No Need For Maid Service
By Galaxy1001D.
Rated 'T' for toilet humor and potty mouths.
Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website.
Chapter One: No Need for Your Shots
It was another peaceful day at the Masaki house. Outside, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Azaka and Kamadake were commenting on how nice the weather was. Inside the kitchen, Sasami had prepared a wonderful assortment of cakes and pastries. Drawn by the delicious aroma, Princess Ayeka tiptoed in, her crimson eyes darting left and right to find the source of the heavenly scent. Phasing through the wall like an ethereal ghost, the golden-eyed Ryoko glanced around hungrily.
"Well!" breathed an impressed Ayeka. "Looks like Sasami went all out!"
"Sure does," Ryoko nodded. "She's gonna make a lot of money at the bake sale today."
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt if we sampled it a little," Ayeka blushed with a guilty smile.
Ryoko's smile wasn't guilty. "Sure wouldn't! You read my mind, Princess!"
Both women reached for a pinkish cake covered with creamy frosting. Their fingers extended closer and closer to take one little taste…
"Ow!" Ryoko squawked as a ladle rapped her knuckles.
"Ay!" Ayeka chirped as she drew her injured hand away.
The two girls turned to face an angry little girl crossing her arms, her ladle still in hand. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves," Sasami scolded, her pink eyes flashing. "I can't believe that after all this time you still haven't learned any self control." The blue-haired princess turned her head and exhaled sadly. "I'm so disappointed in you."
"Hey wait!" Ryoko implored as she rubbed her sore hand. "We didn't mean anything by it!"
"Yes," Ayeka lowered her head in shame. "We're sorry. It just smelled so good that we couldn't help ourselves!"
"Did you prepare a little sampler version, just for us?" Ryoko asked hopefully.
Sasami sighed. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with you two. It's like you're…" Sasami let her words trail away as her eyes became unfocused. "Like uh… Is it… getting hot in here?"
"Sasami!" the purple haired Ayeka gasped. "Are you all right?"
"Maybe you ought 'a sit down," a concerned Ryoko suggested.
"Oh…" Sasami's voice was so quiet that the girls had to strain to hear her. "Okay… I'll just sit down…here…" Her eyes drooped shut and she collapsed into Ayeka's arms.
"SASAMI!" screamed the panicked purple-haired princess.
It was not long before the redheaded Washu, the self-proclaimed greatest genius in the universe diagnosed the problem.
"Sasami has come down with Jurain Blood Burn, also known as Negishi Syndrome," Washu stated to Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryoko. "Although children usually recover without permanent disabilities, the disease is very dangerous to adults, and I don't even want to think about what will happen if it mutates in Earth's ecosystem. That's why until this thing passes I'm going to keep Sasami in the lab with me until she's no longer contagious."
"Will Sasami be okay?" Tenchi Masaki, mild mannered Japanese teenage boy and prince of Jurai asked the red haired genius. A rabbit/feline hybrid named Ryo-ohki was perched on his shoulder.
"She will if you guys leave her alone and let her get some bed rest," Washu told him. Her green eyes darted to Ryoko and Ayeka. "Well, I hope you're happy with yourselves! You've worn out poor Sasami's immune system by having her slave away for you lazy girls! Ya ought 'a be ashamed!"
"We are," Ayeka nodded sadly.
"Okay it's time for your shots," Washu said pulling three syringes out of a hole in space. "Nothing like shutting the barn door after the horse gets out. Still, better safe then sorry. Hold out your arms."
"Do we have to?" asked a squeamish Ayeka.
"Yeah, don't you have a pill we can take or something?" Ryoko brushed a hand nervously through her greenish white hair.
"For crying out loud," huffed Washu. "You girls make me sick! Both of you have been in combat! You know all about pain! What's the matter with you?"
"Needles make me nervous," Ayeka's voice was very quiet.
"Nothing's the matter with me!" Ryoko's voice was louder. "I just… would rather take a pill or drink some medicine that's all."
"Okay, crybaby," Washu crossed her arms in disgust. "There's some pills in the cabinet behind you.
Ryoko blinked her golden eyes and turned to see a medicine cabinet behind her that had not been there before. The fact that the medicine cabinet was designed to be mounted in the wall but was suspended in midair did not startle her in the least, but Tenchi took a step back in surprise. The cyan haired former space pirate drew a sigh of relief as she opened the cabinet's door to look for the pills. "Hey, there's nothing in here, the cabinet's empty…eeYOW!"
Before Tenchi and Ayeka's startled gaze, Washu had closed the distance between Ryoko and herself and managed to inoculate the tall angular woman through her kimono into one of her buttocks.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Ryoko danced a strange jig while clutching her injured posterior. "Damn you, Washu! You didn't have to trick me like that!"
"I thought it would be easier this way," Washu stated calmly.
"Easier?" snarled Ryoko, still clutching her smarting rump. "You call this easier?"
"Easier for me," Washu clarified, she turned to the first princess of Jurai. "Your turn lady Ayeka."
The purple haired girl gulped in trepidation.
After receiving their injections, Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko returned to the family room by exiting the door under the stairs.
"Okay," Tenchi announced, as he unconsciously rubbed the sore spot on his arm. "We've got to clean this place from top to bottom! We don't want a trace of that Jurian blood burn or whatever it is to affect Mihoshi or Grandpa!"
"Or the rest of planet Earth," Ayeka added.
"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "No planet is going to be ravaged by plague on my watch!"
Tenchi paled at the thought of that. He had assumed that the Jurain malady would not affect terrestrial life forms unless it mutated, but then, according to Washu, microscopic viruses and bacteria mutate all of the time. That was why colds and flus could only be treated, not cured. The thought of his hyperactive harem bringing Armageddon upon the Earth was horrifying. "Er uh, yeah…" he nodded weakly. "That's the spirit!" he added, emboldened by Ryoko's passion to prevent planetary destruction. "Let's go!"
