Awakening
"Today has been one of the worst days of my life," Bianca thought as she slumped back on the lounge, sipping chamomile tea. She had chosen tea over wine, because drinking alone didn't seem to fit her mood. "Thank God I'm on holidays." A couple of months ago, she had been told she needed to clear some of her accrued leave. If the NCC investigation had dragged on, the leave may have needed to be deferred. Now, the investigation had ended, frustrating as that was, with Darren Faulkes walking away untouched. And here she was, broken-hearted, drinking tea. No work to throw herself into as a refuge.
She had thought to spend time with Janet, free of being on call and the hectic pace of work. Help out picking up the twins, hopefully make some progress thawing Emma's chilly resentment of her. Now, the last thing she needed was to be close to Janet. Go to the gym. Do some running. Maybe even go to Cairns for a while.
She stretched out her legs, closed her eyes and savoured the hot tea. The calming effect of the chamomile was broken by the door bell. Bianca opened the door and there, looking somewhat sheepish, stood Janet. Good thing she had stuck to tea, she was going to need a clear head. Regaining her composure, she asked Janet to come in.
They stood awkwardly, a safe distance between them.
"Wine, coffee?" Bianca asked. "I'm having chamomile."
"Coffee, thanks, since you're not having wine." Bianca made the coffee in silence, handed it to Janet and motioned her to sit down. They sat sipping their drinks, not looking at each other. The silence was broken by the ringtone on Janet's phone. She dug the phone out of her pocket.
"Sorry, it might be the twins." The number was unfamiliar, so Janet hung up. "Probably a scam call." As she placed the phone next to her, a text message came through. She apologised to Bianca again and looked at the message. "Phil King here Janet, pls pick up."
Bianca read the message. "Who's Phil?"
"A cousin of some sort. Lives in WA" The phone rang again, this time Janet answered.
"Hi Phil, what's up?"
"Did you know Graham was over here?"
"In Geraldton? No, I didn't. What's he doing over there, and why are you ringing?" Janet hadn't seen the family since she was a child, WA being so far away. What was her father doing over there for goodness sake?
"Never mind about why for now, I'm ringing because Graham has been injured and is in hospital. For no apparent reason he was punched in the face, and as he fell he cracked his head. He was in and out of consciousness on the way to hospital, and was asking for you. Now he's in an induced coma. Thought you would want to know."
Janet was trying to take it all in and said nothing.
"Janet, are you still there?" Phil's tone was anxious.
"Yes Phil, I'm here. Thank you for letting me know. Can I get back to you shortly?"
"Yes, sure. You ok?"
"I'm fine, thanks. I need to work out what to do. Will ring back soon."
Janet frowned at the phone, her expression almost angry.
"What is it?" Bianca asked.
"Graham. He's in hospital in Geraldton. Got punched in the face and is in an induced coma. Seems he asked for me on the way to hospital." Bianca waited for Janet to continue. "He manages to stuff up my life, even from the other side of the damn country." Shaking her head, she gave Bianca a rueful glance. "I guess that's unfair. He can't help it if some thug decided to take a swing at him. Is there any point in rushing over there I wonder?"
Bianca chose not to take it as a question, but rather as Janet pondering, so didn't comment. Finally she broke the silence: "Where are the twins?"
"Tony's with them at home.
When Janet had arrived home with the twins, after Bianca had handed back her keys, and called time on their relationship, she dealt with the usual evening chaos of screen time, dinner, bath and story time. When the kids were finally asleep she flopped on the lounge, the pain of the day engulfing her. Bianca had said that it was too late. Now, suddenly, Janet sprang to life, jumping to her feet. She would not accept that it was too late. "If Tony can sit with the twins, I'll go round to her place right now, tonight," she thought.
"Yeah, sure, I'll be right over." Tony knew Janet could be hard work. Bianca must have had good reason to walk away. He was more than a little surprised that Janet was so quick to try to fix things. Half an hour later he was at her front door.
"Thanks for dropping everything to come over."
"Glad to. Now how about you get your shit together. She's good for you."
"I know. But she doesn't think I'm good for her."
"You'll have to sort that one out with her. Here's your taxi. Get out of here."
Taxi was an easier option than trying to park near Bianca's place.
"I'm going. I'm going. Thanks."
Now, sitting here with Bianca, came the complication of Graham. Janet decided she should go to Geraldton, since he had asked for her. 'Round and around in her mind went the thought that if he died she would regret not going. "I need to go," she said to Bianca. Then, after a very long pause, "Would you come with me?" Bianca's eyes flew up to meet Janet's. Why was she asking this? For that matter why was she here? That had been lost with the call from Phil. Bianca quickly decided this was a time for Bianca 'I'm your support no matter what.' (At arms length). Bianca 'I'm finished with this one-sided relationship,' could re-surface later. "Of course I will." She held Janet's gaze, without showing the feeling they had shared over the past few months.
Janet was relieved. "I'll go on-line to see when we can get on a flight. Probably won't be a connecting flight to Geraldton." Flights all booked, Janet joined Bianca in the kitchen.
"I'm having lemon/ginger. Would you like more coffee, or maybe wine this time?"
"I'd love a small wine thanks, no more coffee this late."
"That's what I thought." That little half smile that Janet so loved.
"We are on a flight at noon tomorrow, but we won't be seated together. There's a two hour wait in Perth, which is better than I expected, then Virgin to Geraldton."
"That's ok. I'll book a taxi for the morning and pick you up on the way." Bianca was glad that they would not sit together on the long flight. The two hours in Perth could be awkward, but they would have to talk sooner or later.
"I'll ring Tony to let him know, then see if Mum will stay with the twins." Tony assured Janet that they would manage without her, and to do what she had to do. She told him she would be home soon, then rang her mother. After explaining the situation, Janet told her that she was going to Geraldton, and would she stay with the kids? Her mother's tone was acerbic
"Why would you go traipsing across the country for THAT man? You need to let go of him, as I did years ago!"
"Mummm." Janet tried to control her impatience.
"Yes, yes, I'll be over by 7:30 in the morning. You know I'm always happy to have them."
"Thank you. I really do appreciate it. Bianca is coming with me."
"I'm glad to hear that. See you in the morning."
Finally Janet rang Phil to let him know the arrangements. He offered to book them into a motel and arrange a hire car, which she gratefully accepted. They finished their drinks and Janet decided it was time to go. As the taxi drove off, Bianca gave her that little half smile again, then went inside to pack for the trip, all the while wondering where all this would lead. So much for avoiding proximity with Janet.
