Shiba-Moon-Doggy97: Hello. This is basically a parody of Sakura finding kitties that are apparently the Akatsuki. Really, it is. I'm not joking! Why? Cause! I want to put my float up in the SakuXAka kitty parade! ^ ^ I'm too late? So what! Not like it'll sit there all these years with no update in sight. Well about the plot, there would be numerous ideas used like random moments in Family Guy and other junky shows but at the same time quite humorous. Let's begin!
Warning: This fic is a parody. A joke. You know, like Scary Movie? Jokes used and numerous plots for this story are mine.
Topic chosen: Sakura and colorful cats, AKA the Akatsuki.
'Italics' Animal talk or thoughts
Regular speech: You know, talk!
Bold: Either a demon or inner Sakura
Damn it, not another Kitty Fic!
Chapter 1. Sakura magically, or turns into, I don't know!
"Oh my gawd! It's the Raisin bran sun!"
"Run for your lives!"
The sun arrives on schedule. Or is it death? It shines brightly like the sun with sunglasses who throws raisins at you agianst a house with colorful designs of a food critic. He tilts his shades towards you and flicks a nasty raisin over to her direction of the house. It hits with a thump and a rumble of laughter coming from Mr. Sun. According to a young girl, this meant for her to awake and start the day. Her name? Haruno Sakura! She's a medic, apprentice to Tsunade, and a member of team seven! Oh wait, you already know that? Damn you!
On cue, birds flew into her house through the open window plus a few deer, rabbits and squirrels. They ran around her room with numerous tasks in mind. A few blue birds zoomed past the walls of her room with some clothes on their talons and dropped it agianst the male deers antlers. The stag trots along the floor and bobs his head, placing it on the bed. He lifts his head up and spots a pink haired female creeping up from her slumber.
"Mm, what a dream.." she yawns, and gets knocked out by the stag's hove. "Zzz.."
The pinkette falls asleep once more with an angry male deer hovering above her. He snorts a nonverbal, 'Go back to sleep bitch!' and then went back to work. The stag resumes his works and freezes in place when a new creature arrives onto the scene. He blushes madly as the animal gazes up at his manly statute.
'Y..y..yo..re.. c..ute...' he admits, without struggling to say it in 2020. 'W-will.. .. go.. o..ut.. with... me?'
The animal hugs it's self femininely. 'Aw, I'm so flattered.' only to reveal a nasty curly chest hair by accident. 'Oops..'
'Grrrrr...' growls the stag, it get's angry. 'What the fudge? I thought you were a girl!'
'Not really. Bambi named me Flower.'
'BAMBI!' roared the agitated stag. He trotted over near the open window, 'Don't send this tranny over here!'
'Bwa! Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Didn't know that you would go this far..' apologized an older Bambi.
Stag raises an eye brow. 'If your sorry then why are you still laughing?'
'I don't know! But know you know how I felt when we were young!'
'Grrr.. you Bambi shit. I hate you.' he growled bitterly, and froze when the skunk touched his thigh.
Flowe looked up at him with a smexy look. 'When are we going to the bushes to mate?'
'AUUUUGGHHHHH!'
Sakura awoke with a smile on her face. "Yay! I'm gonna take on the world and heal people!" she shouts happily. Then makes a face. "Who the fuck are you?"
'Ah! Abort!' command the stags.
All the animals high tailed it out of Sakura's room and straight out the window. The girl signs deeply to her self and resumes her day. Sakura jumps out of bed and takes one step on the ground with her foot then trips over a turtle and rolls down the steps into the kitchen. Sakura gets up muttering that hurt and massaged her back with healing chakra. Once that was done, she proceeded to make breakfast of simple cheerios and milk. Sakura twirled the spoon around in her bowl and lifted it to her mouth so she could devour it but couldn't when an anbu arrived.
He bowed respectfully to her beginning with, "Good morning Haruno-san. Sorry if I interrupted your breakfast."
"It's okay.." she responds with a frown, and threw the bowl of cereal in a waste basket. "Anything's wrong?" asked the pinkette.
"No. But Tsunade requires your existence right away at the tower."
"What fo.. Damn it!"
He already left. Sakura made a dash for the door and shut it behind her then ran down the steps. The directions to her next destination wasn't too difficult for her to forget and she found her self arriving very early then usual. Till suddenly, a tornado came out of nowhere and knocked her off course.
Splash! She hit the water face first. The pinkette picked her head up and spotted something quite odd. Looked like a red colored boat with a lion's head glued on. 'What the hell is this?' she thought with a frown. 'Am I going insane?'
