Some where in a random field one day Haley and Jane were sitting in the sun and enjoying the nice weather, Haley in her pretty black sundress and Jane in a t-shirt and jeans for Haley had destroyed Jane's in order to make her own. Jane, who had been plucking petals off a near by daisy, turned to Haley.
"You know what would be really cool," She began; Haley only shook her head in response and motioned for Jane to continue. "If there was a random battle right now, in this field so we could see it."
Haley's eyes winded in excitement and she clapped happily.
"And it would be an epic battle over a fare maiden's feelings!"
Jane laughed and turned back towards the daisy that she had been manipulating earlier while Haley rambled about how the battle would be bloody and romantic and the look on her face clearly said that she wished she was said maiden. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Itachi Uchiha hopped down from a near by tree. Now usually Jane would have flipped out at the sudden appearance of a fictional character, but today she had already run into Bug's Bunny, Bitch Slapped Invader Zim, and nearly hugged Elmo to death so seeing another fictional character really didn't surprise her. Haley on the other hand…
"Holy Crap, its Itachi!" Haley giggled like a Fangirl but didn't move for fear of chasing him away; instead she stared at his butt from afar.
Itachi, having heard hr giggled, turned towards her and of some odd reason he froze like a dear in the head lights. The then stood slowly and walked over to Haley, Haley by now was spazzing like an idiot with a blush that could rival Hinata's. He bent down on one knee and magically pulled out a rose from somewhere.
"Oh lovely lady of red locks I've been admiring you from afar for quite some time now and I have finally gotten the courage to ask you to be my one and only. Run away with me my love and we shall make beautiful music together!" Haley looked like she was about to explode from joy while Jane looked like she was about to explode into a vomiting spree.
"That is the cheesiest line I have ever heard, if you're going to ask her to elope please try to say something less clichéd."
Itachi sent a glare at Jane and before he could retort another figure burst from a patch of bushes.
"Not so fast Itachi, She will be my bride!"
"Kisame, what the hell are you doing here?" Itachi said as he turned towards his partner. "I thought you went to take a bath in the hot spring."
"I was on my way when I noticed this lovely lady walking down the street, and now I shall make her mine!"
"You know," Jane suddenly burst in. "I can't help but relate this to the Phantom of the Opera, seriously where has all the originality gone in love triangle stories?"
A moment of silence past as Haley thought about Jane's statement while Kisame and Itachi glared at each other through their peripheral vision. Haley then turned towards the two men and tried to speak in an adult like voice.
"I shall marry the man who wins in a fight, everything goes!"
As soon as that was said Itachi lunged at Kisame like a hungry mountain lion.
"She will be mine!"
"In your dreams girly boy!"
The two proceeded to fight like wild animals, not even thinking to use their weapons or jutsu. The battle changed from one fighting style to another, it went from a boxing match, to por-wrestling, to Matrix, to Mortal Combat, to a bitch slap fight, to a Yo mama contest, and finally a wedge war. Jane, in the middle of all of this had somehow gotten a tub of popcorn and a mountain dew while Haley was recording the whole fight on a digital camera that appeared just in the knick of time.
Then as if the moment couldn't get any weirder a glass of milk started to hop over to Haley, some how carrying a blue tulip in the process.
"Oh madam, please except this lovely flower as a token of my love for you!" The milk called in a French accent.
Jane stared at the glass of milk then to her popcorn, she them started to examine the popcorn to see if she had been slipped any drugs. Haley on the other hand looked at the milk for a moment before shrugging her shoulders and taking the flower, hey all's fair in love and war. By now Itachi and Kisame had started playing poker for Haley and hadn't a clue that there was now a third contestant for their maiden's love. Of corse Jane just had to change that.
"I can't believe you two are losing to a glass of milk."
Kisame turned towards Jane and then looked at Haley to see the glass of milk flirting with her…and actually getting somewhere. Of corse Itachi also saw this sin against nature and both quickly stepped in.
"Hey buddy, what do you think you're doing with my lady?" Kisame said as he picked up the glass.
"Having a civilized conversation, something you wouldn't understand."
"Oh snap, you just got burned!" Jane said as she gave up on her search for any hidden drugs in her food.
"Well, I'm going to make something clear for you," Said Itachi while he flicked the glass, causing it to crack slightly. "You keep with you own kind bub, we look down on that kind of relationship in these here parts." Haley and Jane gave Itachi a weird look cause for a moment they could have sworn he sounded like a Hill Billy. Kisame then threw the glass towards a tree and before it hit the glass called out to Haley
"Remember me!"
The glass the shattered into a million tiny bits and Jane thanked god that the creepy French milk was gone, Haley of cores was sad for a moment until she remember that it was a talking glass of milk that was flirting with her which she then felt better that was gone cause her brain started to picture their deformed children and they weren't pretty.
Itachi and Kisame then leaned in really close to Haley and in a creepy unison they both asked.
"Who won?"
Haley looked between the two before pointing at Jane.
"She'll decide, since if I chose it wouldn't be fair."
Jane looked between the two before taking a gulp of her endless bottle of mountain dew and placing it on the ground. She then gave it a hard spin and the group watched as it spun around and around and around and around and around and- you get the idea right? Anyway, the bottle finally stopped and as fate would have it, it pointed at Itachi. Itachi then did a giddy 'I-won-in-your-face' dance and picked up Haley before jumping off into the surrounding forest, mostly likely taking her to the nearest chapel.
Kisame sighed and sat down next to Jane who picked up her soda again and was drinking it happily while plucking a few flowers near by and making them into a flower crown. Jane glanced at the depressed Kisame before holding her mountain dew out to him in an offering of comfort. Kisame stared back and forth between the bottle and Jane before shrugging and taking a drink of the wonderful liquid. The two singles spent the rest of the day in the field making flower crowns, drinking mountain dew, and having random mountain dew induced make out sessions.
THE END!!