The flight to Perth had been tedious but bearable. Janet buried herself in some research, whilst Bianca listened on headphones to music she had brought with her. They we seated several rows apart, and didn't exchange looks or words during the trip. In Perth the wait was almost two and a half hours - time for leisurely tea and coffee, followed by slightly strained small talk as they waited in the departure lounge for their flight to be called.
Phil met them when they arrived in Geraldton and after updating them on Graham's condition, which was unchanged, he suggested they might meet for dinner the following evening, as he was sure they would be tired after the long trip. The two agreed. Phil gave them a hand getting their luggage to the hire car, and turned to go back to his car. "Give me a call when you're settled Janet and we'll arrange dinner."
"Sure, Phil. Thanks for everything." It was a short drive into the city and after checking in at the motel, they drove to the hospital.
Graham King looked just as unpleasant unconscious as conscious. No smug smirk now, but his lifelong practice of treating people badly was etched into his face. Janet sat beside his hospital bed, looking at the man who had been the source of so much emotional pain for her. Bianca had gone to the kiosk to get coffee for Janet, and tea for herself. As Janet watched Graham, her lack of emotion surprised her. She was still trying to figure it out, when Bianca came in and handed her the coffee. "Thanks. He doesn't look great does he?"
"No, he doesn't. You ok?"
"Oh yes, I'm fine, thanks." She was showing no emotion at all. Not concern, not anger or annoyance. Nothing. Bianca thought she looked as if she were somewhere else.
"Think I'll go for a walk in the grounds. Be back in a little while." With a frown of concern, she left Janet to her thoughts.
But thought seemed to be suspended, as she just gazed at her father, hooked up to machines and looking more dead than alive. She had no idea how long she sat there, her mind seemingly frozen. Gradually she came back to the present, and thought of Bianca saying that it was too late for them. As she looked at Graham it dawned on her. "I can't let it be too late with Bianca. It's certainly too late for you Graham." She felt no rancour as she said it, just a huge sense of relief that she was suddenly no longer tied to his opinion of her, nor did it matter if he loved her or not.
As she continued to watch Graham, she thought "What a harsh, unfeeling man you are and what a loveless life you've had. Why did I spend all those years agonising over you?" She leaned back, closed her eyes and thoughts of Bianca took over. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, opened her eyes and looked back at Graham. "Oh shit!" she murmured, "I could end up just like you." She pondered that thought and it terrified her. "But I'm not like you. I can love. My precious children, and I do love Bianca. I've been shutting her out, just the way you've shut me out. Worse still, I've taken her for granted." Sitting there slowly absorbing this epiphany, Janet realised she had treated Ash the same way, and remorse washed over her. She tried to remember all that Bianca had said that awful night. The night she walked out of Janet's house, after saying she couldn't cope with the whole thing any more. Janet had been so shocked, that Bianca's words had melded into a blur. If there were to be any chance with Bianca, Janet knew she had a lot of work to do. "I want to know her. What does she want? I've been so absorbed in my needs and my work, that I haven't given her needs much thought at all." Janet flushed, ashamed of her neglect. "What's her favourite colour? What music does she like?"
This self analysis was interrupted by Bianca's return. She sat down next to Janet, puzzled by her changed demeanour. Her face was now a little flushed, and there was something deep in her eyes. Bianca wondered what had caused the change. With one last look at Graham, Janet turned to Bianca. "We can go now. I'm finished here." As they left the room, Janet realised that it was true, she was finished with Graham. It was indeed too late. She had finally let go of her father. It wasn't important why he had asked for her. Probably to inflict more emotional pain. Now he couldn't. She was emotionally free of him.
Back at the motel, Janet messaged Tony that they had arrived safely, and there was no change in Graham's condition. She quickly set up a Skype with her mother, so she could talk to Liam and Emma before bedtime, which, given the time difference, was close. She didn't mention Graham to Robyn and she didn't ask. The twins were excited to talk to her, and wanted to know when she was coming home. Janet hadn't thought about that yet. She assured them it would be soon, blew them kisses, and with "love you, love you," handed them back to their grandmother, who was anxious to get them to bed. With a wistful look she closed the computer.
Phil had been right, they were tired after the trip and the hospital. They ordered room service dinner, during which they spoke little. Janet was lost in her thoughts. Bianca wondered what those thoughts might be, hoping that Janet would eventually share at least some of what was going on in her head. (She was staying right away from the heart).
They finished their meal and moved to the more comfortable chairs. Janet searched Bianca's face, looking for a softening in her eyes. There was none. Determined to give hope her best shot, she moved her chair a little closer, but not too close.
"Can we talk about the possibility of us Bianca?"
Janet knew she deserved it when Bianca backed away slightly, stood up and went out on to the balcony. She gazed down at the children in the playground opposite, and beyond the playground to the stunning view of the ocean. Janet joined her, careful to leave space between them.
"When I sat there in the hospital looking at Graham, this man who has lived an almost loveless life, I wondered how I could have cared so much about his opinion of me."
Ah, so this could be the cause of the change Bianca saw at the hospital.
Janet continued, "He must have had something going for him once for Mum to have married him and had two children with him. I don't want to end up like him. What a stuff-up I've made of everything. I can see now that I've taken you for granted, shut you out. Can you let me try to change that?"
Bianca wasn't ready to expose her battered heart, and couldn't bring herself to agree to give their relationship another try. Yet she didn't want to walk away either. What to say?
"Janet I don't want you to feel you have to change."
"That's what you said when you walked out the other night, isn't it?"
"Yes. And that I don't want to feel bad about wanting to be first with the person I love. It's only a couple of days, since I decided it was no use trying to be with you. It was such a hard decision, but it's no good unless I am up there with the twins in your life. They must always come first, of course. Apart from them, I'm not sure you can put anyone first all the time."
A suffocating fear gripped Janet. What if she had already lost this incredible woman? Bianca loved her, she was sure of that. Sometimes love is not enough. It had come to that for Bianca. She summoned the courage to continue: "I want to know you Bianca."
"You mean apart from what you already know?" Bianca allowed herself the hint of a cheeky smile, to relieve some of the tension she felt.
Janet winced. "I know that's gone at least for now. But I want you in my life Bianca. Can we spend time together, getting to know each other?" Still Bianca couldn't risk her tightly wrapped heart.