"No, you are not going insane. In fact, it's quite normal to come across a boat."
"Chu..chu..chu.. ROCKET!" she gasps, and drowns.
"Oh my. We can't have you drown on our hands young warrior." he says, taking out a grapple hook and sunk it into the water.
The boat pulls on it and watches her sail across the ocean and into the back of his boat. Sakura stays down for a while and places her arm on the seat with squiggles in her eyes. She gaggles when a red drop of something disgusting she proposed was tossed down her throat.
"Here, eat this chu chi jelly. It will help you get your strength back."
Sakura chewed it for a few seconds then swallowed, "That's strange a boat with no conductor." she whispered to her self, and looked it in the eye asking, "Where is your owner?"
"I do not have an owner. For I am the king of red lions."
Sakura eyes got bug eyed. "Omg! You can talk!" she exclaimed in shock.
Red lion rolled his eyes. "Moron.." he muttered, and spoke clearly for her. "Yes I can.. now you must help me find the triforce."
"The tri-what?"
"Triforce. You know, the yellow Doritos of courage?"
"There's yellow Doritos? Why wasn't I aware of that?"
"Ugh.. never mind. We will start sailing as soon as your ready."
"What for? I'm suppose to be going to the..hoka..ge." Sakura ended like a depressed snail, realizing something. "Aw, crap! I'm late!"
Sakura stopped talking and spotted something heading straight for her and the boat. The figure came closer and had on a green fairy suit with a sword and shield strapped to his back. She got suspicious when the king of red lions started to tremble in fear.
"I..I.. what are you doing here?" it stammered.
"..."
Sakura put her arm to her face, blocking out her loud voice, "I don't think he's a good talker." she gosiped to the boat.
"No, the boys a mute. It's been like that ever since the first Zelda game."
"Oh. Well, can he still hear us?"
Link made a I'm not a deaf kid' face. Which meant that he caught what was happening so far.
"I guess so.." he said with a slight droop of his neck, placing his head down to the lake only to follow her with his eyes. "Well, we shall be off. Do you need a lift back to your destination?"
"Yeah, I do. Do you know where Konoha is?"
"Why yes sir. Link threw a map at me with the same destination a few day lights ago."
"Great. Now let's go before Tsunade chops my tities off."
"Okay.." he spoke, and looked at Link. "Do you mind using the wind waker to conduct the wind?"
Link nodded and took out a white boton. He made a silly face and began swinging it like a spoon.
Bon! Bon! Don! Don!
Clink. You have played um.. wind's requiem! D:
The wind started to shift towards the direction where land could be seen. Sakura figured that it was Konoha due to a few lakes connecting out into the sea. Before she knew it, the boat rushed forward at lightning speed. Sakura tried to hang on with her dear life and even caught the little boy smirking at her dismay.
'Ooh, I hate this little bastard! He's worse then Sasuke.'
'Oh please.. he's just here to help out the plot. Nothing more.'
'Good. Which means we'll be rid of him after we get back onto Konoha's shore.'
At last the King of red lions reached land. He crashed into the pier and watched Sakura sail through the air and crash down onto the earth like a meteorite. Suddenly, he found him self going in reverse and took notice of Link taking control of his steering wheel.
"Link, what are you doing?"
He said nothing and kept decreasing the land from him self.
"Your a bitch.."
Sakura watched the boat leave. "Oh my gawd, Link is such a pussy.." and walked on a path that lead to the village.
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- . . . . Line break! . . . . -
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-In the hokage tower-
"You called me your highness?" Sakura asked, kneeling down on one knee. "I apologize for taking so long. For I got side tracked by a boat named of red lions and an annoying fairy boy."
Tsunade raised an eye brow. "What the hell? This is not far far away and you are not my slave."
She got up and wiped her forehead saying, "Winne the woo! I thought I would be filing out your bunions today. I guess not.."
"Okay.." the slug princess remarked with a roll of her hazel eyes. "I called you here because of something berry important."
"Ha! You said berry!" laughed a voice from in the trees.
"SHUT UP NARUTO!" snarled the godaime.
"Waah, why must you shout?"
"Simple. Cause your eavesdropping on our conversation."
"I am not, infact.." he trailed, "Chip! Chip! Chip! N' Dale~ Rescue rangers! I'm just Chip and Dale's cousin!"
Without warning, Sakura walked over to the window and pulled him in causing the wall to crumble from his weight.
"Ow! Ow! I give!"
"Since we were rudely interrupted, I guess we'll have a two man team infiltrate the Akatsuki base."