Soon the trio was scrubbing the walls and floors with cleaners. The laundry machines were going full tilt, the dishes were washed all over again, and the beds got fresh sheets.
"Phew, this is a lot of work," Ayeka gasped as she wiped her arm over her sweating brow.
"Yeah, you said it," Tenchi puffed as he surveyed the house. "We've torn this place apart and we've only just begun cleaning it, and Mihoshi should be home any minute!"
"I hope Sasami has something good prepared for dinner," wheezed Ryoko as she removed her rubber gloves. "After all the work we've put into this place we deserve a little treat don't you think?"
As one the three exhausted housemates looked at each other in alarm.
"Sasami," Ayeka whispered softly.
"Sasami," Tenchi nodded grimly. "That's right. We forgot. Sasami's sick. She's in quarantine in Washu's lab."
"So who's going to fix dinner today?" Ryoko asked nervously.
They looked at one another, only to see three bedraggled people who were too exhausted and hungry to move, let alone cook a meal.
"Maybe Mihoshi could fix dinner today," Tenchi offered weakly.
At that moment the roar of a Galaxy Police pursuit shuttle could be heard over the lake outside the house. Detective First Class Mihoshi Kuramitsu still had problems with landing in a forested, mountainous region without the benefit of tractor beams, spaceport control, or homing beacons so she always aimed for the lake in front of the Masaki residence. It had the added benefit of concealing her shuttle from prying eyes and alerting the residents of Earth to the presence of an alien spacecraft as well.
"Mihoshi," Ryoko breathed a sigh of relief.
"Mihoshi," Tenchi nodded. "She's home!"
"Thank goodness she's back," sighed a defeated Ayeka. Although she hated to admit it, Mihoshi kept a better house than Ryoko or Ayeka.
Soon the door opened to reveal a weary Mihoshi. "Hi guys," said the normally cheery and chipper young woman as she took off her hat and dusted it off. "You won't believe the day that I had at work today! I must have chased that criminal all the way to the Arcturus system. He just wouldn't give up!" The bronze-skinned blonde removed what appeared to be a large fluffy cotton ball from her hip and it changed into a crystalline pink cube. "I had to get out of my space ship and chase him on foot through the space station before I finally caught up with him…" The cube turned in her hands like a puzzle box and her blue Galaxy Police uniform vanished to be replaced by a pink sweater and tan slacks. "It took four of us to wrestle him to the ground and…" Mihoshi's blue eyes blinked in surprise as she surveyed the disheveled house. "Hey what's going on around here?" she asked. "Did Ayeka and Ryoko get in a fight or what?"
"No," Ryoko growled. "We didn't get in a fight! Why would you think that?"
"We've been cleaning the house you bubble-brain!" Ayeka snapped irritably. "The house is a mess, the furniture has been moved, and the house smells like disinfectant! Use your brain for once in your life, why don't you?"
"All right, all right, calm down!" Mihoshi waved her hands in a placating gesture. "I didn't mean anything by it, sheesh!"
"Sorry about that, Mihoshi," Tenchi wheezed. "We've been cleaning the house all day and we're all tired and irritable."
"Yeah, I can relate," the leggy blonde said as she walked towards the stairs. "Tell you what, I'll stay out of your way. I'm going to go upstairs and take a nap, okay? Wake me when Sasami has dinner ready."
A chorus of groans greeted that statement, causing the space cop to turn.
"What?" Mihoshi asked somewhat snippily. "What did I say now?"
"Sasami isn't feeling well," Ayeka sighed quietly.
"She's got a disease that could wipe the human race off the face of the Earth!" Ryoko exclaimed, attempting to draw upon her last reserves of strength. "That's why we've got to clean up this dump!"
"Oh my!" Mihoshi exclaimed. "Really?"
"Yes," Tenchi nodded sadly. "We've got to clean and disinfect everything to keep it from spreading. Oh yeah, before I forget. Remember to check in with Washu and get your shots."
"Shots?!" Mihoshi took a step back and her eyes got as wide as saucers. "B-but I've got the Galaxy Police nanites in my bloodstream! They're supposed to protect me from any disease in the universe!"
"But this is Jurian Blood Burn," Tenchi insisted. "It's an alien disease. We don't know what it will do to you or if your nanites will protect you…" Tenchi stopped to think about his statement. He forgot that Mihoshi was an alien too. For all he knew the nanite-things that Mihoshi had mentioned could protect her. Still she should check with Washu just to be safe. "C'mon, just go see Washu and make sure you're safe, okay?"
It was too late. In less than an instant Mihoshi had gone from responsible adult to frightened child. "I don't want to get another shot! Don't make me!"
"Now come on!" Ryoko growled. "We had to have one!"
"Yes," frowned Ayeka. "You have some nerve to think that you're immune!"
"Now calm down, Mihoshi," Tenchi held out his hands and slowly approached the trembling blonde. "This is for your own good…"
"Yeagh!" Mihoshi cried. "Get away from me!"
"Grab her!" Ryoko cried as she lunged towards the evading blonde.
Mihoshi screamed and jumped to the side, tumbled to the floor, rolled to her feet and dashed outside.
"Mihoshi!" Ayeka called. "Come back!"
"Oh no!" Tenchi groaned as he ran after the fleeing blonde.
Ryoko vanished in a flash of pink energy only to reappear next to the panicked cop and grab her arm. "Come on, you fraidy cat!"
"Oh no!" tears poured out of Mihoshi's eyes as Tenchi and Ayeka tackled her to the ground. "I don't want a shot! Let me go…!"
Next: No Need to Break the Fourth Wall