Chapter one

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again

Blair arrives at the Empire hotel around lunch.

In the elevator on the way up she got second thoughts. Maybe I should have called him, set up a meeting. He might be busy. Her thought went around in her head. Maybe I just should go home again. Before she manages to drop out she hears herself say:

"Don't be a coward Waldorf. You put yourself in this position and now you have to make it right."

She took a deep breath before the elevator door opened and she walked into his apartment.

"Chuck" she called out but with no answer.

It took just a few second to state that he wasn't in the living room area and another few seconds to see that he wasn't in his bedroom. First she was filled with relief, and then there was another feeling entering her body. She suddenly realized that she felt disappointed that he wasn't at home. She felt how her entire body was longing to see him. Every part of her screamed out for him. In that moment to just see him, to look into his beautiful brown eyes or just hear his voice would be enough, more than enough, it would mean everything.

Suddenly the bathroom door opens and Chuck steps out. Their eyes meet each other's instantly. Blair's body reacts immediately, she feels warm in her whole body, she feels dizzy and nervous like a little girl. And she feels happy.

Chuck had just stepped out from the shower when he found Blair in his living room. One look at her was enough, he was drown in his feelings before he could guard himself. She just stood there, reminding him of how beautiful she was, of how much he loved her but also of the painful truth that she no longer was his.

No longer his.

It still hit him like a thousand of knives stabbing him all over his body.

"Chuck"

He closed his eyes for a short second. He always loved to hear her say his name. But then he reminded himself that nowadays it was also shared with a bit of pain.

"Blair. If I knew I would be getting guests I should have dressed more appropriate. Do forgive me" Chuck walked pass Blair and went to the fridge.

Blair secretly looked at him. He looked amazing in almost nothing besides from a towel. She reminded herself in what matter she was there.

Chuck took a cold coke from the fridge, with Blair here he needed something to cool his nerves.

Blair looked at Chuck and wondered why he could act so normal when she was so nervous she could barely stand just because she was around him.

A thought struck her and she felt her heart ache just by thinking it, what if Chuck really gotten over her this time? What if he didn't want her anymore?

"So what can I do for you Blair" Chuck asked and picked up a news paper. He did his best to act like this was no big deal, it didn't matter he already read the paper he just needed something to distract him. Distract him from his feelings that just waited to destroy him, eat him up from inside.

"Chuck I wanna talk" Blair started.

Chuck put the news paper away and sighed. "Well you know what, I don't!"

Blair was shocked by the sound of his voice, it sounded a bit harsh and… tired.

"I'm sick of this. I'm really fed up. I've done a lot of unselfish things lately and all I've gotten from you is just shit. I just wanted you to be happy, I still want that. I accepted that you where with Louis. I tried to move on but every time you just came back and stopped me." He took a short pause and stared out in the blue. "When you wanted to leave Louis to be with me I was the happiest man alive. Then I woke up alone in the hospital just to hear that you went out of town with Louis. And I didn't even get an explanation!" Chuck looked down at his hand, they trembled out of anger, pain and grief. He looked at Blair who just stood there, unable to move or say anything. The pain she could hear in Chuck's voice was almost too much for her to handle.

"I just had to start all over again, trying to get over you. I realized I had to stop loving you and that Blair, is the hardest thing I'm ever going to do."

Blair felt tears stream down her face. "Chuck" she said again.

"Blair when I said I loved you the first time I was scared to death. But I will never ever regret that." His voice softened when he said the last part and she knew he really meant it. "And I will always love you but I can't take this anymore.. You have the right to do whatever or whomever you want but from now on you don't get to treat me like shit." Chuck looked straight into Blair's eyes and said "And you don't have the right to play with my heart."

It hit her right in the face, the truth. For the first time she realized how much she had hurt him. Sadness gripped her heart like a stone hand, she felt unable to breath, unable to speak.

It took her a few minutes before she had the strength to talk.

"Chuck I'm so sorry. I know I can't make it right but I came here to tell you how sorry I am." She looked Chuck deep in the eyes, trying not to burst into tears "I'm so sorry for the way I've behaved, for the way I've treated you. I've done mistakes, the biggest one was leaving you after the accident. I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You can never doubt that!"

She went closer to Chuck, standing just a few meters from him. "I was just so scared after the accident. I was emotionally unstable after l lost the baby and I was just so terrified of losing you too.

In one night I was close to losing everything I cared about. After that I just pushed everyone away." Tears ran down Blair's face. Automatically Chuck felt the need to sweep Blair's tears away and make her happy again but he reminded himself that it wasn't his job anymore, to take care of her.

"I'm sorry." The silence between them said more than thousand words. It took a while before Blair spoke up again "I won't cause you anymore pain. I promise.."

Suddenly they heard the elevator door open and Nate stepped in. He stopped immediately when he saw the two of them.

"Oh sorry! I can leave again" Nate looked uncomfortable in the scene he just unwillingly joined.

Blair swept her tears away with the back on her hand and turned to Nate

"No need, I was just leaving." She turned around and went to the elevator.

"Blair" She turned around and looked at Chuck. "Thank you." He looked straight at her and she felt her whole body weaken.

She tried to give him a smile but couldn't, instead she nodded and then turned around and left.