"Alright! We get to kick Madara's ass!" Naruto cheered happily.
"Pardon for interrupting, but.. aren't most of them dead?"
"Of course not. Author's magically have them alive for some strange reason and turn them into animals."
"D-did you just say.. animals?" Sakura repeated grimly.
Tsunade began sweating bullets of fear. "W-what ever do you mean? He he.. I'm not giving away the plot or anything.." she stalled.
"Not to worry. I'm sure that Shiba can come up with random pointless things to keep the readers occupied!" smiled Naruto.
"Your right. If no one could do it, Shiba can. Right Shiba?" Tsunade questioned towards me.
The author nods like an important and continues to supply you with words. Once the slug princess was done with me, she kept talking to her soilders.
"By the way, in order for you to enter you must be an animal."
"WHAT?" screeched both boy and girl.
"I'm not joking. They cannot tell the difference from a horse fly to a horse."
"Ha. Ha. That reminds me of a song I once heard. How does it go again?"
"I don't think we have time for that. We need to complete the mission to find out if the Akatsuki are still alive."
"Indeed. If you go down the labs, there will be a few potions already made for you." Tsunade explained, and then picked up a mallet only to slam it. "Case adjourned."
"Um..this isn't judge Judy."
"GET THE GUCCI OUT MY OFFICE!"
"Yes Ma'am!" bowed her shinobi/kunoichi. "We won't let you down!"
Tsunade made a face. "What? You didn't try to take my purse or nothing.."
"Um.. isn't the book 'Thank you Ma'am' by Langston Hughes?"
"So what? Get out!"
"Meanie.." Naruto mumbled, making his way for the door and dodged a coffee mug from hitting his face. "All I wanted to do was hear a story."
Sakura followed him out saying, "What story? All I did was make a reference.."
Once they left, Tsunade sat back at her desk and smoked a pipe. "Tch..those kids just never learn.."
Thirty minutes later..
Music played from outside the hime's office.
"My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right, it's better than yours!"
Shizune stopped to listen. "That's strange.. Tsunade-chan never plays this type of music unless she's.. oh no!"
The black haired woman dropped all her medical books and raced across the halls towards the open door.
Shizune hesitated to open it and found a horrifying sight.
Men.
Boobies.
Naked men, and a naked slug princess.
"Tsunade-chan!" wept the estranged medic's assistant.
Shizune's voice faded out within the music..
.
- . . . . Another line break of doom! . . . . -
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Said teens made their way to the potion lab in the experiments section of the hospital. Usually they were used to try and prevent diseases from spreading via person to house pet. It didn't work for long, until multiple words were placed on it to to confuse people. Which meant our two heros would be having a difficult time regardless, eh?
Naruto and Sakura were trying to figure out which potion to use when entering the Akatsuki. They divided up the potions in two different neat piles of bottles and picked one by one. Each potion had a piece of paper attached to it and written down was a simple animal choice.
"Hmm.. should I turn into fly boy or wolverine?"
"Lol. That's silly.." giggled the pinkette.
"I know, right? Espically for turning into a house cat. So cliche and nauseating.."
"Only point I see of being one is to catch mice and cough up hair balls."
"Or just go d'awwwwww when I see you hiding in a basket!" Naruto mocks, with puppy eyes in his pupils.
"Yeah.. I guess your right.."
Naruto and Sakura quit talking only to stare at one another. Both of them snapped into a 'Where's Waldo?' and started to search for a specific bottle. Sakura dug her fist into each bottle while her competitor did the same. But everyone of the potions she picked up got weirder and weirder.
"Hippo? No.."
"Tarantula, no.." Naruto went, tossing a potion.
"Racoon? Hell no!" Sakura raged, smashing a potion to a wall.
"Zebra? Eck!" Naruto hissed.
"Flamingo? As if!"
The blond looked up with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Oh come on, you would look great like the flamingo from the Lion King."
"Psst, the hyenas fit you greatly." she shot back.
"HA! HA! LADY-GA! GA-" Naruto stopped laughing and took a long pause then went, "Hey!" and avoided a potion from being hurled from across the room.
Sakura busted out laughing and frozen when she saw something in the mirror. The mirror was apparently placed in front of her with the view of the door from the back so they check and see if anybody is spying on them. Once she realized who it was, her whole entire body went ghostly white.
"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.." Sakura blabbered. "Ma-ma-ma.. ma-ma-ma-ma.."
"Huh? Sakura-chan?"
"MAN-RAY!"
"Who the fudge is Man-ray?"