"It's too soon Janet. Shouldn't you ring Phil, to arrange tomorrow night's dinner."
Janet fought off her disappointment. "Oh yes, I'd better do that." It was decided that they would have dinner at an Indian restaurant overlooking the ocean, about a kilometre from the motel. Phil and his wife Ruth would pick them up at six the next evening.
Bianca had stayed on the balcony while Janet rang Phil. When she finished the call Janet came back to Bianca's side, still keeping a little distance away. She knew that she had brought on herself Bianca's obvious reluctance to be close to her. Why then, had she so readily agreed to come here with her? Surely it was a sign of hope, or was it just Bianca being compassionate and protective, as always? The sun had slipped under the horizon, and it was almost dark. A pleasant, balmy evening. It was strange to see the sun setting over the ocean, when they were accustomed to it rising over the water in Sydney. A mosquito landed on Janet's arm and she swatted it before it could sting. "We'd better go in before the mozzies get us."
Back inside, Janet gave half a yawn. "I think I need some sleep."
Another cheeky little grin from Bianca. "Should we toss for who has which bed?"
"Don't think so. You choose." Janet was too weary to care
Bianca patted the bed closest to her. "Mine."
They showered. Separately. Another awkward moment. Janet went first, and came out wearing a baggy shirt. She slipped into bed as Bianca took her turn in the bathroom. Janet would have loved to snuggle into Bianca to go to sleep but she pushed the thought away. They both usually slept without nightwear but Bianca too, came out wearing a baggy shirt.
She drew the curtains, looked across at Janet, and seeing that she was already asleep, turned out the light and sank into her bed. Sleep wouldn't come. Her mind was too full of the events of the past two days. Should she take a chance that they could work things out? "No, I can't." What if nothing really changed, she would have to go through all that heartache again. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to force the thoughts out, but the pain of the breakup was crushing. After an hour or so, she finally fell into a fitful sleep.
Janet, drained and exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the previous day, was still asleep when Bianca woke just before 5 o'clock. She crept over and moved the curtain enough to peek outside. In the half-light of dawn, the beacons marking the channel into the harbour, were still winking faintly - red, green, red, green - casting a shimmering reflection in the ocean. It was so strange that the sun would not soon appear on the ocean's horizon. Bianca would have liked to go out on the balcony and soak up the beauty of the morning, but she didn't want to wake Janet. It was too early to be up, so she sat on the bed watching Janet as she slept. How easy it would be to slip in beside her, feel her warm and close. Not yet! Last night's indecision was swept away, she couldn't take the chance of going back to being an afterthought (if any thought at all). Change wouldn't be easy for Janet, the big shot prosecutor, commissioner, NCC investigator, so used to charging ahead regardless. She wondered if the good intentions of Janet's awakening, could be sustained when they returned to their hectic lives. Her resolve strengthened, she again thought, "I can't go back there, not yet." She crossed to the table, picked up her laptop, got back into bed, and went to Google for information on Geraldton. Pictures of the HMAS Sydney II Memorial caught her eye, it looked amazing, perhaps they could check it out later.
Janet stirred, stretched sensuously. "Good morning Bibi."
"Bibi! What makes you think you get to call me Bibi?" Bianca feigned shocked indignation.
"I confess it was a pretty obvious attempt to claim you as family." Janet propped herself up on one elbow. "Do you mind?" A long pause.
"No, I don't think I do." There it was! The smallest softening in Bianca's eyes. Janet dared to hope.
"What are you doing with your nose in that computer?"
"Checking out things in Geraldton. Have you been to the HMAS Sydney Memorial?"
"No, I haven't. I've heard It's a bit overwhelming, want to check it out?"
"Yep. Let's get breakfast, then we can decide what to do with the day. Are you going to see Graham?"
"No, there's no reason to. He's out of my life."
"That's very good to hear." There was no mistaking Bianca's relief, reminding Janet of the night Graham had arrived, uninvited, and thrown the insult about being surprised they weren't sick of the sight of each other. She sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed, pushing her hair back from her face as she looked intently at Bianca.
"That night Graham turned up uninvited, I should have called him out on his insult, and told him to show you respect. He knew well enough that we were together. Not only did I let him get away with it, but then invited him to stay. What was I thinking?"
"Not of me, that's for sure!" Ouch! Janet took a little while to recover.
"I've hurt you Bianca" (not a moment for Bibi) "I love you, yet I've hurt you." She hesitated, it still didn't come easily, " I…. I'm so sorry." Bianca acknowledged the apology with a tiny nod, but didn't say it was ok, because it wasn't ok.
"Why did you agree to come with me?"
"Thought you might need a body guard. You know, security." Bianca wanted to escape the intensity of Janet's struggle with her conscience. That comment only brought more intensity, immersing them both in the memory of their first night of passion. The night Bianca had accepted the security detail at Janet's house.
"Your very first night of keeping me safe, was…. "
"Satisfactory?" Bianca asked, with not quite a grin. That lightened the mood.
"I would say a very high pass mark." A mischievous raise of an eyebrow.
That little half smile from Bianca again, but she didn't keep it going. Ruefully, Janet remembered how long it had taken for her to respond to Bianca, and how patient Bianca had been, waiting for her. Now she must wait.
They had breakfast at 'Dome', a restaurant on the waterfront, a short walk from the motel. As they drank their tea and coffee, Janet picked up her phone.
"I need to get back to work and to the kids. I'd better check if we can get flights tomorrow."
Bianca nodded agreement. They had chosen to sit outside on the verandah, and while Janet did the booking, Bianca sat back admiring another snapshot view of the Champion Bay panorama. To her left, beyond the town beaches, loomed the working port of Geraldton, whilst to her right, the sweeping view of the ocean was interrupted only by a groyne and the masts of yachts in the pleasure boat harbour. When the bookings were done Janet turned to Bianca.
"We can sit together going back, you ok with that?" Bianca rolled her eyes, shot at look at Janet that said don't be ridiculous and, with a smile that reached her eyes, went back to her tea.
"Now, I'd better let Tony know, and ring Mum, to set up a time for Skype with the kids this afternoon."
Breakfast finished, they decided to go for a walk along the foreshore path that wound its way around the bay. It was still early, and the breeze was light and cool. A warm day was forecast, so it would be good to get in a walk before the temperature rose. They set a brisk pace, enjoying the surroundings, and feeling a little more comfortable with each other. The path was a hive of activity, with cyclists, joggers, walkers, (with and without dogs), all out enjoying the cool of the morning.
