AN: This was written as my RentFic101 Secret Santa fic (a huge thanks to Sandy for organizing the whole thing), which is probably the only way to get me to write Mark/Roger. But Triskell wanted it, so she got it. Merry Christmas!
GIVE IN TO LOVE
Collins opened the door wearing nothing but boxer shorts and a t-shirt.
"Yeah?" he said, yawning widely.
"Oh." Mark stepped back from the door. "Did I wake you?"
"Why would you think that?" Collins said. "Aren't people usually awake at," he looked at his watch, "half past two in the morning?"
"I did wake you," Mark said, turning to leave. "Sorry, I'll just go."
"Don't be stupid," Collins said. He grabbed Mark's arm, pulled him in and closed the door behind them. "If you're here at this hour, it's obviously something important."
"Yeah, kinda," Mark admitted.
"Well then," Collins said, walking into the kitchen. "Do you want coffee? I think I'm all out of sugar, but…"
"Roger kissed me," Mark blurted out.
Collins froze for a second. Then he put the coffee back in the cupboard where he'd just gotten it.
"Okay," he said slowly and reached for a bottle on a higher shelf. "We'll probably need something stronger." He took two glasses from the dish drainer and put them and the bottle on the kitchen table. Sitting down on a chair he looked expectantly at Mark. "So, what happened?"
"I already told you," Mark said and sat down on the opposite side of the table. "Roger kissed me."
"I'm gonna need a little more information than that, Marky. When, where, and most importantly why did Roger kiss you?"
"About half an hour ago, at home, and I don't know!"
"What? He just jumped you out of the blue or something?"
"No!" Mark looked slightly desperate. "We were talking, Roger was feeling a bit down. You know how he's been since Mimi left." Collins nodded and Mark continued. "Well, we were talking, about nothing really, I was just trying to get his mind off her. And then suddenly he kissed me."
"And…?" Collins prompted.
"And what?"
"Then what happened?"
"Nothing. He fell asleep."
Collins raised his eyebrows.
"He fell asleep?"
"Yes."
"He kissed you and fell asleep?"
"Yes."
Collins started to laugh, but quickly managed to turn it into a cough.
"What?" Mark looked confused.
"Oh, come on, Mark! He kissed you and fell asleep!"
"Yeah, so?" Mark's eyes narrowed. "Oh. That's not very flattering, is it?"
"No, not really," Collins giggled helplessly. "Maybe you should work on your technique a bit."
"Hey!" Mark protested. "My technique is just fine. But I didn't get a chance to prove it. I was so shocked, I never even thought about kissing back. And then he fell asleep." He shrugged. "He was pretty drunk."
Collins finally managed to force himself to stop laughing and looked at Mark seriously.
"So. What's the problem?"
Mark stared at him as if he had just announced that he was getting himself a pink elephant for a pet.
"Ok, Collins, what have we been discussing right now? Roger kissed me!"
"Yes," Collins said patiently. "But normally it's a good thing when people kiss you."
"But, but it's Roger," Mark stuttered.
Collins shrugged.
"He's cute. I'd do him."
"He's a guy!"
"Maureen switched teams, why can't you?"
Mark looked like he was about to cry.
"Collins! Could you please take this seriously?"
"Well, what do you want me to say?" Collins asked. "Oh my God, Roger kissed you! How could he? What an awful, horrible thing to do! It's not, Mark." He sighed. "It's really not."
"Sorry," Mark said. "I just wanted some advice."
"Advice?" Collins rose from his chair and started pacing the floor. "Why does everyone always come to me for advice? Especially when it comes to love and all that shit. What do I know?"
"Well, you were part of a perfect relationship," Mark said slowly. "That might have something to do with it."
"Yeah, right," Collins snorted.
"Collins, what's wrong?" Mark asked. "Why are you acting like this?"
"Why? You wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding advice on what to do with your best friend, and make assumptions on my relationships. Why shouldn't I act like this?" He leaned against the kitchen counter and closed his eyes. "Maybe you should just leave."
"No." Mark shook his head. "Something is obviously wrong, and I won't leave until you tell me what it is."
"It's nothing."
"Collins, you're right, we always come to you for advice and stuff. It has to be your turn sometime, right? So, what's wrong?"
Collins opened his eyes again and looked at Mark quietly for a long time. Then he sat down on the chair again.
"It really is nothing. I've just been thinking to much lately."
"About what?"
Collins hesitated a moment before answering.
"Do you really think my relationship with Angel was perfect?"
"Yes," Mark answered immediately. "You were made for each other."
"Yeah." Collins laughed bitterly. "Right."
Mark stared at him.
"What are you talking about? You two loved each other so much. I've never even seen anything like that, and I've definitely not experienced it myself. Most people don't. You are so lucky."
"Mark, Angel and I knew each other for ten months," Collins said tiredly. "And a third of that time he spent in a hospital bed. He was so ill, he couldn't even talk to me. Did we really have enough time together to find out if we were made for each other?"