Sakura shook her head and pointed a finger. "Look, Kakashi is a.."
Naruto's eyes narrowed in his direction. "I don't see him.." and then went shallow like pools of water. "Ka-ka-ka.. ka-ka-ka.."
Before he could finish, a pink blur leaped over him and hit the floor.
"So cute!" squealed the kunoichi as she rubbed her right cheek into the mass of fluff. "We don't really need to go in after all!"
"Aw, man.. I wanted to turn into Tina the talking tabby." Naruto muttured, kicking a bottle to the wall with his feet. "Now I'll never know what it feels like to be a cat."
Sakura got up and walked towards him. "No matter, I'm sure Tsunade could whip us up another batch."
"Your right. Odds are that this will turn out into a great mission!"
"Meow.."
"Aw, I think Kakashi is trying to tell us something.." cooed the kunoichi. She held him up to her face. "What is is boy? Are you hungry?" Sakura asked in pure baby talk.
"Yeah! I want some ramen please!" squeaked a chibi voice.
That was not Kakashi. Sakura's eyes wandered over near a puffy faced Naruto.
"Oh really? Do you want ramen or does Kaka-kitty want something?" inquired the girl.
"Um.. I do?"
"Fine. We'll stop there after buying Kakashi some things."
After voicing what they were going to do next, Sakura started to walk towards the exit. Naruto didn't move an inch and spotted an orange book with it's pages facing the floor. He struggled to move after the violent pink haired girl told him to come on. According to kami, this was the perfect opprtunity to read Ica Icha! He can't give it up now.
"Are you coming Naruto-kun?" she asked, her tone softer then before.
"Hold on a sec."
The boy ran over to the spot and bent over to retreive it and left in a flash. He re-emerged on the outside world and spotted Sakura's back as she was walking towards the pet shop. Naruto started to jog so he could catch up with her and entered the pet shop. Said blond kept his eyes on the book while Sakura commented on which pet food to buy.
"Should we get Friskies or Temptations?" Sakura murmured to her self. "I don't trust these friskies things.."
"Why not?" Naruto questioned back. "I mean, they're just cat food cut up into fish designs."
"Well I don't to give to him cause it'll make him.." Sakura trailed, "You know, frisky?"
"Bwahaaaa! Lol. What kind of reason is that?"
Sakura gasped in shock and went vivid colorful when she saw him holding Kakashi's copy of Icha-Icha Paradise. Just because both of his teachers reach the erotic garbage doens't mean that he should! Not like Sakura isn't a fan as welll.. There's children her for kami's sake!
So she strolled over and grabbed him by his collar. "Are you reading his Icha-Icha?" she questioned sweetly.
"Eh heh.. I couldn't resist!" Naruto chuckled sheepishly.
Without warning, Kakashi leaped out from off Sakura's shoulder and onto Naruto's. He kept throwing punches agianst Naruto's skin.
"Ah, ack! Get him off! Get him off!" He screamed, fanning him with his fingers.
"Serves you right. Reading his rated M-porn like it's a Dr. Suess book.."
Naruto grabbed him by surprise and threw him up to the air. "I'm sorry Kaka-sensei! Would you ever forgive me?" he apologized playfully.
"Um.. Naruto. His face is twisting up."
"Huh?"
"Bleeckkkk!"
"Ew, I got hair balls all over me!"
"Great. Now we'll have to give you and Kakashi a bath."
"Hm, bet Hinata would love that."
"That's too bad. Could have sworn that she went on a mission with Kurenai."
"Damn it!"
"Mew.."
"I know Kakashi, I know. Naruto will and always be, the same.."
"Wait a minute.. uh-oh."
"What?"
"Don't tell Kakashi but..I think his book is covered in hair balls and coffee."
"MEOWERR~"
"Auughhh! Get off kitty, get off!"
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- . . . .One more line break! . . . . -
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After taking Naruto and Kakashi home to bathe them, they went away to the vet. The veterinarian gave him a quick check up procedure and even placed him in a kennel so Naruto and Sakura can take him over to Tsunade with their results. But Naruto wasn't going to have this.
"Hey, what about ramen?"
"Crap.. I forgot about that." The pinkette mumbled. Suddenly, she felt an arm snake around her and pulled her away into the darkness. "Ah! Put me down!"
"Ramen! Ramen! Sakura-chan is taking me out for ramen!" he sang merrily. "RAMEN!"
"Gosh.. your ramen craze is such a stereotype, literally."
"Blame Kishi for my faults! He's the one that made me hyperactive, a dolt, and gave me the strongest bijuu in the world!"