An elderly lady approached, carrying a small dog, greeting them with a broad smile. "G'day. Lovely morning. Still nice and cool."
They smiled back and returned her greeting.
"Little pooch too tired to make it?" Bianca asked as they drew level.
"She's getting old, and needs a carry now and then. Still likes her walk though."
"OK to pat her?" Bianca asked.
"Oh yes, she'll lick you to death." Bianca made a fuss of the dog, and Janet joined in.
"Aren't you just the most gorgeous little girl?"
"Yes, she's my baby, even if she is getting on in years."
"What's her name?" Janet enquired.
"Diva. I'm Judy by the way." The two women introduced themselves, and said how pleased they were to meet Judy.
"Pleased to meet you too. Do you walk here every day?"
"No, we're visiting from Sydney." Bianca replied.
"Well, welcome to Geraldton, I hope you enjoy your stay." Judy put Diva down. "Do you want to walk some more?" The little dog wagged her tail and pulled on the lead. "I think that's a 'yes', lovely talking to you."
"You too," they replied in unison, as Judy walked on with Diva.
"So, we both love dogs." Janet said with a smile, as they resumed their brisk pace.
"Seems we do." Bianca smiled too. They walked on in silence, Janet thinking that there was so much they didn't know about each other. In fact, they didn't know much at all. Bianca was thinking that this was a glimpse of what could be, small things shared, getting to know each other, as Janet had asked. Oh, if Janet would just let down that protective wall! Bianca understood what a huge challenge it was going to be - for Janet, to learn to let her in, and, for herself, to hang in when things went backwards, as at times they almost certainly would.
Her hurting heart wouldn't let her agree to another try at their relationship, yet here they were. Together. She gave a rueful smile, as she thought "God, I love this woman."
Janet caught the smile. "What?" she asked.
"Nothing." Bianca wasn't going to share that right now.
Janet thought, 'Nothing? I don't think so', but let it go.
Domed picnic shelters were dotted along the foreshore park to their right and, a few steps to their left, was the beach, where early morning swimmers were already in the water. Children on the beach were playing ball and the thoughts of both women flew back to Fiji, with Liam and Emma racing tirelessly along the beach day after day.
"Reminds me of the twins in Fiji," Janet said.
"Me too."
That wonderful week in Fiji. Another challenge to Bianca's resolve. They followed the path around to the boardwalk that ran along the front of the pleasure boat harbour. Half way along they paused to lean on the rail, admiring the boats moored to the floating pontoons.
"I think I'll have that one." Bianca pointed to a large, sleek, ocean-going cruiser.
"Not me!" Janet shuddered. "I could get seasick looking at them bobbing up and down in a moderate swell."
"You get seasick?"
"Horribly."
"Well, we won't be going on a cruise will we?"
Janet's eyes sparkled. "Were you going to ask me?"
"Maybe." Bianca pretended disappointment. "But you would have said no."
Janet kept the banter going. "I could probably manage the Manly ferry on a very still harbour." Bianca grinned. "Very exciting!" It was so good to be feeling more at ease with each other. They continued to the end of the boardwalk, then retraced their steps to the motel.
Janet unlaced her sneakers. "These were good for the walk, too hot for the rest of the day."
"Yes, mine too, time for sandals." Bianca took the jug of cold water from the fridge, poured them a glass each, handed one to Janet.
"Thanks, I needed that. It's getting warmer out there."
They re-filled their glasses and sat quietly, drinking slowly, cooling down after the exertion of their walk. Briefly touching Bianca's arm, Janet asked, "Why did you come, Bibi?"
In spite of her effort to keep its tight wrapping intact, Bianca's heart gave a little skip. "You had a crisis. You asked me. I love you."
"Simple as that?" Janet curbed her natural instinct to take the lead in everything, waiting, hoping that Bianca had more to say.
"Yes, as simple as that. But I can't give you my heart again Janet." Her eyes revealed the pain she still felt, and Janet's heart sank a little.
"Because I might trample it?"
"Because I need to know you won't." No softening the message, just the stark truth. Janet had spent all her adult life seeking truth and justice, so this was no time to shy away from it.
"Will you let me try to show you that you can trust me with your heart?"
Bianca was still reluctant to make a commitment. "I need time Janet …"
"Yes, of course you do. Here I go, being pushy again. Sorry."
They sat in silence for a while, then Janet asked, "Do you think it might be a good idea to check out the Memorial before lunch?"
"Yes, let's do it. Did you bring a hat?"
"Sure did, and sunscreen. Glad you thought of that, we'll need them out there." They found their hats, slapped on sunscreen, and on the way out picked up a city map from the reception desk. Janet drove and Bianca navigated the way to the Memorial.
The car parked and safely locked up, they strolled up the path to the Memorial, stopping first at the Wall of Remembrance. On the panels were engraved the names of the men lost, as well as photos of the Sydney in action, a group photo of the ship's company, and a panel bearing the story of the tragedy. Lingering over the names and the story, both were deeply moved. As they read the inscription on the final panel of the Wall, "The Rest is Silence," Janet said, with a break in her voice, "What a useless waste of all those lives, and we've learnt nothing." She turned away from the wall. Bianca took her arm. "You ok?"
Janet straightened up and assured Bianca that she was fine.
The nine metre high canopy of the Dome of Souls, formed by a stainless steel filigree of 645 seagulls, represented the souls lost on HMAS Sydney II. Filtered light flowing through the canopy, threw reflected shadows of the seagulls onto the circular podium, and onto the central altar, which was in the shape of a propeller. Above the altar, high in the canopy, was the eternal flame. Into the black granite of the centre circle of the podium was set the inscription, "In Memory of the Men Lost on HMAS Sydney II 19th November 1941. Lest We Forget."
Next they looked at the Pool of Remembrance, with it's central stainless steel seagull. The gull was fixed, on wingtip, to symbolise, on the pool's symbolic seabed, the exact spot where the Sydney lies. Close to the Pool, was the bronze statue of The Waiting Woman, eyes shaded, looking out to sea, hoping in vain for the return of her loved one. Then there was the towering Stele, symbolising the bow of the Sydney.
The Memorial proved to be overwhelming, just as Janet had been told. Now, standing close to Bianca, looking out over the city and the ocean, she was struggling with her emotions and very close to tears. She gave a small involuntary shudder. Bianca took her arm again.
