Disclaimer: RENT belongs to Jonathan Lason
This story was inspired by a tweet from Tracie Thoms after someone pointed out her 'Joanne Jefferson was showing.' Enjoy.
It was a normal Saturday night for the bohos. After getting a nice buzz from the Life Cafe, the group moved their party to the loft. Currently Angel was curled up into Collins' lap on his favorite chair; on the couch, Maureen held onto Joanne from their lounging position; Roger was on the floor with Mimi laying her head on his lap; and, as usual, Mark was walking around the circle recording the group of friends.
Mimi, who was the closest to being completely drunk, giggled catching the attention of the others. "What?" Roger chuckled not being that far behind from full intoxication. Mimi laughed once again before sitting up to get a better look at the other bohemians.
"I just thought of a really good questinon," she slurred out to no one in peticular.
Collins put his blunt out, laughing as Roger had. "Well, what's your question, girl?"
Mimi beamed proudly at the unemployed professor. "Ok. So since we're all in relationships, minus Mark- no offnse-" Mark only shrugged in response. Mimi hiccuped before concluding. "I was wondering who your free pass is."
Angel smiled at her friend. "Chica, are you sure this is a topic you want to discuss while you're not sobber? We wouldn't want to reveal any hidden secrets."
Mimi waved her off with a clumsy hand. "Roger already knows mine is Johnny Depp and I know his is Julia Roberts."
Roger's face suddeny redded at her statement. "Thanks, Mimi," he growled under his breath. The group laughed at the man's pout. Mimi rolled her eyes, kissed his cheek knowing it would make him better, which it did.
Once the laughter died down, Joanne asked the question she's been holding back since it was mentioned. "What exactaly is a 'free pass'?" Maureen looked at her girlfriend in shock.
"Pookie, you don't know what a 'free pass' means?" Joanne shook her head with an even more confused look.
Mark took it upon himself to answer. "A free pass is basically a person that you're allowed to be with while you're in a relationship without the other person getting mad."
Joanne shook her head at the thought of Maureen being with someone- anybody- else. "I don't like the idea of 'having permision' to be with someone else while with another person. When you're in a commited relationship, is it too hard to believe it should only be two people who love and care about the other?"
"True. But usually there's a compromise or condition made for the person getting the free pass has to follow inorder for the other not to get mad."
"Yeah," Collins added. "Like I'd be fine if Angel slept with Neil Patrick Harris as long as she brought me back an autograph or something from his house."
Angel nodded in agreement. "And Collins can be with Denzel Washington if he buys me a mansion."
"That's probably your compromise because neither are ever going to happen to Collins." Maureen laughed as she recieved a glare from the beanie wearing man.
"See, Joanne, it's all just in fun," Mark said. "I still have Molly Ringwald listed as mine."
"I'm surprised you and Maureen haven't discussed this," Roger commented.
Maureen realized he had a point. "Why hasn't this been brought up?" she excalimed looking horrified. "Pookie, why haven't we talked about this?"
Joanne laughed at her lover's antics. "Maybe because I don't have a free pass." The gasp that came out of Maureen was ridiculously over dramatic, even for the diva.
"Everyone has someone they fantasize about screwing. Hell, I have a whole list of women and men."
"I'm so glad I know that," Joanne scoffed.
"Come on, Jo!" Maureen pleaded. "Who is it?"
"No one."
"Who?"
"No one"
"Who?"
The group watched the lesbians argue about this for a good 10 minutes while they drank the rest of the bottle of stolie. Eventually, they grew bored and drew the night to a close.
Maureen and Joanne returned home near 1 in the morning. After changing into her sleep wear, Joanne was close to drifting off. However, a loud brunette abruptly prevented her from dream land.
"Just tell me, Pookie," she whined.
"Maureen, stop asking." Joanne groaned putting her pillow over her head. "I don't have anyone listed as my 'free pass' nor do I want to. Honestly, I don't even like thinking of you having a long list of people."
Maureen ripped the pillow off of the woman and glared. "You have to stop lying eventually."
Joanne sighed looking up at the pale woman. "Honeybear," she said sitting up tiredly taking the woman's hand, "Cant' this -us. Eachother - be enough?"
