Title: Twice the Speed of Light
Summary: I flashed him a white teeth smile, one that I knew would scare more people. "Are you trying to be charming? Because it's not working."
Character(s): Hope C./Arthur T.
Genre: Adventure, humor, romance
Rating: T
Fandom: 39 Clues

You know that feeling of extreme anger that unexpectedly arises whenever you see a certain bloody Vesper who enjoys pushing your buttons as a pastime? If your answer is no, then you obviously haven't met Arthur bloody Vesper Trent.

My mom once asked me to use three adjectives to describe him and I had said exactly this:

"Stupid, whiny and useless."

At that moment, I hoped there was a bug around and wished with all my heart that the said Vesper was listening in on us. I wanted him know just how infuriatingly irksome he was. Not to mention impulsive (he was always getting us into life-and-death situations, which explains how I am currently in this predicament- wait, it would make sense for him to be doing this on purpose. Um, nevermind then), arrogant and flirtatious-

Not that you really mind that aspect, though.

Well, okay, true but-

Wait. Cut that part out. I did not mean to say that.

Where was I again?

I distinctly remember you rambling on about stupid, whiny and useless. I disagree with that being all you said.

So maybe it didn't go exactly like that. I did let out a string of profanities in between words, and he might not be stupid. So he graduated from high school with a 4.3 GPA, majoring in math and scored a job as a TA right into university. Big deal.

He's not stupid.

Yeah, he is.

(Before you ask, it is normal for me to be talking to myself)

(And no, I am not crazy.)

No, he's not. He passed with first class honours with distinction. That's a 90-100% average, in case you forgot.

I'm not that much of an airhead.

You're right. You're more of a ditz. Look! You're off topic already. I'm stuck being the conscience of an idiot. What kind of life is this?

You technically don't have a life.

Digressing.

Right. Back to Trent.

Do I need to remind you of the many coughtwenty-eightcough awards he's won? And how many do you have? One?

Fine then, he's the next Einstein! Jeez. Consciences these days. And anyways, that doesn't matter because he's still annoying and useless to society.

If he's a genius, he will contribute to the world, you realize? You're stupid for coming up with that statement.

Whose side are you on?

The one that'll win.

Thanks a lot.

Anytime.

...But I digress.

Again.

Arthur Trent is the single most conceited (he's great at math, I get it. There's really no need for him to rattle off digits of pi or force me to give him some random in-the-thousands-number for him to square root every five seconds), most annoying person I have ever met. If you looked up the word 'jerk' in the dictionary, you would see a big picture of him and Vikram Kabra (who currently rivals him for that honourable position)- literally.

"Hope, what are you doing?"

"...Nothing, Mom."

"Why do you have a cut-out of Arthur's face? And is that Vikram?"

"Uh-"

"You're holding a glue gun. That can not be a good sign."

"It's not like last time, I swear! It's not illegal."

"Are you pasting their faces into the dictionary?"

"It's fine, they're under 'jerk'. This will give my younger cousins a clearer understanding of the word anyways."

"Okay, Hope. I'll just walk away and pretend nothing happened."

That is not even his worst aspects. He somehow always manages to get me almost killed. Always. That time in the movies? (It wasn't a real date- Mom forced me to go.) One of the overhead lights "broke" and missed me by about an inch. It was going at 500 metres per second, no exaggeration. When we went for an innocent picnic by the lake? (Also forced by dear Mom.) I nearly drowned.

That was your fault. He's the one that pulled your miserable self out of there.

He conveniently forgot that I couldn't swim and pushed me in.

You were asking for it.

How supportive, you are.

Shut up and just continue with the story.

Okay, okay. Pushy.

You're about to die and you're still-? Argh. Forget it.

Ahem. Anyways.

Right now, we are compressed for time. I'm in my hotel room in Dubai, him in the one next door, and the Vesper Council is after us. Of course, he thinks that all I know is that there are wackos out there with guns and knives, completely armed and prepared to kill us. I had asked him why (I knew perfectly well the reason for it, but it would be suspicious not to act curious about would-be murderers, no?) and he had responded with a simple, "because you're associated with me." I didn't bother pursuing the subject as I didn't really care.

I think I'd better start from the beginning.

Once upon a time, there lived a genius named Sherlock Homes-

Wrong plot, idiot.

I knew that.

What a sad life I lead.

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Gideon, married to a woman named Olivia.

You. Are. In. A. Life. Death. Situation. You do not have the time to prattle on about your family history.

They had five children, though the fifth was unknown to be their child for the longest time.

I'm trying to save you! LISTEN TO ME!

Gosh, for a conscience you sure can be stupid. I'm thinking all this, not actually saying it out loud. Human thoughts travel twice the speed of light; I doubt much time passed.

Why do I even bother? Just skip ahead. You're boring most of us.

Our first encounter was far from peachy. It ended with me running around the restaurant chasing him, whilst uttering loud curses and waving a fork in the air like a madman.

Let's replay that, shall we?

It began at an archaeological dig in Turkey...

A/N: I'm not one for 'I will not update until I have [insert unreasonable number] reviews', but I will say this. Please, please check out my forum? I started a little story exchange game (like Secret Santa. In the Summer. I know. Don't look at me like that), and anyone is welcome to join. Thought it be fun because we could all use a challenge once in a while. It's the last one right now (what to expect? It just started), called Four Corners of the Earth.

Please, please, please just give it a try? :)

All the best,

-Golden


[Edited as of 27/06/12. Saw a little glitch. M'bad.]