"Ready to go now?" Janet nodded.
"I'll drive." Bianca held out her hand for the car keys, which Janet placed there without argument. The action brought back to both of them the painful memory of Bianca returning Janet's keys, saying it was too late for them. Was that really only the day before yesterday? It seemed so long ago.
Back in their motel room, Bianca again asked Janet if she were ok. She had seemed so emotional at the Memorial. As Janet turned to answer, Bianca was alarmed to see that she was crying. She put an arm around her, and led her to the bed, wondering what this was really about. For what seemed a long time they sat there, Bianca holding Janet close while she cried herself out of tears. At last, she raised her tear-stained face.
"Sorry," she said, embarrassed, and pulling away from Bianca's comforting embrace. Bianca tightened her arms, wouldn't let her go.
"Janet, don't give me sorry." Her tone was gently chiding. "Just tell me what this is about." Janet stiffened, tried again to pull away. Still Bianca would not let her go, holding her firmly by the shoulders. "You wanted us to get to know each other, so whatever this is, you need to share it. Can you do it? Do you want to do it?" She dropped her hands into her lap, as if to say, "stay, or go". Her heart was racing. This was the moment that would decide if there were any point trying to build a relationship with Janet. Bianca hadn't expected it to come so soon. How would Janet respond?
"I need to wash my face," Janet said, going to the bathroom. Her aching eyes soothed by the cold water, she came back and sat close to Bianca.
"Thanks for stopping me being an idiot again. I don't want to close down. At least not on you."
Waiting for Janet, Bianca had been hardly able to breathe. Would the wall go up again? Now, she could hope. "So, what was it that upset you so much? Not just the Memorial?"
"No, that was the trigger. When I looked into that Pool, with the symbolic marking of the spot where the ship is, I felt as if I were being pulled into the depths, immersed in the ocean with all those men." Her voice faltered and her eyes filled again. "Sort of drowning in a sea of sadness. Does that make any sense?"
"Yes, it does." Bianca gently dabbed Janet's eyes dry. "I felt some of that too, but obviously not as profoundly as you did."
"Then there was the lonely woman, her man forever lost. Ash forever lost. You lost to me, possibly forever. All the stuff of the past few years came crashing in on me, things I thought I had dealt with, things I know I haven't." Her eyes filled again. Bianca waited patiently for her to get herself together. "More recent things too, us, losing you. The most incredible woman loves me, and I stuffed it up. Ash, and confusion over you and her. Just too much sadness."
Bianca took her hand. "You'll always love Ash, she's a part of you. It doesn't mean that loving again, diminishes your love for her. It will take time to sort it out." She smoothed back the strands of hair from Janet's face. "I love you Janet. I'll help if you'll let me." Janet leaned into her, letting some of the tension ease out of her, filling Bianca with relief, as she felt her relax against her.
No pulling away from their closeness now. "I think I'd like to leave it for a while, and have a shower."
"Yes, and while you do that, I'll walk around the corner to the mall, and get us some lunch. Come on, time to make a move." Bianca pulled Janet to her feet gave her a quick, chaste kiss, picked up her bag and went to get lunch.
Standing under the soft, warm flow of the shower, Janet tried to close her mind to everything but Bianca being here with her. This focus gradually calmed her jangled mind, letting in a quiet confidence that they could have a future together. Suddenly she saw, that their passion for each other really was secondary to what Bianca needed from her. Right now they were here, together, and talking. Strangely, it seemed to be enough for the moment. Reluctantly, she finished showering, got dried and dressed.
As she emerged from the bathroom, there was a tap, t-tap, tap at the door. Bianca had not thought to take the room key with her. Janet opened the door, greeting Bianca with a steady smile.
"Lunch." Bianca held up the bag she carried. Janet stayed in the doorway, leaning a little towards Bianca with her face raised.
Bianca grinned, and planted a kiss. "Getting into the habit are you Ms King?"
"Easily could," Janet said softly, stepping back and ceremoniously ushering Bianca in. "What's for lunch?"
Bianca took two trays of mixed sandwiches from the bag. "Thought a light lunch was in order, since we indulged at breakfast, and tonight is dinner with Phil and Ruth."
"Good thinking. I'm not very hungry anyway."
Bianca anxiously scanned Janet's face. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes, thanks. Nothing like a shower to soothe the nerves."
"Chamomile is good too." Bianca teased.
Janet screwed up her face. "No thanks. Seriously, I do feel better." She took Bianca's hand and held it to her cheek. "Thanks." Bianca's heart raced again.
There was just enough breeze to keep the flies at bay, as they sat on the balcony, enjoying the view, and sharing lunch in comfortable silence. Janet pushed aside her unfinished tray.
"Can't manage any more. How about you?"
Bianca sat back. "Nope, I've had enough too. Time for tea. You'll have coffee?"
"Please."
Bianca made the hot drinks, and set them on the balcony table.
"Aren't we just the picture of domesticity?" Janet quipped.
"Not just yet we're not."
Janet looked up from her cup. "No, I suppose not." She stared into her cup. "It was nice having you in the house, with the kids. I wonder how it would have turned out if you had moved in."
Bianca thought of the night Janet had sprung on her, without discussion, an invitation to move in with her. "We'll never know, now. You made the offer, but we needed to talk about it, consider the implications. Remember the night you started to tell me how, after Ash died, Emma would ask when you went out if you were going to heaven?"
Janet nodded, as she recalled that night. "And Em came down wanting to cuddle on my lap because she couldn't sleep."
"Yes. And if you could have seen the look she gave me as she snuggled into you."
Janet was shocked. "Really?"
"Yes. It said 'she's MY mum and I don't want you around her, so why don't you go home?' She still resents me, and it would have upset her even more to have me there full-time. If we had discussed it, I'm sure you'd have seen that Emma had to be your first consideration." That stung Janet. Bianca was saying that she had been insensitive to Emma's feelings. And she was right! How could she have thought that it would all be ok, when it would have made Emma miserable?
She looked so crestfallen, that Bianca reached across and took her hand.
"Do you want to talk about this stuff now? It doesn't have to be done all at once you know."
Janet took a deep breath. "You said you couldn't keep up with me, and I'm beginning to see why. I have this way of charging ahead regardless, leaving people hurt in my wake."
"True, but don't change too much. God knows, there's not enough passion for good. Don't be too hard on yourself."
Janet was thoughtful for a few moments. "You said something like that once before."
