Yeah…" Alphonse couldn't see it, but he could tell from the strain in his brother's voice that he was faking a smile for her. "Okay." He paused again, "I won't be- sad anymore." He slowly lifted his hand to scratch the dog girl behind the ears, his voice straining to sound like it usually did, "What...game did you have in mind, Nina?"

"Can we…..play….catch..?" She asked, her head poking it's way into his cloak and pulling out his pocket watch, letting it fall to the ground with a clink as it struck a small pebble in the grass.

He hesitated, his eyes never leaving the watch, before picking it up, his grip tighter than it needed to be, and he stood up slowly, "...Yeah…"

She backed up a little, bouncing slightly as dogs had a tendency to do, but through the blank unreadable eyes, there seemed to be a ghost of a smile, "Edward...throw…" She spoke as she trotted back and forth in the yard, her eyes never leaving the boy.

Edward sighed and reared his arm back to throw overhand, "Go long!" He shouted, his voice more composed as he released the watch, letting it soar through the air until it was caught, Nina trotting back to him with her tail wagging along behind her, and deposited the watch on the ground in front of him, turning almost immediately to position herself for the next throw.

They played fetch for about ten minutes before Alphonse decided to approach the scene, coming to a stop next to his brother who seemed much more relaxed at this point, Nina ran up to greet him before running back to mid-yard for the next throw.

As Ed let the watch fly through the air again, Al decided to break the silence, "You're not worried about breaking it?" He paused, his voice quieter, "That's your ID as a state alchemist after all."

Nina dropped the watch at his feet again, Ed looked at it for a second before bending down to pick it up and readying himself for another throw, "It's not like it's something I can't fix." He winced, not meaning for the words to come out as harshly as he'd said them. As Ed released the watch, he turned his gaze to the ground, "Besides, if people like that are respected as state alchemists then I don't care what happens to it. We only need access to the libraries and intel to get our bodies back." He paused and briefly looked up to Al and back to the yard as Nina started chewing on the watch and jumping around it, "Letting her play with that is the least I can do since we couldn't stop what happened. I don't care enough about the military and my...my certification…" He spat the word with disgust and anger, "To just sit by and do nothing. Even if this isn't much...it's all we can do for her."

Nina ran back up to them and jumped up, pawing at Ed's arm and depositing the watch in his now outstretched hand, dropping to the ground and keeping her eyes on the watch as Ed threw it as hard as he could.

"Is that why you're here?" Alphonse asked as Nina ran to retrieve the watch she failed to catch. "As an apology to her?"

Edward shook his head, "No. I'm here because we promised…" His voice began to crack and he paused, "we promised," he let out a sigh as he tried to steady his voice, "We promised we'd...play with her."

He balled his hands into a fist and his voice came out a little stronger, "We couldn't keep her safe, so I'm sure as hell not breaking the promise we made to her." He snorted, "Besides, she wouldn't let me apologize. When I tried, she just kept telling me to stop."

Alphonse looked over at his brother and then back to the little chimaera that was currently panting at his feet, nudging the watch closer to him with her nose. His brother's pained smile was almost directly mimicked in the girl's face, only it wasn't sad. It was hard to read, but she was happy. She was enjoying herself. He wasn't sure if she understood the situation she was in, but his brother was making her smile despite what had happened, despite the fact that she'll never be able to live a normal life, that she may be experimented on and forced to be...used as a research tool by the military...despite that something so horrible had happened to her. He wasn't giving her time to think about what was or had happened, or the awful future that awaited her, that neither of them truly wanted to admit. His brother was simply...allowing her to be happy, despite the circumstances, and Alphonse couldn't help but smile...His brother was always good at giving others hope despite his own feelings and he was glad that he was able to help Nina like this, even if he didn't acknowledge what it really was.

He was treating her like a person, not a thing, not a property of the military or an experiment. And Ed would downplay that as something small, like the least he could do, but Al could tell when he looked into Nina's eyes that it meant the world to her, and he bet that it was the same feeling of gratefulness that he owed his brother every day for not treating him like a monster or a freak.

Nina began to tug on Ed's coat sleeve and the two tugged back and forth, he scratched the fur around her face to make her growl and pouted as the sleeve tore with the force of her pull, "Great, now my arm's gonna be cold!" He scolded as she ran away with the piece of fabric, clearly trying to goad him into chasing her, "Give that back you little snot!"