Maureen smiled fondly at the mocha woman. "That's so sweet, Pookie." She leand over and kissed her cheek. "But I'll find out soon enough. I have my ways."
Joanne groaned once more before shutting the lights off, laying back down, and turning on her side facing away from her determinded girlfriend. "Goodnight, Maureen," she muttered. Please don't go overbord with whatever you're planning.
For the next three days, Maureen continued to pester Joanne into admitting the person she wants permision to screw with no reprecautions. As always the lawer denied all accuasations and asked her loverable diva to stop. Eventually she did. Kind of.
For the rest of the week, while Joanne was at work Maureen teared through the appartment for the tinest clue to who Joanne secretly imagines 'doing the nasty' with. Yes. That was the phrase Maureen asked herself the moment Joanne left her alone.
Tuesday morning Maureen searched their bedroom for any hidden magazines or pictures Joanne might have placed in draws, under the closet, or another creative place. The only things she found were her stash of hidden playboys and stuff of that sort.
Wednesday, Joanne's office was her target. But alas, all she found was boring paperwork, boring files, and boring books. They weren't even books that had sex in them. Just dumb law crap. It was starting to get frustrating having to clean the traces of her search with no reward that applied to her goal.
Then on Friday, she finally found what she was looking for. Maureen sat on the carpeted floor surrounded by the disater she created smiling proudly at her evidence. "I can't believe I didn't see this before," she muttered to herself evilly.
When Joanne came home that night she was welcomed to a living room that looked lke a twister had gone through. A twister by the name of "Maureen." Speaking of the woman, she was nowhere in sight. "Maureen!" she called irratatedly.
"I'm in here, Pookie," Maureen replied sweetly from the kitchen. Joanne stormed into the kitchen ready to lecture the woman on never cleaning up after herself but stopped at the sight of Maureen sitting at the table starring up at her with a triumphant smirk. But the sight that caused the mocha woman to pale was the collection of DVDs on the table.
"Honeybear" she said carefully. "What are you-"
"Halle Berry."
"Wha-what about her?"
"You have 12 movies, 2 TV shows, and..." Maureen dramtically put the magazines she was hidding on her lap on the table. "All of these have a fold on the corner of the page she just so happens to be on. I know, Joanne. You've been lying to me and yourself. Admit it! Halle Berry is your free pass!"
It was then, when the words were spoken aloud the lawyer broke under pressure.
"I challenge anyone, man or female, not to have a crush on Halle Berry!"
There was a tense moment of silence as the women starred the other down. Of course it had to be Maureen who popped the tight air with a fit of laughter. Joanne grumbled as she began to clear the table, attempting to ignore Maureen's hysterics.
The diva stopped once she saw her lover leave the room with her 'special' collection. In the living room she found Joanne placing the DVDs nicely back on the shelf after neatly pilling the magaines on the coffee table.
Maureen sighed as she walked behind Joanne, wrapping her arms around the black suited woman. "Pookie," she whined lovingly kissing the warm cheek. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I just wanted to know. I think Halle Berry is a good choice too. Maybe I should add her to my list."
"Honeybear," Joanne replied tiredly turning in the slender arms. "That still doesn't mean I like this whole 'free pass' thing."
"But that's because you don't like the thought of me being with someone else. That's ok. You probably won't be able to think of a resonable condition that would make you fine with my free pass, whoever they may be. However." Joanne eyed her wearily. "I give you full consent to bang Halle Berry, should the option come up."
"Wow, thanks Mo," Jonne replied dryly. "I'm so glad you care."
"I do!" Maureen declared insulted. "That's why I'm giving you a condition."
"What?" Joanne asked intreged.
Maureen gave a devious smirk. "I get to watch."
Joanne gave a hearty laugh before kissing the smirk on the red lips. "Sure, Honeybear. If I 'bang' Halle Berry, you can watch."
"Good." Maureen said satisfied.
They kissed once more glad for this ordeal to be over with. "Now, Honeybear, help me clean up this mess you made."
Maureen rolled her eyes. There's that control freak paranoia. "Fine," she gruffed. "But only becaue I love you."
"I love you too. Now get to work."