Secret
My brother always knew what I liked.
When we had been together, he always knew what was best.
At night, when we lay together, he knew what to do.
I'd be laying underneath him, my face close to his.
It was our secret.
We would be so close then, bodies touching, breathing the same air, hiding under the same blankets. His hands could be doing a number of things, anything that he knew I wanted. Sometimes it was as simple as a back rub...sometimes it was something much more secret.
Some nights, I would lay on my stomach, with his stomach against my back. He would run his hands gently through my hair. Other nights, laying the same way, he would pull my hair and put a hand over my mouth...mother could never know about our secret.
We both loved the night. It was the time that we could be together and live out our secret world.
When the club started up, our dream touched the Outside World. People found our secret beautiful.
It was only an act.
Or so they all thought. All but one girl, I believe, thought it was an act. While all of the other girls had giant hearts as eyes and their hands clasped in front of their face, she would be standing toward the back of the group with a small, serene smile upon her face.
Kyouya asked me about our secret. Kaoru had been there to save me. Today I don't even know what he said about our secret but Kyouya had believed him.
In the Outside World, our secret was forbidden. One time, a guy found out. He didn't tell anyone, just let it build up inside of him. That is how it came to be that he hated us. That is how he decided that we had to die.
One day, me and Kaoru were playing our fun bathroom game. After a long visit to a bathroom stall, he would walk out, wash his hands, dry them then exit and wait outside the door for me. When I walked out, many times, people found themselves confused. They thought they were living a deja vu.
Today went different though. We hadn't noticed that no one else was in the bathroom with us. He walked out like normal and finally ended up in the hall.
Without us knowing, the guy – the one who knew our secret – was waiting for us.
When just Kaoru exited and I hadn't follwed immediately thereafter, I suppose he couldn't wait any longer.
He'd had a gun.
I had heard it go off, but when I got out there, there was no one beside my brother.
He laid there on the ground, choking on his own blood. The bullet hole was leaking deep red blood. His hand had reached out to me. So I had grabbed it and my tears had started to fall.
I don't remember it, but I guess I was screaming for someone to help.
A crowd had started to gather.
"Remember our secret. Keep it close." He told me while choking. "I love you..."
All I can remember today is that our secret...our beautiful, wonderful secret killed my brother. My perfect secret. But I keep it close.
During the funeral...I'd kept our secret close.
Every time I visited the grave...I'd kept it close.
For each tear that fell...I'd renewed it and brought it closer.
Even today...I keep our secret close to me.
I keep it close, waiting for the day that we can live our secret again.