"Oh, Collins," Mark said quietly. "You can't think like that. What's the use? You loved him. He loved you. Don't diminish that."
"What else can I do?"
"Remember how lucky you were to find something like that. To find such a wonderful man who loved you. You were made for each other, Collins. Everyone could see that."
"What if we were?" Collins said. "What if we were perfect for each other. If he were The One for me? Was that it? Was that my chance? Ten months, was that all I got? Will I never find something like that again?"
"Don't be like this, Collins," Mark said pleadingly. "You'll find someone new, I promise. You're too good to miss."
"Why should I find someone?" Collins said. "Like you said, most people don't even find a love like that. Why should I find it again?"
"Because you deserve it," Mark said seriously. "You are the best person I know. You deserve it."
Collins closed his eyes and when he opened them again Mark could see they were wet.
"I'm sorry, Mark," he said. "It's just… He's been dead for over a year, and it still hurts so much to think about him. Shouldn't it have stopped by now? It has to stop, because I don't think I can take this much longer."
"It will stop," Mark said. He rose and walked over to Collins, giving him a hug from behind. "But telling yourself your relationship was worth less than it really was is not the way."
"I know," Collins said and leaned into Mark's embrace.
"You never talk about him," Mark continued. "Maybe that'll help. Talk to someone, talk to me. I'm your friend, Collins. Talk to me."
"I will," Collins said. He turned his head and gave Mark a quick kiss on his cheek. "I promise. But first you have to talk to me." He smiled. "What shall we do about Roger?"
Mark hugged Collins a bit harder. "Do we have to talk about that? I liked it better when we were talking about you."
Collins reached out and pulled another chair close to his and patted it.
"Sit down, Mark."
Mark reluctantly sat down. He looked at Collins, who was still in boxers.
"Maybe you should put on some pants," he suggested.
"What? Are my devilishly good looking legs distracting you, dear?" he joked.
"Well, nice to see you're in a better mood," Mark said.
"It is, isn't it?" Collins agreed. "Now. Let's say Roger would kiss you again. How would you feel about that?"
Mark thought about it for a while.
"I don't know," he said honestly.
"Well, how do you feel about him?"
"About Roger? He's my best friend. He means more to me than anyone. I love him. But I've never thought about him…" he made a vague gesture with his hand "… that way before."
"How does he make you feel then?"
"I don't know."
Collins sighed.
"You're not really helping here, Mark," he said. "How did Maureen make you feel?"
"Insecure, insufficient and irritated."
Collins smiled.
"Maybe we should stay away from comparing Roger with her, then."
"That would probably be a good thing," Mark nodded.
"Mark, look, I don't think we'll get anywhere with this. What you need to do is to go home, talk to Roger, and then take it from there."
"Do I have to?" Mark said and pouted. "Can't I just stay here with you for the rest of my life?"
Collins laughed. He rose and pulled Mark up with him.
"Go home!" he said. "Let an old man get his beauty sleep."
"You don't need it," Mark said, but let Collins lead him to the door. "Thanks," he said, and gave him a hard hug. "For everything."
"You too," Collins said. "Good luck with Roger."
"Yeah." Mark sighed and opened the door and walked out. "By the way," he said. "You should call Benny."
"What?"
"You know, for old times sake." He winked at Collins, who shook his head.
"That was a long, long time ago," he said.
"That doesn't mean it can't happen again," Mark said cheerfully. "Bye!" he called then, and closed the door, leaving Collins staring at the door.
Roger was sitting on Mark's bed, playing the guitar randomly, when Mark got home. He looked up when Mark entered his bedroom.
"Hi. You left," he said.
"Yeah." Mark sat down next to him. "You kind of freaked me out."
"Sorry about that," Roger said, smiling slightly.
"It's ok," Mark said. "I didn't really mind."
"No?"
"No. Just… why did you do it?"
Roger shrugged.
"I'm not really sure. But… everyone I've loved have always left me, one way or another, April, Mimi. But not you. No matter what I do, no matter how much I screw up, you're always here. You never leave me. I love you, more than anyone else. That's all I know."
Mark smiled.
"I love you too."
"So," Roger said and smiled back. "Where does that leave us? Do you want to give it a try? Give us a try?"
"Yeah," Mark said softly. "I'd like that. Because if we don't do it now, and it turns out later we were made for each other, when it's too late, we're gonna regret it."
Roger looked at him.
"It sounds like you've been doing some thinking tonight."
"Yeah. I'll tell you all about it later. But right now, I think I'd like you to kiss me again."
"Oh?" Roger smiled warmly. "I think I can do that."
They leaned in towards each other, a little bit awkward, a little but unfamiliar. But their smiles stayed on their faces.
"Hey Roger," Mark said, right before their lips met. "Merry Christmas."
The End