How does a person live with a terminal disease? Keep it a secret to live your life as best you could, or let it out and waste away? Act normal and try to be happy, to love someone? Would you risk everything and live, or would you distance yourself from the world? How would you... go about what little life you had left? Two-shot / Tragedy / Character Death / 2759 / T for implications and possible language

You've been warned.

Chapter 1

"You have terminal cancer. At best you may live another year or two."

Honestly, I was appalled at how they broke it to me. Honestly, just plain telling a young teen they were going to die. It's just not something you do.

I had no idea what to do, so I went into my default mode and smiled. I nodded as if I understood completely and had no problem with it, but... I did. Oh well, you can't veritably fight destiny so I wasn't going to bother to try,

Suddenly I had a couple of choices. Live the rest of my life in the hospital, terminal wing, and extend my life some more; or go about living in the outside world, shortening my life a bit.

Obviously I chose the latter since at the moment I'm leaning on a tree in the park.

Looking around I see children playing with each other happily, and I smile. I hear birds singing with glee, and I smile. I feel a light breeze brush my brown hair to the side, and I sigh in contentment.

Really... I wish I could just stay like this... but there's school tomorrow and I'm not about to miss it. It's a bit of normalcy, and that's what I want. Normal.

It's been a week since I found out the news, and I haven't told anyone... not that they'd listen or care really. I'm Dame-Tsuna, what purpose in life do I have?

I shook my head to dispel the thoughts, I don't care. What's more pressing right now is that this... child is insisting I'm going to become a Mafia boss. Why the hell would I want to do that? Beats me. Even if I said yes, I'd only end up leaving the group within the year.

Wow, I feel so pessimistic...

And yet I smile.

For the first time in a long time... I feel really alive. I met a silver haired boy who seems utterly devoted to me, and it breaks my heart. I vehemently deny his offers to stay by my side, but that gets me a kick in the head, courtesy of a certain baby.

What hurts the most is I want him by my side... but I'll only hurt him in the end.

God Gokudera, don't look at me like that... I hate rejecting you as much as you hate the rejection, but I don't want you as my right-hand man. I want you as something more. And that's not a good thing.

Why... dammit why did he catch me crying? I hate lying to him about the reason,but if I told him it would ruin everything.

Two months now I've kept my secret, two months I've kept a smile through my sadness. There's probably less than ten months left... of my entire life.

Why God? I'm too young for this.

I did it. I confessed to Gokudera that I liked him. That I really liked him. I left before I got my answer, but that's because of his stunned expression. I can't stand it if I'm rejected, I never should have said anything in the first place...

But I don't want to die with regrets. I only have six months left. I'm dying, and I've accepted that already, but I still can't accept rejection. I won't force it, but I can't accept it.

I love Gokudera. I love him so much I can't stand it. We've been dating for two months now, and I've never been happier... but I still can't tell him. I don't want his pity, just his love.

We haven't gone further than kisses, but that's going to change. It has to. Tonight.

I want to take him, I want to promise him I'll love him till, and after, the day I die. I still won't tell him when though. Not yet, perhaps not ever. I love him too much.

I have two months left, I think. I haven't checked with the doctor, but I've been counting down. I didn't want to count down, but it's best to know.

I don't like being left in the dark... and because of that I realize I can't leave my love in the dark either.

I have to tell him. God I hope he'll understand.

It couldn't have possibly gone worse. I guess that God wasn't listening, or at least din't feel the need to help. I didn't tell him how long I had, but my heart ripped in two when he cried in anguish.

If my heart was truly in two then, it shattered when he told me he needed time to think. A week later he broke up with me and now... I can't take it. I loved him more than the life I had left, and I still do.

I don't think he understood what I meant when I said goodbye.

Maybe you thought I would live after all, miracle recovery or something, since I've been speaking in past tense. Ha, no. This is all a journal, and I'm leaving it under my pillow.

If it's ever read by the one I care for the most in this world, I love you... Hayato.

I'm going to the place we used to hang out, a bridge near the sakura and above a valley. I'm going to jump. I'd only have a few weeks anyway, so why not.

Life is torture now. I can't take it, I'm too much of a wimp, and I'm not good for anything else anymore... I embody my nick-name too well.

So this is it I guess. Goodbye... mina.

I was feeling really angsty/depressed when I wrote this, and now I'm cleaning out my documents and posting this for others. Like it, hate it, just lemme know.