"Yes, when you thought you had lost your connection with Pearl."
Janet managed a smile. "I'm so glad that worked out in the end."
"So am I. It's great to see Pearl so happy." Bianca wondered if she should leave it at that, but it seemed right to continue. "I was wrong the night I said you should tell Graham how he was hurting you. I couldn't bear to see the pain he was causing you. I was trying to help, but I can see that it would have made things worse. I upset you, I'm sorry."
"No, it was my fault. Instead of tearing into you, I should have talked to you, explained more about Graham." She traced a line around Bianca's cheek, hovering lightly over her lips. "I really have trampled your feelings. No wonder you gave up on me." The softness Janet had been hoping for was deep in Bianca's eyes. "It doesn't look as if I've given up on you now, does it? It's getting warm out here, let's go back inside."
Janet stretched out on her bed and closed her eyes. She was annoyed with herself for having been so self-centred, but at the same time, she felt a kind of restrained elation in Bianca's continued love and support. Even though she hadn't committed to try again with their relationship, here she was, in the process of doing just that. Well, at least that seemed to be what was going on.
Bianca moved a chair closer to Janet, marvelling that this stunning woman wanted her so desperately. She went to speak, but saw that Janet had drifted into sleep. She sat quietly, content to watch Janet as she slept. Who would have thought a visit to a memorial would be the catalyst for what was happening between them? What exactly was it that was happening? At last, Bianca was daring to hope that it was something that was going to last a very long time.
An hour passed, and it was almost time for Janet to Skype with the twins. Bianca bent close and whispered, "Time to wake up Janet."
"How long have I slept?" Janet locked her hands under Bianca's ponytail, keeping her face close to her own.
"About an hour. It's nearly time to Skype the kids." Janet drew Bianca into a long, slow kiss. As she returned the kiss, head spinning, desire rising, fear suddenly gripped her. She pulled back, the fear replacing the softness that had been in her eyes. "I can't go there. I'm sorry …."
Janet put her fingers gently to Bianca's lips, "I know. That was unfair. We don't go there until it's right for you. If ever."
Janet set up the Skype with Robyn, and caught up with all the news from Emma and Liam. They were both very excited that she would be home tomorrow.
"Where's Bibi?" Liam asked.
"She's right here." Janet motioned Bianca to come talk to the twins.
"I need to go to the toilet," Emma chipped in and took off. An obvious ruse to avoid Bianca. "Hi Liam, how's everything going?"
"Great Bibi, but I'll be glad to have Mum home tomorrow. Are you coming over?"
"Not tomorrow, but we'll catch up soon. I'll put Mum back on now. Love you mate."
"Love you too."
"Hope you're behaving for Nana." Liam assured Janet that he was and, of course, now that Bibi had gone, Emma was back.
"Yes Mum, we're doing what Nana says. Aren't we Nana?"
"Yes, you're both being very good."
Janet threw them kisses as always, and with the usual 'love you, love you,' finished the call.
She looked ruefully at Bianca. "No mistaking Em's feelings."
"We already knew that. She sees me as a rival for your affection, but that can change, especially now that I'm not around much."
"I don't see that as a good thing."
"I'm sure Em will though. Want to go for a walk? We could go the other way on the path, towards the main harbour."
"Yep, fresh air and exercise!"
"The breeze is well and truly in, I think I'll wear a cap. Just as well I brought one."
"This place is known for being windy. Cap is a good idea."
They put on sneakers again, picked up their caps, slapped on more sunscreen, and made their way out of the motel, around the water playground, to the foreshore path.
After about three hundred metres, they came to the breakwater that formed the northern side of the main port. Beyond the breakwater were the moorings for the Port's three tugs. Two of the tugs were heading out to bring a ship into port. One was nearly to the end of the breakwater, another just pulling away from its mooring. The two watched as the tugs moved out of the harbour to the end of the shipping channel markers, then continued their walk along the path.
The end of the path opened out into an area where there were mounted telescopes, a viewing platform and a covered barbecue area. They climbed the steps to the platform and watched the tugs guiding the ship in through the channel, leaning on the rail, not quite shoulder to shoulder. After reading the information plaques about the history of the port, and taking turns looking through the telescopes, they walked leisurely back to the motel. Enough time to relax with a cold drink, before getting ready for dinner with Phil and Ruth.
Janet poured them a glass of cold water each, which they took out on to the balcony. The ship was almost in the middle of the harbour, expertly guided by a tug at the bow and one at the stern. The tugs, tiny in comparison to the ship, gradually nudged the big vessel alongside the wharf, and once it was securely in the berth, disengaged and headed back to their moorings. Bianca was impressed. "Pretty damn good, manoeuvring in such a small harbour, compared to Sydney."
Janet agreed. "Lot of skill. Not a job for me, of course."
"Hardly, when you get seasick watching the waves."
Janet grimaced at the thought. "Thanks for coming. Are you glad you did?"
"Dunno. You can be a pain in the neck." A pretend frown, then a smile. "I'm glad."
Janet was thoughtful. "The thing is, this is still all about me, when it should be about you. I want to be there for you." Given Janet's emotional turmoil of the past two days, three days really, Bianca was not prepared for her concern.
"The problem I have is not about you being there for me. It's about you wanting me to be there for you. At times you seem to forget about me. That's when my heart hurts. When I want to be there for you, but you shut me out. Or even throw me away."
"I deserve that. I've been thoughtless too often."
Bianca drew Janet to her feet, pulling her by the hand. "Now, we should get ready for dinner."
Janet resisted. "Hang on, you don't get away that easily Bibi. Have I got this right? We're working on there being an 'us'?"
Bianca gave a little sigh of surrender. "Yes, it seems we are, aren't we?"
Back inside, Janet put her arms around Bianca. A quick hug, and Bianca drew away.
"We really do need to get ready. I'm first in the shower."
"Is that so?"
"Yep." With a cheeky grin Bianca grabbed her gear and claimed the bathroom.
She emerged, all damp and alluring, wearing underwear and t shirt.
Janet audibly caught her breath, wishing those long legs were wrapped around her.
"What?" Bianca had heard the little gasp.
"You know very well what." Janet replied huskily.
Bianca chided, "Patience, woman!" And with mock severity, "Now, go! Have a cold shower."
"I might just have to do that." Janet gave her a sultry look, smiled and disappeared into the bathroom.