Alphonse watched as his brother chased Nina around the yard, jumping this way and that to cut her off but not fast enough to actually catch her, and watched Nina happily bound back and forth to get away. If he didn't know his brother as well as he did, he would have completely missed how his shoulders sagged as he jogged, or the tired look in his eyes.

He ignored the looks he knew the other military personnel were giving the small group since their arrival, looks of disgust and cruel tidings, and briefly wondered what Nina had to put up with in the less than 24 hours since the incident by people too insensitive than to view her as anything but an object. One of the nearby officers said something especially cruel about Nina being a monster, but before Al could say anything to the soldier, his brother came running up and slammed into him.

"Don't just stand there, Al, run!"

"Wait what?" He shouted confused as he regained his balance, weren't they still playing? What did he miss?

His brother came to a full stop and turned to look at him, "What, do you want to be it?"

"It?"

Nina took the opportunity to pounce on Ed as Alexander previously had a habit of doing, "..Got...you!" She smiled, her voice less monotone than it had been all day, her tail wagging quickly behind her as she looked to Alphonse, "..Big brother...is it!"
Ed grunted as he pushed himself up, the dog girl sliding off his back and taking the opportunity to run a few steps away, "Now look what you've done, Al, I'm it."

After a short pause, Al couldn't help but laugh, looking at older brother covered in dirt and grass stains, muddy long-fingered pawprints all over his coat and the little chimaera girl who was having the time of her life, much of the tension of the situation had faded, it wasn't gone, but his brother always was good at hiding things. He shook his head and looked to his brother, "Why do you always blame these things on me? You're the one who stopped!"

"Yeah, to warn you." He said as he got up, brushing himself off, raising his arm to his forehead to exaggeratedly look around the yard, "Now where oh where could Nina have gotten off to..?" He spotted her hiding behind a bush, her tail wagging giving away her position as it loudly smacked against branches and sent leaves tumbling to the ground around her. Ignoring her obvious hiding spot, he turned and went in the exact opposite direction, shouting louder than necessary, "You'd better help me find her, Al, since you're the reason I lost her."

"Oh sure, blame it on me!" He responded, playing along, throwing his hands up in exasperation, and walking over to a fence that was behind him. "She's not behind this fence!"

"And she's not behind this tree!" He shouted, rapping his knuckles against the trunk.

"What if she's really lost, Ed?"

"She can't be really lost, we'll find her Al, don't worry!"

After a few more fake hiding spots, Nina couldn't stop herself and bounded out from the bush, "I'm here!" She paused, looking from brother to brother who both made sure to look extra relieved, "No...worry...im here!"

The two boys began to pet her and praise her, and Ed sat down on the ground next to her, draping his arm around her shoulders, "You know, this means you're it." He said with a grin before leaning over and whispering in her ear, "Let's gang up on Al, I'll help you catch him."

"What are you two whispering about?" Al asked suspiciously as he took a few steps backwards, before breaking into a run as the two chased after him.

They'd spent the whole day playing with Nina, and didn't leave until she was thoroughly exhausted, almost falling asleep standing up. They didn't want to leave her, they wanted to stay by her side and do what they could to keep her safe from the nearby soldiers who clearly didn't view her as anything but an animal. Unfortunately, given the case what it was and the first of many long trials for Tucker beginning in the morning the boys had no choice but to leave or be counted as interfering in a federal investigation.

Before they left though, Nina had bounded up to both of them to say goodbyes.

"Thank...you...big brothers…come...play again..."

"We will, Nina." Alphonse assured, petting the girl on the head.

"Maybe...daddy...could play...too…"

Ed didn't say anything, but his voice was taught and his fists were clenched, "Yeah…maybe." He replied, "Don't you worry Nina, we'll make sure you get to play as much as you want." He reassured through a strained voice, Nina, however, didn't seem to notice the boy's sudden change in disposition and simply smiled, something that was a bit frightening and off-putting to look at, but radiated happiness all the same. Neither boy reacted to the unsettling smile, though they heard an audible whine from one of the soldiers behind them.

"..Play...tomorrow…?" She asked, looking between the two and Ed's smile fell.

"We can't tomorrow Nina, you'll be….very busy." Her frown matched his own, "But we'll come back the day after tomorrow, if they'll let us. How's that?"

The unsettling grin returned and they said their goodbyes, and the two brothers walked home alone, choosing to take a longer route than usual.

"Brother?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"Are you okay?"