"Ugh.. don't remind me.."
"Mew.."
-Two hours and three hundred stereotypically eaten bowls of ramen later-
Sakura and Naruto went to the hokage tower again. Tsunade watched them come in and drilled the kids a twenty questions scenario.
"Um.. who is that?"
"Kakashi. Can't you tell?" Sakura blinked, putting the lazy cat up in her grill.
Tsunade studied it. "Yeah, that's him all right." and wrote down a few notes in her documents. "Seems like the neko serum worked.."
"Yeah but.. aren't we suppose to use it?" Naruto considers weakly.
"Wasn't I suppose to use it? Hell, this story is in my filter." Sakura adds with a huff. "In fact, where is the Akatsuki?"
"Not yet. Kakashi will be the one to enter the base, you guys will only fill in as back ups."
"In other words, we are in the story!" Naruo rephrased in a happy tone. "Yay! I get be a cat and not paired up with Sasuke-teme in some icky wicky yaoi fic."
"But I thought you loved him?"
"Nooo! Those crazy yaoi girls say I am, but I'm not."
"Hmm, that kiss is all the proof they need." Sakura suggested with a smug look.
"Shut up! I'm not gay for Sasuke, or Itachi, or Garra.. not even Kakashi!"
Kakashi put his head up at the mention of his name going, "..." then went back to staring at a wall.
"Ugh, never mind. When will the serum be mixed?" Sakura asked, questioning her mentor.
"I don't know. Ask Neko no baa about it.. I mean, she does turn people into cats. Or maybe it's only a rumor.."
"Noo! We need you to do it!" pleaded Naruto. "I mean, that idea is already used. We need our own base flavor for fried chicken."
"Fine. Check back in a few days."
"Alright!" They shouted in union, sticking to the sky.
Tsunade frowned when their bodies froze in the air. "The hell? Is this a glitch or something?"
"I don't know.. can you please find a way to get us down? I'm scared.." Sakura pleaded.
"Okay.. I'll get some help."
The slug sannin ran out her room. Only Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi remained.
Naruto spotted him on the desk. "Ah, Kakashi! Man am I glad to see you. Can you try and get us down?"
Kakashi only stared at him like this, "..." and then curled up in a ball to lick his private parts.
"Oh come on!" hissed the pinkette. "We don't have time for you to play Puss N Boots with your self."
He ignored them and kept going.
"Ewww!" ewed the pair.
Tsunade wandered back in with numerous people. "Were back with reinfor.. that's disgusting."
"Hurry up! I wanna go home!" cried Naruto.
"Okay.. go in and remove them." Tsunade ordered to her new guests.
A tall man with red bandages all over his face wandered by with some type of contraption. He swept past the woman with his partner; a dressed up mouse with white gloves and yellow shoes. The mouse watched intentionally as his partner turned on the machine. A wave of white energy shot through the mouth and slowly brought them down.
Thump! Thump! Sakura and Naruto hit the floor.
"Ow.." muttered the blond.
Sakura picked her self up, "Thanks for everything." she thanked them.
"Your welcome Kairi."
"Kairi?" blinked Naruto and Tsunade.
"Oops, what am I talking about? She's back at the World That Never Was."
"Now that you think about it.. this isn't the place where Kingdom Hearts is." spoked the confused mouse.
"Oh my gawd! He talks!" shouted Naruto.
"My apologizes. We will be off. This way, king Mickey."
"Good bye." waved off the king.
"Okay.. that was random." sweat dropped Sakura. "We should probably be off too."
"Your in luck. I just got told outside that a few potions were spotted in another office. Just make sure to only take a drop for temporary usage."
"Thank you Tsunade-shisou. We won't let you down."
. . .
Shiba-Moon-Doggie97: Here is the beginning! I know.. it's random. I only planned for her to find them in a box then this happened! If only Silent was here to help me out. Oh well.. I'll keep going and hope that she'll review this fic. Onwards to the next venture!
Special thanks to: King of red lions, Diz, Mickey, Puss N' Boots, Temptations and Friskies Cat Treats. Don't forget Link! Mm, I'll update in a few days. Yes, in a few days. If not then, um.. I don't know what to tell you. No really, it'll come when it's finished. Your feedback would mean a lot to me if you were to review.
P.S I apologize if this ticks any body off who makes these.
P.S.S Review! Review! Tell me what you think. You know, criticism? I'm not giving away virtual cookies cause that's dumb.
Next update: Wednesday. Trust me, it's almost done.