By the time Janet had finished showering, Bianca was changed and out on the balcony. Janet dressed quickly and joined her. "Right to go?"
Bianca nodded. "Nice timing, they should be here any minute."
As they got to the motel steps, Phil and Ruth pulled into a parking space right in front of them. Janet introduced Bianca as they got into the car, then Phil drove the short distance to the restaurant. Once seated, they decided on red wine, except for Bianca, who ordered dry ginger ale, sticking to her decision to keep a clear head. Phil enquired after Graham, asking if there had been any change that day.
"I didn't see him today." Phil looked puzzled. "My father is not a nice person." Phil hesitated, not quite knowing what to say.
Ruth was not as reluctant. "No, he isn't Janet. He's here trying to convince us to invest in some scheme he's involved in. We've already told him we're not interested."
Janet wasn't surprised. "Yes, he's always pursuing some agenda of his own, usually to the detriment of someone else." She looked into her wine. How to explain her epiphany at the hospital? Bianca had an almost uncontrollable urge to place a comforting hand on Janet's, but managed to resist. There was an awkward little silence, relieved by the appearance of the waitress to take their order.
They ordered a variety of dishes to share. Phil poured the wine, they all clinked glasses and said cheers.
"Are you staying for a while?" Phil asked.
"No, we're going back home tomorrow." Janet glanced at Bianca, hoping to be rescued from the need to elaborate.
Bianca obliged, saying to Ruth: "We've enjoyed looking around the city and have walked both ways along the foreshore path. Nice development of the public space. Could almost have gone for a swim this morning."
"I'm glad you like the foreshore, it's turned out pretty well. The railway line used to run in front of your motel and there was a granite rock seawall right along there to prevent inundation."
"So what has changed to take away the threat of flooding?"
Phil chimed in. "All the groynes along the bay are supposed to work as prevention. I hope the experts really are experts." They chatted away over the meal, taking in the brilliant sunset, the streaky clouds changing from rich gold to bright pink as the sun dropped over the ocean and disappeared below the horizon. Janet joined the conversation.
"It's so different for us to see the sun setting over the ocean, instead of rising there."
"Hadn't thought of that. It would seem a bit weird to you." Ruth replied.
Phil was wondering about Janet and Bianca. When Janet had said Bianca was coming, he had thought that she was Janet's new partner. Janet then asked for twin share, and he assumed he had it wrong. Now he was confused. One minute they seemed very close, the next not so much. None of his business but he had hoped that Janet had finally moved on after losing Ash, and found someone else.
"Are we all finished? Ready to go?" Janet asked.
Bianca agreed. "Yes, we don't need to be up late, with an early flight in the morning."
Phil insisted on taking care of the bill, and as they left the restaurant he took Janet's arm. "Janet you'll need to think what to do about Graham. You're down as next of kin and he'll either recover or a decision will have to be made about his life support.'"
Janet was deflated. "I don't want to be involved with him at all, but I know you're right. We're still going home in the morning." Her face was drained of colour and Phil knew how awful all this was for her. Unlike his cousin, he was a kind, compassionate man.
"Would you like me to keep you informed, so you don't have to deal with the hospital just yet?" he offered. "I'm down as his closest relative available here."
"Yes, thanks, that would be great if you don't mind."
"Not at all. I'd be glad to. It shouldn't be an issue for a while yet."
Bianca and Ruth had gone ahead to the car, and when Janet and Phil caught up, Bianca was dismayed at Janet's stricken face. In the back of the car, she held tight to Bianca's hand, as if she would never let it go. Disconcerted, Bianca still managed to chat with Ruth, but Janet was tense and quiet. Back at the motel, they thanked Phil and Ruth, Janet saying that she would keep in touch. Phil assured her again that he would keep her informed of Graham's condition.
Bianca sat on her bed. "What's happened?" Janet got a glass of water and joined her.
"Phil was saying how a decision will have to be made about Graham before too long and it will be up to me, because I'm next of kin. I know that of course, but I've been putting everything to do with Graham out of my mind."
"Do you think you should stay longer?"
Janet leaned against her. "No. I want to get back to the kids. I'll deal with this when the time comes." Her face was still strained and white as she looked up at Bianca. "I'm so glad you came Bibi. This would be so much worse without you."
Bianca's heart melted. Softly she kissed Janet's upturned face. Temples, eyes, and then a gentle kiss on the lips. But it wasn't enough, the gentle kiss quickly became deep and searching. Staying away from wine hadn't worked…..
Janet gave a strangled little gasp. "No, Bibi, not now."
Bianca was confused. "No?!"
Janet stroked her cheek. "No. This is not the right time. Do you feel you're absolutely safe?" Sheepishly, Bianca slightly shook her head.
"When you do. Not before." Just a nod from Bianca and that endearing half smile again.
Janet gave a teasing grin. "I think it's your turn for the cold shower."
Bianca could hardly believe it. Was this really Janet King? The Janet she had walked away from just three days ago? "No shower. Time for chamomile."
Bianca was glad that she'd brought a variety of herbal teas. "Will you join me?"
Janet wrinkled her nose. "I only drink herbal when I'm pregnant."
Another thing Bianca didn't know about Janet.
She grinned. "I hope you're not planning that with me!"
Janet laughed. "Never doing that again you are quite safe."
Bianca tried again. "Was chamomile amongst your herbals?"
"Of course, and I didn't really mind it. Is there a trade-off here?"
"Nope. You just get to join me for tea." Whilst they were teasing, Bianca had made two cups. "Your tea awaits." She made an extravagant gesture inviting Janet to take the cup.
Shaking her head, Janet picked it up. "I can't believe I'm doing this."
They took their tea out on to the balcony and sat admiring the night view of the ocean and the harbour. The red and green channel lights still winking away, casting a reflection in the water once again. Janet stared out to sea, running her finger around the rim of the cup. Bianca was sipping her tea. "Come on, you've already said it's not that bad. Drink up."
"Oh all right, just to please you. I hope you realise I wouldn't do this for just anyone!"
Bianca was amused. "Honoured, I'm sure."
Janet smiled, her eyes sparkling. "But don't think you've converted me from coffee."
They sat quietly, enjoying the tea. Bianca was relieved that Janet had cooled things down. She would have regretted being swept away in the heat of the moment. If they were to be together, it had to be a truly equal relationship of putting each other first. Could that ever be?