There was a pause, before a strained, "I'm fine." Came from Ed's direction.

"That was very nice what you did for her." Silence. "I'm surprised you could stay composed for that long. I..I almost couldn't..."

He snorted, but it somehow sounded defeated, "It's not like it was the first time I've had to fake a smile, Al. We do the same thing every time we go back to Resembool."

"I know but...this is different…" His brother didn't say anything, so Al continued, "You couldn't have done anything, you didn't know-"

"I should have known! Al, the signs were all there, he gave us every clue-"

Al cut him off, "It wasn't your responsibility!" Ed tried to speak but his brother silenced him, "No Ed, this had nothing to do with us! There's no way we could have known, this went back farther than us, if anyone should have done something to prevent this it should've been those above us!"

"I-"

"Brother, We couldn't have done anything...and even if we could have prevented this, who's to say anybody would've taken us seriously and done something in time?! What if Tucker just waited until we left and did it anyway, and nobody figured out what he did?"

Ed mumbled something under his breath, but Al couldn't make it out.

"We stopped him from doing this to anyone else, brother...we did everything we could."

"..You're right, Al.." He replied, almost inaudibly.

With a sigh, Al put his leather hand on his brother's shoulder, as they continued towards their hotel room, after a long period of silence, Al finally spoke up, "Do you think she'll be alright?" It was hardly a whisper.

Ed's head shook ever so slightly, "I..don't know Al." His voice was angry again, strained, "I can't think of any good that can come out of this."

More silence as they reached the hotel, Ed pulling the key from his pocket. "Can we really go visit her again in a few days?"

"I'm not sure." Unlocking the door to their room, "In the morning we can ask what'll happen to them. Maybe we'll get some real answers instead of speculating about the worst possibilities."

Collapsing on the bed, Ed took a look to his brother who sat down on the floor, a little ways away and was staring at the ground, before scooching over and patting the bed next to him, drawing his little sibling's attention. "Al, come here, it's obvious neither of us are gonna get any peace tonight."

Doing as he was told, Alphonse laid down on the next beside his older brother, weighing down the right side of the bed and puncturing the mattress with one of the spikes on his shoulders. He groaned, "This is why I don't lay in the beds."

Edward chuckled, "Don't worry about it Al, we just have to fix it before we leave, that's all. They'll never know the difference."

"Brother?"

"Hm?"

"...Nevermind."

"...What, Al?" When his brother didn't respond, Edward piped up again, "What, did you find another cat?"

Alphonse didn't even know how to respond, so he voiced his confusion, "...What?"

"Because I told you, Al, we can't keep them. Not until we get our bodies back, and get a house, cause I don't think Den would appreciate some wild feral alley cat wandering around his home. Not to mention I don't think Winry or Granny are really cat people, what with all the automail and mechanical garbage lying around the place, we'd be lucky if it didn't get itself killed. So we'll have to get a house first. And then...then you can have one cat." It dawned on him what Ed was doing, "One Alphonse. Not two, not three, not 15, one."

"But brother, what if it's my house? Then I can have as many cats as I want!"

"Oh please where are you gonna get the money to buy a house, you don't even have a job!"

"I'll build one using alchemy! I'm sure there's plenty of material people will gladly donate to the cause!"

"Do you even know how to build a house with alchemy? You need to make blueprints for something that complicated!"

"We have access to the military databases, I'm sure they have at least one book on how to build a house! I'll check it out tomorrow!"

"And what if someone's already checked it out?"

"Then I'll put it on reserve."

"Reserve? Al, it's the military library, you can't put anything on reserve."

"But you can, you wouldn't ignore a cry of help from your only brother would you?"

"I would if you were gonna use it to build a house for an uncomfortable number of cats!"

"Then I'll build it for a comfortable number of cats."

"You mean, one?"

"It'll be my house, brother, so it'll be a number I find comfortable."

"Over my dead body, like I'm gonna let you inherit the crazy cat lady title from the old bat in the valley!"

"Fine! Then I'll just find a book on how to build a house from some other library! It's not like the military exclusively builds houses!"

"How do you know they don't Al, maybe they taught the housebuilders from the book in the central library?"

"How do you know there aren't two books in the central library?"

The two went back and forth about houses and cats and libraries, distracting each other well into the night until Ed finally passed out, leaving Alphonse mulling over their ridiculous conversation and keeping his mind off much heavier thoughts.

Hey so yeah...Happy Year of the Dog everyone!