And Janet. Oh, how she had wanted to finish what Bianca had started, but she had pulled back. For Bianca. How different from her usual focus on how to get what she wanted, letting nothing get in the way. This was all about what was best for Bianca. Smart, funny, loyal Bianca, who didn't trust her. What an awakening this was - all Janet could think about was Bianca and sharing life with her.
Bianca quietly broke into her musings "You're very deep in thought. Where are you Janet?"
"With you, doesn't matter where." The intensity of emotion in those compelling blue eyes, brought a flush to Bianca's cheeks. And not only her cheeks.
"Stop it! Behave."
"You asked."
"Yeah, I did. Right now it's time for us to get some sleep."
"It is. I'll be so glad to get home to the kids."
The events of the day had left them both exhausted and with another quick hug they said goodnight and were soon asleep. Janet woke at three o'clock, so much going on in her mind that she couldn't get back to sleep. Would they work out their relationship? How long would it take for Bianca to trust her? Would she ever trust her? From now on she would be very, very mindful of Bianca's feelings. Never again would she take her love for granted. At five she finally dozed off, only to be woken again at six by the alarm on her phone, set to be sure they made their eight o'clock flight..
Bianca was already awake when the alarm sounded and got out of bed right away. Janet had turned over and pulled the sheet over her head. Bianca turned the sheet back.
"How did you sleep?"
"Not long enough. You go first in the shower."
"You need to get up Janet. Make some coffee while I shower."
"Yes, Mum." With a tired grin, she got up and dutifully made coffee.
Bianca had tea while Janet showered.
They arrived at the airport with plenty of time to return the hire car and check in their luggage. The flight to Perth was only an hour, but they again had more than two hours wait for the Sydney flight. They had a snack while they waited, Janet chatting about getting home to the twins and back to work. Bianca mostly listening, as she so often did. Aware that she was doing all the talking, Janet sat back, giving Bianca that 'come to bed' look, the one that made Bianca so hot and bothered. She was beginning to feel that she had to get away from this almost constant state of arousal. Maybe she would go to Cairns for a while.
During the flight to Sydney, Janet dozed on and off, the disturbed night catching up with her. Bianca mulled over whether or not to spend some time in Cairns, with her brother Ryan.
Older than Bianca by three years, Ryan had lived in Cairns for fifteen years and, before Janet turned up on her doorstep, Bianca had been thinking she might visit him. She still wasn't sure she wanted to spend a lot of time with Janet so soon after walking away. Getting right away seemed to be a good idea. Give Janet space too. Would she embrace her new- found intentions, or slip back into expecting everyone, including Bianca, to dance to her tune? The closer they got to home, the more uneasy Bianca became. She had said she would help Janet sort out her mixed up emotions, but now she was thinking that she would have to take some time for herself first.
When they were about fifteen minutes out of Sydney, Janet turned to Bianca. That look again. Bianca took a deep breath. "I'm going to spend some time in Cairns with Ryan."
"Oh." Janet was take aback. "Did you just decide?"
"Before you arrived at my place the other night, I was thinking I might go. Get away, sort my mind. Then you turned up and all of this unfolded."
"Ah. You wanted to get away from me."
"Pretty much."
"And now?"
"Now, I do need to go. When I'm around you, when you look at me like that, all I can think about is taking you to bed. There has to be a lot more to us than just fantastic sex."
Janet felt weak at the thought of Bianca sharing her bed again, but she had a sinking feeling in her stomach. Was she backing out? Janet had been feeling confident that once they were home, Bianca would be around enough that they would eventually work things out. Now she was going to put distance between them. They were nearly home and Bianca would soon be gone. When was she planning to leave? How long would she be away? Did she still want their relationship? Would she decide it was too big a risk after all? Disappointment, doubt, panic, and for once Janet had the sense to hold her tongue.
Bianca was scrambled up inside too. Taking off to Cairns, after having said she would be there for Janet, went against the grain. But she didn't trust herself to keep to her resolve when they were close to each other. Janet's intentions, sincere as they were, also needed to be tested.
At the airport, there was a delay with the baggage. Here they were, feeling awkward with each other again, not knowing what to say. Janet attempted conversation about getting home to the twins, but it petered out. She tried again. "Liam will want to see you before you go Bianca. Would you come over tomorrow for a while? I'll have to be back at work the next day." Bianca knew it was true - Liam would miss her. She would miss him too. And she had told him that they would catch up soon. It wouldn't be fair to go away without saying goodbye. "I want to see him too, so yes, I'll come over for a while after lunch."
The baggage delay sorted, they collected their luggage, got a taxi and headed for Janet's place. In the congested street, the taxi double parked outside the house. Janet gathered her luggage, and with "Thanks for all this. See you tomorrow," was quickly at her front door, turned and gave Bianca a wave. As the taxi pulled away, Bianca watched the door open and the twins hurtle into Janet's arms. Oh, how her heart hurt, and how much she wanted to be part of that family.
Soon she was back in her own living room, but felt none of the comfort of home. Without even unpacking, she curled up on the lounge, and wept. The past few days with Janet had taken a toll and the sooner she could get away, the better. When she had called Ryan after the taxi dropped Janet at home, she hadn't given him any details or dates, just asked if it would be ok to come to stay for a while. Pulling herself together, she rang him again, and arranged to go the day after tomorrow, if she could get on a flight. She was able to book a morning flight and then, leaving her luggage where she had dropped it, fell into bed and into the sleep of exhaustion.
When Bianca arrived at Janet's the next afternoon, it was into her arms that Liam hurtled at the opening of the door. It was wonderful to be hugging, to see his face light up as he pulled her inside. Emma was not as welcoming, but she did manage a little smile and "Hello, Bibi." The visit went well enough, although the two women avoided any closeness. Liam monopolised Bianca, wanting to know when she was going, when she was coming back, begging her to play his latest computer game, and generally taking the tension out of the situation. When it was time to go, Bianca and Liam had one last hug, Emma said a restrained goodbye, and Janet walked Bianca to her car, which she had managed to park close by for once.
"Will you let me know when you're safely in Cairns?"
"Of course I will." Bianca was torn, but stuck with her decision. She put her hand lightly on Janet's arm. "We both need some space, time to think, take a breath. You're going to be back in the thick of things and it won't be long before I am too. We'll talk some more about us when I get back." A glimmer of hope, but Janet wasn't taking anything for granted. She nodded and managed a smile.
"I'll miss you. Travel safe."
"Thanks, I will." Bianca gave her that heart skipping little half smile and drove away.